Why
Correspondent:: Reverend Kenny <5ubg3n1u5@comcast.no.spam>
Date: Sun, 26 Dec 2004 09:36:35 -0500
--------
Having survived another Christmas, I have a question for us all to ponder.
Why do Christians quote the bible instead of God?
--
Illuminations,
Reverend Kenny
Correspondent:: "nu-monet v7.0"
Date: Sun, 26 Dec 2004 09:10:47 -0700
--------
Reverend Kenny wrote:
>
> Having survived another Christmas, I have a
> question for us all to ponder.
>
> Why do Christians quote the bible instead of God?
First of all, because He has this nasally Woody
Allen-Fran Drescher voice and He won't shut the
fuck up. Most of the time He just complains about
His problems, stuff like the intelligent hairy squid
that live on a planet so many galaxies far away from
Earth that humans have absolutely no chance of ever
coming within a million parsecs of them, even though
they died out about the time of the dinosaurs, which
is why they don't say "Howdy" anymore. He keeps
forgetting.
He is also really, really bored with everything. In
a way it's like sensory deprivation for Him, so He
rambles on and on in a semi-senile dementia, not even
knowing or caring if anyone is listening or not.
The only comment He has ever directed at Earth is like
a twelfth-carbon all-planets memo that Mars got a copy
of, too. It was an email joke and he accidently hit
the "reply: all" button. Ironically, it was an html
joke, so just garbage came through.
It's a lot easier just to make up stuff and said He
said so. He really doesn't give a shit one way or the
other.
--
"Money can't buy you happiness,
but when you're poor, you can't
buy shit, and nobody will loan
you happiness."
--nu-monet
Correspondent:: Zapanaz
Date: Sun, 26 Dec 2004 12:41:10 -0800
--------
On Sun, 26 Dec 2004 09:10:47 -0700, "nu-monet v7.0"
wrote:
>Reverend Kenny wrote:
>>
>> Having survived another Christmas, I have a
>> question for us all to ponder.
>>
>> Why do Christians quote the bible instead of God?
>
>First of all, because He has this nasally Woody
>Allen-Fran Drescher voice and He won't shut the
>fuck up. Most of the time He just complains about
>His problems, stuff like the intelligent hairy squid
>that live on a planet so many galaxies far away from
>Earth that humans have absolutely no chance of ever
>coming within a million parsecs of them, even though
>they died out about the time of the dinosaurs, which
>is why they don't say "Howdy" anymore. He keeps
>forgetting.
Eck and don't let Him even get started about his ex-wives and
ex-girlfriends. I got sick of Woody Allen's love life decades ago,
but He has been at it since the beginning of time.
I mean He's a nice jewish boy who's still single, that really tells
you all you need to know.
Whatever you do, don't give Him your phone number. Fortunately, it
doesn't occur to most people, when they pray, to say "well if You're
busy call me back at XXX-XXXX". Because you'll never get RID of Him.
Drunken phone calls at 3 in the morning (He is timeless, He doesn't
know) "ah that bitch Mary was no good, threw Me off for a shepherd,
virgin My ASS", and so on and so on and so on.
I mean He's God and all that, but that doesn't mean He doesn't have an
attitude.
--
Zapanaz
International Satanic Conspiracy
Customer Support Specialist
http://joecosby.com/
all corporations in Wisconsin are linked by witches