News: Cat Frozen To Fence! Includes Video of Cat
Correspondent:: "Weird Harold"
Date: Tue, 18 Jan 2005 05:35:55 GMT

--------
NEWS URL AT BOTTOM:

One cold morning, while in the back yard of Nebraska homeowner Ruth
Bogenreif, a cat took a drink out of a heated bird bath.

Something apparently startled the cat and she jumped, wet paws and all, onto
a chain-link fence.

In freezing temperatures, the cat's small feet froze instantly to the metal.

"(She) was hanging with (her) paws froze to the fence. (Her) head, the back
of (her) neck, was in the water," Bogenreif said.

Using warm water, Bogenreif and her grandchildren freed the cat from the
metal and turned her over to the local shelter.

"She's not walking well on her right leg, we're assuming muscle paralysis at
this point," said Pam Wiese with the Humane Society. "Hopefully she'll be
getting better as the swelling goes down."

The cat is recovering at the shelter.

http://www.nbc4.tv/irresistible/4089306/detail.html




Correspondent:: bhatch@luhar.net (Roberta Hatch)
Date: Tue, 18 Jan 2005 14:28:39 +0000 (UTC)

--------
Weird Harold wrote:
>NEWS URL AT BOTTOM:

>One cold morning, while in the back yard of Nebraska homeowner Ruth
>Bogenreif, a cat took a drink out of a heated bird bath.

A heated bird bath?! A goddamn hot tub for fuckin' birds?
How stupid (for a bird) would a bird have to be to take a bath in
freezing weather? I don't care if they try to keep their feathers
waterproof, I still find it hard to believe that a normal bird
would want to take a bath in freezing weather. It doesn't say much
for a person that goes to the trouble and expesne of having a heated
bird bath either.

I'm wondering if Ruth was hoping that the birds would get
wet and then freeze to death.

>Using warm water, Bogenreif and her grandchildren freed the cat from the
>metal and turned her over to the local shelter. ...

>The cat is recovering at the shelter.

As soon as it recovers, they'll put it to sleep. Sort of like
the way prisons make sure people on death row are healthy before they
fry them.

Bobbi

---
Roberta Hatch http://www.tamucc.edu/~whatley/pols2306/hatch.htm '65 Panhead
Dykes on Bikes, San Francisco, CA (This space for rent)


Correspondent:: "Gary Stone"
Date: Tue, 18 Jan 2005 16:18:06 -0500

--------

"Roberta Hatch" wrote in message
news:csj6en$29b$2@blue.rahul.net...
> Weird Harold wrote:
>>NEWS URL AT BOTTOM:
>
>>One cold morning, while in the back yard of Nebraska homeowner Ruth
>>Bogenreif, a cat took a drink out of a heated bird bath.
>
> A heated bird bath?! A goddamn hot tub for fuckin' birds?
> How stupid (for a bird) would a bird have to be to take a bath in
> freezing weather? I don't care if they try to keep their feathers
> waterproof, I still find it hard to believe that a normal bird
> would want to take a bath in freezing weather. It doesn't say much
> for a person that goes to the trouble and expesne of having a heated
> bird bath either.
>
> I'm wondering if Ruth was hoping that the birds would get
> wet and then freeze to death.
>
>>Using warm water, Bogenreif and her grandchildren freed the cat from the
>>metal and turned her over to the local shelter. ...
>
>>The cat is recovering at the shelter.
>
> As soon as it recovers, they'll put it to sleep. Sort of like
> the way prisons make sure people on death row are healthy before they
> fry them.
>
> Bobbi
>
> ---
> Roberta Hatch http://www.tamucc.edu/~whatley/pols2306/hatch.htm '65
> Panhead
> Dykes on Bikes, San Francisco, CA (This space for rent)

It's not stupid at all. Mites, lice, tics fleas, all kinds of shit live on
critters for the winter, the temp of an average bird is 115º F there is no
(as you say) "fuckin'" way they are going to freeze to death. They use them
all the time. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go fry a chicken.

Stone




Correspondent:: "Dave McMahon"
Date: Wed, 19 Jan 2005 08:29:25 -0000

--------
Is it me or are there people out ther who want a flame war with every
message?

I hopr the cat survives intact seems the US gets harsh winters. In Great
Britain we are more lucky. Maybe the bird bath could be improved with
(harmless) chemicals that kill bugs?
"Gary Stone" wrote in message
news:UJ6dnUjlZNOX4HDcRVn-tg@centurytel.net...
>
> "Roberta Hatch" wrote in message
> news:csj6en$29b$2@blue.rahul.net...
>> Weird Harold wrote:
>>>NEWS URL AT BOTTOM:
>>
>>>One cold morning, while in the back yard of Nebraska homeowner Ruth
>>>Bogenreif, a cat took a drink out of a heated bird bath.
>>
>> A heated bird bath?! A goddamn hot tub for fuckin' birds?
>> How stupid (for a bird) would a bird have to be to take a bath in
>> freezing weather? I don't care if they try to keep their feathers
>> waterproof, I still find it hard to believe that a normal bird
>> would want to take a bath in freezing weather. It doesn't say much
>> for a person that goes to the trouble and expesne of having a heated
>> bird bath either.
>>
>> I'm wondering if Ruth was hoping that the birds would get
>> wet and then freeze to death.
>>
>>>Using warm water, Bogenreif and her grandchildren freed the cat from the
>>>metal and turned her over to the local shelter. ...
>>
>>>The cat is recovering at the shelter.
>>
>> As soon as it recovers, they'll put it to sleep. Sort of like
>> the way prisons make sure people on death row are healthy before they
>> fry them.
>>
>> Bobbi
>>
>> ---
>> Roberta Hatch http://www.tamucc.edu/~whatley/pols2306/hatch.htm '65
>> Panhead
>> Dykes on Bikes, San Francisco, CA (This space for rent)
>
> It's not stupid at all. Mites, lice, tics fleas, all kinds of shit live on
> critters for the winter, the temp of an average bird is 115º F there is no
> (as you say) "fuckin'" way they are going to freeze to death. They use
> them all the time. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go fry a chicken.
>
> Stone
>




Correspondent:: Semolina Pilchard
Date: Wed, 19 Jan 2005 09:23:23 +0000

--------
On Wed, 19 Jan 2005 08:29:25 -0000, "Dave McMahon"
wrote:

>Is it me or are there people out ther who want a flame war with every
>message?

