ATTN: STANG (or whoever else has radio experience.)
Correspondent:: "Paul Casino" Date: 16 Feb 2005 18:58:07 -0800
--------
Okay, so I just got a small gig doing a weekly 1/2 hour to hour radio
show on my local college station, WPSU at Penn State, and while not
clueless, I'm not exactly a perfect master at this either. Hell, I'm
not even a communications major, I'm just an ordinary struggling artist
with a gigantic penis. I've been listening to HOS for years now,
painstakingly downloading them and burning them onto CD's, I have from
about #850 on, and I actually let the station managers listen to one
that was mainly live WCSB stuff, saying "What I want to do is something
like THIS."
He made mention to the fact that Stang has a good if not great
"presence" on the mic. I told him that was because he was the
forerunner of a religious cult that worships a piece of clip art. He
laughed and said "That's great, you should improv like that on the
show." I told him I was serious, and he stared at me blankly. (Ah, the
trademark awkward silence and blank stare of the pink. Music to our
ears.)
So, I'm looking for sugestions on exactly what to do. I'm mining
alt.slack for interesting threads to expand upon, I'm trying to stay
away from alt.binaries.slack audio mining, mainly because I'm plugging
the SubSite on the show, and I'd rather not have people go there,
download HOS and hear the same audio collage and whatnot that I air,
kinda want to keep them seperate. So, any suggestions when it comes to
ANYTHING about hosting a radio show would be great. I hereby humbly
submit myself to your superior knowledge of bullshitting through an
hour of air time.
Correspondent:: "Paul Casino" Date: 16 Feb 2005 19:26:24 -0800
--------
P.S. Any thoughts on the pros and cons of pre-recorded and chopped
ultimate control freak shows (i.e. Suzie the Floozie's shows) or live
fucking chaos (i.e. ESO radio)? I'm trying to figure out where to go
with this...
Correspondent:: "Giles" Date: 16 Feb 2005 20:05:06 -0800
--------
Paul Casino wrote:
> P.S. Any thoughts on the pros and cons of pre-recorded and chopped
> ultimate control freak shows (i.e. Suzie the Floozie's shows) or live
> fucking chaos (i.e. ESO radio)? I'm trying to figure out where to go
> with this...
You might try taping a few practice shows to get the feel for it. Then
try your hand at editing it to see it improves. Editing makes for a
much tighter show, even if you do a stream of consciousness rap. Or do
both, live with some sound files you made earlier to throw in while you
catch your breath. Whatever works for you is the right way.
Correspondent:: "Rev. Ivan Stang" Date: Thu, 17 Feb 2005 12:17:56 -0500
--------
In article <1108613106.335504.137810@o13g2000cwo.googlegroups.com>,
Giles wrote:
> Paul Casino wrote:
> > P.S. Any thoughts on the pros and cons of pre-recorded and chopped
> > ultimate control freak shows (i.e. Suzie the Floozie's shows) or live
> > fucking chaos (i.e. ESO radio)? I'm trying to figure out where to go
> > with this...
>
> You might try taping a few practice shows to get the feel for it. Then
> try your hand at editing it to see it improves. Editing makes for a
> much tighter show, even if you do a stream of consciousness rap. Or do
> both, live with some sound files you made earlier to throw in while you
> catch your breath. Whatever works for you is the right way.
>
That reminds me -- DON'T WORRY TOO MUCH ABOUT THE FUCK-UPS! It's very
important that you keep in mind:
The audience won't even NOTICE most of your fuck-ups because they
didn't know what you were INTENDING to begin with. If you forget
something, THEY WON'T KNOW. Only YOU will know what you forgot.
--
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
(4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected, Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com PRABOB
Correspondent:: "Rev. Ivan Stang" Date: Thu, 17 Feb 2005 12:14:20 -0500
--------
In article <1108610784.591522.313850@l41g2000cwc.googlegroups.com>,
Paul Casino wrote:
> P.S. Any thoughts on the pros and cons of pre-recorded and chopped
> ultimate control freak shows (i.e. Suzie the Floozie's shows) or live
> fucking chaos (i.e. ESO radio)? I'm trying to figure out where to go
> with this...
>
That depends on YOU ENTIRELY and your level of Rewardian vs.
Emergentile proclivities, and on your ability to SURF the chaos. In
fact like everything else in show-biz, it's all in WHAT YOU CAN GET WAY
WITH. Don't spend too much time on one exam question, in other words.
In my case, quite a lot is dictated by the fact that I have to get the
show done EVERY WEEK somehow and I cannot afford to spend more than a
day on any given show (including dubbing, labeling, mailing).
The control freak edited shows take MUCH MUCH longer than the chaos
live shows. AND THAT'S WHERE THE LEMUR COMES IN!!
Along with the Dave, ya got yer LEMUR. IF YOU'RE THE LUCKIEST SUMBITCH
IN RADIO. Otherwise you might have to Lemurize clips yourself and while
that's the MOST FUN, it also eats up time.
If you're going fot the circus effect, in other words, you need the
ringmaster, the clown, the elephant AND the roastabouts.
