Like Shit Through a Goose
Correspondent:: "Rev. Ivan Stang"
Date: Wed, 02 Feb 2005 16:08:01 -0500

--------
My asshole, the video star. I got to watch my insides on TV for half an
hour this morning, while flying on good drugs!

The only bad part (besides not getting breakfast) was the GAS PAINS
that you start feeling towards the end. (SO TO SPEAK!) The tube-cam is
constantly spraying air and water in its path to keep the meat tunnels
open enough for clear viewing, and that air collects and starts to
HURT.

But then, the FARTS AFTERWARDS! The 7 second MEGAFARTS. Whooo-doggies!
Unbelieveable. DOZENS of 7-second farts. And since you're in the
colonoscopy lab you're EXPECTED to fart profusely while the nurse is
interviewing you to make sure you feel okay. They TELL you to fart to
your heart's content. They aren't STINKY farts; not really farts at
all, just blow-back of tube-cam air. But that was a truly unique
experience, to stand there talking to a dude WHILE passing fantastic
amounts of gas, loudly, prolongedly, with such complete impunity. Hard
to imagine any other situation where one could possibly experience such
a thing. Oh wait. X-Day Drills. Devivals.

Before the procedure, I told a nurse that I bet they had some pretty
good office jokes and funny jargon. She said "Oh yes we sure do, in
fact I can show you a page of some." But it was just the same old thing
I've already seen going around the Internet, comments allegedly made by
colonoscopy patients to their doctors. "You're boldly going where no
man has gone before," that sort of thing. What I really wanted to hear
were the SICK SICK SICK funny euphemisms that the doctors SURELY use
when patients aren't around.

I was surprised to see that the doc himself did the tube-pushing. I
figured some lackey would be doing the actual hands-on dirty-work.
Although after 4 liters of NuLYTELY the night before, nothing's all
that dirty. My last "dump," heck, I could have washed my hands in it.

There, I just deliberately planted that image in your head.

The inside of a butt is still pretty gross and veiny. The video you get
to watch as they snake the cam (and lights, and miniature soundmen and
tiny little grips) up your lower intestine is like a very badly
animated "wormhole" special effect. You know, the "wormhole" special
effect they use in all shitty sci fi TV shows for time travel or black
holes or whatnot, that looked so cool the very first time you saw it,
in 1987, and now is a plug-in that comes with the Macintosh built-in
video editing program so it opens Aunt May's home movies. Only the guy
is working the tube slowly in and out -- two inches in, rotate around,
back out an ich, look around, push ahead two more inches... and all
they found was one teeny no-account polyp, about what you'd expect,
which they claim to have nipped off with a tiny wire loop built into
the tube-cam.

If I had had big polyps they'd have had to use a mini-blaster that the
tube is also equipped with.

The guy was moving the damn tube back and forth so much that my actual
anal sphincter area felt like it was starting to HEAT UP from the
friction. Never really came to a burn, just unnervingly close. Or would
have been unnerving without the drugs.

Before they started, they hit me up with some kind of Valium analog and
some Demerol. I had REALLY been looking forward to that, but heck, they
were CHINTZY with the dope! I ASKED for MORE, and played up the
gas-pains, but they kept saying they were almost done. Probably
hoarding it for themselves, for their drives home. Still, it gave the
whole sesion a boozy overlay of fuzzy warmness that took me back to the
'70s.

I guess I was more fucked up than I thought, though, because they told
me things I'd said that I do not recall saying AT ALL. Luckily they
were normal, boring things. I do remember asking each technician and
nurse if they had seen "The Road to Wellville." The cute middle-aged
white one had, and agreed with me that it is a memorable film indeed,
and MOST appropriate for a NuLYTELY session.

"And now I am off to the warm embrace of my morning enema!" -- John
Neville as a patient in Road to Wellville.

The formerly good iDRMRSR, now a slovenly art bum with no schedule,
like me, was good enough to pick me up at the hospital and drive me
home. Luckily for him and the cop that pulled him over for turning left
at the wrong spot, I was no longer in the seven-second uncontrollable
farts stage. That might have been a little hard to explain.

