This Week's Message from Dr. Hal
Correspondent:: "Rev. Ivan Stang"
Date: Tue, 18 Jan 2005 12:29:33 -0500
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A MESSAGE FROM DR. HAL™ January 19th, 2005
"Ask Dr. Hal" Presents "When Tyrannosaurs Attack "Jock" Mahoney!"
Peculiar Looking Biped Bothers Square-Jawed Hollywood Movie Star,
Blonde in Shorts, Others
And Don't Come too Late to Enjoy our Incendiary Opening Act--
Nice Pants, the Intrepid Ukulele & Violin Combo of
Linda Robertson & Francine Bennet --
True Musicianship, not Over-Amplified Noise
incorporating terrifying Tap Dancing by
Sean Hayes, and
The Triumphant Return of Ariela Morgenstern!
(INSERT WOLF WHISTLE HERE)
Curvaceous, Captivating Chanteuse and Cabaret Performer Par Excellence,
Guaranteed to Thrill All
THE DR. HAL REPORT
C O N T E N T S :
SIZZLING SINGER & TWO OTHER SULTRY SIRENS OF MUSIC ADD TAP DANCER TO
CATALYTIC PERFORMANCE MIX - CONFRONTATION OF PREHISTORIC MONSTER vs.
ALL-AMERICAN GOOD-GUY & SCANTILY-CLAD GIRLFRIEND WILL THRILL ODEON
SOPHISTICATES; BORG2 ELECTORAL RESULTS ANTICIPATED; THE MUNSTERS' PET,
"SPOT," IN HIS FIRST MOVIE ROLE; FREE, & WORTH EVERY PENNY - SOCIAL
NOTES: TIAN - IAPETUS FLYBY REPORT; THE CROWD WOWED; CAPURRO GLOMS
MORE FERNET SHOTS; TALKING 8-BALL 'PHONE MOUTHS OFF; I RIDE IN THE
WONDERCAR; LINE UP & SIGN UP - UPCOMING EVENTS: JOEY HEATHERTON FROLICS
IN K-ROB'S FILM FARM SCREENING OF REFLECTIONS OF EVIL; K.R. WILL ALSO
SHOW VERTIGINOUS VIDEOS; TWO & A HALF GREAT RADIO SHOWS; ROCOCCO
RISQUE: LIBERTIES TAKEN AT DANZHAUS; THE PRINCESS BRIDE AT THE DARK
ROOM; SPECIAL NOTICE: ELECTION NITE THROWDOWN WILL CULMINATE IN RIOTOUS
REVEL - ANNOUNCEMENT: LOST SOX & HARD KNOX: MAKE TRAX TO BUY THE
MEANING OF LOST AND MISMATCHED SOCKS; SOON YOU'LL BE ABLE TO GET THE
BOOK RIGHT AT THE ODEON - SOME OF OUR FAVORITE QUESTIONS: WERE U.S.
PRESIDENTS POOFSTERS? DEADLY ART OF TESSENJUTSU; GOREY POETRY - OUR
DANGLING DISCLAIMER
Our Pre-show Features Music, Mirth, Thrills...
Let it be proclaimed: the "Ask Dr. Hal" Show will definitely take place
at the Odeon Bar and Night Club, San Francisco's Variety Arts Showcase
at 3223 Mission St. @ 29th, this Wednesday night, after 9:30 PM, this
Journal has learned. Yes, without a doubt, our award-winning (in the
Bay Guardian) night club show, trenchant but effervescent, mordant but
sparkling, profound but light-hearted, incongruous but informative,
shall once more bring its unusual brand of conviviality and information
to an outré but receptive audience. Join them this week, when the
Election Results from the Borg2 Revolutionary Council will be pouring
in all night (the deadline's Midnight) while an incomparable musical
act will open the proceedings; the Odeon Bar and Night Club is
preeningly proud to present Nice Pants, the ukulele-violin duo of
Francine Bennet and Linda Robertson, whose melodious emanations will be
punctuated by a Tap-Dance performance by one Sean Hayes, a name well
known to habitués of the Demimonde. Moreover, as the frosting on an
already exquisite cake, so to speak, vivacious Ariela Morganstern will
add the compelling rapture of her voice and presence. This will indeed
be a hard act to follow, a challenge for Chicken John, K-Rob and me,
Dr. Howland Owll. Yet we shall endeavor to deliver the old
(metaphorical) one-two punch as we ensure that each and every one of
your questions shall be answered. A merry time will be had by all. And,
after the opener, after the girls, the music, the tap-dancing, when the
main part of our show begins...
