Correspondent:: "C. Woolard" Date: 9 Dec 2004 20:35:43 -0800
--------
[For informational purposes only. --C.]
Thanks for all the...something - 38 (Tacoma)
Reply to: anon-51196193@craigslist.org
Yikes!
I'd've posted my original ad in "Casual Encounters", except I'm not
looking for a casual fuck either. Or, I dunno, maybe by the bizarre
standards of this decade, I am. I'll post there too, and see what
happens.
Ok, THIS IS MY CLICHE FILTER: any reply containing the following
phrases will be reduced to its component electrons and recycled as
Paris Hilton screen captures:
==CLICHE FILTER==
commitment/fear of commitment, all the ambition of a sea cucmber,
Mr./Ms. Right, soulmate, marriage-minded, reliable transportation,
fanancially secure, house, real estate, settle down, have a car,
friends first, professional, generous, stable, no games, non-smoker,
ICUQT, maturity, grow up, your pic gets mine.
==END CLICHE FILTER==
(I reserve the right to add to this list when/as necessary.)
We now return you to your original personal ad, already in progress:
Average White Guy, 38, 5'10", 225lbs, college dropout, forklift driver,
amateur historian, *very* amateur digital artist, five different kinds
of geek. Politically somewhere between Slade Gorton and Tre Arrow,
depending on the phase of the moon. Skeptical, irreverent, does a
halfway decent Oscar the Grouch impression.
Seeking girlfriend.
You remember the whole "boyfriend/girlfriend" thing, right? Two to
three nights a week of dinner & a movie, drinks & dancing, local
tourist crap, museums, concerts, pizza & video rental, that kind of
stuff?
And, of course, random but reasonably frequent bouts of, "Wow, were did
*that* come from?" sex.
(Don't look at me like that. I'm not expecting you to go all the way on
the first date--or even the fifth. I'm just not a monk, is all.)
(And it's been my exeperience that women who say, "I like you as a
friend.", usually don't. Fair warning.)
So...
Game?
Your move.
51196193
Correspondent:: kdetal@aol.com (kdetal)
Date: 10 Dec 2004 22:58:54 GMT
--------
CWoolard posted something or other that contained:
>(Don't look at me like that. I'm not expecting you to go all the way on
>the first date--or even the fifth. I'm just not a monk, is all.)
Women know whether it's a yes or no right away. When is just a matter of timing
and personal preference.
If it's a yes, unless you turn into an asshole, you can't lose, all you have to
do is wait it out; if it's a no, nothing in hell is going to make her sleep
with you, no matter how hard you try.
--
" 'Tis an ill wind that blows no minds." -RAW
Correspondent:: nenslo Date: Fri, 10 Dec 2004 15:15:57 -0800
--------
kdetal wrote:
>
>
> Women know whether it's a yes or no right away. When is just a matter of timing
> and personal preference.
>
> If it's a yes, unless you turn into an asshole, you can't lose, all you have to
> do is wait it out; if it's a no, nothing in hell is going to make her sleep
> with you, no matter how hard you try.
I am a Yes man in a No world.
Correspondent:: kdetal@aol.com (kdetal)
Date: 11 Dec 2004 22:14:35 GMT
--------
Nenslo wrote:
>I am a Yes man in a No world.
I'm the edge of the quarter in a heads and tails world.
--
Truths are recognized by those who recognize truth.
Correspondent:: König Prüß, GfbAEV Date: Sat, 11 Dec 2004 22:28:23 GMT
--------
kdetal wrote:
>Nenslo wrote:
>
>>I am a Yes man in a No world.
>
>
>I'm the edge of the quarter in a heads and tails world.
>
>
I am the pissing buffalo on a trick nickel!
Correspondent:: HellPope Huey Date: Mon, 13 Dec 2004 03:11:09 GMT
--------
In article ,
König Prüß, GfbAEV wrote:
> kdetal wrote:
> >Nenslo wrote:
> >>I am a Yes man in a No world.
> >I'm the edge of the quarter in a heads and tails world.
> I am the pissing buffalo on a trick nickel!
I am the Flaming Fudge Bag on the Doorstep of Complaceny.
--
HellPope Huey
Why is it so hot in here?...
Oh yeah. That stuff I did.
"Religion is kinda like nuclear power:
you split the atom this way, you get electricity;
you split it that way, you get an atomic bomb."
- Jon Stewart
"We get a something-falling from-the-sky memo every week.