The shitting of the 4 liters of water last night, from drinking the
NuLYTELY, was not really unpleasant. It feels kinda GOOD to hose
yourself clean from the inside out. Towards the end it was just yellow
water with little raisen-sized turds, tiny ancient ones that had
probably been stuck in crevasses for years. I felt as clean as Dr.
John Kellog himself. "I, sir, shall live forever, because my bowels are
immaculate!", as Kellog said, just before he suddenly croaked. And
while planted more or less permanently on the pot, I got lots of
reading done on this week's exciting sci fi novel, "Moving Mars" by
Greg Bear. Last month I read "Darwin's Radio" and "Darwin's Children"
by him and thought they were both excellent.

I'm almost disappointed that I now have no more excuses for not working
-- well, besides continuing to write, but that's procrastination, not
an excuse really. I can't lay in bed watching movies with my wife again
until tonight. My main Sacred Scribe chore for today: CLEAN-UP. Which
is more exciting than it sounds. Without forsaking my regular
all-important swag-related chores I am re-doing the entire house
starting at my desk and working outwards. So far I have organized
everything within about 5 feet of the desk. That took all last week.
What I'm cleaning up are both physical objects and computer files. I
was reorganizing, copying and erasing twenty gigabytes a day. I
unearthed FANTASTIC FORGOTTEN TREASURES in the process -- that's what
makes it fun.

When my clean-up binge takes me into the SACRED STORAGE ROOM, another
big room next to my office, that's when it will really become insanely
stimulating, because that's THE ARCHIVES. Paper, tape, disk, film, AND
ALL CURRENTLY IN DIFFERENT SIZED OLD BOXES.

Last week I procured ANOTHER 25 cardboard boxes from a box company.
20x10x6 inches. Roughly 100 CD jewel cases fit into one EXACTLY, so
that they can be stacked perfectly atop one another. And they're new,
so they can be anally labeled easily. Whatever obsessive compulsive
disorder remnants that I still have will be well fed by all this
upcoming physical activity.

There is method to my madness, however, as I am creating a Museum of
SubGenius, in chronological order, like the geographic layers of the
Grand Canyon's sides, where each step downwards takes you another
thousand years into the past. The process of laying out these mummies
in order of birth and death is Stage One of the True History of the
Church of the SubGenius project. THAT will be our FUNNIEST book for
sure. In some ways you could call it our first humor book, even though
it will ALL BE TRUE TRUTH. Needless to say, it won't just be a book. We
have... a LOT... of things besides words. I am certain that this
project will be the best and most profitable thing we could do at this
time, short of ((OMEGA CONTINGENCY PLAN C DELETED))

--
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
(4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected, Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com PRABOB


Correspondent:: "Doktor Dark"
Date: 2 Feb 2005 13:24:55 -0800

--------
Well, that's certainly more than one would expect to hear from other
religious leaders. You know, the old WHAT WOULD JESUS DO? routine. I'd
like to imagine one of the Gospels (say, Matthew) writing up a trip
thru Jesus' bumhole for Xians to read & ponder over, like the Sermon of
the Mount. This kinda reminds me of the "trip inside the Robot" episode
of "Lost In Space", though. So, is your polyp going to become encased
in gold, the subject of veneration & pilgrimage, a worker of miracle
healings? Is your toilet paper now the Shroud Of Turdin'?



Correspondent:: König Prüß, GfbAEV
Date: Wed, 02 Feb 2005 21:28:46 GMT

--------
"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:
>My asshole, the video star. I got to watch my insides on TV for half an
>hour this morning, while flying on good drugs!
>
>(4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
>Resurrected, Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
>P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
>Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
>SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com PRABOB


Wellville! Yes, an underrated film, I think.
The musical parts are hilarious, and the bizarre medical machinery!
And the electrical crotch stimulator that the Brit give the hero.
And the Corn Flakes factory.
Lots of funny bits!




Correspondent:: IMBJR
Date: Wed, 02 Feb 2005 22:09:12 +0000

--------
On Wed, 02 Feb 2005 16:08:01 -0500, in reply to "Rev. Ivan Stang"
:

>My asshole, the video star. I got to watch my insides on TV for half an
>hour this morning, while flying on good drugs!
>
>The only bad part (besides not getting breakfast) was the GAS PAINS
>that you start feeling towards the end. (SO TO SPEAK!) The tube-cam is
>constantly spraying air and water in its path to keep the meat tunnels
>open enough for clear viewing, and that air collects and starts to
>HURT.
>
>But then, the FARTS AFTERWARDS! The 7 second MEGAFARTS. Whooo-doggies!
>Unbelieveable. DOZENS of 7-second farts. And since you're in the
>colonoscopy lab you're EXPECTED to fart profusely while the nurse is
>interviewing you to make sure you feel okay. They TELL you to fart to
>your heart's content. They aren't STINKY farts; not really farts at
>all, just blow-back of tube-cam air. But that was a truly unique
>experience, to stand there talking to a dude WHILE passing fantastic
>amounts of gas, loudly, prolongedly, with such complete impunity. Hard
>to imagine any other situation where one could possibly experience such
>a thing. Oh wait. X-Day Drills. Devivals.
>
>Before the procedure, I told a nurse that I bet they had some pretty
>good office jokes and funny jargon. She said "Oh yes we sure do, in
>fact I can show you a page of some." But it was just the same old thing
>I've already seen going around the Internet, comments allegedly made by
>colonoscopy patients to their doctors. "You're boldly going where no
>man has gone before," that sort of thing. What I really wanted to hear
>were the SICK SICK SICK funny euphemisms that the doctors SURELY use
>when patients aren't around.
>
>I was surprised to see that the doc himself did the tube-pushing. I
>figured some lackey would be doing the actual hands-on dirty-work.
>Although after 4 liters of NuLYTELY the night before, nothing's all
>that dirty. My last "dump," heck, I could have washed my hands in it.
>
>There, I just deliberately planted that image in your head.
>
>The inside of a butt is still pretty gross and veiny. The video you get
>to watch as they snake the cam (and lights, and miniature soundmen and
>tiny little grips) up your lower intestine is like a very badly
>animated "wormhole" special effect. You know, the "wormhole" special
>effect they use in all shitty sci fi TV shows for time travel or black
>holes or whatnot, that looked so cool the very first time you saw it,
>in 1987, and now is a plug-in that comes with the Macintosh built-in
>video editing program so it opens Aunt May's home movies. Only the guy
>is working the tube slowly in and out -- two inches in, rotate around,
>back out an ich, look around, push ahead two more inches... and all
>they found was one teeny no-account polyp, about what you'd expect,
>which they claim to have nipped off with a tiny wire loop built into
>the tube-cam.
>
>If I had had big polyps they'd have had to use a mini-blaster that the
>tube is also equipped with.
>
>The guy was moving the damn tube back and forth so much that my actual
>anal sphincter area felt like it was starting to HEAT UP from the
>friction. Never really came to a burn, just unnervingly close. Or would
>have been unnerving without the drugs.
>
>Before they started, they hit me up with some kind of Valium analog and
>some Demerol. I had REALLY been looking forward to that, but heck, they
>were CHINTZY with the dope! I ASKED for MORE, and played up the
>gas-pains, but they kept saying they were almost done. Probably
>hoarding it for themselves, for their drives home. Still, it gave the
>whole sesion a boozy overlay of fuzzy warmness that took me back to the
>'70s.
>
>I guess I was more fucked up than I thought, though, because they told
>me things I'd said that I do not recall saying AT ALL. Luckily they
>were normal, boring things. I do remember asking each technician and
>nurse if they had seen "The Road to Wellville." The cute middle-aged
>white one had, and agreed with me that it is a memorable film indeed,
>and MOST appropriate for a NuLYTELY session.
>
>"And now I am off to the warm embrace of my morning enema!" -- John
>Neville as a patient in Road to Wellville.
>
>The formerly good iDRMRSR, now a slovenly art bum with no schedule,
>like me, was good enough to pick me up at the hospital and drive me
>home. Luckily for him and the cop that pulled him over for turning left
>at the wrong spot, I was no longer in the seven-second uncontrollable
>farts stage. That might have been a little hard to explain.
>
>The shitting of the 4 liters of water last night, from drinking the
>NuLYTELY, was not really unpleasant. It feels kinda GOOD to hose
>yourself clean from the inside out. Towards the end it was just yellow
>water with little raisen-sized turds, tiny ancient ones that had
>probably been stuck in crevasses for years. I felt as clean as Dr.
>John Kellog himself. "I, sir, shall live forever, because my bowels are
>immaculate!", as Kellog said, just before he suddenly croaked. And
>while planted more or less permanently on the pot, I got lots of
>reading done on this week's exciting sci fi novel, "Moving Mars" by
>Greg Bear. Last month I read "Darwin's Radio" and "Darwin's Children"
>by him and thought they were both excellent.
>
>I'm almost disappointed that I now have no more excuses for not working
>-- well, besides continuing to write, but that's procrastination, not
>an excuse really. I can't lay in bed watching movies with my wife again
>until tonight. My main Sacred Scribe chore for today: CLEAN-UP. Which
>is more exciting than it sounds. Without forsaking my regular
>all-important swag-related chores I am re-doing the entire house
>starting at my desk and working outwards. So far I have organized
>everything within about 5 feet of the desk. That took all last week.
>What I'm cleaning up are both physical objects and computer files. I
>was reorganizing, copying and erasing twenty gigabytes a day. I
>unearthed FANTASTIC FORGOTTEN TREASURES in the process -- that's what
>makes it fun.
>
>When my clean-up binge takes me into the SACRED STORAGE ROOM, another
>big room next to my office, that's when it will really become insanely
>stimulating, because that's THE ARCHIVES. Paper, tape, disk, film, AND
>ALL CURRENTLY IN DIFFERENT SIZED OLD BOXES.
>
>Last week I procured ANOTHER 25 cardboard boxes from a box company.
>20x10x6 inches. Roughly 100 CD jewel cases fit into one EXACTLY, so
>that they can be stacked perfectly atop one another. And they're new,
>so they can be anally labeled easily. Whatever obsessive compulsive
>disorder remnants that I still have will be well fed by all this
>upcoming physical activity.
>
>There is method to my madness, however, as I am creating a Museum of
>SubGenius, in chronological order, like the geographic layers of the
>Grand Canyon's sides, where each step downwards takes you another
>thousand years into the past. The process of laying out these mummies
>in order of birth and death is Stage One of the True History of the
>Church of the SubGenius project. THAT will be our FUNNIEST book for
>sure. In some ways you could call it our first humor book, even though
>it will ALL BE TRUE TRUTH. Needless to say, it won't just be a book. We
>have... a LOT... of things besides words. I am certain that this
>project will be the best and most profitable thing we could do at this
>time, short of ((OMEGA CONTINGENCY PLAN C DELETED))

