Week in Hell
Correspondent:: König Prüß, GfbAEV
Date: Mon, 06 Dec 2004 17:03:47 GMT
--------
One day, a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in
despair, he has his first meeting with a demon:
Demon: Why so glum, chum?
Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell.
Demon: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You
a
drinkin' man?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink.
Demon: Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we
do
is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet Tab... we
drink
till we throw up and then we drink some more.
Guy: Gee, that sounds great.
Demon: You a smoker?
Guy: You better believe it.
Demon: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest
cigars
from around the world and smoke our friggin' lungs out. If you get
cancer,
it's okay... you're already dead.
Guy: Golly!
Demon: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: Yes, as a matter of fact I do.
Demon: Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack,
horse
races, you name it. We even opened up a pai gow poker table.
Guy: Gosh, I never played pai gow before...
Demon: Well now you can. You like to do drugs?
Guy: Yes, I love to do drugs. You don't mean...
Demon: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great
big bowl of crack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do
all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's okay...you're already
dead.
Guy: Neat! I never realized that hell was such a swingin' place!
Demon: You gay?
Guy: Uh, no.
Demon: Oooh, you're gonna hate Fridays.
Correspondent:: "nu-monet v7.0"
Date: Mon, 06 Dec 2004 11:22:17 -0700
--------
König Prüß, GfbAEV wrote:
>
> Demon: You gay?
> Guy: Uh, no.
> Demon: Oooh, you're gonna hate Fridays.
Demon: Then on Saturday, all Saturday, everybody
goes to Synagogue with their entire family, and you
feel really guilty and miserable. Then on Sunday,
all Sunday, everybody goes to Catholic Mass. With
their family, too. And you feel really miserable
all over again.
Guy: Well, that sucks.
Demon: Hey, it's Hell, dude.
--
"Mars was destroyed with weapons from the future.
There, does that make you feel any better?"
-- nu-monet
Correspondent:: König Prüß, GfbAEV
Date: Mon, 06 Dec 2004 20:31:40 GMT
--------
"nu-monet v7.0" wrote:
> König Prüß, GfbAEV wrote:
> >
> > Demon: You gay?
> > Guy: Uh, no.
> > Demon: Oooh, you're gonna hate Fridays.
>
> Demon: Then on Saturday, all Saturday, everybody
> goes to Synagogue with their entire family, and you
> feel really guilty and miserable. Then on Sunday,
> all Sunday, everybody goes to Catholic Mass. With
> their family, too. And you feel really miserable
> all over again.
>
> Guy: Well, that sucks.
>
> Demon: Hey, it's Hell, dude.
>
> --
What!?!?! No bingo?
Correspondent:: "nu-monet v7.0"
Date: Mon, 06 Dec 2004 14:29:11 -0700
--------
König Prüß, GfbAEV wrote:
>
> What!?!?! No bingo?
Sitting between two chain-smoking fat wrinkled
foul-mouthed old trouts with strong old people
body odor who each have 40 cards and snarl at
you whenever you come too close to their bingo
space, while sitting on a broken metal folding
chair that pushes right up into your tail bone
and instead of your card saying "BINGO" it is
in some weird language like Lataverian, and you
only get like ONE letter each game, and all the
winner gets is like a liverwurst salad shaped
into a swan, whereas the losers all get painful
electrical shocks which are not really punishment
just faulty wiring and plumbing in the basement
which has standing stinky sewer warm water on the
concrete floor mixed with cigarette butts and gum,
and for entertainment over the old speaker they
are playing Frankie Yankovic's greatest hits as
performed by The Osmonds.
And you're naked.
--
I don't know what you're talking about.
I've never met you before in my life.
That story sounds like utter bullshit.
I wasn't there and it wasn't me.
I am *not* in denial. Shut up.
--nu-monet
Correspondent:: König Prüß, GfbAEV
Date: Mon, 06 Dec 2004 22:02:07 GMT
--------
"nu-monet v7.0" wrote:
> König Prüß, GfbAEV wrote:
> >
> > What!?!?! No bingo?
>
> Sitting between two chain-smoking fat wrinkled
> foul-mouthed old trouts with strong old people
> body odor who each have 40 cards and snarl at
> you whenever you come too close to their bingo
> space, while sitting on a broken metal folding
> chair that pushes right up into your tail bone
> and instead of your card saying "BINGO" it is
> in some weird language like Lataverian, and you
> only get like ONE letter each game, and all the
> winner gets is like a liverwurst salad shaped
> into a swan, whereas the losers all get painful
> electrical shocks which are not really punishment
> just faulty wiring and plumbing in the basement
> which has standing stinky sewer warm water on the
> concrete floor mixed with cigarette butts and gum,
> and for entertainment over the old speaker they
> are playing Frankie Yankovic's greatest hits as
> performed by The Osmonds.
>
> And you're naked.
>
> --
Sheeeeyit! I know people who'd pay good money to do that!
I get dizzy
I get numbo
When I'm dancing
With my Jum-Jum-Jumbo
I don't want her, you can have her
She's too fat for me
She's too fat for me
Hey!