--
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
(4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected, Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com PRABOB
Correspondent:: Baldin Pramer Date: Wed, 16 Feb 2005 20:37:55 -0700
--------
Paul Casino wrote:
> Okay, so I just got a small gig doing a weekly 1/2 hour to hour radio
> show on my local college station, WPSU at Penn State, and while not
> clueless, I'm not exactly a perfect master at this either. Hell, I'm
> not even a communications major, I'm just an ordinary struggling artist
> with a gigantic penis. I've been listening to HOS for years now,
> painstakingly downloading them and burning them onto CD's, I have from
> about #850 on, and I actually let the station managers listen to one
> that was mainly live WCSB stuff, saying "What I want to do is something
> like THIS."
>
> He made mention to the fact that Stang has a good if not great
> "presence" on the mic. I told him that was because he was the
> forerunner of a religious cult that worships a piece of clip art. He
> laughed and said "That's great, you should improv like that on the
> show." I told him I was serious, and he stared at me blankly. (Ah, the
> trademark awkward silence and blank stare of the pink. Music to our
> ears.)
>
> So, I'm looking for sugestions on exactly what to do. I'm mining
> alt.slack for interesting threads to expand upon, I'm trying to stay
> away from alt.binaries.slack audio mining, mainly because I'm plugging
> the SubSite on the show, and I'd rather not have people go there,
> download HOS and hear the same audio collage and whatnot that I air,
> kinda want to keep them seperate. So, any suggestions when it comes to
> ANYTHING about hosting a radio show would be great. I hereby humbly
> submit myself to your superior knowledge of bullshitting through an
> hour of air time.
Consider becoming a conspiracy nut. Maybe a different conspiracy for
every show. And don't choose ordinary conspiracies.
There are a number of kooks to be found on the internet, and I bet many
of them would love to do a 5 or 10 minute call in interview on your
show. Make sure you talk to them first to check out their airworthiness.
Sometimes children make great interviews.
Four words -- audio collage.
--
Sir Baldin Pramer, R.P.A.
Correspondent:: "Rev. Ivan Stang" Date: Thu, 17 Feb 2005 12:24:15 -0500
--------
In article <42141167$1@nntp.zianet.com>, Baldin Pramer
wrote:
>
> There are a number of kooks to be found on the internet, and I bet many
> of them would love to do a 5 or 10 minute call in interview on your
> show. Make sure you talk to them first to check out their airworthiness.
Many people can talk just GREAT at a party or on the phone, but the
second they know that "ON AIR" light is lit, they freeze up.
You'll notice that I don't take calls on my show, period. Air time is
too precious to risk on the standard SubGenius Pretending to Be an
Evengelical Redneck caller.
We took calls on the ESO show but then I would use only the GOOD ones
on HoS. Currently I tape the Synaesthesia show (right after HoS on
wcsb, Sundays) for that purpose but most Sunday nights I'm too pooped
from my own show-biz to feel like doing even MORE showbiz.
--
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
(4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected, Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com PRABOB
Correspondent:: HellPope Huey Date: Thu, 17 Feb 2005 03:43:04 GMT
--------
In article <1108609087.907553.10750@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com>,
"Paul Casino" wrote:
> So, I'm looking for sugestions on exactly what to do. I'm mining
> alt.slack for interesting threads to expand upon, I'm trying to stay
> away from alt.binaries.slack audio mining, mainly because I'm plugging
> the SubSite on the show, and I'd rather not have people go there,
> download HOS and hear the same audio collage and whatnot that I air,
> kinda want to keep them seperate. So, any suggestions when it comes to
> ANYTHING about hosting a radio show would be great. I hereby humbly
> submit myself to your superior knowledge of bullshitting through an
> hour of air time.
Gee, hard to say. I was BORN an insane mofo, so there wasn't a
breaking-in period; it was just a new venue from which to express the
sublime hideousness that was already ME. Drinking half a bottle of
pernod before each shift and wearing aviator goggles may help.
Perhaps the nearest thing to useful advice I could give would be to
follow what you already know: the greatest instances of Slack arise from
NOT REALLY CONSCIOUSLY TRYING AT ALL. Turn on the mic, let your eyes
roll back in your head, randomly channel a mish-mash of everything
you've seen on alt.slack (minus the more fecal curses, allusions to
various forms of homosexuality or bestiality or especially homosexual
bestiality and of course, the anatomically dubious suggestions) and
you'll most likely find your own variant. Your odds of "success" are
already fairly good, simply because you have the stones to try it in the
first place.
Of course, if security guards suddenly rush in, knock you in the head
and throw you off the grounds, that would be a big negatory and a sure
sign you horked the wrong squid. Just try to keep that "fuck" filter in
place. Good luck! If no one shoots you, let us know how it went. I have
FAITH in you, you great blithering, balmy bastard son of Dobbs.
--
HellPope Huey
Part of being HellPope
is that you have to spend
too much time at the office.
It is hard to be strong and not rash.
- Japanese Proverb
[from H.L. Mencken's Dictionary]
"I hear music in my head all the time.
Sometimes it makes my brain throb
and the room starts to turn.
I feel I'm going mad.
With this music, we will paint pictures
of earth and space
so that the listener can be taken somewhere.
It's going to be something
that will open up a new sense in people's minds.
- Jimi Hendrix
Correspondent:: nenslo Date: Wed, 16 Feb 2005 21:40:06 -0800
--------
Paul Casino wrote:
>
>
> So, I'm looking for sugestions on exactly what to do.
