Another adventure in Home Improvment.
Correspondent:: "Rev. Richard Skull"
Date: 20 Feb 2005 15:17:06 -0800
--------
So I decide to fibnaly fix the bathroom up. The walls are suffering
from years of poor upkeep by previous owners and the sheet rock on the
ceiling is in bad shape.
Since I have only one bathroom, what ever I do should be quick so not
to tie up the shower, toilet, ext too long.
The ceiling was the biggest problem, I I decide the best LONG TERM
solution was to cover it with some "tile board" as prvoius attempts to
paint it have suffered from the fact the sheet rock has soaked up so
much humidity form the shower, it does not hold paint very well.
Besides, Painting was not "real manly" enough for me!
So I get my materials together and start work this morning bright and
early. My first problem is my house is over 100+ years old. And back in
those days, anyone who used a T-Square or a level was a Socialist, or
fellow traveller! As I found out when I replaced my windows.
So I have to take careful and exact measurement to cut the board into
the proper dimensions. This takes several test fits to get it right.
Then I start to use the adhesive. Well teh one I bought origanly was
not stong enough to hold the weight of the board while it cured. So I
figure, not problem. I go down to the Home Depot and buy a heavy duty
adhesive to use. But US 13 has 3 of its 3 lanes closed! It takes me
almost 3 housr to get there & back! NOt I get the fitst sheet up. Its a
fight because the bathroom is small (6 x 5 feet) and the odd shape
makes it hard to move the large boards around. But I get the first one
up and after holding it in place for 10 minutes it STAYS!
Now for the second sheet. This is where the fact my house is more a 4
sided figure then a square or a parrallelagram coems into play!
It takes me 5 tries to get the sheet cut to the sight size and shape.
But each test fit means a fight to get the damned thing into the
bathroom, close the door, wrestle the thng up, working it around the
pipes, light fixtures, medicene cabinate, etc. During this process I
manage to break the glass on the light fixture, knock off teh curtain
hangers and the toilet paper holder.
But now I'm ready to glue it up! I use the last of the glue to get it
up. I hold it into place anough for the glue to set. ANd I am a happy
Mo'Fo as I got it done!.
I go outside to clean up my hands, tools, etc with mineral spirits to
get the adhesive off. Just as I open the door to go inside I hear a
CRASH! The second peice has fallen down, it has pulled teh first peice
with it. It also distoyed what was left of teh light fixture!
So I just stand there looking at this disaster. The first words that
come out of my mouth were "textured paint!"
Yes Textured paint can fix this and hide all the damage done to the
sheet rock as the tile boardds fell down adn the glue pulled off teh
paper layer that covers the sheet rock exposing the gypsum to the air.
The moral of this story! DON'T EVER FIX ANYTHING ON YOUR HOUSE! LET THE
FUCKING THING FALL APART BECUASE ITS NOT WORTH THE FUCKING HASSLE!
Oh! And texture paint!
Correspondent:: "Paul Casino"
Date: 20 Feb 2005 15:40:56 -0800
--------
Home Improvement Lesson #2:
If you and your roomates get fucking batshit drunk off a bottle of Jim
Beam and a mixing bowl of vodka Jell-O, and SOMEBODY decides to fix
that LITTLE hole in the living room wall, make every attempt possible
to gather your wits and wait until later. You will only make it MUCH,
MUCH worse. That flushing sound you hear? That's my security deposit.
(Man, why didn't I just wipe my ass with that 400 bucks and be done
with it?)
Correspondent:: "iDRMRSR"
Date: Sun, 20 Feb 2005 19:05:11 -0500
--------
I have learned through the years that the best path to happy home repairs is
to develop ADVANCED CHECK WRITING SKILLS above all. If you are able to
write a REALLY GOOD CHECK, you can entice someone over to do the work who
has all the stuff needed to effect the repair.
That leaves you free to work on your skateboarding leper fetish, for
example.
[*]
-----
Correspondent:: "Paul Casino"
Date: 20 Feb 2005 16:26:31 -0800
--------
That or the ability to give really good head.
...what? It works...