It's you, you top-posting, cross-posting poltroon. When you add the
witless girlies of slack and the carnivorous chimps of a.t to your
post, what the fuck do you expect, dimwit? Cat-lovers? Only in the
dietary sense, I assure you. Oh, and sexually, of course, though I
don't favour that myself. It's such a lot of work defanging and
declawing the thing, wrapping it in carpet tape and widening its
orifice with needle-nose pliers, though it is nice to wipe the blood
and spoo off your dick on a dying cat, I must say. Gives it that
added touch of piquancy.
>
>I hopr the cat survives intact seems the US gets harsh winters.

I hope it doesn't. I hope it dies miserably over a protracted period.
If it wasn't for sentimental fuckwits like you we would recognise cats
for the vermin they are and eradicate them. I do my best: I never
leave home without my trusty machete and the streets are littered with
pussy-cat body-parts around here.

>In Great
>Britain we are more lucky.

Like, in not getting harsh winters, y'mean? As I look out my window
upon the British landscape it's white with snow and colder'n a witch's
tit. I suppose you'll be one of those soft Southron sodomites, so
near France you're practically a wog.

>Maybe the bird bath could be improved with
>(harmless) chemicals that kill bugs?

The bird-bath could be improved with concentrated hydrochloric acid.
I have little time for those noisy, shitting little bastards either.
Let's keep the animal kingdom where it should be: the fuck outta my
way.
--
Sem



Correspondent:: jacquie0
Date: Wed, 19 Jan 2005 06:37:33 -0800

--------
Semolina Pilchard wrote:
> On Wed, 19 Jan 2005 08:29:25 -0000, "Dave McMahon"
> wrote:
>
>
>>Is it me or are there people out ther who want a flame war with every
>>message?
>
>
> It's you, you top-posting, cross-posting poltroon. When you add the
> witless girlies of slack and the carnivorous chimps of a.t to your
> post, what the fuck do you expect, dimwit? Cat-lovers? Only in the
> dietary sense, I assure you. Oh, and sexually, of course, though I
> don't favour that myself. It's such a lot of work defanging and
> declawing the thing, wrapping it in carpet tape and widening its
> orifice with needle-nose pliers, though it is nice to wipe the blood
> and spoo off your dick on a dying cat, I must say. Gives it that
> added touch of piquancy.
>
>>I hopr the cat survives intact seems the US gets harsh winters.
>
>
> I hope it doesn't. I hope it dies miserably over a protracted period.
> If it wasn't for sentimental fuckwits like you we would recognise cats
> for the vermin they are and eradicate them. I do my best: I never
> leave home without my trusty machete and the streets are littered with
> pussy-cat body-parts around here.
>
>
>>In Great
>>Britain we are more lucky.
>
>
> Like, in not getting harsh winters, y'mean? As I look out my window
> upon the British landscape it's white with snow and colder'n a witch's
> tit. I suppose you'll be one of those soft Southron sodomites, so
> near France you're practically a wog.
>
>
>>Maybe the bird bath could be improved with
>>(harmless) chemicals that kill bugs?
>
>
> The bird-bath could be improved with concentrated hydrochloric acid.
> I have little time for those noisy, shitting little bastards either.
> Let's keep the animal kingdom where it should be: the fuck outta my
> way.

I'm sure that the world would be a much better place without people like
you. I suppose that you think that you are all that and then some. Boy,
have you ever got a lot to learn. Thank God the world doesn't revolve
around you, you spineles idiot.


Correspondent:: König Prüß, GfbAEV
Date: Wed, 19 Jan 2005 11:53:42 GMT

--------
jacquie0 wrote:
>Semolina Pilchard wrote:
>> On Wed, 19 Jan 2005 08:29:25 -0000, "Dave McMahon"
>> wrote:
>>
>>
>>>Is it me or are there people out ther who want a flame war with every
>>>message?
>>
>>
>> It's you, you top-posting, cross-posting poltroon. When you add the
>> witless girlies of slack and the carnivorous chimps of a.t to your
>> post, what the fuck do you expect, dimwit? Cat-lovers? Only in the
>> dietary sense, I assure you. Oh, and sexually, of course, though I
>> don't favour that myself. It's such a lot of work defanging and
>> declawing the thing, wrapping it in carpet tape and widening its
>> orifice with needle-nose pliers, though it is nice to wipe the blood
>> and spoo off your dick on a dying cat, I must say. Gives it that
>> added touch of piquancy.
>>
>>>I hopr the cat survives intact seems the US gets harsh winters.
>>
>>
>> I hope it doesn't. I hope it dies miserably over a protracted period.
>> If it wasn't for sentimental fuckwits like you we would recognise cats
>> for the vermin they are and eradicate them. I do my best: I never
>> leave home without my trusty machete and the streets are littered with
>> pussy-cat body-parts around here.
>>
>>
>>>In Great
>>>Britain we are more lucky.
>>
>>
>> Like, in not getting harsh winters, y'mean? As I look out my window
>> upon the British landscape it's white with snow and colder'n a witch's
>> tit. I suppose you'll be one of those soft Southron sodomites, so
>> near France you're practically a wog.
>>
>>
>>>Maybe the bird bath could be improved with
>>>(harmless) chemicals that kill bugs?
>>
>>
>> The bird-bath could be improved with concentrated hydrochloric acid.
>> I have little time for those noisy, shitting little bastards either.
>> Let's keep the animal kingdom where it should be: the fuck outta my
>> way.
>
>I'm sure that the world would be a much better place without people like
>you. I suppose that you think that you are all that and then some. Boy,
>have you ever got a lot to learn. Thank God the world doesn't revolve
>around you, you spineles idiot.