We've put over 17,000 things in space
and remarkably,
not one person has been hit."
- "The West Wing"
Correspondent:: "Paul E. Jamison" Date: Sun, 12 Dec 2004 21:55:39 -0600
--------
"HellPope Huey" wrote in message
news:NoRestraint-EAC991.21120012122004@news1.west.earthlink.net...
> In article ,
> König Prüß, GfbAEV wrote:
> > kdetal wrote:
> > >Nenslo wrote:
>
> > >>I am a Yes man in a No world.
>
> > >I'm the edge of the quarter in a heads and tails world.
>
> > I am the pissing buffalo on a trick nickel!
>
> I am the Flaming Fudge Bag on the Doorstep of Complaceny.
>
I am the terror that FLAPS in the night!
Paul
Correspondent:: Rev DJ Epoch Date: 13 Dec 2004 12:57:35 GMT
--------
"Paul E. Jamison" wrote in news:%o8vd.126985$%x.98591
@okepread04:
> "HellPope Huey" wrote in message
> news:NoRestraint-EAC991.21120012122004@news1.west.earthlink.net...
>> In article ,
>> König Prüß, GfbAEV wrote:
>> > kdetal wrote:
>> > >Nenslo wrote:
>>
>> > >>I am a Yes man in a No world.
>>
>> > >I'm the edge of the quarter in a heads and tails world.
>>
>> > I am the pissing buffalo on a trick nickel!
>>
>> I am the Flaming Fudge Bag on the Doorstep of Complaceny.
>>
> I am the terror that FLAPS in the night!
>
I am the one your mother pointed to and said "If you don't behave you'll
grow up to be JUST LIKE HIM!"
--
The Church of Our Lady of Prepetual Motion
Cathedral, Carwash and Dancehall- Home of the Traci Lords Memorial Brothel
Rev. DJ Epoch - proprietor and janitor
Divine Southern Redneck Yeti Clench Recruitment site: http://revdjepoch.COM
"If you want my delusions, you'll have to pry them from my cold,
dead hippocampus with a grapefruit spoon."
-- HellPope Huey
Correspondent:: HellPope Huey Date: Mon, 13 Dec 2004 17:57:08 GMT
--------
In article ,
Rev DJ Epoch wrote:
> I am the one your mother pointed to and said "If you don't behave you'll
> grow up to be JUST LIKE HIM!"
That's what set him on the path to BECOME Just Like You. You're the
most interesting person he's seen in ages, so even if you are a
maladjusted jester, he's gonna wanna emulate you. That's what makes
Pinks so dire: they always make a bee-line for the puckered behaviors
and drug-infested cola that induce Monsterism in their kids and then act
all puffy when they begin showing signs of the inevitable mutantcy.
Problem #3 with growing 2 additional sets of arms:
Having all of your shirts altered to accomodate them.
--
HellPope Huey
I get back at Satan
by not using fabric softener on his towels
We are not necessarily doubting that God
will do the best for us;
we are wondering how painful
the best will turn out to be.
- C. S. Lewis
"If I don't get my tantric sex
on oxycontin, I just can't go on!"
- Jon Stewart
Correspondent:: Rev DJ Epoch Date: 13 Dec 2004 20:20:13 GMT
--------
HellPope Huey wrote in news:NoRestraint-
4F6BE4.11575913122004@news1.west.earthlink.net:
> In article ,
> Rev DJ Epoch wrote:
>
>> I am the one your mother pointed to and said "If you don't behave you'll
>> grow up to be JUST LIKE HIM!"
>
> That's what set him on the path to BECOME Just Like You. You're the
> most interesting person he's seen in ages, so even if you are a
> maladjusted jester, he's gonna wanna emulate you. That's what makes
> Pinks so dire: they always make a bee-line for the puckered behaviors
> and drug-infested cola that induce Monsterism in their kids and then act
> all puffy when they begin showing signs of the inevitable mutantcy.
>
> Problem #3 with growing 2 additional sets of arms:
> Having all of your shirts altered to accomodate them.
>
And the mechanic working on my car wanted to know what the tack dispensers
and oil slick nozzels were for. It's to stop the damned PARADE that follows
me out of the driveway every morning.
Ok. so I'm lying. SAME TO YOU!
--
The Church of Our Lady of Prepetual Motion
Cathedral, Carwash and Dancehall- Home of the Traci Lords Memorial Brothel
Rev. DJ Epoch - proprietor and janitor
Divine Southern Redneck Yeti Clench Recruitment site: http://revdjepoch.COM
"If you want my delusions, you'll have to pry them from my cold,
dead hippocampus with a grapefruit spoon."
