Correspondent:: nenslo Date: Tue, 01 Feb 2005 12:16:21 -0800
--------
Thought you might enjoy this.
Some People Just Aren't Happy Unless They've Got Something To Be Unhappy About
Another fine article from SHUT UP, the Journal of Nensletic Analysis
Some people just aren't happy unless they've got something to be unhappy
about. I refer specifically to those for whom social and political
awareness is a euphemism for bitching about how crappy everything is
getting. I am not talking about mere pessimism and a half full, half
empty glass here. You show these people a glass that is NINETY EIGHT
PERCENT full and that other two percent is proof of all their
contentions. They will tell you how some people don't even have a glass
and have to chew wet mud or drink jackal blood just to survive. (Just
don’t ask them who exactly those people are who have to chew wet mud
because they don’t have that part of the anecdote and will fob you off
with that one place in South America somewhere that almost had some
corporation privatize their water supply but didn't after all and this
may appear to you to be a positive evidence of people successfully
working together to make things better but actually it only proves that
NEXT TIME it won't turn out so well) They will tell you how we may soon
be unable to even fill that glass up part way because somebody somewhere
isn't doing things the way they ought to be doing it and if this “them”
of theirs has “their” way nobody is going to have any water at all
anywhere and we will all be screwed. Besides, the water of the average
household is full of contaminants which leach out of the pipes, metals
which cause brain damage (as they drink their third beer) and birth
defects (they oppose breeding), or toxic chemicals from irresponsible
corporations which even in parts per trillion will still settle into
your bone marrow and have been shown to cause tumor growth in laboratory
animals (which have been genetically engineered to grow tumors if you
look at them funny) when swabbed in high concentrations on their bare
skin. Furthermore, anything you ever do that even has water in it kills salmon.
They are mightily concerned, these socio-politically aware people, with
how lousy everything is getting now, much lousier than things once were,
and how nobody is doing what they ought to do to stop the progressive
lousiness and they will talk and talk and talk about it, and how the few
people who dare to try to stop the progressive lousification of the
world are treated like criminals just because they violate the law.
This talking they do is a particular form of doing nothing about it
themselves which is euphemized by the term “just getting the word out.”
Not that things were EVER perfect, not by any means, but they sure can
tell you how things are much less perfect now and getting progressively
more imperfect by the day until they will be so imperfect we won’t know
what to do. Except talk about how everything sucks and we are all
screwed. Seems to me that is what they are already doing now so for
them at least there won’t be that much of a change.
They are full of incomplete anecdotes about how lousy everything is
getting, and how terrible the future is. They have a partial anecdote
for almost any occasion. We should boycott Nestle because they make
baby formula which is sent to third world nations which only have muddy
water to mix it with - just don’t ask where this is exactly or what they
drink normally or how they manage to keep their children alive anyway.
Genetic engineering, my god, they spliced genes from a FISH into a
STRAWBERRY, for god's sake, you don’t want to eat a strawberry with fish
genes in it do you - only they don’t say the rest, that it was an
experiment that was tried once in a lab and discontinued, and there
aren’t any fish strawberries anywhere in the world, but if you even tell
them that they will just look very wise and knowing and say you are a
trusting soul who knows nothing of the way of the world, and they
indicate by their expression that one day we will all be eating DEADLY
FISH STRAWBERRIES and standing in line all day to get them. Now "they"
want to shoot our food full of radiation and what do you think killed
all those people at Nagasaki, so it can just as easily kill you probably
except if you say that it doesn't really make things radioactive they
tell you that NOBODY KNOWS what the effects will be, meaning that if
they don't know they will probably be bad.