Someone stole the kishka
Someone stole the kishka
Who stole the kishka,
from the butcher's shop?
Who stole the kishka?
Who stole the kishka?
Who stole the kishka?
Someone call the cops!
Fat and round and firmly packed
It was hanging on the rack
Someone stole the kishka
When I turned my back
Who stole the kishka?
Yusef found the kishka
Yusef found the kishka
Yusef found the kishka
And he hung it on the rack.
He found the kishka
He found the kishka
He found the kishka
Yusef brought it back
Heeeeeyyyyyyyy
Hey!
huh-huh-huh-huh
Bingo!
Correspondent:: Frere Jean Bleu
Date: Tue, 07 Dec 2004 16:20:32 +1100
--------
On Mon, 06 Dec 2004 14:29:11 -0700, "nu-monet v7.0"
wrote:
>König Prüß, GfbAEV wrote:
>>
>> What!?!?! No bingo?
>
>Sitting between two chain-smoking fat wrinkled
>foul-mouthed old trouts with strong old people
>body odor who each have 40 cards and snarl at
>you whenever you come too close to their bingo
>space, while sitting on a broken metal folding
>chair that pushes right up into your tail bone
>and instead of your card saying "BINGO" it is
>in some weird language like Lataverian, and you
>only get like ONE letter each game, and all the
>winner gets is like a liverwurst salad shaped
>into a swan, whereas the losers all get painful
>electrical shocks which are not really punishment
>just faulty wiring and plumbing in the basement
>which has standing stinky sewer warm water on the
>concrete floor mixed with cigarette butts and gum,
>and for entertainment over the old speaker they
>are playing Frankie Yankovic's greatest hits as
>performed by The Osmonds.
>
>And you're naked.
No,no,no,no..... you make it too hard.
WELCOME TO HEAVEN: Here's your harp.
WELCOME TO HELL: Here's your piano accordian.
Fr J B
Correspondent:: HellPope Huey
Date: Tue, 07 Dec 2004 16:15:11 GMT
--------
In article <9afar0tbvq96b8lolp1pfnca9u4c1l4ehq@4ax.com>,
Frere Jean Bleu wrote:
> WELCOME TO HEAVEN: Here's your harp.
> WELCOME TO HELL: Here's your piano accordian.
"Welcome to Heaven Huey; here are 4 fully loaded synths, an extra set
of arms with which to play them and a whole set of Hawaiian shirts that
accomodate the new arms."
--
HellPope Huey
Oh, what a beautiful morning, ya jerks
"H-H-Happy Birthday,
y-y-you thing from another world, you."
- Porky Pig
"It was darker than a carload of assholes."
- George V. Higgins
Correspondent:: "Revi Shankar"
Date: Tue, 7 Dec 2004 12:34:41 -0500
--------
"HellPope Huey" wrote in message
news:hulkturds-101417.10143707122004@news1.west.earthlink.net...
> In article <9afar0tbvq96b8lolp1pfnca9u4c1l4ehq@4ax.com>,
> Frere Jean Bleu wrote:
>
> > WELCOME TO HEAVEN: Here's your harp.
> > WELCOME TO HELL: Here's your piano accordian.
>
> "Welcome to Heaven Huey; here are 4 fully loaded synths, an extra set
> of arms with which to play them and a whole set of Hawaiian shirts that
> accomodate the new arms."
heh.
http://www.ptak.org/splats/02.09.iowa_wisconsin/im001799_hotr_organ_8570.jpg
Correspondent:: HdMrs. Salacia the Overseer
Date: Tue, 07 Dec 2004 12:27:12 -0600
--------
On Tue, 7 Dec 2004 12:34:41 -0500, "Revi Shankar"
wrote:
>
>"HellPope Huey" wrote in message
>news:hulkturds-101417.10143707122004@news1.west.earthlink.net...
>> In article <9afar0tbvq96b8lolp1pfnca9u4c1l4ehq@4ax.com>,
>> Frere Jean Bleu wrote:
>>
>> > WELCOME TO HEAVEN: Here's your harp.
>> > WELCOME TO HELL: Here's your piano accordian.
>>
>> "Welcome to Heaven Huey; here are 4 fully loaded synths, an extra set
>> of arms with which to play them and a whole set of Hawaiian shirts that
>> accomodate the new arms."
>
>heh.
>http://www.ptak.org/splats/02.09.iowa_wisconsin/im001799_hotr_organ_8570.jpg
>
Hey! The place where that picture was taken is my idea of heaven.
House on the Rock in Spring Green Wisconsin. That organ is one of
about 20 that they have in one giant room along with a bunch of copper
kettles for brewing beer and tons of stained glass taken from american
gothic churches. The room is covered with the giant pipes that go with
these organs. Each organ looks like the command console of a mother
ship. It's such a great place it makes me want to weep.
Salacia
Correspondent:: König Prüß, GfbAEV
Date: Tue, 07 Dec 2004 18:53:57 GMT
--------
"HdMrs. Salacia the Overseer" wrote:
> On Tue, 7 Dec 2004 12:34:41 -0500, "Revi Shankar"
> wrote:
>
> >
> >"HellPope Huey" wrote in message
> >news:hulkturds-101417.10143707122004@news1.west.earthlink.net...