...then, Some Kind of Tyrannosaurus rex Comes Waddling Down the Trail!
In a hidden Lost Land above the Arctic Circle, within a thermally
heated pocket of the Earth's crust, mighty reptiles, monsters of the
planet's dawn ages, still plod through primordial swamps. And it's here
that we find two totemic all-American types stranded after a forced
helicopter landing. So you'll see square-jawed "Bob" Dobbs look-alike
Jock Mahoney (who played Tarzan in the movies and Yancy Derringer,
Riverboat Rogue on TV) dodging a towering, rather improbable-looking
dinosaur, some truculent, photographically enlarged lizards and a man
(actually woman)-eating plant, which menaces co-star Margaret Hathaway.
This K-Rob movie moment, from The Land Unknown, directed by Virgil
Vogel (The Mole People) is a worthy addition to our cinematic library
of Dinosaur Attacks. Just one of the currants in the fruitcake, so to
speak, of Ask Dr. Hal. And what a mixture it is. We've got the lovely
Ariela Morgenstern sitting in with Robertson and Bennet as they coax
their tunes from the strings of violin and "uke" while Sean Hayes
tap-dances his way across the Odeon. We've got David Capurro, and even
a Tyrannosaur of sorts, which later played The Munsters's pet, "Spot"
(he lived under the staircase-- remember?) on the small screen. We've
got movies, gags, Mystery Guests and mind-fondling special effects.
We've got supertechnician Jascha; we've got Chicken and K-Rob, the
Largest in Captivity. And you know what? Well, I'll tell you what. Just
hold on to your headboards--
The whole thing is presented COMPLETELY FREE!
That's right, that's the agreement-- there is no cover, no charge for
those who appear at the Odeon to take in our show. Yet that's not to
say that we don't spend our precious time, quite a bit of it, in fact,
getting it ready for you. (Just writing and sending this newsletter
takes many much-missed hours, to say nothing of eye-watering strain to
the old peepers.) And though most of what you see and hear is,
perforce, improvised "on the spot," you can bet that this selfsame spot
offers solid advantage for the groundwork of sound theatrical
preparation. Come for the show, or just for a tête-à-tête with one
close to you in surroundings especially congenial for a rendezvous. We
won't tell. Of course, it might show up later in The Dr. Hal Report as
a hot item in the the section called...
Social Notes
The Dr. Hal Show began when the last echoes of Ted Schram's soulful
ululations had died away. First, Natural Philosopher, Trailer
Customizer and Tile Grouter Pete Goldie delivered the Titan-Iapetus
Flyby Report, late-breaking news from the Cosmic Frontier of the outer
regions of our Solar System. Then the questions came thick and fast,
sent up via the questions pitcher to me via mild-mannered Chicken John,
all from an enthusiastic audience which included such night trippers as
Mishka, David Kaye and Faceless Nobody... Outside, three
familiar-looking Doggie Diner Heads loomed, courtesy of John Law, who
arrived fresh from rival show the Laughing Squid Customer Appreciation
Party. That's where the two Giant Squids went, everybody; I attended
Mr. Scott Beale's soiree before I came to the Odeon and sure enough,
there they were, red eyes shining and all arms once more in trim... We
saw socialite seamstress Louise Jarmilowicz and bon vivant Geoffrey
Smart, big Ben Burke and ravishing Robin Frohardt, Paul the Gentleman
Farmer and Patron of the Arts, and, of all people, Church of the
SubGenius archon and co-founder Dr. Philo Drummond... I couldn't miss
that tall, cool drink of water Nieves Hagmeier, and juniper-berry-fresh
Jenay Growden... Other fabulous femmes included Molli Simon, la belle
Katy Bell, who came in late, but better late than never-- she'd been
helping out Master Tentacle Scott Beale at his gig across town-- and
Fan Ameke, whose see-thru outfit made Emos Sofoud's glasses steam over.