Facts are irrelevant if they contradict opinions. Point out the fact
that more people are living longer, safer, healthier and better lives
than ever before in human history and they will tell you how it isn’t as
good as it could be. Point out to them that even as they bitch about
how bad the state of the world is, their own spartan existence surrounds
them with luxuries undreamed of by the mightiest medieval lord or even
the wealthiest of America's slave owning Founding Fathers; like
plumbing, and illumination that doesn't smoke or drip, and having all
the rooms warm at the same time, more clothes than they can wear and a
laundromat in the basement - and they will list all the things they
can't buy and tell you who is to blame. They will sit with their nose
right flush against the shitty end of the stick and pooh-pooh you if you
tell them the other ninety five percent of the stick doesn’t have hardly
any shit on it at all and in fact is a pretty good looking stick with
many superior qualities. Oh no, there didn’t used to be nearly as much
shit on the stick and that shit is definitely creeping up the stick and
eventually will cover it all, consume it all until there is no more
stick and it's all shit and it’s all because somebody somewhere didn’t
consult our shit stick expert here to find out how to run the world and
they have seen or imagined better sticks anyhow.
The one saving grace of folks who only gripe about the state of the
world and never do anything is just that. The world is in the state
it’s in as a result of the best efforts of millions of well-meaning
hard-working sincere and honest people trying to make life better for
everyone in spite of all the dopes and jerks and the willfully
malicious. If know-nothing complainers, like them or me, ever dipped
our oars into the quagmire we could set back human progress by millions
of years.
Correspondent:: "iDRMRSR" Date: Tue, 1 Feb 2005 15:44:37 -0500
--------
As a retired person now, one of the things that gives me the most peace is
realizing what a waste of time it is for me to contemplate the future. At
this age, my days are numbered, and there isn't much future that I'm going
to be around for. So as long as nobody catastrophically wrecks EVERYTHING,
and as long as it just continues to slide downhill, fuck it, I don't have to
worry about it any more!
Let the queers and abortionists do as they please. Give everybody a big SUV
and make me breathe soot 24/7. Or not. Or kill me!
Pretty soon, relatively speaking, I won't be part of ANY future. Much
nearer the end than the middle. Have a ball.
[*]
-----
Correspondent:: "nu-monet v7.0" Date: Tue, 01 Feb 2005 14:54:24 -0700
--------
iDRMRSR wrote:
>
> As a retired person now, one of the things
> that gives me the most peace is realizing
> what a waste of time it is for me to
> contemplate the future.
Here's some things to think about for *after*
you have reached your just desserts:
1) A bunch of envelopes and packages to be
delivered to people you know, and people you
don't know. Be sure Rev Stang gets something
nice. This one is easy and fun.
2) Several mystifying and incomplete puzzles
and mysteries that only you know the answer to,
unless somebody spends a great deal of time,
effort and energy to figure them out.
3) Death insurance policies payable to very
dubious individuals you have never met, like
Mafiosa, elected officials, and federal judges.
4) Unexplainable post-mortem Elvis appearances,
that despite the overwhelming evidence of your
being dead, i.e. a stinking corpse, makes it
appear that your doppleganger is doing fun and
maybe illegal things in other cities and countries.
Set it up so your identity travels the world like
a garden gnome, sending people postcards, leaving
brief pre-recorded messages on answering machines,
etc.
5) A "trophy box" that would seem to indicate
that in your youth, you were a government agent
or foreign spy, but not of the typical kind.
Like a top spy from Norway sent to the US to
infiltrate Mexico for strange reasons.
6) Treasure maps. Hopefully showing the treasure
to be hidden on the private property of some rich
and obnoxious person, that would require vandalizing
said property. Print dozens of them and send them
to every corner of the planet in "misdirected"
packages. Greed is god. Gold is good. It's a
Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World.
7) UFO evidence. Be creative. Photos, films,
strangely marked maps, obviously destroyed evidence
and strange looking metal thingys.
8) You ever notice how the Virgin Mary never makes
an appearance in a graveyard? Pre-pay several trusted
provacateurs to spread the rumor that a bleeding,
crying, burning and grotesque Virgin Mary appears
over your gravesite and chants that the anti-Christ
has arrived and that the first seal has been opened
and that all mankind has been judged and shit.
9) Get a whole bunch of large animal bones and bury
them in your back yard. Deeply. Wrap some of them
in bio-degradeable garbage bags. Throw in some human
detritus with them you bought in a thrift store, like
broken watches, rings and some ladies shoes.