Correspondent:: "Rev. Richard Skull"
Date: 21 Feb 2005 13:10:17 -0800
--------
>>I have learned through the years that the best path to happy home
repairs is
to develop ADVANCED CHECK WRITING SKILLS above all. If you are able to
write a REALLY GOOD CHECK, you can entice someone over to do the work
who
has all the stuff needed to effect the repair.
That leaves you free to work on your skateboarding leper fetish, for
example. <<
Yes money does intice some people to do things that you might not want
to.
Correspondent:: "krustymadfaker"
Date: 20 Feb 2005 18:11:43 -0800
--------
<<<<
LET THE
FUCKING THING FALL APART BECUASE ITS NOT WORTH THE FUCKING HASSLE!
>>>>>
Dobbs MUD-BALL HELL SOUTH RECRUITMENT CAMP OMEGA COMPUTER NOW WAY!! You
just inspired me to head over to one of my so called friends house and
see if he needs any help doing Home Improvement next weekend!!
Happiness is [DELETED FOR SECURITY REASONS]
- The Computer
"All internal security agents please turn in your personal effects and
report to the food vats." -Paranoia R.P.G.
Correspondent:: nenslo
Date: Sun, 20 Feb 2005 22:47:41 -0800
--------
"Rev. Richard Skull" wrote:
>
> So I decide to fibnaly fix the bathroom up. The walls are suffering
> from years of poor upkeep by previous owners and the sheet rock on the
> ceiling is in bad shape.
>
> Since I have only one bathroom, what ever I do should be quick so not
> to tie up the shower, toilet, ext too long.
>
> The ceiling was the biggest problem, I I decide the best LONG TERM
> solution was to cover it with some "tile board" as prvoius attempts to
> paint it have suffered from the fact the sheet rock has soaked up so
> much humidity form the shower, it does not hold paint very well.
> Besides, Painting was not "real manly" enough for me!
>
> So I get my materials together and start work this morning bright and
> early. My first problem is my house is over 100+ years old. And back in
> those days, anyone who used a T-Square or a level was a Socialist, or
> fellow traveller! As I found out when I replaced my windows.
>
> So I have to take careful and exact measurement to cut the board into
> the proper dimensions. This takes several test fits to get it right.
> Then I start to use the adhesive. Well teh one I bought origanly was
> not stong enough to hold the weight of the board while it cured. So I
> figure, not problem. I go down to the Home Depot and buy a heavy duty
> adhesive to use. But US 13 has 3 of its 3 lanes closed! It takes me
> almost 3 housr to get there & back! NOt I get the fitst sheet up. Its a
> fight because the bathroom is small (6 x 5 feet) and the odd shape
> makes it hard to move the large boards around. But I get the first one
> up and after holding it in place for 10 minutes it STAYS!
>
> Now for the second sheet. This is where the fact my house is more a 4
> sided figure then a square or a parrallelagram coems into play!
>
> It takes me 5 tries to get the sheet cut to the sight size and shape.
> But each test fit means a fight to get the damned thing into the
> bathroom, close the door, wrestle the thng up, working it around the
> pipes, light fixtures, medicene cabinate, etc. During this process I
> manage to break the glass on the light fixture, knock off teh curtain
> hangers and the toilet paper holder.
>
> But now I'm ready to glue it up! I use the last of the glue to get it
> up. I hold it into place anough for the glue to set. ANd I am a happy
> Mo'Fo as I got it done!.
>
> I go outside to clean up my hands, tools, etc with mineral spirits to
> get the adhesive off. Just as I open the door to go inside I hear a
> CRASH! The second peice has fallen down, it has pulled teh first peice
> with it. It also distoyed what was left of teh light fixture!
>
> So I just stand there looking at this disaster. The first words that
> come out of my mouth were "textured paint!"
>
> Yes Textured paint can fix this and hide all the damage done to the
> sheet rock as the tile boardds fell down adn the glue pulled off teh
> paper layer that covers the sheet rock exposing the gypsum to the air.
>
> The moral of this story! DON'T EVER FIX ANYTHING ON YOUR HOUSE! LET THE
> FUCKING THING FALL APART BECUASE ITS NOT WORTH THE FUCKING HASSLE!
>
> Oh! And texture paint!
Ain't how I woulda done it.
