So. You want to go to church, do ya?
Correspondent:: HdMrs. Salacia the Overseer
Date: Mon, 31 Jan 2005 09:13:19 -0600
--------
Since she's been 3 my daughter has ASKED me to take her to church
every few months. Family and friends talk to her about Jesus and try
to figure out if we've been feeding her the catechism. No.
Anyway last night we had visitors again and they were telling her
about how they got to sing at church. Now she wants to go to church
again.
"Money for Jesus!" the little guy said.
Every time I take her, though, she shuts up about it for a good 6
months.
Correspondent:: König Prüß, GfbAEV
Date: Mon, 31 Jan 2005 15:25:04 GMT
--------
HdMrs. Salacia the Overseer wrote:
>Since she's been 3 my daughter has ASKED me to take her to church
>every few months. Family and friends talk to her about Jesus and try
>to figure out if we've been feeding her the catechism. No.
>
>Anyway last night we had visitors again and they were telling her
>about how they got to sing at church. Now she wants to go to church
>again.
>
>"Money for Jesus!" the little guy said.
>
>Every time I take her, though, she shuts up about it for a good 6
>months.
Take her to a piano bar where you can sing-along!
Correspondent:: "nu-monet v7.0"
Date: Mon, 31 Jan 2005 09:12:34 -0700
--------
HdMrs. Salacia the Overseer wrote:
>
> Since she's been 3 my daughter has ASKED me
> to take her to church every few months. Family
> and friends talk to her about Jesus and try
> to figure out if we've been feeding her the
> catechism. No.
It's probably a karmic thing, like she has some weird
kind of pseudo-emotional attachment to churches from
a previous life.
Maybe it's like that scene from "Return of the Living
Dead" when the zombie cornered the girl in a church and
ate her brain right in front of the altar.
Your daughter is thinking back to how incredibly yummy
and delicious that girl's brain was, and how being in
a church reminds her of the good times before some guy
blew her head clean off with a shotgun or something.
Well, hey? Can you think of a better reason to have a
fond emotional memory of going to church?
--
"YOU BELONG TO US NOW!"
"GET DOWN WITH MY SICKNESS!!"
--Kino Beman, brand name
Correspondent:: "Rev. Richard Skull"
Date: 31 Jan 2005 08:31:16 -0800
--------
Take her to Keroke Night at X-day.
Correspondent:: Zapanaz
Date: Mon, 31 Jan 2005 09:36:14 -0800
--------
On Mon, 31 Jan 2005 09:13:19 -0600, HdMrs. Salacia the Overseer
wrote:
>Since she's been 3 my daughter has ASKED me to take her to church
>every few months. Family and friends talk to her about Jesus and try
>to figure out if we've been feeding her the catechism. No.
>
>Anyway last night we had visitors again and they were telling her
>about how they got to sing at church. Now she wants to go to church
>again.
>
>"Money for Jesus!" the little guy said.
>
>Every time I take her, though, she shuts up about it for a good 6
>months.
that's the ticket. IMO.
If you don't ever take her, she will start building it up and will
grow up feeling like she was -deprived- of it.
Let her see it for what it is, in all it's fear and loathing.
--
Zapanaz
International Satanic Conspiracy
Customer Support Specialist
http://joecosby.com/
It is a God's function to play Golf, but to play it VERY WELL
Correspondent:: "Rev. Ivan Stang"
Date: Mon, 31 Jan 2005 15:25:07 -0500
--------
In article , Zapanaz wrote:
> On Mon, 31 Jan 2005 09:13:19 -0600, HdMrs. Salacia the Overseer
> wrote:
>
> >Since she's been 3 my daughter has ASKED me to take her to church
> >every few months. Family and friends talk to her about Jesus and try
> >to figure out if we've been feeding her the catechism. No.
> >
> >Anyway last night we had visitors again and they were telling her
> >about how they got to sing at church. Now she wants to go to church
> >again.
> >
> >"Money for Jesus!" the little guy said.
> >
> >Every time I take her, though, she shuts up about it for a good 6
> >months.
>
> that's the ticket. IMO.
>
> If you don't ever take her, she will start building it up and will
> grow up feeling like she was -deprived- of it.
>
> Let her see it for what it is, in all it's fear and loathing.
When my son was about 12 he suffered a sudden spate of religious
belief. Yep, he saw the Jesus Christ Superstar movie, or a stage
version or something, and decided his parents might have been wrong
about EVERYTHING. So he started asking about a church he could go to.
We immediately suggested the Unitarians but he was too smart for that,
he knew if we were recommending them then they were probably basically
Godless and Jesusless. The fool did a little reading on comparative
Christianity and decided on a nearby LUTHERAN church. About the only
thing more boring that I can think of might be Presbyterian. My ex
drove him up there and dropped him off, then brought him home later.
