In the beginning, God made a Bass

Correspondent:: HellPope Huey
Date: Thu, 10 Feb 2005 17:36:54 GMT

--------

Passed on from Barry Craig aka A PRODUCE...

In the beginning there was a bass.

It was a Fender, probably a Precision, but it
could have been a Jazz - nobody knows. Anyway, it was
very old .definitely pre- C.B.S.
And God looked down upon it and saw that it was
good. He saw that it was very good in fact, and
couldn't be improved on at all (though men would later
try.)
And so He let it be and He created a man to play
the bass. and lo the man looked upon the bass, which
was a beautiful 'sunburst' red, and he loved it. He
played upon the open E string and the note rang
through the earth and reverberated throughout the
firmaments (thus reverb came to be.)
And it was good. And God heard that it was good and
He smiled at his handiwork.
Then in the course of time, the man came to slap
upon the bass. And lo it was funky. And God heard this
funkiness and He said, "Go man, go."
And it was good. And more time passed, and, having
little else to do, the man came to practice upon the
bass.
And lo, the man came to have upon him a great set
of chops. And he did play faster and faster until the
notes rippled like a breeze through the heavens.
And God heard this sound which sounded something
like the wind, which had created earlier. It also
sounded something like the movement of furniture,
which He hadn't even created yet, and He was not so
pleased.
And He spoke to the man, saying "Don't do that!"
Now the man heard the voice of God, but he was so
excited about his new ability that he slapped upon the
bass a blizzard of funky notes.
And the heavens shook with the sound, and the
Angels
ran about in confusion. (Some of the Angels started to
dance, but that's another story.)
And God heard this - how could He miss it - and lo
He became Bugged. And He spoke to the man, and He
said, "Listen man, if I wanted Jimi Hendrix I would
have created the guitar. Stick to the bass parts."
And the man heard the voice of God, and he knew not
to mess with it. But now he had upon him a passion for
playing fast and high.
The man took the frets off of the bass which God
had created. And the man did slide his fingers upon
the fretless fingerboard and play melodies high upon'
the neck.
And, in his excitement, the man did forget the
commandment of the Lord, and he played a frenzy of
high melodies and blindingly fast licks.
And the heavens rocked with the assault and the
earth shook, rattled and rolled.
Now God's wrath was great. And His voice was
thunder as He spoke to the man. And He said, "O.K. for
you, pal. You have not heeded My word. Lo, I
shall create a soprano saxophone and it shall play
higher than you can even think of." "And from out of
the chaos I shall bring forth the drums. And they
shall play so many notes thine head shall ache, and I
shall make you to always stand next to the drummer."
"You think you're loud? I shall create a stack of
Marshall guitar amps to make thine ears bleed. And I
shall send down upon the earth other instruments, and
lo, they shall all be able to play higher and faster
than the bass." "And for all the days of man, your
curse shall be this: that all the other musicians
shall look to you, the bass player, for the low notes.
And if you play too high or fast all the other
musicians shall say "Wow" but really they shall hate
it. And they shall tell you you're ready for your solo
career, and find other bass players for their
bands.
And for all your days if you want to play your
fancy licks you shall have to sneak them in like a
thief in the night." "And if you finally do get to
play a solo, everyone shall leave the bandstand and
go to the bar for a drink."

And it was so.

--

HellPope Huey
Doin' the Lindy to Hendrix

Surprised lady in restroom:
"Hey, this is for ladies only!"
Peter O'Toole, inebriated:
"And so is *this*, ma'am,
but every now and again
I have to run a little water through it."
~ "My Favorite Year"

I can't put a sentence together -
thank God I can take my clothes off.
~ Sharon Stone

Correspondent:: "Rev. Richard Skull"
Date: 10 Feb 2005 12:53:30 -0800

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In the begining, there was nothin' but Rocks.
Then sombody invented the wheel
Then things just began to Roll!

The Coasters

"Baby that is Rock-n-Roll!"

Correspondent:: "SheBlewHimDidYouBlowHim"
Date: Thu, 10 Feb 2005 23:53:20 GMT

--------
in the beginning, god MURDERED everyone on earth during the time of noah and
he continues to MURDER people nowadays as well.
.

