Message from Bob!
Correspondent:: "angelicusrex"
Date: Tue, 15 Feb 2005 12:48:06 -0700
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BOB wrote in message news:42121bc8$0$20423$39db0f71@news.dong.fi...
MISSION NOT ACCOMPLISHED!
> My friend, Bob wants to save you. Jehovah1 sent His only son to Earth,
> Jesus to save it. He failed. So then he hired Bob so that
> any yeti who believes in Bob would never die and would get eternal slack.
> Bob didn't come to condemn the world. He wants to wholesale it. Jesus
> didn't save it, so the job was given to God's REAL son, Bob Dobbs Jr. The
> World's Greatest Salesman!
> It's always what God wanted Jesus to do, try as he might however, he
> couldn't do it and instead screwed up everything by starting the Crusades
> and the Inquisition. Bob wants to do the same but also wants YOU to own
> STOCK in the upcoming Armageddon! If you aren't a Subgenius
> already, become one. God wants you to understand that everyone who sees
> Bob and believes
> in Him would have eternal slack. Believe in X-Day, Bob and the
> Yeti-paradise. Bob
> must be your Holy District Sales Manager, He is the only way to eternal
> slack and thus to Yeti-heaven.
> When you die your existence won't end so believe in Bob, He saves you from
> eternal Pinkness. This is true! Regret all your sins and you can kiss your
> slack goodbye! Instead you must admit you are a sinner and LOVE IT! Don't
> ask forgiveness from
> God and Jesus. Beg for mercy from BOB!!! You can't hide anything from Bob
> since He
> knows everything and He will compute all your sales reports. So confess
> all your expenses
> and keep your frop-pipe pure, God and Jesus will forgive you. But only Bob
> can give you the eternal slack you desire! Which is better? Two losers
> forgiving you? Or one great sales-partner getting you in the front door on
> the bottom floor of a whole new development? When you regret
> and ask forgiveness you will feel better, but your slack indicator will
> remain low...even stagnant! Smoke only Bob Approved Frop! Your brain
> becomes noticeably lighter and you will have frop in your mind. Turn from
> a no-slack pink-boy or girl into a Slack Filled Yeti Subgenius YEEHAW!!!!
> Become a reformed excremeditator. Love God, Jesus and Bob, but make sure
> Bob has your home phone number and your thirty dollar check or money order
> (please no c.o.ds...) Don't be proud of your Pink knowledge.
> Money must not be the great thing in your life, it must be the ONLY thing.
> The great thing must be Bob. Jesus can be like, fourth or fifth down the
> list after Frop and Sex.
>
> Gather up courage and ask Bob to come into your life in your mind and He
> will do that if you call the toll-free number today: 1-800-999-9666. When
> Bob's little angels answer the phone you will notice that. You will get
> rid of
> all bad things like less than 108% proof alcohol, pink-drugs like Viagra,
> insipid immortality etc. You will have frop in
> your mind and a song heart (usually something by Nine Inch Nails). If you
> ask something from Bob in the name of Jehovah1, He
> will give it to you! It's sort of like a pyramid scheme... If you have
> worries or you are weak and so on, ask for help
> from Bob in you mind. He will help you always once you worship His Holy
> Pipe. You will quickly start
> feeling better and suddenly you feel yourself strong. Try talking with
> Bob in your mind and be surprised!
> If you feel abandoned, Bob is just testing you. You will receive a call
> later on in the evening. Bob will always love you so
> never reject Bob. If you have bad thoughts in your mind those are from
> Nenslo. Nenslo is Bob's evil twin.
>Never obey Nenslo. Reject all Nenslo-bad in your mind and you will become
> stronger and or stranger. Don't make resistance towards Nenslo-bad. When
> you hear or feel Bob-good,
> it's issued by Bob because Bob is good. You will get perfect rules how to
> live right from the Subgenius Book: Revelations X the Bobapocryphon. From
> there you will find out what kind of life
> Bob and Jehovah1 wants you to live. Read at least the first chapter
> through, then you will be fully infected, uhr, elected into the Church of
> the Subgenius.
> Would you like to be a servant of Bob? Just send $30.00 to the Church of
> the Subgenius, go to alt.slack for more details. Forgive never. Always
> condemn others, in fact
> condemn anyone. Give no mercy!
> My one and only intention is just help you. Bob is my Holy District Sales
> Manager. Who is yours?
> I hope he's Bob.
>
> "The one who hears my words and believes in my sales rep, has gained
> eternal
>slack. He won't be condemned, he has already moved from pinkness into
>slack. But if he can't take a joke, fuck 'em" -
> Bob
Correspondent:: "krustymadfaker"
Date: 15 Feb 2005 14:15:18 -0800
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You must be correct for there is a lot "Bob" will not tell and from
according to that link it is a whole lot agains because there is
nothing there!!
Praise the Nothing that is coming!!