Anthony Phoer pounded back Fernet after Fernet at the bar, but never
"won" any with a Superior Query; that honor fell to Internet Warrior
and Yo-yo pro David Capurro, while Chicken ground his teeth in
disgust... Aerialist/ecdysiast Ena was assisted, in keeping the thirsty
mob at the bar well-watered, by luminous, unflappable Jean; Journeyman
Jascha Ephraim (pronounced "E-Frame") kept the lights, music and sound
in balance... Lute Souruggo handed up a perfumed billet-doux... Duncan
D'nuts also attended both the Squid show and my show... The Talking
8-Ball Telephone, a gift from cartoonist Leslie Sternbergh of New York
City, made some caustic comments... And Don & Tracy attended; they gave
me a ride home afterward in their hybrid wonder-mobile... Now, if you
were there I guess I just didn't see you. Come on, autograph K-Rob's
Sign-Up Sheet. Then I can get your John Hancock into this column, see?
You can't miss that old K-Rob Sheet-- it's always at the front of the
stage, stuck there with Scotch tape. Then I un-stick it, take it home
and use it to write this column. That's the way it works. So do your
part, or be forever unmentioned...
Upcoming Events
Here are some of the must-see hot tickets for the near future, a chorus
of related happenings croaking and booming in the same swamp as are we,
presented as a public service by the Ask Dr. Hal Report, which is
responsible for all accuracy or factual errors from the following:
Ongoing
"K-Rob's Thursday Night Film Farm" -- K-Rob the great has the soul of
an exhibitor. He keeps it wrapped in a stained, crusted handkerchief
stuffed in his pajama pants pocket... No, seriously, he delights in
putting on a film show, he really does-- he's often proved it at the
Odeon with his dizzying displays of Video Editing, and separately at
such far flung venues as, say, the neurotic "SubGenius" 3-Day & Night
Outdoor Movie Festival-a-rama & Ritual Purge-- remember that? back in
May of last year (see the Dr. Hal Report, Vol. I, No. 11). How the time
fries... And watch for notice of another one of these fulsome cinematic
smorgasbords the same perpetrators could be plotting... Anyway, each
Thursday, K-Rob's now running an Odeon Cinema series. And.. it's FREE,
FREE, FREE! Cm'on-- when even daytime matinees in this benighted burg
cost a painful $7.50, where else can you go for a free frickin' movie?
Not to mention that you can hang out with bon vivant K-Rob and order
hard liquor, an amenity most theaters are usually reluctant to pass out
with the popcorn. Each K-Rob movie program starts at 7:00 PM and runs
through 9:00 PM, and includes trailers, short subjects, cartoons, the
whole Tostada Muy Grande. This week it's.. it's... Reflections of
Evil. Now, I'll bet you folks out there who think yourselves such
cineastes are for the most part totally ignorant about this K-Rob
Classic. Plot Outline: Julie, who died of a PCP overdose as a teen in
the early '70s, searches from beyond the ether for her little brother,
Bob, an obese watch-seller, who is dying of sucrose intolerance, in the
early '90s. Written and directed (2002) by Damon Packard (who plays the
role of "Bob"), with Nicole Vanderhoff as "Julie." Also featuring Joey
Heatherton, Lana Turner, George Hamilton, and Dean Spunt as young
Steven Spielberg. Narrated by Tony Curtis, in Black and White and
Color, in English and German. A memorable evening at the Odeon Cinema.
Now, seriously, isn't it about time you started coming to these?
"Puzzling Evidence" -- For more than twenty years, this Church of the
SubGenius-affiliated radio show has been on the air on KPFA 94.1 FM;
its current time slot is 3-5 AM Friday mornings (you might consider it
late Thursday nights as we often do). I, Dr. Howland Owll appear along
with Dr. Philo Drummond (visit his website at
http://www.quiveringbrain.com ) and
on-board bored board operator Puzzling Evidence himself (The "Tash").
Sometimes K-Rob joins us, sometimes other Mystery Guests. All Talk, No
Rock. A cascade of echoing glossolaliac madness, the voicing of lyric
ruminations from the brains of disintegrating personalities. Of course,
you may just hate it. But maybe not. After all, Kelek Stevenson told me
she listens. So there. And, if you're up, why not give it a try? Maybe
you could call in (after 4:00 AM) at (510) 848-4425..."
"Radio KROB" -- Yes, the enigma known as K-Rob can still be heard at a
much more accessible time, Fridays, 10 PM to Midnight on sf liberation
radio (webcast only), still going strong, when he'll elevate you with
his unique brand of "elevator music," (an elitist pleasure) and on
Sundays, 6PM to Midnight on Pirate Cat Radio 87.9 FM for what he calls
stimulus regression programming. Grr-owf! K.R., broadcasting from the
always-innovative Dark Room Theatre, promises to play some of his
MP3-recorded "mixes" you may have missed at our other shows, Dr. Hal
fans. If you can stand the smoke and flames, and hear the cannon's
roar, this is the show for you. Go ahead, tune in, K-Rob fans-- see
what all the shouting is about.
