A real man at last
Correspondent:: FRice@SkepticTank.ORGREMOVE (Fredric L. Rice)
Date: Mon, 03 Jan 2005 01:04:54 GMT
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Fucking rightards.
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GOING FROM HUMMER TO HUMONGOUS
http://www.austinchronicle.com/issues/dispatch/2004-12-31/pols_hightower.html
The Hummer – it's not just for driving anymore.
Indeed, you can now splash the essence of Hummer all over your body!
General Motors, the maker of this massive symbol of automotive machismo,
has now licensed a new Hummer cologne, calling it "The Essence of
Adventure" and pricing it as high as $52 for a Hummer-shaped bottle of the
stuff. The scent is advertised as being "masculine with rugged and
adventurous attributes." They go further, promising that this new
fragrance "embodies all that Hummer is."
Hmmm. The Hummer is an absurdly expensive, gas-guzzling, low-performance,
high-polluting, gussied-up chunk of automotive junk. What would that smell
like? Besides, these days I see many more women driving these behemoths
than men. Forget the masculinity pitch; this thing has turned into a girlie
car! I suggest they'd do better with a perfume than a cologne – preferably
one with the alluring scent of money.
If it's a real man's car you're after, you want the International CXT
pickup truck. Weighing 14,500 pounds, reaching 9 feet tall, and stretching
21 and a half feet long, you could put a Hummer in the pickup bed of this
honker! In fact, this beast will tow 20 tons and has to have air brakes to
make it stop.
Yet, it has the luxuries you need, too – leather seats, wood-grain trim, a
drop-down DVD player, and whatnot. Speaking of luxury, it gets only seven
miles per gallon, requiring about $130 each time you fill up its 70-gallon
diesel tank. Then there's the price tag – up to $115,000 with all the
options.
That's pricey, but think of all the Hummer men you can intimidate. That's
priceless. As CXT's marketing director says, "This is not a soccer mom's
vehicle. I can't see the wife picking up groceries with it."
In a CXT, you can look down on a Hummer and truthfully say, "Mine's bigger
than yours."
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Stop Elmer Fudd web site: http://www.ElmerFudd.US/
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"And by the way - about the name you keep calling us -- "rightards". Very
nice of your liberal sorry fucked up ass to come up with a name that debases
mentally disabled persons." -- Charlie Wolf