-- HellPope Huey
Correspondent:: polar bear Date: Sat, 11 Dec 2004 06:48:09 -0800
--------
In article <1102653343.350399.256590@c13g2000cwb.googlegroups.com>, "C.
Woolard" wrote:
> [For informational purposes only. --C.]
>
> Thanks for all the...something - 38 (Tacoma)
> Reply to: anon-51196193@craigslist.org
>
> Yikes!
>
> I'd've posted my original ad in "Casual Encounters", except I'm not
> looking for a casual fuck either. Or, I dunno, maybe by the bizarre
> standards of this decade, I am. I'll post there too, and see what
> happens.
>
> Ok, THIS IS MY CLICHE FILTER: any reply containing the following
> phrases will be reduced to its component electrons and recycled as
> Paris Hilton screen captures:
>
> ==CLICHE FILTER==
> commitment/fear of commitment, all the ambition of a sea cucmber,
> Mr./Ms. Right, soulmate, marriage-minded, reliable transportation,
> fanancially secure, house, real estate, settle down, have a car,
> friends first, professional, generous, stable, no games, non-smoker,
> ICUQT, maturity, grow up, your pic gets mine.
> ==END CLICHE FILTER==
>
> (I reserve the right to add to this list when/as necessary.)
I once ran an ad specifying no kids. Since I have none of my own, I
thought it might be nice if she (whoever "she" turned out to be) didn't
either. Well, boy howdy did i get one heck of an angry reply from this
single mom, the gist of which was that I must be this incredibly sad
loser for not wanting to meet someone as wonderful as her and her
little boy - and how I'll NEVER know what an incredible opportunity I
missed by being so selfish...LOL!!!!
Took time out of her (not so busy, probably on welfare) day to write to
some total stranger she'd never meet, just to tell him off? Some
people sure are fucking warped, is what. After that, I always made a
point of specifying NO KIDS. NO DOGS was also a real crowd pleaser.
>
> We now return you to your original personal ad, already in progress:
Nothing personal dude, but it just ain't that original.
Allow me to explain:
>
> Average White Guy,
WRONG! You are not AVERAGE. No one wants average. Try EXCEPTIONAL.
You'll get smarter, better looking women that way. If that's too much
to live up to, try INTELLIGENT, CREATIVE, CURIOUS (you'll get some gay
replies with that last one -always good for a laugh) anything but
AVERAGE. AVERAGE is death, my friend.
38, 5'10", 225lbs, college dropout, forklift driver,
> amateur historian, *very* amateur digital artist, five different kinds
> of geek.
NO! NO! Fucking NO! Fuck, dude, you just told them you're a loser!
Politically somewhere between Slade Gorton and Tre Arrow,
> depending on the phase of the moon. Skeptical, irreverent, does a
> halfway decent Oscar the Grouch impression.
They'll never get to this last bit. Somewhere between AVERAGE and
DROPOUT you lost 80% of your audience. A FORKLIFT killed off the
rest.
>
> Seeking girlfriend.
Exactly. A GIRLFRIEND. You're not writing to India for a wife (yet),
so leave out the mundane details. They don't need to know what you DO.
They can ask about that on the first date. Try "gainfully employed"
if you feel you must say something, but trust me, it's not necessary.
>
> You remember the whole "boyfriend/girlfriend" thing, right? Two to
> three nights a week of dinner & a movie, drinks & dancing, local
> tourist crap, museums, concerts, pizza & video rental, that kind of
> stuff?
Is this still your ad? You sure that's a forklift and not a backhoe,
because you're digging one hell of a deep hole there. Look, if you
don't DO anything exciting, then START. Get a mountain bike and tear
up some trails - join a rock climbing club - learn to sail- take flying
lessons.... anything that keeps you active, and makes you INTERESTING.
Mention THAT in your ad and she'll be all like...whoa, he must be this
adventurous, healthy, fun guy. I could go for someone like that.
Don't do it for the girl though. Do it for yourself. Dinner, movie,
cappuchino - anybody can do that stuff. BORING.
>
> And, of course, random but reasonably frequent bouts of, "Wow, were did
> *that* come from?" sex.
At this point she's giggling with her girlfriends about how hard up you
must be. NEVER, EVER MENTION SEX. It's the perennial subtext, man.