Bless the 'net, I knew this was on file somewhere:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/weekend/story/0,3605,663391,00.html

The bit about the marble is what stuck with me.


Correspondent:: "Rev. Richard Skull"
Date: 2 Feb 2005 14:43:48 -0800

--------
Isn't it amazing what mankind can do these days!

We can land probes to the furthest regions of our Solar System!

We can send probes into the furthest region os our colons!

But we still don;t have those ^&%&^%@^#&^@%#^%@^ flying cars like th
Jetsons!

And it almost 2016, and we still do not have robots that look like Sean
Young! Hell we can only make robots that weld, dance, and lay donw and
stand back up! But robots that look like sexy full bosumed females who
sleep with you! Nooooo!

But as to gas passing. I eat a high fiber diet with lots of Bran
cereal, brocolli, and other high fiber foods.

Talk about farts! And nice ones that can change tone as you tighten ar
losen your sphinster!

The other day I was at Sam's Club, and was farting so much one shpper
thought some of the food had gone bad!

One time when I was working with Pasture Pressure at the Gas Comapny, I
ate Cabbage & Kilbasah for dinenr the night before, and Jennifer (the
big tittied Yuppie Femal Breader type) thought something had gotten
behind the walls and died! One of my proudest moments!



Correspondent:: Zapanaz
Date: Wed, 02 Feb 2005 14:54:54 -0800

--------
On 2 Feb 2005 14:43:48 -0800, "Rev. Richard Skull"
wrote:

>And it almost 2016, and we still do not have robots that look like Sean
>Young! Hell we can only make robots that weld, dance, and lay donw and
>stand back up! But robots that look like sexy full bosumed females who
>sleep with you! Nooooo!

oh ye of little google:

http://realdoll.com/

these are even BETTER than the ones in blade runner, they have no
BRAIN

(duck)


--
Zapanaz
International Satanic Conspiracy
Customer Support Specialist
http://joecosby.com/
I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas.
I'm frightened of the old ones.
- John Cage



Correspondent:: "nu-monet v7.0"
Date: Wed, 02 Feb 2005 15:54:39 -0700

--------
Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
>
> Before the procedure, I told a nurse that I bet
> they had some pretty good office jokes and funny
> jargon. She said "Oh yes we sure do, in fact I
> can show you a page of some." But it was just
> the same old thing I've already seen going around
> the Internet...

