Listen...
Correspondent:: "paco"
Date: Mon, 14 Feb 2005 18:48:37 -0500

--------
I was patched through to you by "Bob" in outside sales. I just want to know
if this kind of damage is covered by the warranty.




Correspondent:: "Paul Casino"
Date: 14 Feb 2005 18:46:01 -0800

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No, no, no, no. See, you sold you SOUL to the Church, not your life. We
only have you covered if you die and go to hell (or a reasonable
facimilie thereof.) Then you send us a letter requesting your $90
refund, we get it Nenslo in Human Resources, he sez "I'll talk to
Satan, see what we can do for him." Strings are pulled, and before you
can say "Somebuddy help me, mah legs are on fie-ah!" (and they will
be...) you'll be holding your refund in your tightly grasped fist.

Now, what we have HERE is a life ruined by fiscal irresponsibility and
appathy. THAT we can't help you out with. The SubGenius Foundation
doesn't give a high holy fuck about your LIFE, only your SOUL. So
you're shit out of luck on that one. But thank you for calling and have
a nice day.



Correspondent:: "paco"
Date: Mon, 14 Feb 2005 22:59:37 -0500

--------

"Paul Casino" wrote in message
news:1108435560.953436.19570@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
> No, no, no, no. See, you sold you SOUL to the Church, not your life. We
> only have you covered if you die and go to hell (or a reasonable
> facimilie thereof.) Then you send us a letter requesting your $90
> refund, we get it Nenslo in Human Resources, he sez "I'll talk to
> Satan, see what we can do for him." Strings are pulled, and before you
> can say "Somebuddy help me, mah legs are on fie-ah!" (and they will
> be...) you'll be holding your refund in your tightly grasped fist.
>

I mailed (and maled) in the photocopies of the receipt, samples of feces,
urine, blood hair and prostate, to the address on the back of the package.
Not only was the parcell returned opened, but the samples returned were not
mine. Futhermore Nenso in H.R., transfered me to "Bob" in outside sales who
then transfered me here. My keen alien senses, honed by years of
interphonetto travell, tells me that I'm being given "the run-around".

What's important here is that we get off this fucking rock before the
"Bob"damned fucking Romans come back from the dead, brought back to life by
Mono-Glyphicide Aliens using Hitler's brain from Planet Kx3. So get your
shit together 'cause the the undead and the the saucers are a cumming bi.
The Cosmic-Consciousness-Thought-Police have tuned into this frequency, and
are monitoring the situation, via their crack team of code breakers.
step lightly




Correspondent:: "Paul Casino"
Date: 14 Feb 2005 21:32:33 -0800

--------
>My keen alien senses, honed by years of
>interphonetto travell, tells me that I'm being given "the
run->around".

Uh...hang on, let me go get my manager.

(covers phone with hand)

Stang! Is he in his office passed out on church air again? Where's
Huey? Trying to grow more hair by sheer force of will? That fat fuck...

(uncovers phone)

Sir, I'm gonna transfer you back to Nenslo in HR.

YOU: But I was just...

Yeah.

(click)



Correspondent:: HellPope Huey
Date: Tue, 15 Feb 2005 18:21:09 GMT

--------
In article <1108445553.559370.7240@g14g2000cwa.googlegroups.com>,
"Paul Casino" wrote:

> Stang! Is he in his office passed out on church air again? Where's
> Huey? Trying to grow more hair by sheer force of will? That fat fuck...

Ron Jeremy is a fat fuck too and he makes out like a hairy bandit. You
must be thinking of a Chia Stang. Mine grows hair out of its
FINGERNAILS. It looks really swell and all I have to do is wave it at
the missionaries and they run from the door like I had horns. Truly, he
is a lovely man.

--

HellPope Huey
My guardian angel is a drunk.

A church with no great anguish on its heart
has no great music on its lips.
- Karl Barth

Why is a birthday cake the only food
you can blow on and spit on
and everybody rushes to get a piece?
- Bobby Kelton


Correspondent:: "Paul Casino"
Date: 15 Feb 2005 17:18:36 -0800

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Don't ever bring up Ron Jeremy in my presence again. He looks too much
like my dad.



Correspondent:: HellPope Huey
Date: Wed, 16 Feb 2005 02:04:17 GMT

--------
In article <1108516716.008422.311310@g14g2000cwa.googlegroups.com>,
"Paul Casino" wrote:

> Don't ever bring up Ron Jeremy in my presence again. He looks too much
> like my dad.

Then mentioning your mother and cornholing in the same sentence would
also be verboten, I take it.