You don't have to refer to it. Do, and it automatically makes you look
desperate.
>
> (Don't look at me like that. I'm not expecting you to go all the way on
> the first date--or even the fifth. I'm just not a monk, is all.)
> (And it's been my exeperience that women who say, "I like you as a
> friend.", usually don't. Fair warning.)
> So...
>
> Game?
> Your move. <---- Throw THAT in your cliche bin.
Now start again, and this time, get it right!
And no flames. I'm trying to help here. I did this for several years,
and I bothered to keep track of what worked and what didn't. One thing
that worked really well was answering women's ads. That's a whole
different strategy, but it gets you the one thing the other approach
usually doesn't - a woman with self confidence. A personal bias
perhaps, but I've never much liked shrinking violets, and you do get a
lot of those in this game.
HTH
pb
Correspondent:: kdetal@aol.com (kdetal)
Date: 11 Dec 2004 14:54:55 GMT
--------
Polar Bear Writes:
>C.
>Woolard" wrote:
>
>> [For informational purposes only. --C.]
>>
>> Thanks for all the...something - 38 (Tacoma)
>> Reply to: anon-51196193@craigslist.org
>>
>> Yikes!
>>
>> I'd've posted my original ad in "Casual Encounters", except I'm not
>> looking for a casual fuck either. Or, I dunno, maybe by the bizarre
>> standards of this decade, I am. I'll post there too, and see what
>> happens.
>>
>> Ok, THIS IS MY CLICHE FILTER: any reply containing the following
>> phrases will be reduced to its component electrons and recycled as
>> Paris Hilton screen captures:
>>
>> ==CLICHE FILTER==
>> commitment/fear of commitment, all the ambition of a sea cucmber,
>> Mr./Ms. Right, soulmate, marriage-minded, reliable transportation,
>> fanancially secure, house, real estate, settle down, have a car,
>> friends first, professional, generous, stable, no games, non-smoker,
>> ICUQT, maturity, grow up, your pic gets mine.
>> ==END CLICHE FILTER==
>>
>> (I reserve the right to add to this list when/as necessary.)
>
>I once ran an ad specifying no kids. Since I have none of my own, I
>thought it might be nice if she (whoever "she" turned out to be) didn't
>either. Well, boy howdy did i get one heck of an angry reply from this
>single mom, the gist of which was that I must be this incredibly sad
>loser for not wanting to meet someone as wonderful as her and her
>little boy - and how I'll NEVER know what an incredible opportunity I
>missed by being so selfish...LOL!!!!
>
>Took time out of her (not so busy, probably on welfare) day to write to
>some total stranger she'd never meet, just to tell him off? Some
>people sure are fucking warped, is what. After that, I always made a
>point of specifying NO KIDS. NO DOGS was also a real crowd pleaser.
>
>>
>> We now return you to your original personal ad, already in progress:
>
>Nothing personal dude, but it just ain't that original.
>Allow me to explain:
>>
>> Average White Guy,
>
>WRONG! You are not AVERAGE. No one wants average. Try EXCEPTIONAL.
>You'll get smarter, better looking women that way. If that's too much
>to live up to, try INTELLIGENT, CREATIVE, CURIOUS (you'll get some gay
>replies with that last one -always good for a laugh) anything but
>AVERAGE. AVERAGE is death, my friend.
>
>38, 5'10", 225lbs, college dropout, forklift driver,
>> amateur historian, *very* amateur digital artist, five different kinds
>> of geek.
>
>NO! NO! Fucking NO! Fuck, dude, you just told them you're a loser!
>
>Politically somewhere between Slade Gorton and Tre Arrow,
>> depending on the phase of the moon. Skeptical, irreverent, does a
>> halfway decent Oscar the Grouch impression.
>
>They'll never get to this last bit. Somewhere between AVERAGE and
>DROPOUT you lost 80% of your audience. A FORKLIFT killed off the
>rest.
>>
>> Seeking girlfriend.
>
>Exactly. A GIRLFRIEND. You're not writing to India for a wife (yet),
>so leave out the mundane details. They don't need to know what you DO.
>They can ask about that on the first date. Try "gainfully employed"
>if you feel you must say something, but trust me, it's not necessary.
>
>>
>> You remember the whole "boyfriend/girlfriend" thing, right? Two to
>> three nights a week of dinner & a movie, drinks & dancing, local
>> tourist crap, museums, concerts, pizza & video rental, that kind of
>> stuff?