Here are some of the *real* ones, gleaned from several
sources. Many are not nice:


SFRDKWHTSF - Some Fucking Retard -
Don't Know Why He Talks So Funny.
GOMER - Get Out of My Emergency Room
FTF - Failure To Fly (jumper)
CC - Crispy Critter
ETOH - Either Tipsy Or High
DSTO (veterinary) - Dog Smarter Than Owner
TF BUNDY (veterinary) - Totally Fucked But
Unfortunately Not Dead Yet
FOS - Constipated
Two Carbon Chained - Drunk
T2T Ratio - Tattoo To Tooth Ratio
DBI - Dirt Bag Index ( T x T = Number of Unbathed Days)
Summer Teeth - "some are here and some are not"
FLK - Funny Looking Kid
ICBINS - I Can't Believe It's Not Smegma
HOP - Hang Over Poo
CRAFT - Can't Remember A Fucking Thing
TEETH - Tried Everything Else, Try Homeopathy
FITH - Fucked In The Head
NQRITH - Not Quite Right In The Head
GOK - God Only Knows
LGFTC - Looks Good From The Corridor
LGFD - Looked Good From Doorway
KBSB - Kicked Bed, Still Breathing
DILLIGAF - Do I Look Like I Give A Fuck?
90/10 Rule - 90% of assaults are deserved.
10 minutes after arrival, you want to
smack them yourself.
BMT - Bowel Movement Taco (don't ask)
TNWTLSITM - There is No Way That Little Shit Is
Touching Me
SFRDKWHTSF - So Fucking Retarded, Doesn't Know Which
Hole To Shit From
TTFO - "To Take Fluid Orally" (Told To Fuck Off)
BOHICA - Bend Over, Here It Comes Again
UPOS - Useless Piece Of Shit
Plumbum oscillans - (lat.) "Swinging the Lead"
(malingering)
SHS - (Inner City) Sullen/Hostile/Stupid
PBKAC (administrative) - Problem Between Keyboard
And Chair
CC TOTDN - Cancel Christmas, This One is Taking a
Dirt Nap
GSWP - Gun Shot Wound Penis
FDGB - Fall Down Go Boom
URTI - "Upper Respiratory Tract Infection"
(You Are Too Idle)
SRI - Something Rong Inside
SVRI - Something Very Rong Inside
GORK - God Only Really Knows
WC - Walking Corpse
BUSOA - Blood Unpredictably Spurting Out Arse (Brit.)
DOT - Dead On Toilet
DIB - Dead In Bed (literally)
CRUMP - Patient who is permanently crumpled
TMB - Too Many Birthdays (old age)
LUL - Liquored Up but Legal
LURTS - Liquored Up, Return To Sender (police)
DFKDFC - Don't Fucking Know, Don't Fucking Care
TSTOM - Too Stupid To Operate Machines
FIG - Found In Gutter
ACIDEC "the whole shootin' match" - Abdominal
drains, Colostomy, Ileostomy, Duodenostomy,
Esophagostomy, Chest tubes
Rule of 5 - Any five of the above list, usually fatal
PITA - Pain In The Ass
NTD - Needs To Die
TSTL - Too Stupid To Live
TWSAM - Trash Will Survive And Multiply
BWCOD - Baby Won't Come Out, Dammit (said prior to
C-Section)
Oligoneuronic - (lat.) "Few brain cells"
Azooneuronic - (lat.) "No brain cells"
LART - Loser Attitude Readjustment Tool (any medical
instrument used to discipline or
punish an obnoxious patient.)
BGFH - Bastard Goner From Hell (trying violently and
messily to die while using maximum emergency
room resources and creating great disruption)
DTMA - Do not Transfer Me Again (patient shuffled about
until chief surgeon intervenes to stop it)
Neeper, onomatopoeic - Chronic whiner making sound
described as "neep neep nop..."
Starfish - No brain
STC - Spoke To Child (child more coherent than parent)
Zorched - Human, machine or electronic part damaged
beyond repair
Urban Legend - Bigfoot victim
Spewmaster - Punter with large volume of vomit
DRTFTM - Didn't Read The Fucking Tech Manual (parents
who stupidly injure their child) (also lat.
enchiriordum futuentum lege, "Read the tech
manual")
TGMRAAFU - This Guy's (Girl's) Medical Records Are All
Fucked Up
AIDY - Am I Dead Yet? (patient who doesn't believe they
are still alive
HIBGIA - Had It Before, Got It Again
CCFCCP - Coo Coo For Cocoa Puffs
Glow Worms - HAZMAT personnel
Pharmaceutically gifted - drugged out
Trans-occipital implant - gunshot to head
Urban outdoorsmen - homeless
PVC Challenge - endotracheal intubation
NLPR - No Longer Playing Records (deceased)
Circling the drain - Terminal
GFPO - Good For Parts Only (terminal)
UBI - Unexplained Beer Injury
PAFO - Pissed And Fell Over
ATFO - Asked me To Fuck Off
Code Brown - fecal incontinence emergency
O-Sign - unconscious with mouth open
Q-Sign - unconscious with mouth open, tongue
hanging out
LOBNH - Lights On But Nobody Home
Pumpkin Positive - Light shown through mouth will
illuminate head, brainless
PIMBA - (Port.) "swollen footed run-over drunk"
Rice Krispies - subcutaneous air
PID - Pink In Dere (Pelvic Inflammatory Disease)
KSS - Kidney Stone Shuffle
Band-Aid Bunnies - female EMS
IWTSFI - I Wish They'd Stop Faking It
HHPTBY - Has He Paid The Bill Yet?
FA11 - Film At 11 (important pending X-Ray)
SCFC - Search Crack(s) For Crack