10) At some solemn post-mortem time, arrange to have
about a dozen poor, pregnant women show up and claim
to be your girlfriend or wife. Let a few insiders
know what's going on, and just happen to have some
reporter for your local paper there. Afterwards, the
women disappear, and everybody denies everything.
--
"YOU BELONG TO US NOW!"
"GET DOWN WITH MY SICKNESS!!"
--Kino Beman, brand name
Correspondent:: "Rev. Ivan Stang" Date: Wed, 02 Feb 2005 00:36:18 -0500
--------
In article <41FFFA90.7D16@succeeds.com>, nu-monet v7.0
wrote:
> iDRMRSR wrote:
> >
> > As a retired person now, one of the things
> > that gives me the most peace is realizing
> > what a waste of time it is for me to
> > contemplate the future.
>
> Here's some things to think about for *after*
> you have reached your just desserts:
>
> 1) A bunch of envelopes and packages to be
> delivered to people you know, and people you
> don't know. Be sure Rev Stang gets something
> nice. This one is easy and fun.
I got one today.
Late this afternoon I went to the post office. There was a letter to me
with the return address of a lady I know, a friend of mine. But when I
opened it I found a letter not from her, but from her husband. She died
suddenly and unexpectedly last Wednesday, Jan. 23, 2005. She had been
about to mail me a newspaper clipping about the performance artist
Brother Billy -- the letter was addressed and stamped. After she died
her husband added his letter to me about her death to the envelope and
mailed it.
X-Day-going SubGenii would easily remember her as Rev. Eris Pagana. I
married her and Rev. DJ Farrell about 3 years ago at their cool house
in the woods near Milwaukee. She always traveled with her friend Yukon
Jack, the blind fellow who does WICA radio in Milwaukee and brought up
his transmitter and DJing skills to Brushwood for many X-Days. She was
unbelievably sweet.
I can't imagine what it must be like for Rev. Yukon Jack or Rev. DJ.
She was Yukon Jack's eyes and probably the better half of DJ Farrell's
brain. I don't think he would consider that a flippant thing to say.
It's what I say about my wife and our shared brain. I can't even
imagine.
Rest In Slack, Rev. Helen Elaine Farrell. We'll see you on the Escape
Vessels of the Sex Goddesses. For you have surely joined their number.
"You have to shout, and make a lot of noise, or whatever, because when
you die, you shut up like hell." --St. Jeroen Van Braam
So there's an argument for NOT shutting up.
--
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
(4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected, Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com PRABOB
Correspondent:: "ArWeGod" Date: Tue, 08 Feb 2005 11:27:53 GMT
--------
"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote in message
news:020220050036183891%stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com...
> In article <41FFFA90.7D16@succeeds.com>, nu-monet v7.0
> wrote:
> "You have to shout, and make a lot of noise, or whatever, because when
> you die, you shut up like hell." --St. Jeroen Van Braam
Correspondent:: "Rev. Ivan Stang" Date: Wed, 02 Feb 2005 00:10:06 -0500
--------
In article , iDRMRSR
wrote:
> As a retired person now, one of the things that gives me the most peace is
> realizing what a waste of time it is for me to contemplate the future. At
> this age, my days are numbered, and there isn't much future that I'm going
> to be around for. So as long as nobody catastrophically wrecks EVERYTHING,
> and as long as it just continues to slide downhill, fuck it, I don't have to
> worry about it any more!
>
> Let the queers and abortionists do as they please. Give everybody a big SUV
> and make me breathe soot 24/7. Or not. Or kill me!
>
> Pretty soon, relatively speaking, I won't be part of ANY future. Much
> nearer the end than the middle. Have a ball.
>
> [*]
Oh great. This is the guy who's taking me home from the hospital after
the colonoscopy tomorrow!
--
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
(4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected, Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com PRABOB
Correspondent:: HellPope Huey Date: Wed, 02 Feb 2005 05:40:23 GMT
--------
In article <020220050010069528%stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com>,
"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:
> In article , iDRMRSR
> wrote:
>
> > As a retired person now, one of the things that gives me the most peace is
> > realizing what a waste of time it is for me to contemplate the future. At
> > this age, my days are numbered, and there isn't much future that I'm going
> > to be around for. So as long as nobody catastrophically wrecks EVERYTHING,
> > and as long as it just continues to slide downhill, fuck it, I don't have
> > to worry about it any more!