Since you ask,
First remove anything loose or which sticks out. Such as lighting
fixtures, toilet paper holders, faucet handles, and so on. Cover
everything with plastic dropcloths. Tape dust mask to face. Tear out
ceiling. Clean up. End of phase one. Measure ceiling to be redone.
Measure everything twice. Write down measurements. Draw exact diagram
of what the boards have to be shaped like. Lay out measurements on
board and cut. Cut pieces small enough to handle easily. Nail them up.
Detail. Put back all the things you took out to keep from wrecking
them accidentally at the very beginning.
The Nensletic labor technique which is most important to remember is to
break the job down into tasks which will not take more than two hours
because doing anything for two hours makes you tired and then you start
screwing up. The job above might take a few days but the bathroom can
still be used all that time. I know this because I did that job -
tearing out lath and plaster ceiling and replacing with sheet rock and I
took four days to do it.
Correspondent:: "Rev. Richard Skull"
Date: 21 Feb 2005 13:24:13 -0800
--------
>>Ain't how I woulda done it.
Since you ask,
First remove anything loose or which sticks out. Such as lighting
fixtures, toilet paper holders, faucet handles, and so on. Cover
everything with plastic dropcloths. Tape dust mask to face. Tear out
ceiling. Clean up. End of phase one. Measure ceiling to be redone.
Measure everything twice. Write down measurements. Draw exact diagram
of what the boards have to be shaped like. Lay out measurements on
board and cut. Cut pieces small enough to handle easily. Nail them
up.
Detail. Put back all the things you took out to keep from wrecking
them accidentally at the very beginning.
The Nensletic labor technique which is most important to remember is to
break the job down into tasks which will not take more than two hours
because doing anything for two hours makes you tired and then you start
screwing up. The job above might take a few days but the bathroom can
still be used all that time. I know this because I did that job -
tearing out lath and plaster ceiling and replacing with sheet rock and
I
took four days to do it. <<
I have laid down linolium floors doing this method of making a pattern
before cutting material.
As I only have 1 bathrrom, anad the police tend to give me citations
for craping on my neighbors lawns, I did not want to tie up said
toilet, sink and shower for several days.
As it is now, I smell like a Walmart customer. And I can't shower until
tomorrow when the paint is dired enough to hold up to the moisture.
I started to do that to my house. After two rooms I did the old trick
of taping and mudding the plaster walls, then paintong or papering over
them
If you apply the tape & mud in a grid apttern, it can reinforce the old
plaster to help it stand up to the freze & thaw that cuases it to
crack.
The plaster in my house is so old they used horse hair in it to
reinforce it!
Like I said, after two rooms it said screw it for pulling out plaster
walls. I still have plaster powder in the cracks of the wood floors!
(THROW RUGS HIDE THESE SINS TOO!)
Everytime I curse this old house of mine, I talk to some guy who has
bought one of these wonderous homes built over the pasr 20 years around
here. I don't feel too bad! Hell, My house was even hit by a car and is
still standing!
Correspondent:: nenslo
Date: Mon, 21 Feb 2005 15:53:19 -0800
--------
"Rev. Richard Skull" wrote:
>
> As I only have 1 bathrrom, anad the police tend to give me citations
> for craping on my neighbors lawns, I did not want to tie up said
> toilet, sink and shower for several days.
NO NO you DON'T UNDERSTAND! You don't have to disable your bathroom if
you do it right. You work for a couple of hours, clean up, get
everything back in operating condition, repeat until job is done. I
tell you I did it that way for four days.
Correspondent:: HellPope Huey
Date: Tue, 22 Feb 2005 01:31:06 GMT
--------
In article <421A746D.98B33EC9@yahoox.com>, nenslo
wrote:
> "Rev. Richard Skull" wrote:
> >
> > As I only have 1 bathrrom, anad the police tend to give me citations
> > for craping on my neighbors lawns, I did not want to tie up said
> > toilet, sink and shower for several days.
>
> NO NO you DON'T UNDERSTAND! You don't have to disable your bathroom if
> you do it right. You work for a couple of hours, clean up, get
> everything back in operating condition, repeat until job is done. I
> tell you I did it that way for four days.
You have about 30 feet of toilet paper trailing your shoe, you hairy
miscreant.
--
HellPope Huey
I was Elvis in my previous life,
but I'm still porky and pilled-up in this one, too
"If you find yourself in a fight, never strike first,
but when you hit back, hit back hard.