Here's what NOT to do.
Don't try to talk in some weird way that's different from how you
normally talk to try to make it sound more interesting. Don't say
"y'know" in every sentence. Never, ever apologize for anything that
goes wrong.
Correspondent:: Eddie Vroom Date: Thu, 17 Feb 2005 07:34:16 GMT
--------
nenslo wrote:
> Paul Casino wrote:
>
>>
>>So, I'm looking for sugestions on exactly what to do.
>
>
> Here's what NOT to do.
>
> Don't try to talk in some weird way that's different from how you
> normally talk to try to make it sound more interesting. Don't say
> "y'know" in every sentence. Never, ever apologize for anything that
> goes wrong.
Remember: "Dead Air" is bad, but announcing the time, weather and
callsign every two or three minutes to prevent it is worse.
--
Here's the punchline: I wasn't joking, motherfucker!
the Mystical RevvedErrand Doktor Eddie Vroom
Certified God by the holy authority of
the White Lotus Fortune Cookie Company
June 23, 2004
Correspondent:: "Paul Casino" Date: 16 Feb 2005 23:52:13 -0800
--------
>announcing the time, weather and
>callsign every two or three minutes
Maybe I will do that every three minutes or so, but just keep doing it
completely wrong, just to fuck with people, make them late for things
and wondering if their watches are dead. The entire listening audience
at 3:30 AM on a sunday night in State College, PA, all twelve or
thirteen of them, will start tapping their watches and holding them to
their ears. THEY WILL DANCE TO MY WICKED TUNE.
Correspondent:: Zapanaz Date: Thu, 17 Feb 2005 00:12:17 -0800
--------
On 16 Feb 2005 23:52:13 -0800, "Paul Casino"
wrote:
>>announcing the time, weather and
>>callsign every two or three minutes
>
>Maybe I will do that every three minutes or so, but just keep doing it
>completely wrong, just to fuck with people, make them late for things
>and wondering if their watches are dead. The entire listening audience
>at 3:30 AM on a sunday night in State College, PA, all twelve or
>thirteen of them, will start tapping their watches and holding them to
>their ears. THEY WILL DANCE TO MY WICKED TUNE.
look when you need to fill dead air, just remember BEN AFFLECK
really he'll do any fucking thing for money.
--
Zapanaz
International Satanic Conspiracy
Customer Support Specialist
http://joecosby.com/
...As long as they're clean they don't have to be perfectly straight.
-- Rev. Magdalen,
Correspondent:: "Paul Casino" Date: 17 Feb 2005 00:31:59 -0800
--------
>BEN AFFLECK
I kinda like Ben Affleck sometimes.
(disconcerting silence)
...well fuck you, you didn't like "Chasing Amy"? Everybody likes that
movie. It's like the M&M's of cinema. You'd be hard pressed to find
someone who doesn't like those little things, either.
Correspondent:: Zapanaz Date: Thu, 17 Feb 2005 00:43:07 -0800
--------
On 17 Feb 2005 00:31:59 -0800, "Paul Casino"
wrote:
>>BEN AFFLECK
>
>I kinda like Ben Affleck sometimes.
>
>(disconcerting silence)
>
>...well fuck you, you didn't like "Chasing Amy"? Everybody likes that
>movie. It's like the M&M's of cinema. You'd be hard pressed to find
>someone who doesn't like those little things, either.
Exactly my point. And you could have him, totally. I mean he did
"mallrats" as an ART project, he's MALLEABLE.
He was REALLY GOOD in mallrats, and I thought he was DEEP in Chasing
Amy.
I'm just saying, if Kevin Smith is like a guru figure for him, then
you could probably get him to do a subgenius radio thing for peanuts.
I'm not saying that's a BAD thing.
--
Zapanaz
International Satanic Conspiracy
Customer Support Specialist
http://joecosby.com/
How do you exec a bash script if it's in a jar?
Correspondent:: "Paul Casino" Date: 17 Feb 2005 00:53:39 -0800
--------
BEN AFFLECK SHALL DANCE TO MY WICKED TUNE.
Correspondent:: "Rev. Ivan Stang" Date: Thu, 17 Feb 2005 12:35:16 -0500
--------
In article <1108626733.110225.149160@c13g2000cwb.googlegroups.com>,
Paul Casino wrote:
> >announcing the time, weather and
> >callsign every two or three minutes
>
> Maybe I will do that every three minutes or so, but just keep doing it
> completely wrong, just to fuck with people, make them late for things
> and wondering if their watches are dead. The entire listening audience
> at 3:30 AM on a sunday night in State College, PA, all twelve or
> thirteen of them, will start tapping their watches and holding them to
> their ears. THEY WILL DANCE TO MY WICKED TUNE.
>
3:30 am??
Fuck, DO WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT!!!
Throw ALL caution and/or show-biz sense TO THE WIND!!
--
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
(4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected, Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com PRABOB
Correspondent:: König Prüß, GfbAEV Date: Thu, 17 Feb 2005 17:46:10 GMT
--------
"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:
>In article <1108626733.110225.149160@c13g2000cwb.googlegroups.com>,
>Paul Casino wrote:
>
>> >announcing the time, weather and
>> >callsign every two or three minutes
>>
>> Maybe I will do that every three minutes or so, but just keep doing it
>> completely wrong, just to fuck with people, make them late for things
>> and wondering if their watches are dead. The entire listening audience
>> at 3:30 AM on a sunday night in State College, PA, all twelve or
>> thirteen of them, will start tapping their watches and holding them to
>> their ears. THEY WILL DANCE TO MY WICKED TUNE.