That was his last sincere attempt to Get Jesus. He told me, "Dad, I
went in there, and really gave it my best, but in half an hour I was so
disgusted with them that it made me want to go worship Satan."
AHHH! That's me boy!
By the time he was 16 he got in trouble at school for using the high
school photocopier to run off atheist pamphlets (the kind that feature
insane but real Bible quotes), which he handed out to his friends, most
of whom were at least lip-service religious.
I believe the pamphlets were some that Onan sent me.
He just got a 65 PERCENT RAISE at the L.A. commercial place he works
at, and everybody's going ape shit over his Coke commercial! His wife
is the HOTTEST LOOKING gal from his high school (believe me, I know, I
scoped 'em all out too), and he APPARENTLY ISN'T NUTS! (!?!) His sister
also got an 11% raise, in a completely unrelated development.
So anyway, let the child explore the marvelous world of religion.
What might help keep it all in perspective is to make sure the child
has lots of lit-vid around about GREEK and ROMAN GODS AND MYTHS. First
off, they are COOL because they're loaded with monsters, battles,
beautiful dames that turn INTO monsters, etc. etc.... and yet the child
understands that this INSANELY NUTTY SHIT was somebody's COMPLETELY
DEAD-SERIOUS RELIGION for a thousand years! It helps keep the Christian
mythology in perspective.
Paul Mavrides says that when he was introduced to those Greek and Roman
legends as a child, it insured that there was no way he would ever be
able to take Christianity seriously.
There are lots of good monsters in the Norse mythology too.
Just don't let them get into the Celtic stuff or the next thing you
know... well... you know. Goddess blather, astrology, crystals,
channelling, ear candling, EVEN CUPPING. That shit can be every bit as
nasty as ANY amount of crazy Southern Baptist cultishness -- and those
fucking rub-on Celtic knot and butterfly temporary tattoos are the
GATEWAY DRUG.
--
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
(4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected, Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com PRABOB
Correspondent:: Zapanaz
Date: Mon, 31 Jan 2005 13:14:35 -0800
--------
On Mon, 31 Jan 2005 15:25:07 -0500, "Rev. Ivan Stang"
wrote:
>He just got a 65 PERCENT RAISE at the L.A. commercial place he works
>at, and everybody's going ape shit over his Coke commercial! His wife
>is the HOTTEST LOOKING gal from his high school (believe me, I know, I
>scoped 'em all out too), and he APPARENTLY ISN'T NUTS! (!?!) His sister
>also got an 11% raise, in a completely unrelated development.
Let's face it, Satan DOES pay better.
--
Zapanaz
International Satanic Conspiracy
Customer Support Specialist
http://joecosby.com/
This isn't right. It isn't even wrong. -- Wolfgang Pauli,
on a paper submitted by a physicist colleague
Correspondent:: "Rev. Ivan Stang"
Date: Mon, 31 Jan 2005 17:01:35 -0500
--------
In article <1t7tv05msj4g98mfsc0bingh13q9gn296r@4ax.com>, Zapanaz wrote:
> On Mon, 31 Jan 2005 15:25:07 -0500, "Rev. Ivan Stang"
> wrote:
>
> >He just got a 65 PERCENT RAISE at the L.A. commercial place he works
> >at, and everybody's going ape shit over his Coke commercial! His wife
> >is the HOTTEST LOOKING gal from his high school (believe me, I know, I
> >scoped 'em all out too), and he APPARENTLY ISN'T NUTS! (!?!) His sister
> >also got an 11% raise, in a completely unrelated development.
>
> Let's face it, Satan DOES pay better.
As Jesus can attest!
--
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
(4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected, Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com PRABOB
Correspondent:: "nu-monet v7.0"
Date: Mon, 31 Jan 2005 15:44:54 -0700
--------
Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
>
> When my son was about 12 he suffered a sudden
> spate of religious belief.
That happens to you, what, 2 or 3 times a year?
I imagine that most people think they caught you
in the middle of recording an HOS when you answer
the phone and they hear "Rama! Rama! Krishna! Hari!"
or something that sounds like Anton LeVay singing
Pagliacci in Yiddish to the accompaniment of nose
flute and banjo in the background.
And you almost tell them you converted forever and
you are going to give up your evil ways until they
mention money, which is more sobering to you than
the gun of a Texas State Trooper in your drunk face
at 3am after you had smugly proven that your car
was faster than his was about 10 miles back.
Whatever. Yer goin' ta Hell and you know it. But
Jesus is gonna fuck with yer head first, and you
know that, too. There will be "Bob", standing there
with open arms, then he'll pull off his face mask
and it will be Jesus, who will taser your ass with
lightning bolts from his fingers like the Emperor
in Star Wars.