Can't we all just get along?




Correspondent:: Semolina Pilchard
Date: Wed, 19 Jan 2005 12:16:05 +0000

--------
On Wed, 19 Jan 2005 11:53:42 GMT, König Prüß, GfbAEV
wrote:

> Can't we all just get along?

Sure. The moment you witless cat-fuckers learn to deploy your
newsreaders to remove "alt.tasteless" from the groups line I can
forget that disgustingly, cloyingly, saccharinely sentimental
apologies for human beings like you exist and then I won't feel
compelled to rip you to shreds as you so thoroughly deserve.

So that's your challenge for today, cat-cunnilingus-lovers. Find your
way out of alt.tasteless and back to your usual comfortable group with
its stench of cat pee. You have until three pm (my time) or the cat
gets it.
--
Sem


Correspondent:: Dry
Date: Wed, 19 Jan 2005 23:41:58 GMT

--------
Thoraces says?

Semolina Pilchard wrote:
>
> On Wed, 19 Jan 2005 11:53:42 GMT, König Prüß, GfbAEV
> wrote:
>
> > Can't we all just get along?
>
> Sure. The moment you witless cat-fuckers learn to deploy your
> newsreaders to remove "alt.tasteless" from the groups line I can
> forget that disgustingly, cloyingly, saccharinely sentimental
> apologies for human beings like you exist and then I won't feel
> compelled to rip you to shreds as you so thoroughly deserve.
>
> So that's your challenge for today, cat-cunnilingus-lovers. Find your
> way out of alt.tasteless and back to your usual comfortable group with
> its stench of cat pee. You have until three pm (my time) or the cat
> gets it.
> --
> Sem


Correspondent:: "Gary Stone"
Date: Wed, 19 Jan 2005 12:21:44 -0500

--------

; "GfbAEV" wrote in message
news:aTrHd.47547$w62.4756@bgtnsc05-news.ops.worldnet.att.net...
> jacquie0 wrote:
>>Semolina Pilchard wrote:
>>> On Wed, 19 Jan 2005 08:29:25 -0000, "Dave McMahon"
>>> wrote:
>>>
>>>
>>>>Is it me or are there people out ther who want a flame war with every
>>>>message?
>>>

SNIP-
> Can't we all just get along?
>
Naw! That would be too utopian.

Stone




Correspondent:: Semolina Pilchard
Date: Wed, 19 Jan 2005 12:01:29 +0000

--------
On Wed, 19 Jan 2005 06:37:33 -0800, jacquie0 wrote:

>I'm sure that the world would be a much better place without people like
>you. I suppose that you think that you are all that and then some. Boy,
>have you ever got a lot to learn. Thank God the world doesn't revolve
>around you, you spineles idiot.

Your line in insults lacks a certain something, jacquie0. Like any
sting or offensiveness, literary quality, calculation or ability.
Perhaps you should get your cat to do it next time. If I don't get to
it first and stamp it flatter than a pancake, with its tongue
extending from one end and its intestines from the other.
--
Sem


Correspondent:: "Justin L"
Date: Wed, 19 Jan 2005 09:30:12 -0600

--------

"Semolina Pilchard" wrote in message
news:lfisu0d2a5nirktgem95mqah01fotmroeh@4ax.com...
> On Wed, 19 Jan 2005 06:37:33 -0800, jacquie0 wrote:
>
>>I'm sure that the world would be a much better place without people like
>>you. I suppose that you think that you are all that and then some. Boy,
>>have you ever got a lot to learn. Thank God the world doesn't revolve
>>around you, you spineles idiot.
>
> Your line in insults lacks a certain something, jacquie0. Like any
> sting or offensiveness, literary quality, calculation or ability.
> Perhaps you should get your cat to do it next time. If I don't get to
> it first and stamp it flatter than a pancake, with its tongue
> extending from one end and its intestines from the other.
> --
> Sem

Better watch it, this guy is a professional flamer.

Justin





Correspondent:: Semolina Pilchard
Date: Wed, 19 Jan 2005 16:23:12 +0000

--------
On Wed, 19 Jan 2005 09:30:12 -0600, "Justin L"
wrote:
>
>Better watch it, this guy is a professional flamer.

Not at all, Justin. If I were professional, I would be paid for it.
As it is, I just do it from the goodness of my heart without reward of
any kind, except the pleasure I know you cat-humpers get from my
remarks.

Actually, It's only a joke. I'm remarkaby fond of cats really. They
are such useful creatures. I try to collect ten or a dozen at a time
and hang them from the washing line by the tail. A good prod with my
pocket knife establishes each cat's tone and pitch and I can soon tune
'em up for a good cat sonata.

To 'encourage' them to sing at the appropriate moment I use about 4
feet of barbed wire, folded into a neat club. You need to wrap the
end in cloth, if you're trying this at home, because you don't want to
cut yourself. A good whack with this instrument will result in a
spectacular yowl from pussy, though it often rips off a limb or two
and most of the skin. Only short pieces can be played in this way as
cats have little durability once exsanguination begins. However, with
good recording equipment, a major work can be eventually produced.
For instance, my version of Beethoven's Third took a mere 473 assorted
moggies over a period of a month.

