Correspondent:: "iDRMRSR" Date: Sun, 30 Jan 2005 13:50:37 -0500
--------
OK, you are given a package of some national brand bacon like Oscar Meyer.
Each slice is IDENTICAL in the package, pink, well marbled but still quite
lean, of uniform thickness, etc.
You pick 5 slices out and lay them in a preheated pan.
Invariably, as you cook them ONE or TWO damn slices DO NOT COOK like the
others, remaining limp and pink long past the others, which are getting
burned. And no reasonable amount of additional cooking will render those
two ornery slices to a crisp no matter what!
This bizarre cooking mystery has spoiled many a morning around the iDRMRSR
household, I can tell you. I have a new stove, too, so don't blame that,
and a flat pan to cook them in.
Ahhh, the mysteries of Bacon!
[*]
-----
Correspondent:: "Rev. Richard Skull" Date: 30 Jan 2005 11:50:51 -0800
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This was addressed by Einstien's controversial "Uniform Pork Theory" of
1948.
He proclaimed that Pork was not a unifrom meat product from a pig, but
could vary in fat, meat, and cooking qualities based upon the
individual Pig and the position of the pork product relative to the
heat source under the frying pan.
This thoery was so controversonal due to the fact that Einstien was
Jewish and Pork is not Kosher.
Scientists at MIT, CalTech and FermiLabs have been working hard for the
past 40 years to prove this theory right. But the reserch has been
delayed as all the scientists have to leave to project after 10 years
or so due to heart attacks, or coronay by-pass surgery.
Correspondent:: brthrn@dangermedia.org
Date: 30 Jan 2005 15:19:21 -0800
--------
"Captured in the score's black symbols, given life by vibrating air
columns and strings, having taken passage through transducers, coils,
capacitors and tubes to a shuddering paper cone, the eternal drama of
love and death continued to unfold entirely disconnected from this
evening and place."
Correspondent:: brthrn@dangermedia.org
Date: 30 Jan 2005 15:22:24 -0800
--------
"Captured in the score's black symbols, given life by vibrating air
columns and strings, having taken passage through transducers, coils,
capacitors and tubes to a shuddering paper cone, the eternal drama of
love and death continued to unfold entirely disconnected from this
evening and place."
Correspondent:: "Paul Casino" Date: 31 Jan 2005 18:09:16 -0800
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My friend John has a theory that eating mass quanities of bacon will
coat the tongue with enough grease to lower the co-efficient of
friction, thereby increasing your ability at female oral sex tenfold.
My friend John is a damn fool.
Correspondent:: "iDRMRSR" Date: Mon, 31 Jan 2005 21:11:36 -0500
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>>My friend John has a theory that eating mass quanities of bacon will
coat the tongue with enough grease to lower the co-efficient of
friction, thereby increasing your ability at female oral sex tenfold.
My friend John is a damn fool.
For the first time in my life, I think you've convinced me that there is a
scenario where "sloppy seconds" could indeed be quite pleasurable!
[*]
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Correspondent:: HellPope Huey Date: Tue, 01 Feb 2005 03:26:38 GMT
--------
In article <1107223756.066554.163420@c13g2000cwb.googlegroups.com>,
"Paul Casino" wrote:
> My friend John has a theory that eating mass quanities of bacon will
> coat the tongue with enough grease to lower the co-efficient of
> friction, thereby increasing your ability at female oral sex tenfold.
> My friend John is a damn fool.
Then that makes you the co-enabler of a fool. SHAME on you, but thanks
for doing your duty to alt.slack by sharing the vulgar. We like it.
Besides, you can't do a proper test of his hypothesis anywhere but the
lower end of the porn industry or an X-Day and both are short-term
events unlikely to yield adequate data, just some swell pics.
ITS BACOOOOONNNNNNN!!!!
--
HellPope Huey
The dividing line between filth and a good laugh
is only as wide
as your misplaced potential for outrage
I will lift mine eyes unto the pills.
Almost everyone takes them, from the humble aspirin
to the multi-coloured, king-sized, three deckers,
which put you to sleep, wake you up,
stimulate and soothe you all in one.
It is an age of pills.
- Malcolm Muggeridge (1903-1989)
For every prohibition you create,
you also create an underground.
- Jello Biafra
Correspondent:: wcb Date: Tue, 01 Feb 2005 02:29:44 -0600
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iDRMRSR wrote:
> OK, you are given a package of some national brand bacon like Oscar Meyer.
> Each slice is IDENTICAL in the package, pink, well marbled but still quite
> lean, of uniform thickness, etc.
>
> You pick 5 slices out and lay them in a preheated pan.
>
> Invariably, as you cook them ONE or TWO damn slices DO NOT COOK like the
> others, remaining limp and pink long past the others, which are getting
> burned. And no reasonable amount of additional cooking will render those
> two ornery slices to a crisp no matter what!
>
> This bizarre cooking mystery has spoiled many a morning around the iDRMRSR
> household, I can tell you. I have a new stove, too, so don't blame that,
> and a flat pan to cook them in.
>
> Ahhh, the mysteries of Bacon!
>
> [*]
> -----
Many, many moons ago, there were cast iron thingies that fit in your
skillet and pressed the bacon strips flat.
They seem to have gone out of style.
Correspondent:: König Prüß, GfbAEV Date: Tue, 01 Feb 2005 10:28:12 GMT
--------
wcb wrote:
>iDRMRSR wrote:
>
>> OK, you are given a package of some national brand bacon like Oscar Meyer.
>> Each slice is IDENTICAL in the package, pink, well marbled but still quite
>> lean, of uniform thickness, etc.
>>
>> You pick 5 slices out and lay them in a preheated pan.
>>
>> Invariably, as you cook them ONE or TWO damn slices DO NOT COOK like the
>> others, remaining limp and pink long past the others, which are getting
>> burned. And no reasonable amount of additional cooking will render those
>> two ornery slices to a crisp no matter what!
>>
>> This bizarre cooking mystery has spoiled many a morning around the iDRMRSR
>> household, I can tell you. I have a new stove, too, so don't blame that,
>> and a flat pan to cook them in.
>>
>> Ahhh, the mysteries of Bacon!
>>
>> [*]
>> -----
>
>Many, many moons ago, there were cast iron thingies that fit in your
>skillet and pressed the bacon strips flat.
>They seem to have gone out of style.
>
>A quick google shows they are still available.
>
>http://www.kitchenemporium.com/cgi-bin/kitchen/prod/21np1401.html
>
>Isn't technology wonderful.
>
>
>--
>
>
>Cheerful Charlie
I beat my hogs with a 16lb hammer to flatten them out for bacon,
except for the maws and jowls, which goes for sassidge.
Correspondent:: HellPope Huey Date: Tue, 01 Feb 2005 15:23:05 GMT
--------
In article <0RILd.1522$xR1.761@bgtnsc04-news.ops.worldnet.att.net>,
König Prüß, GfbAEV wrote:
> I beat my hogs with a 16lb hammer to flatten them out for bacon,
> except for the maws and jowls, which goes for sassidge.
So that's what happened to iceknife.
--
HellPope Huey
I tried to go back in time and kick Hitler in the ass,
but the belt has an anti-paradox governor
that only allowed me to spill hot soup on his crotch.
There is a pleasure in madness,
which none but madmen know.
~ John Dryden, 1631-1700
"Rub honey on his ass
and blow the bear whistle."
~ "Everybody Loves Raymond"