Logical Religious Moves
Correspondent:: "iDRMRSR"
Date: Mon, 3 Jan 2005 18:19:55 -0500
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After a thing like this tsunami, what's a merehume to do?
Light more candles? Leave better treats for the white monkey? More
aggressively discourage the eating of pork? Cover up your females even
MORE? Be nicer to cows? Burn more money? Chant the whole 24 hours out of
the day?
It's a puzzlement, for sure.
[*]
-----
Correspondent:: König Prüß, GfbAEV
Date: Mon, 03 Jan 2005 23:55:07 GMT
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"iDRMRSR" wrote:
>After a thing like this tsunami, what's a merehume to do?
>
>Light more candles? Leave better treats for the white monkey? More
>aggressively discourage the eating of pork? Cover up your females even
>MORE? Be nicer to cows? Burn more money? Chant the whole 24 hours out of
>the day?
>
>It's a puzzlement, for sure.
>
>[*]
>-----
>
>
Encourage females to eat pork.
Correspondent:: "angelicusrex"
Date: Mon, 3 Jan 2005 21:18:14 -0700
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; "GfbAEV" wrote in message
news:vXkCd.63948$uM5.5822@bgtnsc05-news.ops.worldnet.att.net...
> "iDRMRSR" wrote:
>>After a thing like this tsunami, what's a merehume to do?
>>
>>Light more candles? Leave better treats for the white monkey? More
>>aggressively discourage the eating of pork? Cover up your females even
>>MORE? Be nicer to cows? Burn more money? Chant the whole 24 hours out
>>of
>>the day?
>>
>>It's a puzzlement, for sure.
>>
>>[*]
>>-----
>>
>>
>
> Encourage females to eat pork.
Please encourage them to eat more of MY pork!
Archimandrite Pudlevitcz
Correspondent:: "nu-monet v7.0"
Date: Mon, 03 Jan 2005 17:49:29 -0700
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iDRMRSR wrote:
>
> After a thing like this tsunami, what's a
> merehume to do?
>
> Light more candles?...
Even though they won't, heaven would definitely
favor their joining the international Tsunami
warning system that they just didn't *feel* like
joining for all those years.
And the gods would also think it just peachy if
they spent a few bills for flood abatement
projects, then maybe laid in emergency stores of
food, fuel, inexpensive water purification packets,
and medical stores.
It's surprising how logical and rational the gods
can be if you don't expect them to do anything
positive or constructive.
--
"Getting shot at was not that bad,
just the getting shot part sucked"
-- U.S. Army Staff Sgt. Villafane
Correspondent:: "fenian d'illudium q-36, Rlari."
Date: Mon, 3 Jan 2005 23:26:10 -0500
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"iDRMRSR" wrote in message
news:Vbadndi3i6SBTkTcRVn-gw@giganews.com...
> After a thing like this tsunami, what's a merehume to do?
>
> Light more candles?
Yes. And rub your genitals against more candles.
> Leave better treats for the white monkey? More
Yes. And rub your genitals up against the, and all white monkey(s).
> aggressively discourage the eating of pork? Cover up your females even
No, but rub your genitals against more pork. And against covered up females.
> MORE? Be nicer to cows? Burn more money? Chant the whole 24 hours out
of
Rub rub rub. Genital genital genital.
> It's a puzzlement, for sure.
Puzzles are for genitals.
Correspondent:: William Earl Haskell
Date: Mon, 03 Jan 2005 23:53:03 -0600
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fenian d'illudium q-36, Rlari. wrote:
> "iDRMRSR" wrote in message
> news:Vbadndi3i6SBTkTcRVn-gw@giganews.com...
>> After a thing like this tsunami, what's a merehume to do?
>>
>> Light more candles?
>
> Yes. And rub your genitals against more candles.
>
>> Leave better treats for the white monkey? More
>
> Yes. And rub your genitals up against the, and all white monkey(s).
>
>> aggressively discourage the eating of pork? Cover up your females even
>
> No, but rub your genitals against more pork. And against covered up
> females.
>
>> MORE? Be nicer to cows? Burn more money? Chant the whole 24 hours out
> of
>
> Rub rub rub. Genital genital genital.
>
>> It's a puzzlement, for sure.
>
> Puzzles are for genitals.
Genital Ben.
Correspondent:: Zapanaz
Date: Sun, 09 Jan 2005 20:54:43 -0800
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On Mon, 3 Jan 2005 18:19:55 -0500, "iDRMRSR"
wrote:
>After a thing like this tsunami, what's a merehume to do?
>
>Light more candles? Leave better treats for the white monkey? More
>aggressively discourage the eating of pork? Cover up your females even
>MORE? Be nicer to cows? Burn more money? Chant the whole 24 hours out of
>the day?
>
>It's a puzzlement, for sure.
Well you're just joking, of course. Which is really WRONG of you man,
but OK I will leave you alone because I am trying to contribute to the
general good of mankind, rather than being a NEGATIVE INFLUENCE like
Rev. Stang ... you joke, but this really bothered me. I mean this is
one of the most terrible non-war disasters in history, AFAIK, and I am
really stumped as to WHY. I thought, "well, there are a lot of
non-Christians there, so maybe the message is clear", but Christianity
is actually pretty dominant around the parts of the world hit, Praise
Jesus! So God actually killed quite a few Christians along with
whoever the evildoers were who He was punshing, Praise the Lord!