>
>Is this still your ad? You sure that's a forklift and not a backhoe,
>because you're digging one hell of a deep hole there. Look, if you
>don't DO anything exciting, then START. Get a mountain bike and tear
>up some trails - join a rock climbing club - learn to sail- take flying
>lessons.... anything that keeps you active, and makes you INTERESTING.
>Mention THAT in your ad and she'll be all like...whoa, he must be this
>adventurous, healthy, fun guy. I could go for someone like that.
>Don't do it for the girl though. Do it for yourself. Dinner, movie,
>cappuchino - anybody can do that stuff. BORING.
>>
>> And, of course, random but reasonably frequent bouts of, "Wow, were did
>> *that* come from?" sex.
>
>At this point she's giggling with her girlfriends about how hard up you
>must be. NEVER, EVER MENTION SEX. It's the perennial subtext, man.
>You don't have to refer to it. Do, and it automatically makes you look
>desperate.
>
>>
>> (Don't look at me like that. I'm not expecting you to go all the way on
>> the first date--or even the fifth. I'm just not a monk, is all.)
>> (And it's been my exeperience that women who say, "I like you as a
>> friend.", usually don't. Fair warning.)
>> So...
>>
>> Game?
>> Your move. <---- Throw THAT in your cliche bin.
>
>Now start again, and this time, get it right!
>snip<
Well, as long as you realize you've just given him the recipe to attract a
stepford wife.
--
Truths are recognized by those who recognize truth.
Correspondent:: polar bear Date: Mon, 13 Dec 2004 02:20:49 -0800
--------
In article <20041211095455.21939.00001915@mb-m06.aol.com>,
kdetal@aol.com (kdetal) wrote:
> >>
> >> Yikes!
> >>
> >> I'd've posted my original ad in "Casual Encounters", except I'm not
> >> looking for a casual fuck either. Or, I dunno, maybe by the bizarre
> >> standards of this decade, I am. I'll post there too, and see what
> >> happens.
> >>
> >> Ok, THIS IS MY CLICHE FILTER: any reply containing the following
> >> phrases will be reduced to its component electrons and recycled as
> >> Paris Hilton screen captures:
> >>
> >> ==CLICHE FILTER==
> >> commitment/fear of commitment, all the ambition of a sea cucmber,
> >> Mr./Ms. Right, soulmate, marriage-minded, reliable transportation,
> >> fanancially secure, house, real estate, settle down, have a car,
> >> friends first, professional, generous, stable, no games, non-smoker,
> >> ICUQT, maturity, grow up, your pic gets mine.
> >> ==END CLICHE FILTER==
> >>
> >> (I reserve the right to add to this list when/as necessary.)
> >
> >I once ran an ad specifying no kids. Since I have none of my own, I
> >thought it might be nice if she (whoever "she" turned out to be) didn't
> >either. Well, boy howdy did i get one heck of an angry reply from this
> >single mom, the gist of which was that I must be this incredibly sad
> >loser for not wanting to meet someone as wonderful as her and her
> >little boy - and how I'll NEVER know what an incredible opportunity I
> >missed by being so selfish...LOL!!!!
> >
> >Took time out of her (not so busy, probably on welfare) day to write to
> >some total stranger she'd never meet, just to tell him off? Some
> >people sure are fucking warped, is what. After that, I always made a
> >point of specifying NO KIDS. NO DOGS was also a real crowd pleaser.
> >
> >>
> >> We now return you to your original personal ad, already in progress:
> >
> >Nothing personal dude, but it just ain't that original.
> >Allow me to explain:
> >>
> >> Average White Guy,
> >
> >WRONG! You are not AVERAGE. No one wants average. Try EXCEPTIONAL.
> >You'll get smarter, better looking women that way. If that's too much
> >to live up to, try INTELLIGENT, CREATIVE, CURIOUS (you'll get some gay
> >replies with that last one -always good for a laugh) anything but
> >AVERAGE. AVERAGE is death, my friend.
> >
> >38, 5'10", 225lbs, college dropout, forklift driver,
> >> amateur historian, *very* amateur digital artist, five different kinds
> >> of geek.
> >
> >NO! NO! Fucking NO! Fuck, dude, you just told them you're a loser!
> >
> >Politically somewhere between Slade Gorton and Tre Arrow,
> >> depending on the phase of the moon. Skeptical, irreverent, does a
> >> halfway decent Oscar the Grouch impression.