> > > > Let the queers and abortionists do as they please. Give everybody a big
> > SUV and make me breathe soot 24/7. Or not. Or kill me!
> > > > Pretty soon, relatively speaking, I won't be part of ANY future. Much
> > nearer the end than the middle. Have a ball.
> >>
> Oh great. This is the guy who's taking me home from the hospital after
> the colonoscopy tomorrow!
Good, then he'll be the one making those intestinal molds. Its better
if a friend does it, even if you know he's going to sell latex
representations of your inner working to junior voodoo executives as a
result. Make sure they laser all your lesions. Perks you right up, far
more so than the weedeaters or the mace.
--
HellPope Huey
I tried to go back in time and kick Hitler in the ass,
but the belt has an anti-paradox governor
that only allowed me to spill hot soup on his crotch.
There is a pleasure in madness,
which none but madmen know.
~ John Dryden, 1631-1700
"Rub honey on his ass
and blow the bear whistle."
~ "Everybody Loves Raymond"
Correspondent:: "ArWeGod" Date: Tue, 08 Feb 2005 11:30:17 GMT
--------
"HellPope Huey" wrote in message
news:InkyWretch-9F3CBC.23413701022005@news1.west.earthlink.net...
> Perks you right up, far
> more so than the weedeaters or the mace.
Mace is a doddle. A little tear in my eye never stopped a good raping.
--
ArWeGoalOriented
Correspondent:: purple Date: Wed, 02 Feb 2005 01:50:45 -0500
--------
On 2/2/05 12:10 AM, in article 020220050010069528%stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com,
"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:
> In article , iDRMRSR
> wrote:
>
>> As a retired person now, one of the things that gives me the most peace is
>> realizing what a waste of time it is for me to contemplate the future. At
>> this age, my days are numbered, and there isn't much future that I'm going
>> to be around for. So as long as nobody catastrophically wrecks EVERYTHING,
>> and as long as it just continues to slide downhill, fuck it, I don't have to
>> worry about it any more!
>>
>> Let the queers and abortionists do as they please. Give everybody a big SUV
>> and make me breathe soot 24/7. Or not. Or kill me!
>>
>> Pretty soon, relatively speaking, I won't be part of ANY future. Much
>> nearer the end than the middle. Have a ball.
>>
>> [*]
>
> Oh great. This is the guy who's taking me home from the hospital after
> the colonoscopy tomorrow!
All this for Doug on my birthday. That should tell you something, Dr.
Beter!!!!
The Great Bob Dobbs
Correspondent:: "Assco" Date: 1 Feb 2005 13:12:16 -0800
--------
nenslo wrote:
> Thought you might enjoy this.
>
> Some People Just Aren't Happy Unless They've Got Something To Be
Unhappy About
>
> Another fine article from SHUT UP, the Journal of Nensletic Analysis
>
> Some people just aren't happy unless they've got something to be
unhappy
> about. I refer specifically to those for whom social and political
> awareness is a euphemism for bitching about how crappy everything is
> getting. I am not talking about mere pessimism and a half full,
half
> empty glass here. You show these people a glass that is NINETY EIGHT
> PERCENT full and that other two percent is proof of all their
> contentions. They will tell you how some people don't even have a
glass
> and have to chew wet mud or drink jackal blood just to survive.
(Just
> don't ask them who exactly those people are who have to chew wet
mud
> because they don't have that part of the anecdote and will fob you
off
> with that one place in South America somewhere that almost had some
> corporation privatize their water supply but didn't after all and
this
> may appear to you to be a positive evidence of people successfully
> working together to make things better but actually it only proves
that
> NEXT TIME it won't turn out so well) They will tell you how we may
soon
> be unable to even fill that glass up part way because somebody
somewhere
> isn't doing things the way they ought to be doing it and if this
"them"
> of theirs has "their" way nobody is going to have any water at
all
> anywhere and we will all be screwed. Besides, the water of the
average
> household is full of contaminants which leach out of the pipes,
metals
> which cause brain damage (as they drink their third beer) and birth
> defects (they oppose breeding), or toxic chemicals from irresponsible
> corporations which even in parts per trillion will still settle into
> your bone marrow and have been shown to cause tumor growth in
laboratory
> animals (which have been genetically engineered to grow tumors if you
> look at them funny) when swabbed in high concentrations on their bare
> skin. Furthermore, anything you ever do that even has water in it
kills salmon.
