A bad case of "Crabs"
Correspondent:: "Doktor Dark"
Date: 6 Jan 2005 19:44:16 -0800
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SUPERMARKET LOBSTERS ESCAPE TANK & TERRORIZE SHOPPERS
By Nick Jeffreys
Lobsters terrorized shoppers in a Nebraska Food Rite supermarket after
their tank shattered and they escaped.
Customers fled up and down the colorful labyrinth of food aisles,
frantically dodging dozens of evil crustaceans that were aggressively
brandishing their snapping claws.
"They were greenish blue devils, slimy and wet," says Reva Shubert, 33,
who was in the produce department when the horror began. "Their little
feet made eerie 'click-clack' sounds as they scuttled around finding
victims."
The married mother of three says she quickly climbed into the
tastefully arranged fruit dis- play and covered herself with
cantaloupes.
"I hid myself well," says Shubert, "but I could see through a gap in
the produce. I'll never forget the spraying blood and the screams of
those poor people. I still have flashbacks and nightmares."
Shubert saw a man sprinting around the corner, his shopping cart on two
wheels, one of the lobsters close on his heels.
"The lobster caught him by the ankle and slashed his legs until he let
go of the cart and fell to his knees," says Shubert. "I didn't even
know lobsters made noise, but it let out a high-pitched screech. It
must have called to the others because seconds later, several of them
were massing like mad flies on top of the man.
"They savaged him. I could see bits of flesh flying and a pool of blood
spreading under him until he stopped struggling. When they ate their
fill, they scattered to find others."
The same grisly scene was repeated all over the supermarket. The
scurrying lobsters brought down six customers and an assistant manager
before the police could shoot them all to shellfish hell.
"We got a strange call from someone yelling about a lobster attack,"
says Chief Benjamin Jones of the Treasure Town Police Department. "The
woman said, 'I'm standing in the ice-cream case and I'm freezing to
death. Hurry!'
"When we got inside it was a war zone. Bloody bodies of shoppers
slumped all over the place. Overturned carts. The cash register girls
were running in place on the black conveyor belts. Customers were
hiding everywhere.
"The manager said the glass tank must have had a small crack and the
pressure of the water made it explode, shooting lobsters all over the
supermarket. They got the rubber bands off their claws so fast I think
they already had it planned out. Who would have thought lobsters were
so angry at us for boiling them alive and eating them? I used to enjoy
a good surf and turf dinner. Not any more."
Published on: 11/23/2004 - WEEKLY WORLD NEWS
Correspondent:: "fen"
Date: Fri, 7 Jan 2005 02:13:52 -0500
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"Doktor Dark" wrote in message
news:1105069456.661003.211070@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
> "They were greenish blue devils, slimy and wet," says Reva Shubert, 33,
> who was in the produce department when the horror began. "Their little
> feet made eerie 'click-clack' sounds as they scuttled around finding
> victims."
Ah, mais oui. One can only hope for more of the same. The grocery store is
only *truly* zee grocery store when the produce shops pour vous, as you it.
Then, you have SEX miszee terrified cashier, and roll over, crushing zee
carapace of the crab. OOh! We have zee dinner tonight! Zee dinner which we
killed misnous love!
Correspondent:: elvis_bond@hotmail.com
Date: 7 Jan 2005 07:36:12 -0800
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Hermit crabs. That's my lot. Well, a small part of my lot,
but there are two of these little devils that I keep at my end
of the castle. Stepchild arrived one day with them. Awful surprise.
She's already been down this road before and kept them at
her end of the castle. Result? Her cat worried them. They died
anyway due to lack of adult input.
So..I says. Let me keep them on my end of the castle and the cat
won't worry them and I'll keep them in shells and sand and snacks.
Little buggers bury themselves in the sand to *moult*. Can take a
bloody month.
So one of them starts this moult. Just disappears. Helpful web pages
say,
"NEVER dig up a moulting hermit crab. It means DEATH."
So hermit crab number one emerges after four weeks of wondering if the
little blighter has expired or whatever. Pops out of the sand ravenous
and
thirsty. Quite amazing.
THEN....it disappeared again....but no.....wait....the two are now in
shells almost identical.
Could it be? Yes. The *other* hermit crab has started a moult.
There was no time to clean the sand and so now we are going on two
months of the same
sand with no cleaning.
Oh, the things I worry about.
Correspondent:: König Prüß, GfbAEV
Date: Fri, 07 Jan 2005 16:01:01 GMT
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elvis_bond wrote:
>Hermit crabs. That's my lot. Well, a small part of my lot,
>but there are two of these little devils that I keep at my end
>of the castle. Stepchild arrived one day with them. Awful surprise.
>She's already been down this road before and kept them at
>her end of the castle. Result? Her cat worried them. They died
>anyway due to lack of adult input.
>
>So..I says. Let me keep them on my end of the castle and the cat
>won't worry them and I'll keep them in shells and sand and snacks.
>
>Little buggers bury themselves in the sand to *moult*.
I had a pet black widow spider for a couple of years;
a beautiful specimen of Latrodectus, she ate crickets.
One morning I looked into her tank to see how she was
doing, and there were two of them! Looking closely,
I noticed that the one on the right had a split in the back
and was only the old shell, and the one on the left was
shinier and glossy, and was the spider resting and
letting her new shell harden. So, to my surprise I found
that black widows moult.
http://www.ext.vt.edu/departments/entomology/factsheets/blackwid.html
Correspondent:: HellPope Huey
Date: Fri, 07 Jan 2005 18:23:42 GMT
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> "Doktor Dark" wrote in message
> news:1105069456.661003.211070@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
> > "They were greenish blue devils, slimy and wet," says Reva Shubert, 33,
> > who was in the produce department when the horror began. "Their little
> > feet made eerie 'click-clack' sounds as they scuttled around finding
> > victims."
Hm, that sounds a lot like what the 2nd Tampa Devival was like. I still
have a little scar shaped like Elvis cornholing Mama Cass.
--
HellPope Huey ~ www.subgenius.com
What a grand day to be a mutant!
"Its really great to see a couple of you."
- Danny DeVito
"When she can fall out of a tree
and land on her feet,
THEN I'll be impressed."
- "Stuart Little 2"
Correspondent:: mshotz@aol.commonkeypo (Rev. Richard Skull)
Date: 08 Jan 2005 14:29:35 GMT
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>SUPERMARKET LOBSTERS ESCAPE TANK & TERRORIZE SHOPPERS
Prarie Squid escpae from tanks, frustrated suburban housewives flock to store.
MSHOTZ: The Post Post Modern Man
"War hath no Fury like a non-combatants"
Charles E. Montague