"HellPope Huey" wrote in message
news:Slapyomammy-226393.11380210022005@news1.west.earthlink.net...
>
> Passed on from Barry Craig aka A PRODUCE...
>
>
> In the beginning there was a bass.
>
> It was a Fender, probably a Precision, but it
> could have been a Jazz - nobody knows. Anyway, it was
> very old .definitely pre- C.B.S.
> And God looked down upon it and saw that it was
> good. He saw that it was very good in fact, and
> couldn't be improved on at all (though men would later
> try.)
> And so He let it be and He created a man to play
> the bass. and lo the man looked upon the bass, which
> was a beautiful 'sunburst' red, and he loved it. He
> played upon the open E string and the note rang
> through the earth and reverberated throughout the
> firmaments (thus reverb came to be.)
> And it was good. And God heard that it was good and
> He smiled at his handiwork.
> Then in the course of time, the man came to slap
> upon the bass. And lo it was funky. And God heard this
> funkiness and He said, "Go man, go."
> And it was good. And more time passed, and, having
> little else to do, the man came to practice upon the
> bass.
> And lo, the man came to have upon him a great set
> of chops. And he did play faster and faster until the
> notes rippled like a breeze through the heavens.
> And God heard this sound which sounded something
> like the wind, which had created earlier. It also
> sounded something like the movement of furniture,
> which He hadn't even created yet, and He was not so
> pleased.
> And He spoke to the man, saying "Don't do that!"
> Now the man heard the voice of God, but he was so
> excited about his new ability that he slapped upon the
> bass a blizzard of funky notes.
> And the heavens shook with the sound, and the
> Angels
> ran about in confusion. (Some of the Angels started to
> dance, but that's another story.)
> And God heard this - how could He miss it - and lo
> He became Bugged. And He spoke to the man, and He
> said, "Listen man, if I wanted Jimi Hendrix I would
> have created the guitar. Stick to the bass parts."
> And the man heard the voice of God, and he knew not
> to mess with it. But now he had upon him a passion for
> playing fast and high.
> The man took the frets off of the bass which God
> had created. And the man did slide his fingers upon
> the fretless fingerboard and play melodies high upon'
> the neck.
> And, in his excitement, the man did forget the
> commandment of the Lord, and he played a frenzy of
> high melodies and blindingly fast licks.
> And the heavens rocked with the assault and the
> earth shook, rattled and rolled.
> Now God's wrath was great. And His voice was
> thunder as He spoke to the man. And He said, "O.K. for
> you, pal. You have not heeded My word. Lo, I
> shall create a soprano saxophone and it shall play
> higher than you can even think of." "And from out of
> the chaos I shall bring forth the drums. And they
> shall play so many notes thine head shall ache, and I
> shall make you to always stand next to the drummer."
> "You think you're loud? I shall create a stack of
> Marshall guitar amps to make thine ears bleed. And I
> shall send down upon the earth other instruments, and
> lo, they shall all be able to play higher and faster
> than the bass." "And for all the days of man, your
> curse shall be this: that all the other musicians
> shall look to you, the bass player, for the low notes.
> And if you play too high or fast all the other
> musicians shall say "Wow" but really they shall hate
> it. And they shall tell you you're ready for your solo
> career, and find other bass players for their
> bands.
> And for all your days if you want to play your
> fancy licks you shall have to sneak them in like a
> thief in the night." "And if you finally do get to
> play a solo, everyone shall leave the bandstand and
> go to the bar for a drink."
>
> And it was so.
>
> --
>
> HellPope Huey
> Doin' the Lindy to Hendrix
>
> Surprised lady in restroom:
> "Hey, this is for ladies only!"
> Peter O'Toole, inebriated:
> "And so is *this*, ma'am,
> but every now and again
> I have to run a little water through it."
> ~ "My Favorite Year"
>
> I can't put a sentence together -
> thank God I can take my clothes off.
> ~ Sharon Stone

Correspondent:: "frater S.O.D.D.I."
Date: 10 Feb 2005 17:41:31 -0800

--------

And it came to pass that the Lord waxed exceedingly wroth with the bass
player.

