back in my day we used a tennis ball and duct tape
Correspondent:: "nu-monet v7.0"
Date: Sun, 02 Jan 2005 06:30:10 -0700
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http://www.humanerestraint.com/page17.html
--
"We're going to take things away from
you on behalf of the common good."
-- Hillary Clinton
Correspondent:: "Doktor Dark"
Date: 2 Jan 2005 14:08:07 -0800
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Sometimes the old ways are best.
http://freespace.virgin.net/badtaste.bluesband/HANNIBAL%20LECTER%20copy.jpg
Correspondent:: "Paul Casino"
Date: 2 Jan 2005 18:56:50 -0800
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"Tired of being spit on?"
Why yes, yes I am. Tell me more about your exciting new product...
Correspondent:: "nu-monet v7.0"
Date: Sun, 02 Jan 2005 20:09:34 -0700
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Paul Casino wrote:
>
> "Tired of being spit on?"
> Why yes, yes I am. Tell me more about your
> exciting new product...
I suppose the irony is that you have to pay women
a lot more to spit on you, until you marry them.
--
"YOU BELONG TO US NOW!"
"GET DOWN WITH MY SICKNESS!!"
--Kino Beman, brand name
Correspondent:: "Paul Casino"
Date: 2 Jan 2005 20:00:43 -0800
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Oh, you don't know the half of it these days, bud. It's like I'm some
kind of strange magnet of the derission and scorn of the female
species.
Correspondent:: "nu-monet v7.0"
Date: Mon, 03 Jan 2005 07:49:11 -0700
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Paul Casino wrote:
>
> Oh, you don't know the half of it these
> days, bud. It's like I'm some kind of
> strange magnet of the derission and scorn
> of the female species.
Well, a few ugly facts of life.
First of all, females *are* the species. Men
are just around to improve genetic diversity.
Women inherently know this fact.
Second, girls fall in love with the first thing
they have a really good orgasm with. This lasts
until they have a really good second orgasm.
Then they no longer fall in love with things or
people, they fall in love with "love".
Third, men have one reproductive prerogative,
to impregnate as many females as possible.
Females, however, have *two*. The first is to
get the best possible sperm donor, and the second
is to get the most prosperous male to help them
raise their offspring. With a lot of males around,
it is highly unlikely that these two men are the
same guy.
Fourth, far more people reproduce than should.
Reproduction should be limited to the equivalent
of "alpha" people. If that majority of people
left breeding up to those who are really good at
it, our civilization would advance by decades
where we now advance by years. Reproduction uses
all your available energy, and you have none left
for creativity.
So Fifth, if you are still caught up in the idea
of marriage and reproduction, even though females
instinctively shun and abhor you, you are wrong.
The cure for this is prostitution. It will allow
you to keep your self-esteem, masculine sense of
rationality, common sense, good taste, and to
retain your prerogatives in life.
This is in lieu of killing yourself working to raise
someone else's children, then living in povery for
the rest of your life after divorce and buying a
house for a woman you hate, in exchange for being
denied sex and affection for the duration of your
marriage.
You have been raised with the expectation of marriage
and reproduction. Society ingrains this so deeply
that for many, it is their *only* goal in life. They
have absolutely no alternative to this that they can
imagine. BUT IT IS A LIE.
Try to accept the surely unhappy notion that not
only are you one of those individuals who shouldn't
reproduce, but you are one for whom it is so blatant
that even ordinary females can recognize the great
big genetic neon sign on your forehead. You don't
have the sperm that *any* of them want, and you don't
have the money they want, either. On top of it, you
probably have a personality to match, being unwilling
to radically alter your entire existence to satisfy
both the female whim and anything "bad" that might
influence her offspring.
The great alternative to this, in the US, is not to
visit public prostitutes, but to make yourself some.
Strike up a conversation in a public place, say, a
koffee shop, and let the local girls know that you
are willing to pay a given amount for sex, under
strict controls. AND that you also pay girls who
find other girls willing to sell sex. A commission,
as it were. This gets the message around.
You are not interested in jealousy, marriage or
reproduction. You provide the motel room and condom.
Your price is fixed at whatever for a given time, NOT
all-night, which is almost always a mistake. You are
paying for sex, not to sleep next to someone so abberant
that they will sleep with you. Tipping is allowed for
good performance, as is repeat business.
Come prepared, you want your money's worth. You also
should plan provide accessories, of many types, and
not all of a sexual nature. For example, shower cap,
mouthwash, lubricating liquid, pain reliever, sex toys,
video camera, pumpkin, riding crop, cigarettes, soft
drinks and snacks, liquor, valium, marijuana, even
music.
One of the nicer things to do is to plan what to do
afterwards. Throwing her out of a speeding car is not
very gentlemanly, and you can get a nice review to her
friends if you take her out to dinner *after*.
--
"YOU BELONG TO US NOW!"
"GET DOWN WITH MY SICKNESS!!"
--Kino Beman, brand name
Correspondent:: HellPope Huey
Date: Tue, 04 Jan 2005 06:58:47 GMT
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In article <41D95B67.625C@succeeds.com>,
"nu-monet v7.0" wrote:
> Well, a few ugly facts of life.
Never mind all that crap. I had hot monkey sex today and the rest is of
no consequence.
Common sense and pragmatism usually just leave you with a tennis ball
duct-taped in your rectum and rightly so. What's yer aim, anyway, a
flick called "Revenge of the Pith?" Remember, if we all come at you with
tennis balls at once, your odds of going home on your hands and knees,
howling like a babboon, are quite good.
Nothing personal; its just the afterglow of the hot monkey sex.
--
HellPope Huey
A lurking tsunami in every hot tub,
a budding conspiracy in every sock drawer,
a potential holocaust in every birth control dispenser.
Are you bored? Are you jaded?
Has all enthusiasm faded?
Are you one of those people like glazed fruit
Who sit there in shell shock
Till the dot on your screen
disappears?
- Creme & Godley, "L"
My mind is a swamp
glutted with the wreckage
of ancient sitcom gags.
- Nenslo
Correspondent:: "just john"
Date: 3 Jan 2005 13:06:58 -0800
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You had a day?