>
> They are mightily concerned, these socio-politically aware people,
with
> how lousy everything is getting now, much lousier than things once
were,
> and how nobody is doing what they ought to do to stop the progressive
> lousiness and they will talk and talk and talk about it, and how the
few
> people who dare to try to stop the progressive lousification of the
> world are treated like criminals just because they violate the law.
> This talking they do is a particular form of doing nothing about it
> themselves which is euphemized by the term "just getting the word
out."
> Not that things were EVER perfect, not by any means, but they sure
can
> tell you how things are much less perfect now and getting
progressively
> more imperfect by the day until they will be so imperfect we won't
know
> what to do. Except talk about how everything sucks and we are all
> screwed. Seems to me that is what they are already doing now so for
> them at least there won't be that much of a change.
>
> They are full of incomplete anecdotes about how lousy everything is
> getting, and how terrible the future is. They have a partial
anecdote
> for almost any occasion. We should boycott Nestle because they make
> baby formula which is sent to third world nations which only have
muddy
> water to mix it with - just don't ask where this is exactly or what
they
> drink normally or how they manage to keep their children alive
anyway.
> Genetic engineering, my god, they spliced genes from a FISH into a
> STRAWBERRY, for god's sake, you don't want to eat a strawberry with
fish
> genes in it do you - only they don't say the rest, that it was an
> experiment that was tried once in a lab and discontinued, and there
> aren't any fish strawberries anywhere in the world, but if you even
tell
> them that they will just look very wise and knowing and say you are a
> trusting soul who knows nothing of the way of the world, and they
> indicate by their expression that one day we will all be eating
DEADLY
> FISH STRAWBERRIES and standing in line all day to get them. Now
"they"
> want to shoot our food full of radiation and what do you think killed
> all those people at Nagasaki, so it can just as easily kill you
probably
> except if you say that it doesn't really make things radioactive they
> tell you that NOBODY KNOWS what the effects will be, meaning that if
> they don't know they will probably be bad.
>
> Facts are irrelevant if they contradict opinions. Point out the fact
> that more people are living longer, safer, healthier and better lives
> than ever before in human history and they will tell you how it
isn't as
> good as it could be. Point out to them that even as they bitch about
> how bad the state of the world is, their own spartan existence
surrounds
> them with luxuries undreamed of by the mightiest medieval lord or
even
> the wealthiest of America's slave owning Founding Fathers; like
> plumbing, and illumination that doesn't smoke or drip, and having all
> the rooms warm at the same time, more clothes than they can wear and
a
> laundromat in the basement - and they will list all the things they
> can't buy and tell you who is to blame. They will sit with their
nose
> right flush against the shitty end of the stick and pooh-pooh you if
you
> tell them the other ninety five percent of the stick doesn't have
hardly
> any shit on it at all and in fact is a pretty good looking stick with
> many superior qualities. Oh no, there didn't used to be nearly as
much
> shit on the stick and that shit is definitely creeping up the stick
and
> eventually will cover it all, consume it all until there is no more
> stick and it's all shit and it's all because somebody somewhere
didn't
> consult our shit stick expert here to find out how to run the world
and
> they have seen or imagined better sticks anyhow.
>
> The one saving grace of folks who only gripe about the state of the
> world and never do anything is just that. The world is in the state
> it's in as a result of the best efforts of millions of well-meaning
> hard-working sincere and honest people trying to make life better for
> everyone in spite of all the dopes and jerks and the willfully
> malicious. If know-nothing complainers, like them or me, ever dipped
> our oars into the quagmire we could set back human progress by
millions
> of years.
