THE TRUTH ABOUT QUAKER OATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Correspondent:: Sternodox
Date: Thu, 17 Feb 2005 12:41:40 -0600
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Hills and Dales
By Rev. Sternodox
Once upon a time there was these four Mexican Quaker homos that decided
to convert to Satanism and so they all hitch-hiked to central Nebraska
because they were too fucking stupid to realize that there wasn't a
church there devoted to Satan and when they got there they hadn't had
any buttfucking for over 600 miles and so they pulled over in this rest
area and one of the Quaker homos gets out a bag of PCP-soaked razor
blades and gives them to the other three Quaker homos and tells them to
cut their dicks off with them because he wasn't really a Quaker homo,
he was a secret agent from Uzhbekistan that was working for his
government that thought that the homos in Mexico that were Quakers were
secretly conspiring to taker over their missile bases and bomb them
with bombs filled with shit that had these alien parasites in it that
would infect everybody in Uzhbekistan and turn them all into homos
overnight. So the other three guys who were real Mexican Quaker homos
thought that the fourth guy that wasn't a real Mexican Quaker homo was
trying to trick them and so they grabbed him and cut his dick off and
then started in buttfucking each other right on the side of the road
while the secret agent started in bleeding to death from his dick being
cut off. But just then these two twin retarded Baptist homos got
dropped off right there where the Mexican Quaker homos were buttfucking
because their Mom was sort of half blind and thought that it was a
lemonade stand where her boys (who she didn't know were homos) could
get a drink. But the retarded Baptists started in immediately jacking
off when they saw the Quaker homos buttfucking and then they saw the
bleeding to death secret agent's dick and they ran over and started in
fighting over who would get to put it in the other one's asshole first
and they got out switchblades and started in knife fighting but one was
a little faster (not very much, though) than the other one and reached
down and cut his twin brother's dick off and started in jacking off
again because of it. But he accidentally threw his brother's dick on
top of the now dead Uzhbekistani's dick and through some sort of
symbiosis involving extra-dimensional nano-parasites the two dicks
became as one and, in less than a zillionth of a micro-nano-second had
evolved into an entirely new species that was more intelligent than
everybody in the multiverse combined, including the homos that had got
through high school with a B-plus, and this creature's only way of
reproducing was to buttfuck 50,000 Uzhbekistani Quaker homos an hour
for about 15 years. But he made a mistake and started in buttfucking
the MEXICAN Quaker homos instead because he didn't realize that in this
particular dimension there WERE no Uzhbekistani Quaker homos and this
automatically caused the creature's cells to multiply at a blinding
rate, creating about a billion and a half NEW creatures who could only
reproduce by buttfucking ANYBODY and so they all used light speed to
capture every human on Earth and start in buttfucking them and that
caused even more of the creatures so they had to open human breeding
farms where they bred humans to buttfuck and after about 1,000 eons,
the humans thought it was normal to be born and then raised to age 27
and then be buttfucked to death on their birthday.
Correspondent:: "iDRMRSR"
Date: Thu, 17 Feb 2005 15:23:34 -0500
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Which handily explains how that penis got into the Turkish Ketchup bottle!
[*]
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Correspondent:: "Doktor Dark"
Date: 17 Feb 2005 12:47:53 -0800
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Good to have you back where you belong here, writing such typically
fine fare.
Correspondent:: "krustymadfaker"
Date: 17 Feb 2005 14:02:12 -0800
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I think this story proves that there is a "Bob" more than your
Walgreens story! Just my opinion. :P