Letter fro your friend Donny Rumsfeld
Correspondent:: "IH82W8"
Date: 13 Jan 2005 10:46:44 -0800
--------
Dear Concerned Citizen:
Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing
our treatment of the Taliban and al-Qaeda detainees currently
being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.
Our administration takes these matters seriously, and
your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington.
You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of
citizens like you, we are creating a new division of the
Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the "Liberals
Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK for
short.
In accordance with the guidelines of this new program,
we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal
care.
Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled
for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence
next Monday. Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call
him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you
personally demanded in your letter of admonishment. It will
likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers.
We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your
standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you
so strongly recommended in your letter. Although Ahmed is a
sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity
to what you described as his "attitudinal problem" will help
him overcome these character flaws.
Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as
mere cultural differences. We understand that you plan to
offer counseling and home-schooling.
Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-
to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple
items as a pencil or nail clippers. Also, beware that he will
bite you, at any given opportunity. We do not suggest that
you ask him to demonstrate any of these skills at your next
neighborhood meeting.
Remember, Ahmed is also an expert at making a wide variety
of explosive devices from common household products, so you may
wish to keep those items locked up unless in your opinion, this
might offend his sensibilities.
Ahmed will not wish to interact with your wife or daughters
(except sexually) since he views females as subhuman and merely
a form of property for men. Women are a particularly sensitive
subject for him, and he has been known to show violent tendencies
around women who fail to comply with the dress code he recommends
as more appropriate attire, the "Bhurka." I'm sure the women of
your family will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the
bhurka - over time, of course. Just remind them that it is all
part of "respecting Ahmed's culture and his religious beliefs" -
wasn't that how you originally put it in your list of complaints?
Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when
folks like you, who are so knowledgeable, keep us informed of the
proper way to do our job. You take good care of Ahmed - and
remember...we'll be watching. Good luck!
Cordially....Your Public Servant
Don Rumsfeld
United States Department of Defense
Correspondent:: Zapanaz
Date: Thu, 13 Jan 2005 12:27:44 -0800
--------
On 13 Jan 2005 10:46:44 -0800, "IH82W8" wrote:
>Dear Concerned Citizen:
>
>Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing
>our treatment of the Taliban and al-Qaeda detainees currently
>being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.
>
>Our administration takes these matters seriously, and
>your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington.
>You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of
>citizens like you, we are creating a new division of the
>Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the "Liberals
>Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK for
>short.
>
>In accordance with the guidelines of this new program,
>we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal
>care.
>
>Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled
>for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence
>next Monday. Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call
>him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you
>personally demanded in your letter of admonishment. It will
>likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers.
>
>We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your
>standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you
>so strongly recommended in your letter. Although Ahmed is a
>sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity
>to what you described as his "attitudinal problem" will help
>him overcome these character flaws.
>
>Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as
>mere cultural differences. We understand that you plan to
>offer counseling and home-schooling.
>
>Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-
>to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple
>items as a pencil or nail clippers. Also, beware that he will
>bite you, at any given opportunity. We do not suggest that
>you ask him to demonstrate any of these skills at your next
>neighborhood meeting.
>
>Remember, Ahmed is also an expert at making a wide variety
>of explosive devices from common household products, so you may
>wish to keep those items locked up unless in your opinion, this
>might offend his sensibilities.
>
>Ahmed will not wish to interact with your wife or daughters
>(except sexually) since he views females as subhuman and merely
>a form of property for men. Women are a particularly sensitive
>subject for him, and he has been known to show violent tendencies
>around women who fail to comply with the dress code he recommends
>as more appropriate attire, the "Bhurka." I'm sure the women of
>your family will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the
>bhurka - over time, of course. Just remind them that it is all
>part of "respecting Ahmed's culture and his religious beliefs" -
>wasn't that how you originally put it in your list of complaints?
>
>Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when
>folks like you, who are so knowledgeable, keep us informed of the
>proper way to do our job. You take good care of Ahmed - and
>remember...we'll be watching. Good luck!
>
>Cordially....Your Public Servant
>Don Rumsfeld
>
>United States Department of Defense
Dear Dipshit:
Since people are detained at Guantanemo without trial, there is no way
of knowing whether Ahmed is a terrorist or just some scared-shitless
poor fool picked up based on whatever criteria are used to decide who
gets nabbed (and of course we also don't know what those criteria are
becase A. there is no trial and B. we aren't allowed to find out for
"national security reasons").
And it's nice to see that a high public official is willing to
substitute the yellow press tactic of painting political enemies as
subhuman, slavering monsters for all that tiresome old human rights
stuff like the geneva convention. Arab women wear burkas? Well, then
I guess it's OK to violate their human rights! I thought that old
"Birth of a Nation" spirit had died in America.
The more I see the way addle-brained double-think like this sways the
politics of this country, the more I wonder if the terrorists might
not have a point after all.
--
Zapanaz
International Satanic Conspiracy
Customer Support Specialist
http://joecosby.com/
I get exactly thee same creepy feeling that I get from
the Dittoheads -- this insanely prideful certainty that there is this
"cool," "right" way that's "our way" and that if some opposing facts
have to be sidestepped in order to keep THE TRUTH uncluttered, then so
be it. In other words, the end justifies the lies of omission because
"WE'RE RIGHT." And that's what it's all about -- LIES OF OMISSION.
- Rev Ivan Stang
Correspondent:: "IH82W8"
Date: 13 Jan 2005 13:16:26 -0800
--------
Dear Dipshit:
My goodness, you seem to be infected with the same diatribe of the
detainers at Guantanemo Bay. Put someone in a category that helps you
feel more comfortable with yourself....True or not....So sad...
Some day the remaining inhabitants of this world will have to chose to
save or not save scum like you...Give us a reason?????
Correspondent:: Zapanaz
Date: Thu, 13 Jan 2005 15:15:39 -0800
--------
On 13 Jan 2005 13:16:26 -0800, "IH82W8" wrote:
>Dear Dipshit:
>My goodness, you seem to be infected with the same diatribe of the
>detainers at Guantanemo Bay.
what!?
>Put someone in a category that helps you
>feel more comfortable with yourself....True or not....So sad...
what!?!?
>Some day the remaining inhabitants of this world will have to chose to
>save or not save scum like you...Give us a reason?????
what!?!?!?
does the ping pong ball sometimes fall out of your head, leaving you
unable to talk until somebody finds it and shoves it back in through
your ear?
--
Zapanaz
International Satanic Conspiracy
Customer Support Specialist
http://joecosby.com/
A sympathetic Scot summed it all up
very neatly in the remark,
"You should make a point of trying
every experience once,
excepting incest and folk dancing."
- Sir Arnold Bax
Correspondent:: "rev_cletus"
Date: Fri, 14 Jan 2005 01:09:11 GMT
--------
"IH82W8" harrumphed, Limbaugh-like, then dumped the
contents of its mental colostomy-bag thusly:
<-----much barking-mad toxic effluvia excised----->
> Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when
> folks like you, who are so knowledgeable, keep us informed of the
> proper way to do our job. You take good care of Ahmed - and
> remember...we'll be watching. Good luck!
Guess *what*?
That's what citizens are *supposed* to do.
Wanker.
--
rev_c
.sig wonderin' how Tarla's gettin' along down in Kiwi-land; *can't* be
missin' this gang of snarling fux...