All donations of cats surplus to requirements are gratefully received.
--
Sem


Correspondent:: "Justin L"
Date: Wed, 19 Jan 2005 10:44:39 -0600

--------

"Semolina Pilchard" wrote in message
news:9g1tu0pg148tcvh4vs015n80a055vmcua9@4ax.com...
> On Wed, 19 Jan 2005 09:30:12 -0600, "Justin L"
> wrote:
>>
>>Better watch it, this guy is a professional flamer.
>
> Not at all, Justin. If I were professional, I would be paid for it.
> As it is, I just do it from the goodness of my heart without reward of
> any kind, except the pleasure I know you cat-humpers get from my
> remarks.
>


Buddy, you really need to get a life. A freind probably wouldn't hurt
either.

Regards

Justin

>





Correspondent:: Semolina Pilchard
Date: Wed, 19 Jan 2005 17:09:49 +0000

--------
On Wed, 19 Jan 2005 10:44:39 -0600, "Justin L"
wrote:

>
>
>Buddy, you really need to get a life. A freind probably wouldn't hurt
>either.

How it delights me to be called a moron by someone who then goes on to
misspell a simple little word like 'friend', Justin. The irony just
creases me all to fuck and back again.

Thank you, however, for your concern about my welfare. But why would
I need a life or friends when I have usenet and the cat people? You
are, I assure you, sufficient unto the day.

That said, I suspect that you don't like the turn this debate has
taken. If that's so, the remedy is in your own stubby little fingers
with the chewed-down nails, Justin. Keep them off the fucking
keyboard and you'll hear no more from me; I only respond, I do not
initiate. This pattern would have been clear to almost any group of
people except you cat-slobbering retards.

I warned you some hours ago to remove yourselves from alt.tasteless or
I would be forced to sacrifice the hostage cat. I extended the
deadline, purely voluntarily, but no. You couldn't shut your babbling
yap so the cat died. You'll be pleased to hear I did it humanely,
though. I preheated the oven to regulo 6 and heaved the feline in.
My Ghod! The noise! It wasn't just the yowling; the beast was
rushing around in the oven clattering the metal trays and clawing at
the door. It stopped after a while, and as I didn't want to fill the
house with the stink of singeing cat hair, I took it out. Damme, if
it wasn't alive! It rolled its beautiful grey eyes up at me and
meowed most piteously. You would almost swear it was talking -
pleading for its life.

So I chucked it back in for another ten minutes. YOU did that,
Justin. You MADE me do that because you had to get another word in.
And it's raining now, and I have to go out and get another cat.

You fucking pest.
--
Sem



Correspondent:: "Justin L"
Date: Wed, 19 Jan 2005 11:43:53 -0600

--------

"Semolina Pilchard" wrote in message
news:384tu0pk51i2a52fo5otng5tduj1spg169@4ax.com...
> On Wed, 19 Jan 2005 10:44:39 -0600, "Justin L"
> wrote:
>
>>
>>
>>Buddy, you really need to get a life. A freind probably wouldn't hurt
>>either.
>
> How it delights me to be called a moron by someone who then goes on to
> misspell a simple little word like 'friend', Justin. The irony just
> creases me all to fuck and back again.
>
> Thank you, however, for your concern about my welfare. But why would
> I need a life or friends when I have usenet and the cat people? You
> are, I assure you, sufficient unto the day.
>
> That said, I suspect that you don't like the turn this debate has
> taken. If that's so, the remedy is in your own stubby little fingers
> with the chewed-down nails, Justin. Keep them off the fucking
> keyboard and you'll hear no more from me; I only respond, I do not
> initiate. This pattern would have been clear to almost any group of
> people except you cat-slobbering retards.
>
> I warned you some hours ago to remove yourselves from alt.tasteless or
> I would be forced to sacrifice the hostage cat. I extended the
> deadline, purely voluntarily, but no. You couldn't shut your babbling
> yap so the cat died. You'll be pleased to hear I did it humanely,
> though. I preheated the oven to regulo 6 and heaved the feline in.
> My Ghod! The noise! It wasn't just the yowling; the beast was
> rushing around in the oven clattering the metal trays and clawing at
> the door. It stopped after a while, and as I didn't want to fill the
> house with the stink of singeing cat hair, I took it out. Damme, if
> it wasn't alive! It rolled its beautiful grey eyes up at me and
> meowed most piteously. You would almost swear it was talking -
> pleading for its life.
>
> So I chucked it back in for another ten minutes. YOU did that,
> Justin. You MADE me do that because you had to get another word in.
> And it's raining now, and I have to go out and get another cat.
>
> You fucking pest.
> --
> Sem
>

Nevermind the life and "freinds"
You are clearly beyond any hope.

Regards

Justin




Correspondent:: "DE"
Date: Wed, 19 Jan 2005 11:03:52 -0800

--------

"Justin L" wrote in message
news:41ee99ec$1_3@newspeer2.tds.net...

>Nothing that bears repeating<

HOW MANY TIMES DOES HE HAVE TO TELL YOU, JUSTIN, YOU SIMPLETON!

Trim the newsgroup headers or shut the fuck up. Either method will stop the
abuse.

Now I'm going home for lunch and kill one of my cats. The little gray
bastard. I don't have the patience of my friend Pilchard so I've no time for
a convection oven. Besides, the microwave has a nifty little window. I
wonder if cats explode like an egg or if they just ooze out of their
orifices.
No, on second thought I might try the deep freeze. First I think I'll singe
the nasty cat hair off with a blow torch then pop kitty into the freezer.
I'm sure the cold will feel good to his slightly seared flesh! And then it
will sleep. I won't have to put a stick in the cats butt like I would if I
were giving it to a child, the dog is gonna love his new kittysicle!

All the while I'll be thinking of Justin.