--


Correspondent:: Artemia Salina
Date: Thu, 03 Feb 2005 02:48:13 -0500

--------
On Wed, 02 Feb 2005 15:54:39 -0700, nu-monet v7.0 wrote:


> BMT - Bowel Movement Taco (don't ask)

No need to ask; I know this one. A BMT is where
someone craps in their underwear and then rolls
it up in order to stash it somewhere, hoping to
spare themselves the embarrassment of anyone
finding out. I find them in alt.binaries.slack
all the time.

--
0:-) 0:-) 0:-) 0:-) (-:0 (-:0 (-:0 (-:0
0:-) Artemia Salina (-:0
0:-) Surrounded by Angels (-:0
0:-) 0:-) 0:-) 0:-) (-:0 (-:0 (-:0 (-:0



Correspondent:: "nu-monet v7.0"
Date: Thu, 03 Feb 2005 06:59:40 -0700

--------
Artemia Salina wrote:
>
> On Wed, 02 Feb 2005 15:54:39 -0700, nu-monet v7.0 wrote:
>
> > BMT - Bowel Movement Taco (don't ask)
>
> No need to ask; I know this one. A BMT is where
> someone craps in their underwear and then rolls
> it up in order to stash it somewhere, hoping to
> spare themselves the embarrassment of anyone
> finding out. I find them in alt.binaries.slack
> all the time.


Good to find out. The original source for that one
didn't elaborate. However, I suspect that this was
one of the British ones, otherwise they would have
more properly called it a BMB (Burrito), which would
have been more accurate. Unless, of course, a BMB
is an actual medical acronym.

--
"He's just screaming out
'Neuter Me!'"
-- some guy about his dog


Correspondent:: "fenian d'illudium q-36, Rlari."
Date: Wed, 2 Feb 2005 17:55:14 -0500

--------

"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote in message
news:020220051608013389%stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com...
> The inside of a butt is still pretty gross and veiny. The video you get
> to watch as they snake the cam (and lights, and miniature soundmen and
> tiny little grips) up your lower intestine is like a very badly
> animated "wormhole" special effect. You know, the "wormhole" special
> effect they use in all shitty sci fi TV shows for time travel or black


You going to post this to a.b.s?




Correspondent:: HellPope Huey
Date: Wed, 02 Feb 2005 23:40:15 GMT

--------

TYPICAL SUBGENIUS, ALWAYS THINKING OF HIS/HER OWN ASS. Stang done been
around IDRMRSR and Pope Black too much. It rubbed off on him. Duck, here
come the scaly cheek jokes.

"Reptilicus walks into a bar and Stang has his bare ass up in the
air..." In the version I did, Kong wins. When filming ended, everybody
wanted a souvenir hair from it. I sure did itch while it was growing
back and the toilet seat was a lot colder for a while as well. Ah, the
life of a pop star.