"Rococo Risqué: Liberties Taken--" The Red Gate Performance
Collective's 5th Biannual Flagship Show, opening February 11th! "Lady
Liberty herself finally gets down from her pedestal to present a
cabaret 'styled in the great tradition of the USO.' Now, thanks to the
miraculous technological advances pioneered by Dr. Herbert Kerbers,
this epochal entertainment will be transmitted live, directly to the
hearts and minds of the world's civilian population, as well as
broadcast to our finely
fatigued friends across the globe," writes to-die-for Chanteuse Ariela
Morganstern, whom, lucky you, you can see and hear at this gig. Playing
4 weekends (Friday and Saturday) from Feb. 11th & 12th to March 4th &
5th, at Danzhaus, 1275 Connecticut St. San Francisco, California. Keep
watching this space for showtimes and prices, or get information about
this show and the company at
www.rococorisque.com.
"The Princess Bride: the Play--" January 14-30, 2005: Fridays &
Saturdays at 8PM; Sundays at 4PM. Perhaps you saw the movie a few
years back (featuring the late Andre the Giant). Now those Dark Room
die-hards have effected a magical transformation of their own in their
full-blooded adaptation of this work for their innovative stage.
Inspired by the classic tale of high adventure and true romance by
William Goldman. Don't say there's nothing special to see in S.F.! Yes,
another Impossible Production ( The Twilight Zone, Night of the Living
Dead, the Play; Clue: the Play; Dr. Strangelove: the Play, etc.)
directed by Cameron Eng & Jim Fourniadis and produced by Erin Ohanneson
& Cameron Eng. Starring are Don Wood, Nancy Bower, Josh Lenn, John
Filgas, Mark Para, Cameron Eng, Jim Fourniadis, Seanetta, Laura Drus,
and introducing Patrick Biggs. January 21st, 22nd, 23rd, 28th, 29th,
and 30th. Easy to find-- 2263 Mission Street, SF, between 18th and
19th. For more details, check
www.darkroomsf.com
or
www.princessbride.4t.com.
A reasonable $15 at the door; even cheaper ($12.50) online; go to
www.acteva.com/go/impprod
Anouncement
There will be, all through our show and at the climactic moment,
nothing less than the Borg2 Election Night Throwdown. That's right-- as
results come in, "real time monitoring of the results" will show on the
bar's monitors. Remember: elections begin Tuesday the 18th at noon, and
end at 11:59 PM on Wednesday-- the election party will then be held,
capping the Ask Dr. Hal show, right here at the Odeon. Come for the
show-- stay for the election and the enactment of living history. Then
party on, dudes & dudettes...
Another Anouncement
I, Dr. Hal, have written a book. It's called The Meaning of Lost and
Mismatched Socks, and its publisher is Frog, Ltd. (North Atlantic
Books). This tome was written, indexed, and packed with illustrations
by Yours Truly under the nom de plume of Dr. Perditus Pedale, M.D.,
Ph.D., but don't be fooled: it's really me. ("Cyberpunk" author) John
Shirley wrote it up with a good review last year, bless him-- I think
you just might still be able to read it if you access his backlog at
his "blog" at
http://johnshirley.net
and then there was another favorable review on-line at boingboing.net;
look to see if you can still find it at
www.boingboing.net/2004/09/23/new_hal_robins_book_.html
Whoever wrote this inexplicably referred to my "high-pitched voice,"
but it's otherwise a good notice. And I have to say, I haven't
encountered anyone who's read the thing who disliked it... Now, in this
book, I finally answer a question originally put to me at "The Wizard
of Ass" out in the desert some years ago, as Chicken reminded me back
in 2004. You see, I eventually do get around to answering all
questions; with certain of these it just takes me longer, as in this
case. This book costs a cool $9.95, but all books are expensive these
days-- I can't help that. However, I'd hate to have written a
"dunderheaded" book that didn't sell, for that would sully my already
bedeviled & benighted reputation even further. So, Dr. Hal fans, if you
really are out there, for Dobbs's sake go ahead and prove it, why don't
you, by going out and getting this book. And if you like it, you might
want to get my next book, Dinosaur Alphabet (now in endless-seeming
preparation). But first things first. ISBN number 1-58394-097-9,
paperback (but the dinosaur book, which I'm working on now, will be a
hardback, when I get it finished-- I'm aiming for the Fall 2005
season-- wish me luck!). Available in many bookstores, I suppose (on my
Hallowe'en trip to N.Y.C. I saw they were carrying it at Shakespeare &
Co.), and on amazon.com. Meanwhile, none other than Duncan D'nuts has
kindly offered to front me some dough so's I can purchase some copies
of my own book at an "author's discount" (not very significant) and
then make them available right here at the Odeon. The profit margin
will be slim, but many of you have asked if I can do this; now, or
actually in the near future (but I can't say exactly when), you'll be
able to acquire one of these, signed, just by coming in to the bar.