Subscribe.
You should write this up as a teleplay and
send it to Ken Burns. He could team up with
Ingmar Bergman and call it DEADLY FISH
STRAWBERRIES. I see Richard Dreyfuss narrating.
Correspondent:: "Revi Shankar" Date: Tue, 1 Feb 2005 16:29:55 -0500
--------
"nenslo" wrote
> Thought you might enjoy this.
>
> Some People Just Aren't Happy Unless They've Got Something To Be Unhappy
About
You have described my father perfectly. I think it's a scottish thing.
> If know-nothing complainers, like them or me, ever dipped
> our oars into the quagmire we could set back human progress by millions
> of years.
SO GET BUSY, everybody!
Correspondent:: "paco" Date: Tue, 1 Feb 2005 17:43:56 -0500
--------
this sucks
Correspondent:: HellPope Huey Date: Wed, 02 Feb 2005 00:57:41 GMT
--------
Nenslo, if you could play the guitar, you could tour with John Trubee
and have things thrown at you onstage in as many states as you could
reach in that smoking Yugo of his. Hey, it has an 8-track, you'll love
it.
Call it "The I Can Barely Stand Any Of You Brainless Fuckers World Tour
of Wyoming." Let me know if there are t-shirts.
--
HellPope Huey
I tried to go back in time and kick Hitler in the ass,
but the belt has an anti-paradox governor
that only allowed me to spill hot soup on his crotch.
There is a pleasure in madness,
which none but madmen know.
~ John Dryden, 1631-1700
"Rub honey on his ass
and blow the bear whistle."
~ "Everybody Loves Raymond"
Correspondent:: "Paul Casino" Date: 1 Feb 2005 19:37:20 -0800
--------
The other day at work a woman whom I was sure had a deep seated
laothing of me tried to dry hump me in the housekeeping closet. Last
week my mom got a tattoo of a rose on her ankle. Today, Nenslo posted
an anti-complaining essay. So...what do all 'yall eat here in Bizarro
World? Chicken? Is that still around?
Correspondent:: HellPope Huey Date: Wed, 02 Feb 2005 04:38:55 GMT
--------
In article <1107315440.700006.276370@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com>,
"Paul Casino" wrote:
> The other day at work a woman whom I was sure had a deep seated
> laothing of me tried to dry hump me in the housekeeping closet. Last
> week my mom got a tattoo of a rose on her ankle. Today, Nenslo posted
> an anti-complaining essay. So...what do all 'yall eat here in Bizarro
> World? Chicken? Is that still around?
Yeah, but they're as big as Great Danes and have 6 legs. They'll peck
the FUCK outta ya and that means a lot of pecking in a group as
fuck-filled as this'un.
--
HellPope Huey
I tried to go back in time and kick Hitler in the ass,
but the belt has an anti-paradox governor
that only allowed me to spill hot soup on his crotch.
There is a pleasure in madness,
which none but madmen know.
~ John Dryden, 1631-1700
"Rub honey on his ass
and blow the bear whistle."
~ "Everybody Loves Raymond"
Correspondent:: "Rev. Ivan Stang" Date: Wed, 02 Feb 2005 00:40:53 -0500
--------
In article <1107315440.700006.276370@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com>,
Paul Casino wrote:
> The other day at work a woman whom I was sure had a deep seated
> laothing of me tried to dry hump me in the housekeeping closet. Last
> week my mom got a tattoo of a rose on her ankle.
And that event right there was the actual Trigger Moment -- The End
Times have now officially begun. Began last week I should say. Exactly
when did your mom get that tattoo? That could be an historically
important date.
>Today, Nenslo posted
> an anti-complaining essay. So...what do all 'yall eat here in Bizarro
> World? Chicken? Is that still around?
>
--
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
(4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected, Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com PRABOB
Correspondent:: Artemia Salina Date: Wed, 02 Feb 2005 04:20:11 -0500
--------
On Tue, 01 Feb 2005 19:37:20 -0800, Paul Casino wrote:
> The other day at work a woman whom I was sure had a deep seated
> laothing of me tried to dry hump me in the housekeeping closet. Last
> week my mom got a tattoo of a rose on her ankle. Today, Nenslo posted
> an anti-complaining essay. So...what do all 'yall eat here in Bizarro
> World? Chicken? Is that still around?