So, I called Him to ask.
I do have His phone number, believe it or not. He is unlisted but you
can get his phone number by going to the Mulholland Drive website
here:
http://www.mulhollanddrive.com/switchboard.htm
And solving the telephone puzzle. The last part of the puzzle will
give you The Lord's phone number.
You need a special telephone to dial it though, it doesn't work on
touch-tone phones and you need a phone with 12 digits, instead of 10,
the last two being strange symbols that I have never seen before; a
circle with a line straight down from it and something that looks kind
of like a three-fingered hand. His phone number uses both of the
squant digits.
So I called Him and asked why He smote that part of the world with the
big tsunami.
And He said "I DID IT TO PUNISH THE 6000 SWEDISH HOMOSEXUALS LIVING
THERE, JUST AS PASTOR FRED PHELPS SAID". His voice is hard to
describe, imagine a cross between Walter Cronkite, Carl Sagan, and
Elmer Fudd, but loud and booming. I did a little research on this,
Pastor Fred Phelps ran the now-defunct God Hates Fags web site, and
claimed that the tsunamis were God's punishment to homosexuals, just
as He said.
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/alt.slack/msg/65d5d171e5481eeb
"But Sir", I asked, "isn't it wrong to kill 170,000 innocent people in
order to punish 6000?"
"WHO ARE YOU TO QUESTION ME!?" He boomed, "WERE YOU THERE WHEN THE
FOUNDATIONS OF THE EARTH WERE LAIN? DO YOU PRESUME TO JUDGE -ME-?"
The telephone rattled in my hand and thunder and lightning crashed
outside. I was clearly on thin ice here.
"No Sir, not at all, You are Great and Holy and Mighty and Good", I
said as contritely as I could manage, "and I am but a mere speck of
dust in Your mighty mightiness."
"But if that's the case, and we can be punished for things which are
wrong but for reasons we can't understand, doesn't that completely
defeat the purpose of trying to get us to behave one way or another
for Your sake? If we don't know when we're right or wrong, there's no
logical motivation to try to be good."
"THEY WERE UNCLEAN IN MY SIGHT! THEY AWOKE MY WRATH!" He said,
although there seemed to me to be something of a searching quality in
His voice now, as if He were having a hard time finding the words to
explain Himself in words that a lowly worm like me could understand.
The thunder outside had stopped.
"Mine too, believe You me! But I'm just wondering, maybe You can help
me get this, if the good acts and thoughts of those who -weren't- evil
but were killed along with those loathsome fags was not enough to save
them from being wiped off the face of the earth, then doesn't that
completely invalidate the whole idea of leading a good life?"
There was a long pause. I could hear Him breathing.
The line went dead. I called back, but I just got some kind of weird
whistling tone.
I think that is the greatest miracle of all, that He should have
trouble with His telephone, just as we do. It's like when He came to
the earth in the form of Jesus, to experience mortal life like ours
and mortal pain and death, so He brings Himself closer to us.
Maybe He should do that more often.
--
Zapanaz
International Satanic Conspiracy
Customer Support Specialist
http://joecosby.com/
" A little sincerity is a dangerous thing
and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal." - Oscar Wilde
Correspondent:: HellPope Huey
Date: Mon, 10 Jan 2005 17:41:25 GMT
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In article <4sv3u0t1kqth86db6nnnrk0kjfrpv5jfao@4ax.com>,
Zapanaz wrote:
> "THEY WERE UNCLEAN IN MY SIGHT! THEY AWOKE MY WRATH!" He said,
> although there seemed to me to be something of a searching quality in
> His voice now, as if He were having a hard time finding the words to
> explain Himself in words that a lowly worm like me could understand.
> The thunder outside had stopped.
..............
> I think that is the greatest miracle of all, that He should have
> trouble with His telephone, just as we do. It's like when He came to
> the earth in the form of Jesus, to experience mortal life like ours
> and mortal pain and death, so He brings Himself closer to us.
> > Maybe He should do that more often.
He won't, because He's a big fat cranky bitch. That's why He's dumped
so much of the work off on "Bob," who is a brain-dead asshole with an
alien antenna and a rope of nerve tissue in his head instead of an
actual brain. And you actually wonder why reality shows and syndicated
gut-slashing dating shows are so prominent. Large or small, deities just
plain SUCK.
--
HellPope Huey
Director and Star of "Mon Nuclear Derrier Amour"
("I Love My Nuclear Ass")
If you want to see the true measure of a man,
watch how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.
- J. K. Rowling
"If you don't have enemies,
you don't have character."
- Paul Newman
Correspondent:: bobdiddley@aol.com (A Boy Named Sue Nommi)
Date: 10 Jan 2005 20:55:13 GMT
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Zapanaz has said:
>I mean this is
>one of the most terrible non-war disasters in history, AFAIK, and I am
>really stumped as to WHY.
Not really - it rates about #35 over the last 100 years. Spanish Flu harvested
a lot more souls.
=========================================================
"The specimen is either that of a man or of a rat - I leave you to your own
inference." King Baker, in the Vanishing Breed