We'll see how it all works out. Help an impoverished author (that's me)
this leeched-out post-holiday season. I'm going to have to sell an
enormous mountain-high pile of these for my royalties to kick in; I
have a truly terrible deal with the publisher. I guess I need an agent.
Remember, buy it at the bar and I'll sign it, exponentially increasing
its value. That's a promise.
Some of Our Favorite Questions
"Dr. Hal, were any U.S. Presidents... gay?" Well, actually, nobody
knows, though theories abound, and various folks with axes to grind
have made this claim for one reason or another, all ideologically
suspect in my opinion. There's a book out now whose thesis was that
Abraham Lincoln, not his wife, should have been named "Mary," if you
catch my drift, but in his case I really don't think so. In his time,
it was common for travelling men in hotels and inns, among others, to
think nothing of sharing a single bed for the night just as a matter of
an inexpensive accommodation, like Ishmael and Queequeg in Melville's
Moby-Dick. All right, you jokers, insert dick joke here, and let's get
back to business. Some associate who was bundled with Lincoln
reportedly recalled that the future Great Emancipator had "the most
perfect thighs ever seen on a human being." Hmm... perhaps that guy was
gay. It may be significant, by the way, that James Buchanan, the
fifteenth President of the United States (1857-1861), "the only
President who never married," had his niece Harriet Lane enact the
apparently necessary role of First Lady.
"Dr. Hal, are you ever afraid of your fans?" Should I be? I don't see
why. Dr. Hal, let it be known, is friend to all people on this
terraqueous globe. Of course, I remember Orpheus. One doesn't wish to
be too well-loved. But, no, I'm not afraid of my fans. I am slightly
wary of fans, the kind you hold in your hand. These can be dangerous.
In fact, in Japan there is a deadly martial art known as tessenjutsu,
based solely on the use of a fan. The poet Edward Gorey knew of the
aggressive potential of these seemingly harmless instruments when he
wrote:
Said a girl who upon her divan
Was attacked by a virile young man:
"Such excess of passion
Is quite out of fashion,"
And fractured his wrist with her fan.
Boilerplate
"Ask Dr. Hal" is elastic, ecumenical, eclectic and electric, and has
even been known to be, in its way, erotic. Whatever it may be, it is
certainly open to all seekers and thirsters after Enlightenment.
Furthermore, special consultations and hands-on initiations are
available in private, particularly for well-knit, gracile, nubile
females over the currently legal drinking age of 21. Everybody else,
including would-be prospective opening act performers, are asked to
present their resumes, life histories, astrological charts, nude
photos, sob stories, requests for handouts, X-rays, dirty linen, BVDs,
VHS cassettes, reel-to-reels, CDs, DVDs and/or audition tapes directly
to warm-hearted "Chicken" John for evaluation. I am unable, owing to
serious demands on my time at present, to provide (shudder)
"relationship" advice, give off-the-cuff psychological analyses, advise
you in legal, medical or personal matters, critique your poetry,
artwork or the manuscript of your novel, or perform an impromptu
phrenological examination. Sorry, I must refrain from answering
questions when "off duty." This is a period and condition which begins
at the moment the show ends and regularly lasts until the beginning of
the next week's performance. I'm not kidding, don't come at me with
questions when it's not Wednesday and I'm not doing the show.
Otherwise, all are most welcome. Step right up, no shoving, room for
all. Not for the fearful, tearful, fretful, regretful, self-obsessed or
feeble-minded, nor for cranks, fanatics, crank addicts, hysterics,
epileptics, cataleptics, young, impressionable children or those who
are no longer children but are (too) easily shocked. Some restrictions
apply. Easy to play. Follow all directions. Be the first on your block
to attend. We provide an Oracle of Truth; you provide the consequences.