> >
> >They'll never get to this last bit. Somewhere between AVERAGE and
> >DROPOUT you lost 80% of your audience. A FORKLIFT killed off the
> >rest.
> >>
> >> Seeking girlfriend.
> >
> >Exactly. A GIRLFRIEND. You're not writing to India for a wife (yet),
> >so leave out the mundane details. They don't need to know what you DO.
> >They can ask about that on the first date. Try "gainfully employed"
> >if you feel you must say something, but trust me, it's not necessary.
> >
> >>
> >> You remember the whole "boyfriend/girlfriend" thing, right? Two to
> >> three nights a week of dinner & a movie, drinks & dancing, local
> >> tourist crap, museums, concerts, pizza & video rental, that kind of
> >> stuff?
> >
> >Is this still your ad? You sure that's a forklift and not a backhoe,
> >because you're digging one hell of a deep hole there. Look, if you
> >don't DO anything exciting, then START. Get a mountain bike and tear
> >up some trails - join a rock climbing club - learn to sail- take flying
> >lessons.... anything that keeps you active, and makes you INTERESTING.
> >Mention THAT in your ad and she'll be all like...whoa, he must be this
> >adventurous, healthy, fun guy. I could go for someone like that.
> >Don't do it for the girl though. Do it for yourself. Dinner, movie,
> >cappuchino - anybody can do that stuff. BORING.
> >>
> >> And, of course, random but reasonably frequent bouts of, "Wow, were did
> >> *that* come from?" sex.
> >
> >At this point she's giggling with her girlfriends about how hard up you
> >must be. NEVER, EVER MENTION SEX. It's the perennial subtext, man.
> >You don't have to refer to it. Do, and it automatically makes you look
> >desperate.
> >
> >>
> >> (Don't look at me like that. I'm not expecting you to go all the way on
> >> the first date--or even the fifth. I'm just not a monk, is all.)
> >> (And it's been my exeperience that women who say, "I like you as a
> >> friend.", usually don't. Fair warning.)
> >> So...
> >>
> >> Game?
> >> Your move. <---- Throw THAT in your cliche bin.
> >
> >Now start again, and this time, get it right!
>
> >snip<
>
> Well, as long as you realize you've just given him the recipe to attract a
> stepford wife.
>
This is a reference to some TV show, right?
pb
Correspondent:: HdMrs. Salacia the Overseer Date: Sat, 11 Dec 2004 09:08:46 -0600
--------
On Sat, 11 Dec 2004 06:48:09 -0800, polar bear wrote:
>In article <1102653343.350399.256590@c13g2000cwb.googlegroups.com>, "C.
>Woolard" wrote:
>
>> [For informational purposes only. --C.]
>>
>> Thanks for all the...something - 38 (Tacoma)
>> Reply to: anon-51196193@craigslist.org
>>
>> Yikes!
>>
>> I'd've posted my original ad in "Casual Encounters", except I'm not
>> looking for a casual fuck either. Or, I dunno, maybe by the bizarre
>> standards of this decade, I am. I'll post there too, and see what
>> happens.
>>
>> Ok, THIS IS MY CLICHE FILTER: any reply containing the following
>> phrases will be reduced to its component electrons and recycled as
>> Paris Hilton screen captures:
>>
>> ==CLICHE FILTER==
>> commitment/fear of commitment, all the ambition of a sea cucmber,
>> Mr./Ms. Right, soulmate, marriage-minded, reliable transportation,
>> fanancially secure, house, real estate, settle down, have a car,
>> friends first, professional, generous, stable, no games, non-smoker,
>> ICUQT, maturity, grow up, your pic gets mine.
>> ==END CLICHE FILTER==
>>
>> (I reserve the right to add to this list when/as necessary.)
>
>I once ran an ad specifying no kids. Since I have none of my own, I
>thought it might be nice if she (whoever "she" turned out to be) didn't
>either. Well, boy howdy did i get one heck of an angry reply from this
>single mom, the gist of which was that I must be this incredibly sad
>loser for not wanting to meet someone as wonderful as her and her
>little boy - and how I'll NEVER know what an incredible opportunity I
>missed by being so selfish...LOL!!!!
>
>Took time out of her (not so busy, probably on welfare) day to write to
>some total stranger she'd never meet, just to tell him off? Some
>people sure are fucking warped, is what. After that, I always made a
>point of specifying NO KIDS. NO DOGS was also a real crowd pleaser.