Correspondent:: "Justin L"
Date: Wed, 19 Jan 2005 13:19:48 -0600

--------

"DE" wrote in message
news:357p8sF4ja1q6U1@individual.net...
>
> "Justin L" wrote in message
> news:41ee99ec$1_3@newspeer2.tds.net...
>
>>Nothing that bears repeating<
>
> HOW MANY TIMES DOES HE HAVE TO TELL YOU, JUSTIN, YOU SIMPLETON!
>
> Trim the newsgroup headers or shut the fuck up. Either method will stop
> the
> abuse.
>
> Now I'm going home for lunch and kill one of my cats. The little gray
> bastard. I don't have the patience of my friend Pilchard so I've no time
> for
> a convection oven. Besides, the microwave has a nifty little window. I
> wonder if cats explode like an egg or if they just ooze out of their
> orifices.
> No, on second thought I might try the deep freeze. First I think I'll
> singe
> the nasty cat hair off with a blow torch then pop kitty into the freezer.
> I'm sure the cold will feel good to his slightly seared flesh! And then it
> will sleep. I won't have to put a stick in the cats butt like I would if
> I
> were giving it to a child, the dog is gonna love his new kittysicle!
>
> All the while I'll be thinking of Justin.
>

Wow, I am so upset, please stop! Who the hell was typing to you anyways?

Regards

Justin
>




Correspondent:: "DE"
Date: Wed, 19 Jan 2005 11:58:59 -0800

--------

"Justin L" took a thumb out of his butt just long
enough to type news:41eeb067$1_1@newspeer2.tds.net...

> Justin

Look Mom, our "special" son Justin trimmed alt.cats from his newsgroup line!
What a good boy!
Now roll over and die.




Correspondent:: reflex
Date: Wed, 19 Jan 2005 15:16:53 -0500

--------
In article <41eeb067$1_1@newspeer2.tds.net>,
"Justin L" wrote:

> Wow, I am so upset, please stop! Who the hell was typing to you anyways?
>
> Regards

Hey, he trimmed the cat group out of the header.

Justin, you disgust me. You're a fuckin' maggot. You're a fuckin'
hiccuping maggot. You're a little animated claymation figure
perched on a pile of dung. A big green heapin' moldering pile of
dung. Bite me, Justin. Bite my dancing pirogi dong. My big
motherhumpin' jumpin' dancing pirogi dong. Dance, Justin. Dance
around my derrier; it'll be a bit of derring-do, to you, Justin.
Dance around my derrier, my Apple OS Danish derrier. You've got
eels, Justin. You've got eels living in your skull, your hollow
skull. They mostly sleep but when they wake they work from the
inside, pull on the strings and make your eyes flitter back and
forth, back and forth. They're screwing in there, Justin. They're
fucking in your head, making more eels. And then your mouth gapes
open wide and the eels slide out, Justin; the sliding eels slip
slowly past your esophagus, a kind of reverse eel-regurgitation.
Fuck you, Justin. Fuck you, your hiccuping, your dancing, and
your goddamn slimy eels.

--
Goodbye, Blackie Lamb, sorry you had to grow up--we'll miss you.



Correspondent:: Semolina Pilchard
Date: Wed, 19 Jan 2005 20:32:04 +0000

--------
On Wed, 19 Jan 2005 15:16:53 -0500, reflex
wrote:

>Justin, you disgust me. You're a fuckin' maggot. You're a fuckin'
>hiccuping maggot. You're a little animated claymation figure
>perched on a pile of dung. A big green heapin' moldering pile of
>dung. Bite me, Justin. Bite my dancing pirogi dong. My big
>motherhumpin' jumpin' dancing pirogi dong. Dance, Justin. Dance
>around my derrier; it'll be a bit of derring-do, to you, Justin.
>Dance around my derrier, my Apple OS Danish derrier. You've got
>eels, Justin. You've got eels living in your skull, your hollow
>skull. They mostly sleep but when they wake they work from the
>inside, pull on the strings and make your eyes flitter back and
>forth, back and forth. They're screwing in there, Justin. They're
>fucking in your head, making more eels. And then your mouth gapes
>open wide and the eels slide out, Justin; the sliding eels slip
>slowly past your esophagus, a kind of reverse eel-regurgitation.
>Fuck you, Justin. Fuck you, your hiccuping, your dancing, and
>your goddamn slimy eels.

Aw! Justin's not going to be able to enjoy that prayer to Glub in his
honour now that alt.cats is gone. I don't know what that is, reflex,
but it's fucking impressive and it would make the basis for a very
nasty movie.
--
Sem


Correspondent:: reflex
Date: Wed, 19 Jan 2005 16:46:59 -0500

--------
In article ,
Semolina Pilchard wrote:

> Aw! Justin's not going to be able to enjoy that prayer to Glub in his
> honour now that alt.cats is gone. I don't know what that is, reflex,
> but it's fucking impressive and it would make the basis for a very
> nasty movie.

Oh, he's reading it, my dear ol' Sem; he's reading it. Justin
ain't the kind of guy who can engage in a bit of flamewar and
just bugger off like that without peeking back now and then.

And do you know why that is, my dear, fine, Semolina? It's
because Justin is shit. Justin is the fucking poop of grande dame
Mother Earth. When you go out into the cattle field and gather up
every bit of cow dung you can see, and then you go back to the
lamb shack and gather up all the lamb shit, and then you visit
the poultry barn and gather up all the chicken crap, and maybe
the duck and goose excrement too, and then you sojourn to the pig
sty and extract every bit of porcine fecal matter you can find,
and then just for shits and giggles you visit the local zoo and
visit the reptile house, and from there pick up with chopsticks
all the lizard poop, as watery and mushy as it may be, with its
concomitant half-eaten mice, rats, crickets, and whatever else
makes up the reptilian diet, and then for laughs and guffaws you
go to the Old World ape exhibit, and then there you assemble all
the ape turds you can possibly unearth, and then let's say you
fly to Australia or New Zealand or wherever the fuck the koala
bear lives, and you shake a few eucalyptus trees and gather up
all the tiny, teddy-bear like koala, and you put them all in a
big fuckin' heap and jump up and down on them wearing your
steel-toed work boots, and you squish 'em such so that koala shit
spurts out their rears like Spiderman's web spray ejecting from
his web spinners as they all squeak in unison, dog chew-toy-like,
and then you wander about till you find some other kinds of
creatures, say, guinea pigs and trout and caterpillars and flying
squirrels and blue whales and such, and you give them all
laxatives and enemas and wait until the fecal tide starts
flowing, and you put that shit in the bag with all the other shit
you've collected, and you bring it back to the lab and put it
into the centrifuge, and then you spin it around and compact it,
getting rid of all the excess water; and then you take the
mahogany nugget that is left and you take it to one of dem dere
machines that turns coal into diamond, and you place the fecal
pellet on there, and you turn the machine on, and compress it
under about a bazillion atmospheres or whatever system of
measurement you care to choose your units from (Systeme
International d'Unites, U.S. customary, Chinese, Imperial,
whatever), and then you hold what's left up to the light so that
it glistens and gleams in its dark, ebony way, and you squint at
it with your left eye closed and your loupe affixed to the
other--well, that's what Justin is.