>>
>
>3:30 am??
>
>Fuck, DO WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT!!!
>
>Throw ALL caution and/or show-biz sense TO THE WIND!!
>
>--
Yeah, you can even broadcast nekkid!
The "Condom Lady" used to broadcast nekkid in Philly
alla time. The FCC didn't bust her for that, but for
having too many watts and not enough license.
Correspondent:: "Rev. Ivan Stang" Date: Thu, 17 Feb 2005 12:34:13 -0500
--------
In article , Eddie Vroom
wrote:
>
> Remember: "Dead Air" is bad, but announcing the time, weather and
> callsign every two or three minutes to prevent it is worse.
Yeah, especially if your show is syndicated to be played in other times
and places far beyond your control.
--
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
(4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected, Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com PRABOB
Correspondent:: "Paul Casino" Date: 16 Feb 2005 23:46:23 -0800
--------
>Don't try to talk in some weird way that's different >from how you
normally talk to try to make it >sound more interesting.
Yeah, morning radio DJs make me want to get a drug habbit and die. I am
experimenting using different voices edited with Sound Foundry Vegas
Pro and outsourcing the clips with Cool Edit Pro to create different
people in the studio, panning the tracks to the left and right for some
kind of illusion of space, stuff like that. Phil Hendrie does an
AMAZING show like that every day. If you don't know if him, it's a
psuedo-political talk show, generally impartial leaning SLIGHTLY
conservative, kind of like how CNN is generally middle leaning SLIGHTLY
left, in my opinion. (Now...let's all settle down and not let this
posting thread turn into everyone who disagrees with the above
statement telling me why. Just let it slide...) Anyway, a "caller",
(Hendrie doing the voice run thorugh filters to make it sound like a
call-in.) is interviewed by hendrie in the studio, live (talking to
himself), and the conversation of course gets wacky. Here's where the
brilliant part comes in: It's LIVE, and he takes ACTUAL CALLERS who
AREN'T in on the joke, and then proceeds to make dicks out of them! Of
course, all the calls he gets are from people who aren't in on the
joke, because if you are, why call? So he doesn't even really need to
screen the calls to make sure it's not someone who's blowing his cover.
I don't always agree with his viewpoints, but for five days a wek for
three hours a day, 15 hours a week of brilliant Andy Kaufman-esque work
of art.
www.philhendrieshow.com
>Don't say "y'know" in every sentence.
I'm 24 years old. The only putrid bacteria that the often all too true
"Generation Y" sterotype seems to have stained me with is that exact
fucking problem. It's just something that the idiots of my "18 to 25
year old" demographic can easily slip into doing if we're not
consciously trying to avoid it, which is harder for some than most.
Walk around a college campus with an ear for that phrase and your brain
will fry like an egg from overload. I've managed to wean myself down to
only using this completely nonsensical phrase once every two or three
minutes, can't seem to break the habbit totally, that monkey is alwayS
gonna be on my back whispering into my ear:
"Whenever there is and sort of break in your speech pattern, you must
fill that silence with the phrase "y'know". It must seem like your
syntax is nothing more than an endless stream of syllables with no
pauses whatsoever. You must also continually affirm the fact that the
other partner is listening, because if he wavers his attention from
your oh so pithy expoundings on why Ethan Hawke should eat a fucking
bullet for bending "Hamlet" over a chair and fucking the entire play
with his piss-poor bullshit, calling an actor who he'll never even meet
a fuck face and telling him to take off that hat*, or whatever it is
you're bitching about today, if he is not paying CONSTANT attention to
your string of prattle, he may miss a joke or punchline, and he won't
laugh and you'll feel socially inadept because of it because you are a
fucking neurotic."
*If you've seen this travesty of a film, you'll know what I'm talking
about. If not...Bill Murray actually made a better Polonius than I
would have thought, and I recall whoever was Laertes was pretty good
too. But Julia Stiles plays Ophelia like she's got down syndrome (I
swear, that fucking bitch...I see her, she gets cut. New rule.) and
they cut out the skull sequence completely. Steve Zahn and some other
guy turn Rosencrantz and Guildenstern into drunken party boys. (There
was a great performance at the Old Vic a number of years ago with Simon
West playing the role of Hamlet that raised a big stink that Hamlet,
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern passed around a bowl in act 2 scene 3, I
think it was.)
(I'm sorry, I'm a theatre major and I just did a paper on this. And I'm
high as a fucking kite right now.)
For anyone who's ever wondered about we "y'know?"-ers (remember when I
was talking about that, ten minutes ago when you still gave two fucks?
This is what 'frop does to me...), and our no less vile cousins the
"alight?"-ers, the answer is NO, we don't realize we're doing it, and
NO, we can't hear it when someone else keeps saying it. The phrase just
gets tuned out.
