So that's why I am a Subgenius (tm), you see ...
Correspondent:: Zapanaz
Date: Mon, 07 Feb 2005 17:25:23 -0800
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"I had been giving him the usual spiel, 'Bob' this, flying saucers
that, conspiracies the other and we had both had a good laugh. But I
could tell he was intrigued, sensing something deeper than the comedic
exterior. There's something peculiarly white about the whole
Subgenius thing, I could tell it was really alien to his experience
and he didn't quite know where to categorize it."
"We were both a little high. He passed the joint back to me and
sighed out smoke. 'But c'mon man, what's it -really- all about?', he
asked."
"I grew pensive. There are places I normally would just as soon not
go, but I was really feeling mellow and trusting of him."
"'My dad worked in a steel mill for fourty years', I said. 'He was a
man of true integrity, a man who did the right thing.'
'He married his high school sweetheart, this would have been in the
fifties, and got a job at the plant soon after and began raising a
family.'
'Although they were deeply in love at first, or thought they were,
things began to grow between them. They grew apart, they began to
grate on each other. But still they stayed together, because that was
the right thing to do, or so he believed.'
'A steel plant is a hot, dirty, dangerous place to work. At first dad
was happy to work there because it was for his family. But as the
family life fell apart, that little thing that he looked forward to,
that one good thing that made all the bad things worthwhile, was taken
from him. But still he continued to work there, because it was the
right thing to do.'
'Year after year things only grew worse at the plant. His boss was a
sadist and hated dad for no particular reason. His boss wouldn't have
dreamed of firing him, that would have been too easy. He never got a
raise. He went on working the dirtiest, stinkingest, most thankless
tasks in the plant as he grew poorer and poorer.'
'My dad never went out with other women. He didn't drink to excess.
He never took a vacation. Because those would have been the wrong
things to do. But he never had any real joy in his life'"
"I toke another small toke off the joint and handed it back to him.
Half of it had burned away while I was talking."
"He was obviously absorbed completely in my story. He took the joint
back and took a short toke, but all the while his eyes never left
mine, as if he were seeing a whole different person than the one who
was there before."
"'When dad was 58, he collapsed. Sheer overwork. Without a second
thought the plant fired him. That fucking sadist of a boss probably
enjoyed that immensely.'
'We were destitute. That winter was one of the coldest in Michigan
history. We couldn't afford to keep the power on and so we were in
sub-zero cold all the time.'
'There weren't enough blankets for everybody, so dad did without. His
health already weak, he developed pneumonia.'
'He was dying. I visited him in the hospital, knowing any night might
be his last. That last night, I think he knew his time was near.'
'"Son", he said, his voice barely a whisper, tears rolling from his
eyes, "don't end up like me. Live life to the fullest. Chasing after
the ideal that society teaches you is 'right' is a fool's errand. You
will never get it. Don't let life pass you by. Don't let -them- tell
you how to live; let your -heart- tell you how to live"'.
'And then he died.'"
"He was choking up at this point. I could see I had really gotten to
him."
"'And that, you see, is why I am a Subgenius', I said simply."
I pause. The judge is looking at me quizzically.
"So that was why I had to eat his pineal gland, your Honor. Don't you
SEE?"
I know, way too much setup for way too little joke. I think nobody
will get it anyway.
--
Zapanaz
International Satanic Conspiracy
Customer Support Specialist
http://joecosby.com/
"You may ask me any question you like, Dean" said Ivan Stang, pacing the
floor of the cell in the Ministry of Slack..
"Does "Bob" Dobbs exist?" asked Bob Dean, strapped to the torture table.
"Of course he does. The Church of the SubGenius exists. "Bob" Dobbs is the
High Epopt of the Church of the SubGenius. Therefore, "Bob" Dobbs exists."
"Does he exist in the same way I exist?"
"You do not exist".
- from _1998_, George Orwell's suppressed last novel.
Correspondent:: HellPope Huey
Date: Tue, 08 Feb 2005 03:11:53 GMT
--------
In article <8j3g0156nscjvl82tlid70ia1sl45qv9q3@4ax.com>,
Zapanaz wrote:
> '"Son", he said, his voice barely a whisper, tears rolling from his
> eyes, "don't end up like me. Live life to the fullest. Chasing after
> the ideal that society teaches you is 'right' is a fool's errand. You
> will never get it. Don't let life pass you by. Don't let -them- tell
> you how to live; let your -heart- tell you how to live"'.
> 'And then he died.'"
> "He was choking up at this point. I could see I had really gotten to
> him."
> "'And that, you see, is why I am a Subgenius', I said simply."
> I pause. The judge is looking at me quizzically.
> "So that was why I had to eat his pineal gland, your Honor. Don't you
> SEE?"
> I know, way too much setup for way too little joke. I think nobody
> will get it anyway.
Well sure I do. Its the prequel to the great BadFilm "From Beyond."
That Dixieland soundtrack really jazzed my johnson, too.
--
HellPope Huey
Deadly, Illegal and Embarrassing, Attorneys at Law
Everybody gets so much information all day long
that they lose their common sense.
- Gertrude Stein
How would Jesus vote?
Heck, I'd be willing
just to see Him show up to REGISTER.
~Michael on a FreeRepublic.com forum
Correspondent:: "iDRMRSR"
Date: Mon, 7 Feb 2005 22:18:03 -0500
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>>the great BadFilm "From Beyond."
Damn, I hate so when my pineal gland gets erect and there's nobody around...
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Correspondent:: Zapanaz
Date: Mon, 07 Feb 2005 20:04:45 -0800
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On Mon, 7 Feb 2005 22:18:03 -0500, "iDRMRSR"
wrote:
>Damn, I hate so when my pineal gland gets erect and there's nobody around...
I don't know if it's a nice thing to say or a cruel thing to say, but
I almost wish I could give you the ones that I have to throw back in
the lake because they're still too small for fishing.
THAT hurts.
--
Zapanaz
International Satanic Conspiracy
Customer Support Specialist
http://joecosby.com/
Spelling I can deal with; I have friends on AOL.
Correspondent:: "iDRMRSR"
Date: Mon, 7 Feb 2005 23:17:30 -0500
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>>I don't know if it's a nice thing to say or a cruel thing to say, but
I almost wish I could give you the ones that I have to throw back in
the lake because they're still too small for fishing.
Well, I can always extend my pineal body into that other dimension. Every
once in a while someone...or thing...gives me a dandy hum job.
[*]
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