--
Goodbye, Blackie Lamb, sorry you had to grow up--we'll miss you.



Correspondent:: "DE"
Date: Wed, 19 Jan 2005 12:32:50 -0800

--------
NORRISTOWN - Justin L admitted engaging in a lewd act while watching girls
play soccer near a local elementary school.

Justin L, of the 300 block of Greenwood Road, pleaded guilty in Montgomery
County Court recently to charges of open lewdness and giving false
identification to law enforcement authorities in connection with an Aug. 5
incident near Knapp Elementary School in Lansdale.



Judge William T. Nicholas, who accepted a plea agreement in the case,
sentenced Justin L to two months and 12 days already served to 12 months in
jail. Justin L also must serve one year of probation.

During the probationary period, he will be monitored by officers of the
county probation department's sex offender unit. Officers will be able to
visit Justin L's residence unannounced and can make various recommendations,
including counseling.

According to a criminal complaint filed by Lansdale police, authorities
investigated a report of a suspicious vehicle parked on Valley Brook Drive
in front of the school shortly before 7 p.m. The person who reported the
vehicle told police the driver was slouched in the seat "staring at the
young girls playing soccer in the front of the school," according to court
documents.

When police arrived at the scene they discovered Justin L, who gave police a
false name, sitting in his vehicle. Police determined Justin L's true
identity through driver's registration records.

"He was very nervous, wearing loose fitting shorts with no other clothing,
and he had a tremendous amount of Vaseline covering his entire body and the
interior of his vehicle," Lansdale police officer George Johnson wrote in
the criminal complaint.

Inside Justin L's vehicle, police found pornographic magazines, sex toys,
women's garter bands and leggings, and a jar of Vaseline, according to the
arrest affidavit.

When Justin L was arrested and searched, police discovered he was wearing a
pair of women's thong underwear under his shorts, according to court
documents. When questioned by police, he admitted to having a problem
masturbating in public places, according to court documents.

According to state law, by pleading guilty to the charge of open lewdness,
Justin L admitted that he committed a lewd act, which he knew was likely to
be observed by others who would be affronted or alarmed.




Correspondent:: "DE"
Date: Wed, 19 Jan 2005 12:41:32 -0800

--------

Justin L admits trying to have sex with goat
12 January 2005

A Nelson man has appeared in court for a second time for attempting to have
sex with a goat.


Justin L, a 41-year-old unemployed man, pleaded guilty in Nelson District
Court yesterday to bestiality and unlawfully entering a building.

Police prosecutor Chris Stringer said Justin L went to visit a friend on
January 7.

The friend was asleep and Justin L went to a tin shed where the goat was
kept, took some of his clothes off and attempted to have sex with it, Mr
Stringer said.

Judge Paul Whitehead remanded Justin L until February 1 for a pre-sentence
drug and alcohol report.

In 2002, Justin L was sentenced to 80 hours' community work and 18 months
supervision for committing an indecency with a goat.


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Correspondent:: E Varden
Date: Wed, 19 Jan 2005 14:42:34 -0500

--------
Justin L wrote:
>> "Semolina Pilchard" wrote in message


[snip]

> Nevermind the life and "freinds"
> You are clearly beyond any hope.
>

Our Justin just Does Not Get It, does he...

Justin that was just the sweetest thing you said


Correspondent:: fungus
Date: Wed, 19 Jan 2005 21:17:38 +0100

--------
Justin L wrote:
>
> You are clearly beyond any hope.
>

Better not tell him about http://www.bonsaikitten.com/
had we...?



--
fungus





Correspondent:: kgb@rawbw.com (Cubicle Morlock)
Date: Wed, 19 Jan 2005 23:46:19 -0000

--------
In article <41ee8cbd$1_1@newspeer2.tds.net>,
Justin L wrote:
>

stepped in it>

Damn near matches the old sport of tossing a terrier in an arena
pit with a bunch of rats. Like the terrier, you don't expect ol'
Semolina to dispatch them all, its just an issue of seeing how many
of them get the treatment before time runs out. And like the terrier,
the contest is hopelessly lopsided but makes good spectator fun.

On a side note, didn't we learn a lesson a while back about
screwing around in the cat newsgroups? Freaking the mundanes is
rarely worth the hassle. And poking sticks at the humorless is just
above a self inflicted 9mm sinus clearing on the "ways to cure
boredom" list. I know AT has fallen on hard times, but surely we
haven't sunk to this?

-Robert "My butt cheeks should be printed on napkins so the whole nation
can kiss my ass" Stetler-
-kgb@rawbw.com-



Correspondent:: Semolina Pilchard
Date: Thu, 20 Jan 2005 08:05:05 +0000

--------
On Wed, 19 Jan 2005 23:46:19 -0000, kgb@rawbw.com (Cubicle Morlock)
wrote:

> On a side note, didn't we learn a lesson a while back about
>screwing around in the cat newsgroups? Freaking the mundanes is
>rarely worth the hassle. And poking sticks at the humorless is just
>above a self inflicted 9mm sinus clearing on the "ways to cure
>boredom" list. I know AT has fallen on hard times, but surely we
>haven't sunk to this?