I'd imagine it's the same way for those people who seem to believe that
every comma and every period at the end of every sentence is a cue to
begin to go "uhhh...." for at least a full second. They also do this
when searching for the right word, which they seem to have to do much
more frequently than any normal person. At least one in five sentences
contain a prolonged "uhhhh..." while searching for the word
"orangutan".
And I can't speak for the "mmm'kay"-ers. They're dirty mother fuckers
who will be the first ones up against the wall when the revolution
comes and we rid the earth of their fucking breed. They make me want to
punch out my grandma.
But yes, I will have to make a conscious effort to avoid doing that.
Noted. Fuck, this is a long winded one.
>Never, ever apologize for anything that goes >wrong.
I can see the merit in that. I often pour salt in my own wounds as
opposed to apologizing for my actions. Keeps you humble.
Self-deprication: The Thinking Man's Ego Control Method.
Hey guess what? By partaking in a copious ammount of 'frop and sitting
down to make a short reply to these comments a long time ago, I think I
just wrote a nice chunk of airspace about "y'knowers". I came seeking
help, and in turn, I found some answers within. IT'S AN ALT.SLACK
FUCKING MIRACLE.
...I'm gonna go get some chips or something...
Correspondent:: Artemia Salina Date: Thu, 17 Feb 2005 04:36:07 -0500
--------
On Wed, 16 Feb 2005 23:46:23 -0800, Paul Casino wrote:
> Phil Hendrie does an AMAZING show like that every day.
Alright Casino, maybe I WON'T hunt you down after all (but
maybe I will), because anyone who thinks Phil Hendrie is
a scream, I'm just barely willing to let slip past me in a
doorway with as I stare menacingly down at them and
breathe through my nostrils into their face. Just don't
press your luck with me.
As far as Hendrie's political leanings are concerned, the
trick to listening to his show is to remember to not take
ANYTHING he says seriously. He is a genius at getting
people all fired up over ridiculous stuff. It seems that
the more preposterous his "guests" are the more seriously
pissed off and offended his call-ins get. Fuck Stern. Fuck
Imus. They are mere motes of dust on Hendrie's kingly robes!
Correspondent:: HellPope Huey Date: Thu, 17 Feb 2005 17:12:30 GMT
--------
In article <42142E35.F1B0066A@yahoox.com>, nenslo
wrote:
> Here's what NOT to do.
> Don't try to talk in some weird way that's different from how you
> normally talk to try to make it sound more interesting. Don't say
> "y'know" in every sentence. Never, ever apologize for anything that
> goes wrong.
Yeah, that's good advice. Be like Pee-Wee Herman when you unexpectedly
do a big back flip. Stand up, dust yerself off and say "I MEANT to do
that!" Besides, its usually TRUE on some level.
--
HellPope Huey
Go the the pet store and buy a box of white mice,
such as people feed their pet snakes
and drive around throwing them at people from your car.
That should clear your head a bit.
That best portion of a good man's life:
His little, nameless, unremembered acts
of kindness and of love.
- William Wordsworth
"Cool! I'm vomit!"
- Bart Simpson
Correspondent:: "Rev. Ivan Stang" Date: Thu, 17 Feb 2005 12:33:22 -0500
--------
In article <42142E35.F1B0066A@yahoox.com>, nenslo
wrote:
> Paul Casino wrote:
> >
> >
> > So, I'm looking for sugestions on exactly what to do.
>
> Here's what NOT to do.
>
> Don't try to talk in some weird way that's different from how you
> normally talk to try to make it sound more interesting.
Ignore this if you are the Dave or the Hal.
In truth, chances are you CANNOT talk truly "normally" on the radio,
until you are so used to being on the radio that you FEEL normal doing
it. You'll probably talk in some weird way at first even if you're
trying NOT to.
>Don't say
> "y'know" in every sentence.
That is probably the hardest thing of all, knowm sain?
>Never, ever apologize for anything that
> goes wrong.
Most of the time the audience can't tell the difference between you
fucking up horribly and you not fucking up at all.
Another thing not to do: talking about a picture you are looking at on
the Internet as if everybody listening in their car is on the same
website you're on. That may sound obvious, but you'd be surprised.
--
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
(4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected, Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com PRABOB
Correspondent:: Artemia Salina Date: Thu, 17 Feb 2005 04:58:24 -0500
--------
On Wed, 16 Feb 2005 18:58:07 -0800, Paul Casino wrote:
> Okay, so I just got a small gig doing a weekly 1/2 hour to hour radio
> show on my local college station,
If nu-monet doesn't mind (ask him) you might consider going through some
of his news postings (news as in "news", as opposed to "news") and
read them as though they were regular news items. Many of them are
quite good, and should get lots of people's hackles up. Don't open
the line(s) to callers unless you're prepared to defend the items
you read ("Hey, I just read the news!" could be enough).
Alternatively, or perhaps intermingledly, go to the Associated Press's
web site and look around in their archives (last years should
do). Find a bunch of slightly obscure items and read them on air.
Some people are bound to vaguely remember hearing those items before
and will go nuts trying to figure out if they got caught up in a time
warp or are having a deja vu experience.
Correspondent:: "Assco" Date: 17 Feb 2005 06:21:48 -0800
--------
Paul Casino wrote:
> Okay, so I just got a small gig doing a weekly 1/2 hour to hour radio
> show on my local college station, WPSU at Penn State...