Available in other venues, and for weddings, funerals, corporate
entertainment retreats, secret ceremonies, bar and bat mitzvahs.
Scientific, educational. Healthful, revivifying, nutritive. Take cum
grano salis. Results may vary. Does not (usually) stain clothing. No
complicated machinery to buy. Anyone can play. Fun for the whole
family (if, that is, the whole family is of legal drinking age).
Pencils, envelopes, instruction booklets and question slips provided
free of charge. No pushy salesman will call. Quotes the poets. Witty,
bawdy, topical. Will tell you your Totem Animal. Hariolation and
Hermeneutics a specialty. Hypnotic, horrific and hypnopaedic. Reads tea
leaves and t-shirts. Foretells the future, casts spells, locates
missing objects, heals, sickens, communicates with the Spirit World,
knows the Meaning of Life and the secrets of human hearts in this world
and the next. Will design your tattoo. Available for Sex Magick. Bring
your parents and loved ones. Do not exceed recommended dosage. Reveals
Past Lives and Life of the Past. The most amazing thing seen anywhere,
I kid you not. Bachelors and cads, take notice: some of the most
fetching (though crazy) women in San Francisco regularly attend. A
co-production of the Church of the SubGenius. Dobbs Approved.
Ameliorates the Terror of the Gods. Reads the palm of the hand, reads
by touch the bumps on the head and the uncovered female body. Buy my
horrid horror comic book, Grave Yarns. Brought to you by Camel
cigarettes (remember, They Are Mild-- "I'd Walk a Mile for a Camel"),
and by the Miracle Liquor Fernet Branca, proud sponsor of the Ask Dr.
Hal show since 2001. From now on until the Seventh Seal is opened, and
fire mingled with blood are cast upon the earth, all questions
instantly and irrevocably become the property of Ask Dr. Hal, Hal
Robins, Chicken John, and Dr. J.C. Robchen-John Lash Kickaha
Productions. We retain the right to deflect inappropriate questions and
reject inappropriate questioners, abruptly, firmly, forcefully,
gleefully and at will. Attn. Mission drunks (or Bambi Lake): if you try
to disrupt our show, you will be "bounced." Although it is not strictly
necessary to pay to enjoy the performance, and payment will not ensure
your appreciation of the evening, all questions should ideally be
submitted in a regulation envelope containing an emolument to receive
the fullest possible consideration. The better (i.e. larger) the
emolument, the better (i.e. long-winded) the answer. A premium
emolument precipitates a "Bardic Recitation." For example, last week's
show included my interpretation of Shelley's "The World's Great Age
Begins Anew," or whatever it's called. This time, unlike last time when
weird noises emanating from K-Rob's equipment threw me off, I was
word-perfect. Oh, well. Too bad if you weren't there, eh? Of course,
unpaid questions will be answered, but in binary form by an assembled
mob of magic 8-balls. The new Sternbergh 8-ball can even speak its
reply aloud. Still, if it's not a "yes or no" question, this doesn't
work very well, and tends to be somewhat unsatisfying. Just the same,
no refunds given or answers guaranteed. You pay for it, you get it. No
one religion or political party endorsed. If you don't see what you
want, ask. Time tested. User-friendly. Preserved for Posterity. Written
up in the weeklies. Taped for TV. Quoted at parties. Remembered in
dreams, re-run in your nightmares. Astrally projected. Alive in Living
Memory. Provides automotive information. The subject of after-dinner
anecdotes. Will pop into your mind at unguarded moments. Are you really
actually reading this? You are? Good for you. We're not for everybody,
but what is? Don't let the terrorists win-- They Hate our Freedom to
laugh our heads off at shows like this, so-- it's important-- at the
next election, vote them out of office. Located in the fibrillating,
palpitating Heart of the teeming Deep Mission, fashionably below Cesar
Chavez (the street, that is). Read all instructions (provided) before
participating. Drink responsibly, but heavily. Robust alcohol
consumption recommended for full enjoyment. Support the Odeon; order a
drink or two, for the love of Mike, whoever he is. Some of us can't
drink at all, remember. Boy, do we wish we could. Perhaps we will, by
and by. 'Bye. And buy my book, won't you? The holidays are finally
gone--but there are still birthdays...
--
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
(4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected, Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com PRABOB