There is a great deal in what you say, Monsieur Morlock. One cannot
guarantee that 'normal' groups will be entirely inhabited by
mould-brains like these, and we were fortunate on this occasion. It
is not so long ago that I got my arse booted righteously by someone
from the hamster group, of all places.

On the other hand, once they appear in alt.t, (I didn't open the door
for 'em) I believe we have an urgent and overwhelming duty to butcher
their sacred cows before they get away. It's what we're here for.
It's our raison d'etre. In further justification of my enjoyment, let
me assure you that I am no sportsman. Fuck tramping along the river
bank with rod and line all day; put the fish in a barrel and discharge
a shotgun into it - that's the way to go. Also, the end justifies the
means: I am quite sure from the hastily scrawled tone of her somewhat
incoherent communication that I made jacquie0 cry. That'll do for me.
I wanked the ol' PilchardTadger into a formless and raw lump of
undifferentiated aching flesh over that.

I am a fiscal conservative. The cheap shots are the best.
--
Sem



Correspondent:: Linda Terrell
Date: Thu, 20 Jan 2005 22:49:43 GMT

--------
In article <10utsabcp59e28a@corp.supernews.com>,
kgb@rawbw.com (Cubicle Morlock) wrote:

> In article <41ee8cbd$1_1@newspeer2.tds.net>,
> Justin L wrote:
> >
>
> > stepped in it>
>
> Damn near matches the old sport of tossing a terrier in an arena
> pit with a bunch of rats. Like the terrier, you don't expect ol'
> Semolina to dispatch them all, its just an issue of seeing how many
> of them get the treatment before time runs out. And like the terrier,
> the contest is hopelessly lopsided but makes good spectator fun.
>
> On a side note, didn't we learn a lesson a while back about
> screwing around in the cat newsgroups? Freaking the mundanes is
> rarely worth the hassle. And poking sticks at the humorless is just
> above a self inflicted 9mm sinus clearing on the "ways to cure
> boredom" list. I know AT has fallen on hard times, but surely we
> haven't sunk to this?
>
> -Robert "My butt cheeks should be printed on napkins so the whole nation
> can kiss my ass" Stetler-
> -kgb@rawbw.com-

A good terrier could kill 20 rats in a very few minutes.

LT


Correspondent:: Semolina Pilchard
Date: Thu, 20 Jan 2005 23:02:53 +0000

--------
On Thu, 20 Jan 2005 22:49:43 GMT, Linda Terrell
wrote:

>In article <10utsabcp59e28a@corp.supernews.com>,
> kgb@rawbw.com (Cubicle Morlock) wrote:

>> Damn near matches the old sport of tossing a terrier in an arena
>> pit with a bunch of rats. Like the terrier, you don't expect ol'
>> Semolina to dispatch them all, its just an issue of seeing how many
>> of them get the treatment before time runs out. And like the terrier,
>> the contest is hopelessly lopsided but makes good spectator fun.

>A good terrier could kill 20 rats in a very few minutes.

You're so right, Linda. Age and infirmity will slow down even an old
terrier like me. I think I lost my killer instinct when I stopped
drinking. I just snap at 'em from habit, now.
--
Sem


Correspondent:: kgb@rawbw.com (Cubicle Morlock)
Date: Thu, 20 Jan 2005 23:03:32 -0000

--------
In article ,
Linda Terrell wrote:
>A good terrier could kill 20 rats in a very few minutes.



No shit, if it wasn't obvious that I already knew that by what
I had posted. For the remaining clueless masses:

http://www.dogbreedinfo.com/manchesterterrier.htm

And for those (like myself) that can't be bothered clicking
on the damn link:

"A Manchester Terrier named Billy supposedly killed 100 rats in only 6
minutes, 13 seconds in a British contest!"

Now please crawl back to your hovel of pussy strokers until your
literacy level improves and you finally learn to stop including
the entire fucking post just to add a "me go plop plop, too"
line. Billy will be visiting you shortly...



Correspondent:: E Varden
Date: Fri, 21 Jan 2005 12:41:56 -0500

--------
Linda Terrell wrote:

>
> A good terrier could kill 20 rats in a very few minutes.
>

That was the point, Shirley.


Pe


Correspondent:: "Bob Smith"
Date: Thu, 27 Jan 2005 11:49:49 -0600

--------

"Cubicle Morlock" wrote in message
news:10utsabcp59e28a@corp.supernews.com...



What are you, the leader?

You should probably get over yourself.

Regards,
Justin




Correspondent:: Miz Daisy Cutter
Date: Thu, 20 Jan 2005 21:41:13 -0500

--------
On Wed, 19 Jan 2005 11:23:12 -0500, Semolina Pilchard reached into its ass
and pulled out (in article <9g1tu0pg148tcvh4vs015n80a055vmcua9@4ax.com>):

> On Wed, 19 Jan 2005 09:30:12 -0600, "Justin L"
> I'm remarkaby fond of cats really....I try to collect ten or a dozen
> at a time and hang them from the washing line by the tail. A good
> prod with my pocket knife establishes each cat's tone and pitch and
> I can soon tune 'em up for a good cat sonata.



Y'know, this has got to be eligible for Concept 2005, somehow.

I emailed it to the SD, who is currently renting living space from one of
those mentally unbalanced old ladies with half a dozen poorly trained and
annoying felines. His only complaint, Sem, was that you didn't provide a
mailing address at which you would "gratefully receive" his donation.