>
>>
>> We now return you to your original personal ad, already in progress:
>
>Nothing personal dude, but it just ain't that original.
>Allow me to explain:
>>
>> Average White Guy,
>
>WRONG! You are not AVERAGE. No one wants average. Try EXCEPTIONAL.
>You'll get smarter, better looking women that way. If that's too much
>to live up to, try INTELLIGENT, CREATIVE, CURIOUS (you'll get some gay
>replies with that last one -always good for a laugh) anything but
>AVERAGE. AVERAGE is death, my friend.
>
>38, 5'10", 225lbs, college dropout, forklift driver,
>> amateur historian, *very* amateur digital artist, five different kinds
>> of geek.
>
>NO! NO! Fucking NO! Fuck, dude, you just told them you're a loser!
>
>Politically somewhere between Slade Gorton and Tre Arrow,
>> depending on the phase of the moon. Skeptical, irreverent, does a
>> halfway decent Oscar the Grouch impression.
>
>They'll never get to this last bit. Somewhere between AVERAGE and
>DROPOUT you lost 80% of your audience. A FORKLIFT killed off the
>rest.
>>
>> Seeking girlfriend.
>
>Exactly. A GIRLFRIEND. You're not writing to India for a wife (yet),
>so leave out the mundane details. They don't need to know what you DO.
>They can ask about that on the first date. Try "gainfully employed"
>if you feel you must say something, but trust me, it's not necessary.
>
>>
>> You remember the whole "boyfriend/girlfriend" thing, right? Two to
>> three nights a week of dinner & a movie, drinks & dancing, local
>> tourist crap, museums, concerts, pizza & video rental, that kind of
>> stuff?
>
>Is this still your ad? You sure that's a forklift and not a backhoe,
>because you're digging one hell of a deep hole there. Look, if you
>don't DO anything exciting, then START. Get a mountain bike and tear
>up some trails - join a rock climbing club - learn to sail- take flying
>lessons.... anything that keeps you active, and makes you INTERESTING.
>Mention THAT in your ad and she'll be all like...whoa, he must be this
>adventurous, healthy, fun guy. I could go for someone like that.
>Don't do it for the girl though. Do it for yourself. Dinner, movie,
>cappuchino - anybody can do that stuff. BORING.
>>
>> And, of course, random but reasonably frequent bouts of, "Wow, were did
>> *that* come from?" sex.
>
>At this point she's giggling with her girlfriends about how hard up you
>must be. NEVER, EVER MENTION SEX. It's the perennial subtext, man.
>You don't have to refer to it. Do, and it automatically makes you look
>desperate.
>
>>
>> (Don't look at me like that. I'm not expecting you to go all the way on
>> the first date--or even the fifth. I'm just not a monk, is all.)
>> (And it's been my exeperience that women who say, "I like you as a
>> friend.", usually don't. Fair warning.)
>> So...
>>
>> Game?
>> Your move. <---- Throw THAT in your cliche bin.
>
>Now start again, and this time, get it right!
>
>And no flames. I'm trying to help here. I did this for several years,
>and I bothered to keep track of what worked and what didn't. One thing
>that worked really well was answering women's ads. That's a whole
>different strategy, but it gets you the one thing the other approach
>usually doesn't - a woman with self confidence. A personal bias
>perhaps, but I've never much liked shrinking violets, and you do get a
>lot of those in this game.
>
>HTH
>
>pb
Hmm. Regarding the occupational descriptor: Try "Blue Collar Stud".
It evokes images of sweaty, muscley carpenters, sweaty tan muscley
road construction guys in cut offs and boots, ham fisted muscley iron
workers--a lot of girls like that stuff.
Also certifiably-STRONG LIKE BULL- is a good phrase.
Or "cuddly teddy bear type" if you are not. Lots of girls like that
stuff.
Salacia
Correspondent:: HellPope Huey Date: Sat, 11 Dec 2004 16:12:05 GMT
--------
In article <113mr0peupbhtgjaq40bs4pt0m2fspun1g@4ax.com>,
HdMrs. Salacia the Overseer wrote:
> Hmm. Regarding the occupational descriptor: Try "Blue Collar Stud".
> It evokes images of sweaty, muscley carpenters, sweaty tan muscley
> road construction guys in cut offs and boots, ham fisted muscley iron
> workers--a lot of girls like that stuff.
> Also certifiably-STRONG LIKE BULL- is a good phrase.