> So, I'm looking for sugestions on exactly what to do. I'm mining
> alt.slack for interesting threads to expand upon...
> superior knowledge of bullshitting through an
> hour of air time.
1) Don't speak into the mic like Tom Jones,
pretend there's a stream of spunk shooting
out of the mic-head and bite into it, i.e.
speak across the field -- don't blow.
2) Shut up and play some music.
3) Smuggle a pocket flask of your favorite
adult beverage into the studio.
4) Smoke 2 SubGenius units of 'frop 20 minutes
before airtime.
5) Find someone to hide under the console and
perform fellatio on you.
6) Don't answer the phone.
Correspondent:: Rev DJ Epoch Date: 17 Feb 2005 14:39:20 GMT
--------
"Paul Casino" wrote in
news:1108609087.907553.10750@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com:
> Okay, so I just got a small gig doing a weekly 1/2 hour to hour radio
> show on my local college station, WPSU at Penn State, and while not
> clueless, I'm not exactly a perfect master at this either. Hell, I'm
> not even a communications major, I'm just an ordinary struggling artist
> with a gigantic penis. I've been listening to HOS for years now,
> painstakingly downloading them and burning them onto CD's, I have from
> about #850 on, and I actually let the station managers listen to one
> that was mainly live WCSB stuff, saying "What I want to do is something
> like THIS."
>
> He made mention to the fact that Stang has a good if not great
> "presence" on the mic. I told him that was because he was the
> forerunner of a religious cult that worships a piece of clip art. He
> laughed and said "That's great, you should improv like that on the
> show." I told him I was serious, and he stared at me blankly. (Ah, the
> trademark awkward silence and blank stare of the pink. Music to our
> ears.)
>
> So, I'm looking for sugestions on exactly what to do. I'm mining
> alt.slack for interesting threads to expand upon, I'm trying to stay
> away from alt.binaries.slack audio mining, mainly because I'm plugging
> the SubSite on the show, and I'd rather not have people go there,
> download HOS and hear the same audio collage and whatnot that I air,
> kinda want to keep them seperate. So, any suggestions when it comes to
> ANYTHING about hosting a radio show would be great. I hereby humbly
> submit myself to your superior knowledge of bullshitting through an
> hour of air time.
>
Having worked in radio at a small-market C/W (that's Cow-fucker/Western)
top-of-the-AM-dial radio station back in the 80's, I can say this with all
authority and seriousness...
TOP TEN SUGGESTIONS FOR HOSTING A COLLEGE RADIO SHOW
1. Don't say on-air "Wombats ate my brain, but I think I'm getting
better." unless it's comedy you're shooting for. Otherwise people will
think you're Art Bell.
2. It's a college station? Make up commercials. "The International House of
Chain Saws" and "Louie's Leather Imporium" are easy to slip in. Stay away
from mentioning frat "keggers" on-air... campus cops may actually be
listening in.
3. Remember: College stations and disparaging comments about PETA can
result in either high hilarity or riot cops forcing back protesters. Try to
size up yor audience before going this route.
4. Instrumental sections from Iron Butterfly's "In A Gadda Da Vida" are
good background music to ... oh, wait. No it's not. Nevermind.
5. Never never NEVER use the words "President Bush" and "scum-sucking rabid
empire-building visions-of-GodlikeNeoSupremeBeing Haliburton-feltching
jackass cumdump" in the same sentance unless you are at least 10 miles from
either the Mexican or Canadian borders and have a way to get past the FBI
staking out your studio.
6. ...or have Howard Stern's lawyers on retainer.
7. If you take on-air calls, play off the frootbats. It makes the rest of
your listening audience feel superior to the idiots who call in (even if
they're NOT any more intelligent than the caller). Oh, watch out for those
you really piss off - unless you enjoy a game of "evade the stalkers". Talk
to Stang about this one...
8. Doesn't hurt to have someone with you in studio that you regularly chat
with in real meatspace. BE YOURSELVES even if the subject you're discussing
is "Aliens Ate My Gandmaw's Panties".
someone else, of course.>
9. Try to have at least three or four subjects you can comment on per show.
You may find one subject just kind of peters out after a few minutes. News
articles of human/gov't stupidity are always an easy subject to work with.
If all else fails, refer to "Book of the SubGenius", point to some passage
about us, the cultists, and laugh. Or say "hmm...they may HAVE something
here". We don't mind shameless plugs. (BTW, give credit were credit is
due...)
10. HAVE FUN!
--
12th Epochalyptic FisTempleDungeon of The Church of Our Lady of Perpetual
Motion
Cathedral, Carwash and Dancehall- Home of the Traci Lords Memorial Brothel
Rev. DJ Epoch - proprietor and janitor
Divine Southern Redneck Yeti Clench Recruitment site: http://revdjepoch.COM
"Yeah yeah. It's all fun and games until someone ingests a quantum
singularity and implodes!!"
-- DJ Epoch
"People from other countries are so goddamned foreign. I hope they stay
where they come from."
-- HellPope Huey
Correspondent:: HellPope Huey Date: Thu, 17 Feb 2005 17:21:29 GMT
--------
BTW, there's absolutely NOTHING wrong with just READING some of your
better bits. Its often more focused stuff that rings the bell harder,
you'll get some secondary good from work ya already did (that's a
two-fer), it'll get you more used to expressing your shining inner
Screwhead freely and many people will assume its off the top of your
head if you do it halfway right, thereby adding to your faux glory.