Yes, chickens are still around, but they sound like rabbits.
Correspondent:: "iDRMRSR" Date: Wed, 2 Feb 2005 13:36:49 -0500
--------
Well, I'm glad to report that the Scribe is safely ensconced in his home
excremeditation chamber after receiving ministration to his now known to be
normal colon.
It was eerie when they called me up to pick him up at the nearby
hospitalplex. "This is the (name of hospital). Mr. Smith is ready for
pickup".
So natch when I went to get him, I kind of snuck up behind him and announced
"Mr. Smith? I'm Neo". A couple of the white suits there actually laughed
at that.
We discussed The Road to Wellsville on the way, enemas and all that being a
hot topic right then, and prolly mentioned a bit about Carnivale as well. I
think that was timely in some ways if you know what that series is about.
There's this healer dude, who can cure anybody of anything, but the thing
is, the life giving force bestowed upon the curee HAS to be extracted from
someone or something else around him.
So as I turned left just a couple blocks from the Slack Mansion, I saw the
bubble gum lights go on the cruiser that had its eyes on me. Being recently
retired, I have not become fully aware of the fact that driving around
during the day is hazardous, because that's when the cops come out. They
don't want to piss off workers (taxpayers) driving too and from work. Bad
business. But snagging retirees and other jobless drivers is completely
fair game!
The biggest, blackest police officer I had ever seen stepped out with his
ticket book ready. He was so BIG he blocked traffic in the other lane(s) as
he did his walk to fetch my credentials. It's a good thing all my papers
are in order. At this point in my life, the only thing I need to do is to
stay out of jail, so I am extra sure to comply with whatever ridiculous
rules are in place at all times.
They only want your money. Taxes, fines, and insurance, fuel, heat, and
water, and food, are the only things I require any more. Since I'm no
longer working, I will either have the money or not. Life is embarassingly
simple when it's reduced to that.
But, just like the healer in Carnivale, the luck plane has once again
balanced out the planet. I'm not pissed off or anything. If the stock
market rallies a little, I will have more than made up for the ding by this
afternoon's close. The laff is if I collect on my triple your money back
from Bob, we're EVEN.
The important thing is that the Holy Scribe is colono intacto!
He has been probed, and by being released, it's evident he wasn't the one
they were looking for!
[*]
-----
Correspondent:: "Paul Casino" Date: 2 Feb 2005 15:46:48 -0800
--------
> Yes, chickens are still around, but they sound like rabbits.
Ah, well played. Top drawer, guv'na!
Correspondent:: "Rev. Ivan Stang" Date: Wed, 02 Feb 2005 00:08:18 -0500
--------
In article <41FFE395.28531C78@yahoox.com>, nenslo
wrote:
> Thought you might enjoy this.
>
I have to say, I really did, despite having just drank 4 liters of
NuLYTELY and well you know. When I'm having that "routine" colonoscopy
tomorrow morning, through the valium haze I'll think of your little
essay, and muse upon how, scant decades ago, to inspect my bowel they'd
have had to pry my butt open with a huge speculum doohicky, pack
plaster up in there, wait until it hardened, then slowly and carefully
extract the curving negative mold to look for signs of polyps and
whatnot on it. That should make the sliding of their finger-thick
tube-cam ALL the way up my ass seem almost FUN.
Hell in the god damn middle ages they didn't even DO routine
colonoscopies. Those poor devils back then.
By the way, your essay translated into Stench would read:
THESE DAMN KIDS THESE DAYS
P.S. Between dashing to the bathroom from the 4 liters of NuLYTELY, I
watched that movie "The Road to Wellville" for the first time. Seemed
an appropriate time to finally see it. Very funny movie about quack
medicine in the Better Old Days, also known to some as the Same Old
Days. However, you might say I wasn't exactly gushing with faith in
modern hospital medicine after seeing it. I was gushing, but not with
faith.
--
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