Pick your time and place and nuke 'em.
Do not worry about making enemies.
The right enemy will be a sign
that you're growing up and that God loves you."
- Roger Rosenblatt
"Its either just a crack in the driveway
or the Chinese are finally making their move."
- "King of the Hill"
Correspondent:: nenslo
Date: Mon, 21 Feb 2005 21:38:07 -0800
--------
HellPope Huey wrote:
>
> You have about 30 feet of toilet paper trailing your shoe, you hairy
> miscreant.
Hairy am I? We'll just see about that.
Correspondent:: HellPope Huey
Date: Tue, 22 Feb 2005 19:52:33 GMT
--------
In article <421AC540.286EF5DF@yahoox.com>, nenslo
wrote:
> HellPope Huey wrote:
> >
> > You have about 30 feet of toilet paper trailing your shoe, you hairy
> > miscreant.
>
> Hairy am I? We'll just see about that.
Well, please just post a PICTURE rather than sending me another bag of
hair, okay?
--
HellPope Huey
If you can read this,
you're online too damned much
and Big Ronda sends her love
You only have power over people
so long as you don't take everything away from them.
But when you've robbed a man of everything,
he's no longer in your power- he's free again.
- Alexander Solzhenitsyn, "The First Circle"
"We're almost too drunk to use power tools."
- "King of the Hill"
Correspondent:: Artemia Salina
Date: Mon, 21 Feb 2005 02:21:22 -0500
--------
On Sun, 20 Feb 2005 15:17:06 -0800, Rev. Richard Skull wrote:
> The moral of this story! DON'T EVER FIX ANYTHING ON YOUR HOUSE! LET THE
> FUCKING THING FALL APART BECUASE ITS NOT WORTH THE FUCKING HASSLE!
>
> Oh! And texture paint!
Sounds like you could use a Dead Man or two. A Dead Man is a tee made
of 2x4's and is used to prop up your panels until the glue really dries
well. Make the Dead Men just long enough to wedge between the floor
and the ceiling panels to hold them up.
If you want to install sheet rock ("green" water resistant for bathrooms)
on a ceiling by yourself, you can make a modified Dead Man which looks
like a capital 'I' and has an additional member which extends out from
the top center of the 'I'. This additional member is used as a handle
when tilting the sheet rock up into place. In use this type of Dead Man
is allowed to rest on the end of the extension (which is the length of the
sheet rock) and a panel is laid against it. You then grab the bottom
edge of the panel and the end of the extension and tilt upward until
the panel is against the ceiling. With your screw gun, which you
REMEMBERED to grab before starting, you sink a few screws into the end
you are holding up. Then continue sinking screws along the length of
the panel toward the other end. Remove the Dead Man and repeat.
This is MUCH easier to do than even having another person to help
hold the panel up.
--
0:-) 0:-) 0:-) 0:-) (-:0 (-:0 (-:0 (-:0
0:-) Artemia Salina (-:0
0:-) Surrounded by Angels (-:0
0:-) 0:-) 0:-) 0:-) (-:0 (-:0 (-:0 (-:0
Correspondent:: "Rev. Richard Skull"
Date: 21 Feb 2005 13:14:34 -0800
--------
>>Sounds like you could use a Dead Man or two.
I knew that,. but the Liquid Nails Brand adhesive lable said
(incorrectly) that it set up to 75% strength with-in one hour.
After the successful application of the first half of the ceiling, I
was feeling "lucky."
I just pushed my luck too far. Now that I look back. I should have let
the first half dry over night before placing the second half.
But the textured paint did a damned good job after 3 coats (2 brush,
one roller to give it a uniforn finish)
I feel textured paint is like Absolution for Home Owners!
Correspondent:: "Rev. Richard Skull"
Date: 21 Feb 2005 13:09:21 -0800
--------
>Oh! And texture paint!
Folow-up report. Textured paint applied. 3 coats hide all evils.
Bathroom cleaned and all apurtances replaced/repaired.
Total time, 6 hours to include waiting about an hour between coats.
Only did ceilings. Will do the walls next week-end.
I smell like a wiccan after a whole summer at brushwood. Can't take
shower until tomorrow when paint is cured 100%.