--

HellPope Huey
My guardian angel is a drunk.

A church with no great anguish on its heart
has no great music on its lips.
- Karl Barth

Why is a birthday cake the only food
you can blow on and spit on
and everybody rushes to get a piece?
- Bobby Kelton


Correspondent:: Rich Clark aka Left Rev Egg Plant
Date: Wed, 16 Feb 2005 20:13:49 -0500

--------
Paul Casino wrote:
> Don't ever bring up Ron Jeremy in my presence again. He looks too much
> like my dad.
>

Is your dad all hairy, too?


Correspondent:: "Paul Casino"
Date: 16 Feb 2005 19:08:21 -0800

--------
Yup, and fat and balding and adorned with a thick mustache. All either
of them are missing are plungers and hats with red letter "M"'s on them
and they'll be all set to go break blocks with their heads and take the
warp zone to level 4.



Correspondent:: Eddie Vroom
Date: Tue, 15 Feb 2005 03:13:02 GMT

--------
paco wrote:

> I was patched through to you by "Bob" in outside sales. I just want to know
> if this kind of damage is covered by the warranty.

I always find it amusing when the newbies discover that "eternal
salvation" actually involves the application of Salve...

--
Here's the punchline: I wasn't joking, motherfucker!

the Mystical RevvedErrand Doktor Eddie Vroom
Certified God by the holy authority of
the White Lotus Fortune Cookie Company
June 23, 2004


Correspondent:: "paco"
Date: Mon, 14 Feb 2005 23:10:37 -0500

--------

"Eddie Vroom" wrote in message
news:2NdQd.156$Pz7.111@newssvr13.news.prodigy.com...
> paco wrote:
>
> > I was patched through to you by "Bob" in outside sales. I just want to
know
> > if this kind of damage is covered by the warranty.
>
> I always find it amusing when the newbies discover that "eternal
> salvation" actually involves the application of Salve...
>
> --

It burned for 3 days and the smell stuck with me for 5 weeks. It was during
rutting season and I went for a walk in the woods. I fought 7 Elk but was
able to mate freely for the final week. I intend to try the different
mating cycles of the various ruminants that live around here. I'm looking
for the perfect match.




Correspondent:: "«BONEHEAD>>"
Date: Tue, 15 Feb 2005 06:16:28 GMT

--------

"paco" wrote in message
news:eGeQd.91272$vO1.570621@nnrp1.uunet.ca...
>
> "Eddie Vroom" wrote in message
> news:2NdQd.156$Pz7.111@newssvr13.news.prodigy.com...
> > paco wrote:
> >
> > > I was patched through to you by "Bob" in outside sales. I just want
to
> know
> > > if this kind of damage is covered by the warranty.
> >
> > I always find it amusing when the newbies discover that "eternal
> > salvation" actually involves the application of Salve...
> >
> > --
>
> It burned for 3 days and the smell stuck with me for 5 weeks. It was
during
> rutting season and I went for a walk in the woods. I fought 7 Elk but was
> able to mate freely for the final week. I intend to try the different
> mating cycles of the various ruminants that live around here. I'm looking
> for the perfect match.
>

I suggest leaving the Polar Bear out of this ....
--

"I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious." Albert Einstein




Correspondent:: "fenian d'illudium q-36, Rlari."
Date: Tue, 15 Feb 2005 01:39:35 -0500

--------
"paco" wrote in message
news:eGeQd.91272$vO1.570621@nnrp1.uunet.ca...
>
> "Eddie Vroom" wrote in message
> news:2NdQd.156$Pz7.111@newssvr13.news.prodigy.com...
> > paco wrote:
> >
> > > I was patched through to you by "Bob" in outside sales. I just want
to
> know
> > > if this kind of damage is covered by the warranty.
> >
> > I always find it amusing when the newbies discover that "eternal
> > salvation" actually involves the application of Salve...
> >
> > --
>
> It burned for 3 days and the smell stuck with me for 5 weeks. It was
during
> rutting season and I went for a walk in the woods. I fought 7 Elk but was
> able to mate freely for the final week. I intend to try the different
> mating cycles of the various ruminants that live around here. I'm looking
> for the perfect match.
>

Entente! Your profile shows section 3. I'll put you through to it's
voicemail. You are warned, cooking goat. GOD you smell bright. RUN! Jimmy
told me to tell you. Jist sayin. DON'T FORGET! HELP!! HELP!! I still can't
taste you. COME CLOSER! Whaaat the fuck.....are