> Or "cuddly teddy bear type" if you are not. Lots of girls like that
> stuff.
"5'10" Loni-Anderson lookalike seeks companion. I'm a frosty blond,
beautiful blue eyes, pouty lips and full, sumptuous breasts. Just one
problem: I'm a man."
--
HellPope Huey
If your keyboard is inoperable, press 3.
If you need new plastic keys, press 9.
If you play in a stupid church band
that plays out of date Eagles tunes with Christian Lyrics,
press 3 until death occurs.
"We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities."
- Pogo
"Do you want to play music
or get your Ph.D. in audio analysis?"
- James of Tuscon
Correspondent:: HellPope Huey Date: Sat, 11 Dec 2004 16:09:25 GMT
--------
In article <111220040648095307%bear@pole.com>,
polar bear wrote:
> And no flames. I'm trying to help here. I did this for several years,
> and I bothered to keep track of what worked and what didn't. One thing
> that worked really well was answering women's ads. That's a whole
> different strategy, but it gets you the one thing the other approach
> usually doesn't - a woman with self confidence. A personal bias
> perhaps, but I've never much liked shrinking violets, and you do get a
> lot of those in this game.
It also helps a lot NOT to say "I wear no clothes and taste good
fried," like that stupid plaque on the side of Voyager.
--
HellPope Huey
If your keyboard is inoperable, press 3.
If you need new plastic keys, press 9.
If you play in a stupid church band
that plays out of date Eagles tunes with Christian Lyrics,
press 3 until death occurs.
"We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities."
- Pogo
"Do you want to play music
or get your Ph.D. in audio analysis?"
- James of Tuscon
Correspondent:: "C. Woolard" Date: 11 Dec 2004 09:33:47 -0800
Not that I don't..appreciate the critiques, but that's not why I
posted.
This is mostly for the alt.slack archive; now that it's automated.
> >
> > Average White Guy,
>
> WRONG! You are not AVERAGE. No one wants average.
WRONG! I *am* average, and many people *do* want average
> Try EXCEPTIONAL.
> You'll get smarter, better looking women that way.
By lying?
> 38, 5'10", 225lbs, college dropout, forklift driver,
> > amateur historian, *very* amateur digital artist, five different
kinds
> > of geek.
>
> NO! NO! Fucking NO! Fuck, dude, you just told them you're a loser!
I *am* a loser. Losers date too y'know.
>
> Politically somewhere between Slade Gorton and Tre Arrow,
> > depending on the phase of the moon. Skeptical, irreverent, does a
> > halfway decent Oscar the Grouch impression.
>
> They'll never get to this last bit. Somewhere between AVERAGE and
> DROPOUT you lost 80% of your audience. A FORKLIFT killed off the
> rest.
> >
Hi Blackout!
> > Seeking girlfriend.
>
> Exactly. A GIRLFRIEND. You're not writing to India for a wife
(yet),
Ever. I'd *go* to India first.
>
> Is this still your ad? You sure that's a forklift and not a
backhoe,
> because you're digging one hell of a deep hole there. Look, if you
> don't DO anything exciting, then START. Get a mountain bike and tear
> up some trails - join a rock climbing club - learn to sail- take
flying
> lessons.... anything that keeps you active, and makes you
INTERESTING.
"Trendy" you mean. Fuck off.
> > And, of course, random but reasonably frequent bouts of, "Wow, were
did
> > *that* come from?" sex.
>
> At this point she's giggling with her girlfriends about how hard up
you
> must be.
At least *someone's* lauging. You seem to be taking this pretty
seriously.
Look, bear, I'm not writing *your* perfect ad, I'm writing mine. Write
your own.
> NEVER, EVER MENTION SEX.
Too late. I'm male and over the age of 14
> Now start again, and this time, get it right!
>
No.
> And no flames. I'm trying to help here.
Try to remember your help wasn't asked for. And in any case, kdetal
gave more useful information in 2 lines than you did in this entire
post.
You might want to get out of the advice business.
--
C.
Correspondent:: polar bear Date: Mon, 13 Dec 2004 03:37:20 -0800
--------
In article <1102786427.233609.162470@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com>, "C.
Woolard" wrote:
snip
> You might want to get out of the advice business.
That wasn't really my advice. I got it from a book they used to sell
in Penthouse many years ago. "How to meet chicks" or something. Cost
me ten bucks. Best $10 I ever spent, and a third the price of this
subgenius nonsense.