> >> In article <9afar0tbvq96b8lolp1pfnca9u4c1l4ehq@4ax.com>,
> >> Frere Jean Bleu wrote:
> >>
> >> > WELCOME TO HEAVEN: Here's your harp.
> >> > WELCOME TO HELL: Here's your piano accordian.
> >>
> >> "Welcome to Heaven Huey; here are 4 fully loaded synths, an extra set
> >> of arms with which to play them and a whole set of Hawaiian shirts that
> >> accomodate the new arms."
> >
> >heh.
> >http://www.ptak.org/splats/02.09.iowa_wisconsin/im001799_hotr_organ_8570.jpg
> >
>
> Hey! The place where that picture was taken is my idea of heaven.
> House on the Rock in Spring Green Wisconsin. That organ is one of
> about 20 that they have in one giant room along with a bunch of copper
> kettles for brewing beer and tons of stained glass taken from american
> gothic churches. The room is covered with the giant pipes that go with
> these organs. Each organ looks like the command console of a mother
> ship. It's such a great place it makes me want to weep.
>
> Salacia
It would have made Dave "Baby" Cortez happy!
There's an old theater in Richmond, Virginia that people go to just
to see the organ, which comes up out of the floor on an elevator!
http://members.tripod.com/~g_cowardin/organ/organ.htm
http://members.tripod.com/~g_cowardin/byrd/specs.htm
Correspondent:: "Revi Shankar"
Date: Tue, 7 Dec 2004 14:09:34 -0500
--------
>
> Hey! The place where that picture was taken is my idea of heaven.
> House on the Rock in Spring Green Wisconsin. That organ is one of
> about 20 that they have in one giant room along with a bunch of copper
> kettles for brewing beer and tons of stained glass taken from american
> gothic churches. The room is covered with the giant pipes that go with
> these organs. Each organ looks like the command console of a mother
> ship. It's such a great place it makes me want to weep.
>
> Salacia
Yeah... I KNOW.
I've never been. But the pictures of the place - OH my. What a creation! I
dream of living in a place like that. Acres and acres of stuff... A bulldada
museum!
Correspondent:: HellPope Huey
Date: Wed, 08 Dec 2004 04:18:18 GMT
--------
In article ,
HdMrs. Salacia the Overseer wrote:
> Hey! The place where that picture was taken is my idea of heaven.
> House on the Rock in Spring Green Wisconsin. That organ is one of
> about 20 that they have in one giant room along with a bunch of copper
> kettles for brewing beer and tons of stained glass taken from american
> gothic churches. The room is covered with the giant pipes that go with
> these organs. Each organ looks like the command console of a mother
> ship. It's such a great place it makes me want to weep.
Damn, I'd all but whore for air fare if a Devival was held there. Well,
I have a mirror, maybe whoring wouldn't be all that lucrative, but I'd
find a way. Talk about WOTANING!!! TWENTY PIPE ORGANS, TWENTY!!! NO ONE
WILL LEAVE THE THEATRE STILL FERTILE!!! HEAR "TOLD THE JUDGE TO SUCK MY
DICK" in EVERY PORE OF YOUR BEING!!!
BWAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMAIEEEE!!!!
--
HellPope Huey
Oh, what a beautiful morning, ya jerks
"H-H-Happy Birthday,
y-y-you thing from another world, you."
- Porky Pig
"It was darker than a carload of assholes."
- George V. Higgins
Correspondent:: HellPope Huey
Date: Wed, 08 Dec 2004 04:12:56 GMT
--------
In article ,
"Revi Shankar" wrote:
> "HellPope Huey" wrote in message
> news:hulkturds-101417.10143707122004@news1.west.earthlink.net...
> > "Welcome to Heaven, Huey; here are 4 fully loaded synths, an extra set
> > of arms with which to play them and a whole set of Hawaiian shirts that
> > accomodate the new arms."
>
> heh.
> http://www.ptak.org/splats/02.09.iowa_wisconsin/im001799_hotr_organ_8570.jpg
HOLY SNAPPIN' ARSEHOLES! My thighs went all moist & dewy. I had an
organasm when I saw that.
--
HellPope Huey
Oh, what a beautiful morning, ya jerks
"H-H-Happy Birthday,
y-y-you thing from another world, you."
- Porky Pig
"It was darker than a carload of assholes."
- George V. Higgins
Correspondent:: "nu-monet v7.0"
Date: Tue, 07 Dec 2004 09:31:36 -0700
--------
Frere Jean Bleu wrote:
>
> No,no,no,no..... you make it too hard.
>
> WELCOME TO HEAVEN: Here's your harp.
>
> WELCOME TO HELL: Here's your piano accordian.
>
THAT IS GARY LARSEN'S JOKE.
IF YOU'RE GOING TO SNARK AT ME, AT LEAST USE
YOUR *OWN* JOKE.
Pffffblt.
--
"YOU BELONG TO US NOW!"
"GET DOWN WITH MY SICKNESS!!"
--Kino Beman, brand name