-- Daze



Correspondent:: A_Lizard
Date: Thu, 20 Jan 2005 23:18:24 -0800

--------
On Thu, 20 Jan 2005 21:41:13 -0500, Miz Daisy Cutter wrote:

> On Wed, 19 Jan 2005 11:23:12 -0500, Semolina Pilchard reached into its ass
> and pulled out (in article <9g1tu0pg148tcvh4vs015n80a055vmcua9@4ax.com>):
>
>> On Wed, 19 Jan 2005 09:30:12 -0600, "Justin L"
>> I'm remarkaby fond of cats really....I try to collect ten or a dozen
>> at a time and hang them from the washing line by the tail. A good
>> prod with my pocket knife establishes each cat's tone and pitch and
>> I can soon tune 'em up for a good cat sonata.
>
>
> mailing address at which you would "gratefully receive" his donation.
>
A.Lizard
obT: connecting the keyboard switches of an electronic keyboard to an
array of cattle prods, each inserted into an appropriate cat orifice to
convince the "tuned" cats to become part of the music.
obfunny: building a MIDI interface to the cattle prod array.
--
Regular readers will know that we have been taking a close interest
in homosexuality among farmyard animals - specifically ovine and bovine
lesbianism. - Lester Haines, The Register


Correspondent:: fungus
Date: Wed, 19 Jan 2005 14:47:54 +0100

--------
jacquie0 wrote:
> Semolina Pilchard wrote:
>
>> The bird-bath could be improved with concentrated hydrochloric acid.
>> I have little time for those noisy, shitting little bastards either.
>> Let's keep the animal kingdom where it should be: the fuck outta my
>> way.
>
>
> I'm sure that the world would be a much better place without people like
> you. I suppose that you think that you are all that and then some. Boy,
> have you ever got a lot to learn. Thank God the world doesn't revolve
> around you, you spineles idiot.

Jeeeez.

Why don't you learn to operate your newsreading
program, "jacquie".

See that line at the top where it says "newsgroups"?
Check it out, see where it says "alt.tasteless"?
When you see that you just do a "kill thread" and
save yourself some deeply scarring emotional grief,
Ok?

Better yet, just pull the plug from the wall and go
back to watching daytime TV. It's painfully obvious
you're not qualified to operate the big scary whirring
box with the flashing lights on it.

Run along now...there's a dear.


--
fungus

"The truth is for suckers."





Correspondent:: Ay Eye
Date: 19 Jan 2005 09:22:00 -0500

--------
jacquie0 writes:
> I'm sure that the world would be a much better place without people
> like you.

No doubt you're right, "Jacquie". (BTW, isn't that nickname just a
*bit* affected?) But like the meeting of a European army with a bunch
of wogs on a prime bit of real estate, the smart money can make a
pretty good guess as to which side will be left after the dust
settles.

Ay Eye wo-rl-ey@th-ew-or-ld.c-m
--
...a God who could make good children as easily as bad, yet
preferred to make bad ones; who could have made every one
of them happy, yet never made a single happy one; who made
them prize their bitter life, yet stingily cut it short; who gave
his angels eternal happiness unearned, yet required his other
children to earn it; who gave his angels painless lives, yet
cursed his other children with biting miseries and maladies
of mind and body; who mouths justice, and invented hell --
mouths mercy, and invented hell -- mouths Golden Rules
and forgiveness multiplied by seventy times seven, and
invented hell; who mouths morals to other people, and has
none himself; who frowns upon crimes, yet commits them all;
who created man without invitation, then tries to shuffle the
responsibility for man's acts upon man, instead of honorably
placing it where it belongs, upon himself; and finally, with
altogether divine obtuseness, invites his poor abused slave
to worship him!
-- Mark Twain


Correspondent:: "M.C. Mullen"
Date: Wed, 19 Jan 2005 16:42:12 +0100

--------

| If it wasn't for sentimental fuckwits like you we would recognise cats
| for the vermin they are and eradicate them. I do my best: I never
| leave home without my trusty machete and the streets are littered with
| pussy-cat body-parts around here.

| I suppose you'll be one of those soft Southron sodomites, so
| near France you're practically a wog.

| The bird-bath could be improved with concentrated hydrochloric acid.
| I have little time for those noisy, shitting little bastards either.
| Let's keep the animal kingdom where it should be: the fuck outta my
| way.
| --
| Sem


If you have such little time - why do you bother reading/writing here, but
you left a great message anyway




Correspondent:: HellPope Huey
Date: Wed, 19 Jan 2005 17:03:04 GMT

--------
In article ,
Semolina Pilchard wrote:

> The bird-bath could be improved with concentrated hydrochloric acid.
> I have little time for those noisy, shitting little bastards either.
> Let's keep the animal kingdom where it should be: the fuck outta my
> way.

We're in complete accord on that point. Two more posts like that and
I'll have to start grudgingly respecting you.

--

HellPope Huey
On Star Trek, you can get lost,
but someone always comes to GET you.

"If we can stand up
while all else falls down
we'll last through the winter
we'll last through the storms"
- Peter Gabriel, "Ovo"

"There's a lot of kids and a lot of junkies
out there right now who are countin' on me."
- "Death To Smoochy"


Correspondent:: cmiller@mozuna.com (Lamus)
Date: Wed, 19 Jan 2005 09:44:20 -0600

--------
On January 18 2005, bhatch@luhar.net (Roberta Hatch) wrote:
> A heated bird bath?! A goddamn hot tub for fuckin' birds?
> How stupid (for a bird) would a bird have to be to take a bath in
> freezing weather? I don't care if they try to keep their feathers
> waterproof, I still find it hard to believe that a normal bird
> would want to take a bath in freezing weather. It doesn't say much
> for a person that goes to the trouble and expesne of having a heated
> bird bath either.

How stupid are you for not realizing "heated bath" is not the point.
"Non-frozen water" so they have something to drink IS. What the fuck do
you think the cat was doing? Dehydration is a problem when all the water
freezes for long periods.