--

HellPope Huey
Head waiter at Madame La CaCa's House of Monkey

"To be too conscious is an illness,
a real throughgoing illness."
- Fyodor Dostoevski

"We coulda been anything that we wanted to be,
with all the talent we had;
with a little training, we mastered complaining;
manners seemed unnecessary,
we're so rude its almost scary!
We coulda been anything that we wanted to be
and don't it make your heart glad?
With a little practice, we made every blacklist!
We're the very best at being bad!"
- "Bugsy Malone"


Correspondent:: "Cardinal Chuck-Wills-Widow"
Date: Wed, 2 Feb 2005 20:33:14 -0500

--------

"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote in message
news:020220051608013389%stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com...
> My asshole, the video star. I got to watch my insides on TV for half an
> hour this morning, while flying on good drugs!

This whole process is usually videotaped (either on VHS
tape or CD) for the attending Physician and his Associates
to review afterwards, as a matter of standard medical procedure.

Stang, I feel you may need to consider a special request of the
attending good Doktor and/or Nurzy, of your necessity to
-procure a personal copy- of this tape or CD for a
special evening showing, with personal narritative, at 8X-Day ?

"To boldly go where nobody has gone before"



Correspondent:: "Rev. Ivan Stang"
Date: Wed, 02 Feb 2005 21:43:51 -0500

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In article <1428c$42017f5a$d1cc799d$21754@snip.allthenewsgroups.com>,
Cardinal Chuck-Wills-Widow wrote:

> "Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote in message
> news:020220051608013389%stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com...
> > My asshole, the video star. I got to watch my insides on TV for half an
> > hour this morning, while flying on good drugs!
>
> This whole process is usually videotaped (either on VHS
> tape or CD) for the attending Physician and his Associates
> to review afterwards, as a matter of standard medical procedure.
>
> Stang, I feel you may need to consider a special request of the
> attending good Doktor and/or Nurzy, of your necessity to
> -procure a personal copy- of this tape or CD for a
> special evening showing, with personal narritative, at 8X-Day ?

I TRIED. They absolutely would not even let me have a copy of the paper
print-out of frame grabs.

I guess they're not patrons of the arts.

>
> "To boldly go where nobody has gone before"

... but where they will probably want to go again and again, if I know
Them.

--
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
(4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected, Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com PRABOB


Correspondent:: "«BONEHEAD>>"
Date: Thu, 03 Feb 2005 13:07:52 GMT

--------

"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote in message
news:020220052143517677%stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com...
> In article <1428c$42017f5a$d1cc799d$21754@snip.allthenewsgroups.com>,
> Cardinal Chuck-Wills-Widow wrote:
>
> > "Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote in message
> > news:020220051608013389%stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com...
> > > My asshole, the video star. I got to watch my insides on TV for half
an
> > > hour this morning, while flying on good drugs!
> >
> > This whole process is usually videotaped (either on VHS
> > tape or CD) for the attending Physician and his Associates
> > to review afterwards, as a matter of standard medical procedure.
> >
> > Stang, I feel you may need to consider a special request of the
> > attending good Doktor and/or Nurzy, of your necessity to
> > -procure a personal copy- of this tape or CD for a
> > special evening showing, with personal narritative, at 8X-Day ?
>
> I TRIED. They absolutely would not even let me have a copy of the paper
> print-out of frame grabs.
>
> I guess they're not patrons of the arts.
>
Why not you paid for them.. in more ways than one....


--

"I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious." Albert Einstein





Correspondent:: HdMrs. Salacia the Overseer
Date: Thu, 03 Feb 2005 09:31:00 -0600

--------
On Wed, 02 Feb 2005 16:08:01 -0500, "Rev. Ivan Stang"
wrote:


>I'm almost disappointed that I now have no more excuses for not working
>-- well, besides continuing to write, but that's procrastination, not
>an excuse really. I can't lay in bed watching movies with my wife again
>until tonight. My main Sacred Scribe chore for today: CLEAN-UP. Which
>is more exciting than it sounds. Without forsaking my regular
>all-important swag-related chores I am re-doing the entire house
>starting at my desk and working outwards. So far I have organized
>everything within about 5 feet of the desk. That took all last week.
>What I'm cleaning up are both physical objects and computer files. I
>was reorganizing, copying and erasing twenty gigabytes a day. I
>unearthed FANTASTIC FORGOTTEN TREASURES in the process -- that's what
>makes it fun.
>
>When my clean-up binge takes me into the SACRED STORAGE ROOM, another
>big room next to my office, that's when it will really become insanely
>stimulating, because that's THE ARCHIVES. Paper, tape, disk, film, AND
>ALL CURRENTLY IN DIFFERENT SIZED OLD BOXES.
>
>Last week I procured ANOTHER 25 cardboard boxes from a box company.
>20x10x6 inches. Roughly 100 CD jewel cases fit into one EXACTLY, so
>that they can be stacked perfectly atop one another. And they're new,
>so they can be anally labeled easily. Whatever obsessive compulsive
>disorder remnants that I still have will be well fed by all this
>upcoming physical activity.
>
>There is method to my madness, however, as I am creating a Museum of
>SubGenius, in chronological order, like the geographic layers of the
>Grand Canyon's sides, where each step downwards takes you another
>thousand years into the past. The process of laying out these mummies
>in order of birth and death is Stage One of the True History of the
>Church of the SubGenius project.

You let me know if you need the assistance of a nosy subgenius curator
type. Sounds like fun.

Salacia


Correspondent:: "Rev. Ivan Stang"
Date: Thu, 03 Feb 2005 13:13:50 -0500

--------
In article <1mg401de2qr0ir3pvnfsrb2n7u9jtvqu8f@4ax.com>, HdMrs. Salacia
the Overseer wrote:


> >
> >There is method to my madness, however, as I am creating a Museum of
> >SubGenius, in chronological order, like the geographic layers of the
> >Grand Canyon's sides, where each step downwards takes you another
> >thousand years into the past. The process of laying out these mummies
> >in order of birth and death is Stage One of the True History of the
> >Church of the SubGenius project.
>
> You let me know if you need the assistance of a nosy subgenius curator
> type. Sounds like fun.


How are you with a SCANNER? That's my first thought. It's not honestly
my FIRST thought but it's the first one I would say out loud.

--
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
(4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected, Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com PRABOB


Correspondent:: HdMrs. Salacia the Overseer
Date: Thu, 03 Feb 2005 14:28:02 -0600

--------
On Thu, 03 Feb 2005 13:13:50 -0500, "Rev. Ivan Stang"
wrote:

>In article <1mg401de2qr0ir3pvnfsrb2n7u9jtvqu8f@4ax.com>, HdMrs. Salacia
>the Overseer wrote:
>
>
>> >
>> >There is method to my madness, however, as I am creating a Museum of
>> >SubGenius, in chronological order, like the geographic layers of the
>> >Grand Canyon's sides, where each step downwards takes you another
>> >thousand years into the past. The process of laying out these mummies
>> >in order of birth and death is Stage One of the True History of the
>> >Church of the SubGenius project.
>>
>> You let me know if you need the assistance of a nosy subgenius curator
>> type. Sounds like fun.
>
>
>How are you with a SCANNER? That's my first thought. It's not honestly
>my FIRST thought but it's the first one I would say out loud.

I can use a scanner. I have two. Send me a box.

i can write cds too. In fact I have a big stack I haven't used.

Oh, goodie, a project!

Salacia


Correspondent:: nikolai kingsley
Date: Fri, 04 Feb 2005 07:06:39 +1100

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> ... But that was a truly unique
> experience, to stand there talking to a dude WHILE passing fantastic
> amounts of gas, loudly, prolongedly, with such complete impunity. Hard
> to imagine any other situation where one could possibly experience such
> a thing. Oh wait. X-Day Drills. Devivals.


please tell me this isn't going to become compulsory.



Correspondent:: nikolai kingsley
Date: Fri, 04 Feb 2005 07:10:29 +1100

--------

> There is method to my madness, however, as I am creating a Museum of
> SubGenius, in chronological order, like the geographic layers of the
> Grand Canyon's sides, where each step downwards takes you another
> thousand years into the past. The process of laying out these mummies
> in order of birth and death is Stage One of the True History of the
> Church of the SubGenius project. THAT will be our FUNNIEST book for
> sure. In some ways you could call it our first humor book, even though
> it will ALL BE TRUE TRUTH.


and then we can demand it be taught in schools along with creationism
and evolution.

hell yes.


Correspondent:: bobdiddley@aol.com (3D Bob)
Date: 03 Feb 2005 21:12:32 GMT

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Stang wrote:
>My asshole, the video star. I got to watch my insides on TV for half an
>hour this morning, while flying on good drugs!

So did you get a DVD copy? How can this be worked into coming attractions of
SubG VidLit?