And he's gonna do shit like this to you for the next
50 million years, apparently having nothing better
to do then mess with the competition.
--
"By thy works, we shall know ye as
an asshole."
--nu-monet
Correspondent:: "Rev. Ivan Stang"
Date: Tue, 01 Feb 2005 12:10:52 -0500
--------
In article <41FEB4E6.6F52@succeeds.com>, nu-monet v7.0
wrote:
> Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
> >
> > When my son was about 12 he suffered a sudden
> > spate of religious belief.
>
> That happens to you, what, 2 or 3 times a year?
>
> I imagine that most people think they caught you
> in the middle of recording an HOS when you answer
> the phone and they hear "Rama! Rama! Krishna! Hari!"
> or something that sounds like Anton LeVay singing
> Pagliacci in Yiddish to the accompaniment of nose
> flute and banjo in the background.
>
> And you almost tell them you converted forever and
> you are going to give up your evil ways until they
> mention money, which is more sobering to you than
> the gun of a Texas State Trooper in your drunk face
> at 3am after you had smugly proven that your car
> was faster than his was about 10 miles back.
>
> Whatever. Yer goin' ta Hell and you know it. But
> Jesus is gonna fuck with yer head first, and you
> know that, too. There will be "Bob", standing there
> with open arms, then he'll pull off his face mask
> and it will be Jesus, who will taser your ass with
> lightning bolts from his fingers like the Emperor
> in Star Wars.
>
> And he's gonna do shit like this to you for the next
> 50 million years, apparently having nothing better
> to do then mess with the competition.
Nothing that a few pebbles in my shoes and barbed wire wrapped around
my chest won't fix.
--
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
(4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected, Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com PRABOB
Correspondent:: Zapanaz
Date: Mon, 31 Jan 2005 15:32:13 -0800
--------
On Mon, 31 Jan 2005 15:25:07 -0500, "Rev. Ivan Stang"
wrote:
>His sister
>also got an 11% raise, in a completely unrelated development.
Whoa shit, wait man.
An ELEVEN percent raise? ELEVEN?
She got ONE ELEVEN PERCENT RAISE?
uh oh.
--
Zapanaz
International Satanic Conspiracy
Customer Support Specialist
http://joecosby.com/
Warning - this message is not FDA approved for use as a flotation
device.
Correspondent:: "Rev. Ivan Stang"
Date: Tue, 01 Feb 2005 12:13:13 -0500
--------
In article , Zapanaz wrote:
> On Mon, 31 Jan 2005 15:25:07 -0500, "Rev. Ivan Stang"
> wrote:
>
> >His sister
> >also got an 11% raise, in a completely unrelated development.
>
> Whoa shit, wait man.
>
> An ELEVEN percent raise? ELEVEN?
>
> She got ONE ELEVEN PERCENT RAISE?
>
> uh oh.
Yeah, and my son was born on... the... 22nd!!
YIKES! GIGANTIC VOODOO-MATH FORCES GATHERING!!
Could the two great masters be in league now?? Man we are SUNK.
--
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
(4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected, Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com PRABOB
Correspondent:: nenslo
Date: Mon, 31 Jan 2005 16:21:23 -0800
--------
"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:
>
>
> So anyway, let the child explore the marvelous world of religion.
I agree. Go to as many different churches as possible - don't try to
pick a "normal" one. I keep wishing I were still curious enough about
religion to go to the local Ethiopian Coptic and Vietnamese Buddhist and
Romanian Pentecostal etc. Churches. The Vietnamese churches are bright
yellow with red trim and tile roofs, twenty foot Kwan Yin and Fat Happy
Buddha statues out front. I did go to the local Konko church, a
Japanese "new religion" founded early in the nineteenth century. Thing
is, church is boring. Unless they are showing a movie where people get
raptured or go to hell.
Correspondent:: König Prüß, GfbAEV
Date: Tue, 01 Feb 2005 00:25:20 GMT
--------
nenslo wrote:
>"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:
>>
>>
>> So anyway, let the child explore the marvelous world of religion.
>
>I agree. Go to as many different churches as possible - don't try to
>pick a "normal" one. I keep wishing I were still curious enough about
>religion to go to the local Ethiopian Coptic and Vietnamese Buddhist and
>Romanian Pentecostal etc. Churches. The Vietnamese churches are bright
>yellow with red trim and tile roofs, twenty foot Kwan Yin and Fat Happy
>Buddha statues out front. I did go to the local Konko church, a
>Japanese "new religion" founded early in the nineteenth century. Thing
>is, church is boring. Unless they are showing a movie where people get
>raptured or go to hell.
Yay! Double-Feature!