Also, let out a juicy belch once in a while and blame it on an
"invisible friend" with whom you have a running dialogue, even though he
can be played up as a silent Teller to your Penn. Remember,
properly-channeled Tourette's is one of a Yeti's better qualities.
Finally, when its time for a break, tell people you have overdosed on
Enzyte and have to go whack your male utility with a stick while running
cold water over it in the john. Building Dobbsian imagery in the
listener's mind is a time-honored way to drive 'em batshit.
--
HellPope Huey
Go the the pet store and buy a box of white mice,
such as people feed their pet snakes
and drive around throwing them at people from your car.
That should clear your head a bit.
That best portion of a good man's life:
His little, nameless, unremembered acts
of kindness and of love.
- William Wordsworth
"Cool! I'm vomit!"
- Bart Simpson
Correspondent:: "Paul Casino" Date: 17 Feb 2005 11:06:15 -0800
--------
(BTW, give credit were credit is due...)
Having worked in stand-up for a little while now, I learned enough
about the bussiness to develop an unholy fear of hack shit. I had a
very good "mentor" for the craft in the area, and that was the first
thing he told me. "Laffs you didn't earn should sound like shame."
Correspondent:: König Prüß, GfbAEV Date: Thu, 17 Feb 2005 19:33:49 GMT
--------
"Paul Casino" wrote:
>(BTW, give credit were credit is due...)
>
>Having worked in stand-up for a little while now, I learned enough
>about the bussiness to develop an unholy fear of hack shit. I had a
>very good "mentor" for the craft in the area, and that was the first
>thing he told me. "Laffs you didn't earn should sound like shame."
>
Well, I remember one time Howie Mandel was doing his prop comedy
stuff, he was wearing a striped shirt and white pants with suspenders.
So, he's bending over to get some more props out of the box, and
the back of the suspenders let fly, and he jumps up and says,
"What the hell was that!?!?" not planned, but maybe not unearned.
Perhaps more earned than his routine, because it was spontaneous.
One thing that gripes me about a lot of the new comedians that I see
is that they don't quit on a high point. It's like they're building up to
something, but don't get there. "Thank you, ladies and gentlemen!"
and that's it. Or they do get to a good laff, and they tell a couple more,
maybe in an attempt to milk it, but it doesn't get better.
So, on radio, especially if it's not live, edit!
Save the best for last, and have a theme song.
Correspondent:: "Revi Shankar" Date: Thu, 17 Feb 2005 14:45:30 -0500
--------
>
> So, on radio, especially if it's not live, edit!
> Save the best for last, and have a theme song.
And always leave them wanting a little more, rather than wishing it was
shorter!
Correspondent:: Artemia Salina Date: Fri, 18 Feb 2005 03:54:34 -0500
--------
On Thu, 17 Feb 2005 14:45:30 -0500, Revi Shankar wrote:
>
>>
>> So, on radio, especially if it's not live, edit!
>> Save the best for last, and have a theme song.
>
> And always leave them wanting a little more, rather than wishing it was
> shorter!
I remember Johnny Carson mentioning that he always did
jokes in threes. For any given topic he would make three
jokes about it (given that the material was going over well)
no more, no less. He theorized that fewer than three jokes
made the audience feel short-changed somehow, or that the
topic wasn't getting thorough enough treatment, and more than
three was overkill. After thinking about that I believe he
was right. This must be commonly known among pro comedians
because after studying a number of acts many seem to adhere
to the Rule of Three.
Correspondent:: "ArWeGod" Date: Thu, 24 Feb 2005 11:11:40 GMT
--------
"Artemia Salina" wrote in message
news:pan.2005.02.18.08.54.33.683140@sheayright.com...
> On Thu, 17 Feb 2005 14:45:30 -0500, Revi Shankar wrote:
>
> >
> >>
> >> So, on radio, especially if it's not live, edit!
> >> Save the best for last, and have a theme song.
> >
> > And always leave them wanting a little more, rather than wishing it
was
> > shorter!
>
> I remember Johnny Carson mentioning that he always did
> jokes in threes. For any given topic he would make three
> jokes about it (given that the material was going over well)
> no more, no less. He theorized that fewer than three jokes
> made the audience feel short-changed somehow, or that the
> topic wasn't getting thorough enough treatment, and more than
> three was overkill. After thinking about that I believe he
> was right. This must be commonly known among pro comedians
> because after studying a number of acts many seem to adhere
> to the Rule of Three.
Everything is funnier the third time. It's a well known fact.
You can verify this for yourself easily enough. Just come up with some
stupid statement, next time you in a conversation when you are not
alone. Say it once, and the other person will just look at you funny.
Say it again a few minutes later and they will looked annoyed at you.
But when you say it the third time, they will laugh.
If you can't think of anything, try the quote from the movie "Brazil":
"I'd buy THAT for a dollar!" Or the old Chinese Fortune Cookie add-on,
"... in bed." (In case you don't know, all Chinese fortune cookies
become more accurate when the phrase "... in bed" is added at the end.)