For despite the endless torrents of notes, pops and twangs,
the wretched bass player could not find the Holy Pocket;

that Pocket which sitteth firmly; and that pocket which is like unto a
Rock; which cleaveth unto the kick and deviateth not from the Riddim;
which is the whole of the track.

And the Lord smote him mightily; and cast him down into the soulless
legions of fusion bands.

And the Lord said: "Many years shall pass, but two shall come who shall
become prophets of the True Bass; and their names shall be James, son
of Jamer; and Robbie of the Shaking Speare; and it will be good."

Correspondent:: derek@url.co.nz (Derek Tearne)
Date: Fri, 11 Feb 2005 15:05:28 +1300

--------
HellPope Huey wrote:

> Passed on from Barry Craig aka A PRODUCE...

Please note, this was originally penned by Tony Levin.

If you enjoyed that excellent prose you should purchase a copy of his
illuminating book "Beyond the Bass Clef"

http://www.papabear.com/Merchant2/merchant.mv?Screen=CTGY&Store_Code=PB&
Category_Code=PBS

--- Derek

--
Derek Tearne - derek@url.co.nz
Many Hands - Trans Cultural Music from Aotearoa/New Zealand
http://www.manyhands.co.nz/

Correspondent:: "Bob Ross"
Date: 10 Feb 2005 19:06:31 -0800

--------
Derek Tearne wrote:
>
> Please note, this was originally penned by Tony Levin.
>
> If you enjoyed that excellent prose you should purchase a copy of his
> illuminating book "Beyond the Bass Clef"
>

Pretty ironic title from a guy who once professed to never go beyond
the seventh fret.o

Correspondent:: "TK"
Date: 11 Feb 2005 12:40:27 -0800

--------
Umm, Not if you have actually READ THE BOOK.

Highly recommended.

Bob Ross wrote:
> Derek Tearne wrote:
> >
> > Please note, this was originally penned by Tony Levin.
> >
> > If you enjoyed that excellent prose you should purchase a copy of
his
> > illuminating book "Beyond the Bass Clef"
> >
>
> Pretty ironic title from a guy who once professed to never go beyond
> the seventh fret.o

Correspondent:: stereoroid
Date: 14 Feb 2005 03:57:28 -0700

--------
"TK" wrote in
news:1108154427.609868.126860@c13g2000cwb.googlegroups.com:

> Umm, Not if you have actually READ THE BOOK.
>
> Highly recommended.
>
>
> Bob Ross wrote:
>> Derek Tearne wrote:
>> >
>> > Please note, this was originally penned by Tony Levin.
>> >
>> > If you enjoyed that excellent prose you should purchase a copy
>> > of
> his
>> > illuminating book "Beyond the Bass Clef"
>> >
>>
>> Pretty ironic title from a guy who once professed to never go
>> beyond the seventh fret.o
>

He did? Well, I have the last Peter Gabriel live CD (Growing Up) -
he's all over the board there...

--
stereoroid
dublin, ireland

"Politics are for the moment. An equation is for eternity."
-- Albert Einstein, 1955

Correspondent:: "Paul Casino"
Date: 10 Feb 2005 18:33:17 -0800

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Wasn't this an AC/DC song?

Correspondent:: nenslo
Date: Fri, 11 Feb 2005 20:51:38 -0800

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HellPope Huey wrote:
>
> In the beginning there was a bass.
>

If it was the one on a plaque that sings Take Me To The River every time
you walk past, that's yet another reason why Atheism is the One True Religion.

Correspondent:: polar bear
Date: Sat, 12 Feb 2005 05:16:28 -0800

--------
In article

, HellPope
Huey wrote:

Jezus, what an utter disappointment.
I thought this was going to be a story about bass fishing.

pb

Correspondent:: König Prüß, GfbAEV
Date: Sat, 12 Feb 2005 13:20:50 GMT

--------
polar bear wrote:

>In article
>, HellPope
>Huey wrote:
>
> Jezus, what an utter disappointment.
>I thought this was going to be a story about bass fishing.
>
>pb

Yeah! I thought that "Deep Trout" was going to be about finhing, too!