--
ArWeFunnyOrFormulated
Correspondent:: HellPope Huey Date: Thu, 24 Feb 2005 17:14:05 GMT
--------
In article ,
"ArWeGod" wrote:
> You can verify this for yourself easily enough. Just come up with some
> stupid statement, next time you in a conversation when you are not
> alone. Say it once, and the other person will just look at you funny.
> Say it again a few minutes later and they will looked annoyed at you.
> But when you say it the third time, they will laugh.
Say it eleventy zillion times over 30 years and people will pay $30
apiece to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with you and repeat it with
ever-increasing volume. No, really!
"The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it
because the only people who really know where it is
are the ones who have gone over."
-Hunter S. Thompson
"I dreamed I went to Heaven,
but they realized it wasn't my time,
so they sent me back to a brewery."
- "Family Guy"
Correspondent:: "Rev. Ivan Stang" Date: Thu, 17 Feb 2005 12:08:25 -0500
--------
In article <1108609087.907553.10750@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com>, Paul
Casino wrote:
> Okay, so I just got a small gig doing a weekly 1/2 hour to hour radio
> show on my local college station, WPSU at Penn State, and while not
> clueless, I'm not exactly a perfect master at this either. Hell, I'm
> not even a communications major, I'm just an ordinary struggling artist
> with a gigantic penis. I've been listening to HOS for years now,
> painstakingly downloading them and burning them onto CD's, I have from
> about #850 on, and I actually let the station managers listen to one
> that was mainly live WCSB stuff, saying "What I want to do is something
> like THIS."
>
> He made mention to the fact that Stang has a good if not great
> "presence" on the mic. I told him that was because he was the
> forerunner of a religious cult that worships a piece of clip art. He
> laughed and said "That's great, you should improv like that on the
> show." I told him I was serious, and he stared at me blankly. (Ah, the
> trademark awkward silence and blank stare of the pink. Music to our
> ears.)
>
> So, I'm looking for sugestions on exactly what to do. I'm mining
> alt.slack for interesting threads to expand upon, I'm trying to stay
> away from alt.binaries.slack audio mining, mainly because I'm plugging
> the SubSite on the show, and I'd rather not have people go there,
> download HOS and hear the same audio collage and whatnot that I air,
> kinda want to keep them seperate. So, any suggestions when it comes to
> ANYTHING about hosting a radio show would be great. I hereby humbly
> submit myself to your superior knowledge of bullshitting through an
> hour of air time.
>
First you have to have a Dave. Otherwise it's just a guy yaking. You
don't HAVE to have a Dave, but in my opinion it makes all the
difference. With the Dave you have a guy yakking -- you -- AND a Dave
laying down something more like music which can LATER be deciphered in
playback to be really GOOD yak, justifying the more prosaic yak of the
"host."
But you must be careful with the Dave. They're easy to mistreat because
they practically beg for it. You have to make a point of remembering to
be nice to them sometimes. You also have to constantly keep in mind
that, although what the Dave is saying might sound like nonsense NOW to
you and your audience, upon playback it will be revealed as a shitload
funnier (or whatever) than what you, the supposedly glib host, was
doing.
But you can FORGET reading from whole stretches of interesting text if
you go that route. The Dave cannot help but to retranslate everything
you read, and you can't just pot his mike down, because that's rude,
and also he's sharing the same mike with your wife.
BUT!! ALL the listeners will change channels if you don't play some
kind of MUSIC every 10 minutes or so. Preferably some kind of music
they didn't expect, but won't HATE. They can get music they DID expect,
and/or music they hate, literally ANYWHERE ELSE on the dial.
The trickiest thing of all is finding a Dave who is JUST CRAZY ENOUGH
but NOT TOO CRAZY. Believe it or not there was a Dave -- actually a
David -- on the first 33 Hours of Slack, and thank god the station made
him leave before I had to kick him off the show. (He THOUGHT it was
"his" show as much as mine, which it definitely was not, if for no
other reason than that Daves cannot operate mix boards or even tape
recorders.) Then there were several sub-Daves after that, who luckily
lived far away from Dallas, because they generlly turned out to have
much higher demands than I could ever meet. Rev. Susie the Floozy
likewise has waded through a regular obstacle course of mentally ill
show co-hosts. That nightmare ended for her when she went with the
Lymph Node lads, who are not Daves at all.
The Dave we have now on Hour of Slack has lasted for well over ten yers
now. Heck, it's probably almost 15 years since I did my first show with
Lonesome Cowboy Dave. I have tried very hard not to use him up or
exploit him unduly, and I even pay him actual cash money every now and
then, especially whenever we get a new individual subscriber.
You might be able to do a whole show all by yourself without any Dave
or Dave-like character! When I had no Dave, however, I stole the Dave
from the ESO radio show when it existed, by calling in and taping those
bits for use on my show.
Also, remember, if you're using copyrighted background music that's
owned by someone who is NOT your buddy, the composer John Williams for
instance, you aren't really going to be able to use that rant later on
your big hit spoken-word album without paying Mr. Williams, and he'll
probably charge you $50,000. WHEN I REMEMBER TO, I get around this by
playing The Swinging Love Corpses instrumentals, Amino Acids, or other
Church-friendly worthies instead, so that when my posthumous
spoken-word hit album comes out, THEY'll be suing my ghost, not some
movie score composer who never even heard of "Bob".
--
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
(4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected, Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com PRABOB