Attn: Nu-monet, keeper of the sacred calendar of the Saints

Posted by:: Zapanaz
Date: Thu, 24 Mar 2005 17:25:17 -0800

--------

Does Bizarro Superman have a Saint Day in the Subgenius calendar?

If not, I feel the spirit in me, we MUST Canonize Bizarro Superman.
If he isn't the perfect Subgenius Saint then I don't know what. I
FEEL the spirit in me, "BOB" is telling me this must happen.

--
Zapanaz
International Satanic Conspiracy
Customer Support Specialist
http://joecosby.com/
The only difference between surreal and hellish is in the latter you
wake up, but it's still surreal.



Posted by:: "nu-monet v7.0"
Date: Thu, 24 Mar 2005 19:33:26 -0700

--------
Zapanaz wrote:
>
> Does Bizarro Superman have a Saint Day in the
> Subgenius calendar?
>
> If not, I feel the spirit in me, we MUST Canonize
> Bizarro Superman. If he isn't the perfect Subgenius
> Saint then I don't know what. I FEEL the spirit in
> me, "BOB" is telling me this must happen.

Sorry, disqualified. Different panoply. You still can
invoke Bizarro Superman for ritualistic purposes, or to
solicit his blessing in your activities, however.

A good analogy would be "Could an angel become a
Catholic Saint?"

Superman and his derivatives, including Bizarro Superman,
are part of the hierarchy of Elder Gods. As such, they
inherently transcend SubGenius sainthood, and need to
perform no saintly acts to be part of the pantheon of
uber-Earthian beings favored by "Bob".

Batman, on the other hand, fucks them up the ass and
lets them go.


--
Be Sure To Visit the 'SubGenius Reverend' Blog:
http://slackoff.blogspot.com/
***********
"Be Brave! Fear is just the
opposite of Nar!"
--nu-monet


Posted by:: HellPope Huey
Date: Fri, 25 Mar 2005 03:08:17 GMT

--------
In article <42437876.3C5@succeeds.com>,
"nu-monet v7.0" wrote:

> Batman, on the other hand, fucks them up the ass and
> lets them go.

He had a really hard time getting Nenslo off his batprong. The man
clamps down with inhuman vigor.

--

HellPope Huey
God is my co-pilot
and winged monkeys on the window ledge
are my spell-checkers.

My life, my real life, was in danger
and not from anything other people might do
but from the hatred I carried in my own heart.
- James Baldwin, "Notes From a Native Son"

"If I shot every person who told me I sucked,
I'd be a serial killer."
- Judy Gold


Posted by:: Zapanaz
Date: Thu, 24 Mar 2005 20:21:57 -0800

--------
On Thu, 24 Mar 2005 19:33:26 -0700, "nu-monet v7.0"
wrote:

>Zapanaz wrote:
>>
>> Does Bizarro Superman have a Saint Day in the
>> Subgenius calendar?
>>
>> If not, I feel the spirit in me, we MUST Canonize
>> Bizarro Superman. If he isn't the perfect Subgenius
>> Saint then I don't know what. I FEEL the spirit in
>> me, "BOB" is telling me this must happen.
>
>Sorry, disqualified. Different panoply. You still can
>invoke Bizarro Superman for ritualistic purposes, or to
>solicit his blessing in your activities, however.
>
>A good analogy would be "Could an angel become a
>Catholic Saint?"
>
>Superman and his derivatives, including Bizarro Superman,
>are part of the hierarchy of Elder Gods. As such, they
>inherently transcend SubGenius sainthood, and need to
>perform no saintly acts to be part of the pantheon of
>uber-Earthian beings favored by "Bob".
>
>Batman, on the other hand, fucks them up the ass and
>lets them go.

SCHISM

I hereby declare Bizarro Superman to be the saint of the 13 and a
halfth of every month. Any Numonite who wants to claim otherwise will
be burnt at the stake.

--
Zapanaz
International Satanic Conspiracy
Customer Support Specialist
http://joecosby.com/
The best case: Get salary from America, build a house in England,
live with a Japanese wife, and eat Chinese food.
Pretty good case: Get salary from England, build a house in America,
live with a Chinese wife, and eat Japanese food.
The worst case: Get salary from China, build a house in Japan,
live with a British wife, and eat American food.
--Bungei Shunju, a popular Japanese magazine



Posted by:: HellPope Huey
Date: Fri, 25 Mar 2005 04:36:42 GMT

--------
In article ,
Zapanaz wrote:

> SCHISM
> I hereby declare Bizarro Superman to be the saint of the 13 and a
> halfth of every month. Any Numonite who wants to claim otherwise will
> be burnt at the stake.

I hereby declare that you are hopped up on GOOFBALLS. And remember to
watch your step, because Bizarro Superman fucks 'em up the ass and
DOESN'T let them go. He'll be at you repeatedly with that crystal dong
until you forget how many legs Charlie Sheen has.

--

HellPope Huey
God is my co-pilot
and winged monkeys on the window ledge
are my spell-checkers.

My life, my real life, was in danger
and not from anything other people might do
but from the hatred I carried in my own heart.
- James Baldwin, "Notes From a Native Son"

"If I shot every person who told me I sucked,
I'd be a serial killer."
- Judy Gold


Posted by:: "nu-monet v7.0"
Date: Thu, 24 Mar 2005 21:46:12 -0700

--------
Zapanaz wrote:
>
> SCHISM
>
> I hereby declare Bizarro Superman to be the saint
> of the 13 and a halfth of every month. Any Numonite
> who wants to claim otherwise will be burnt at the stake.

Fine. You just go ahead and do that, heathen.

However, be warned. Involking the names of the Elder
Gods is just begging to have your needle skipped from
its track on the Luck Plane. Even "Bob" may not be
able to save your sticky buns from the wrath of an
Elder God aroused from his soul-engorged slumber to
attend to the easily bruised flesh of a mortalian
Yetisyny.

It might be something really icky, like reaching into
your guts through your belly button and yanking out
all your capillaries while leaving everything else
intact.

Or you might be visited by one of those lymph sucking
lymph vampires that are like blood sucking vampires
except they suck out your lymph, so it takes a lot
longer and they like bite you in the arm pits instead
of the neck. Or poo vampires, you don't wanna know.

Or the Elder Gods might send a gay Incubus, and you
won't be able to sleep at night. Like being in prison,
except for the love of "Bob", you can't help yourself,
they're the best blowjobs you have ever gotten.

They could call the IRS on you and lie and say you're
hiding money in the Caymen Islands for a drug dealing
al-Qaeda guy who works for Howard Dean.

Elder Gods are also known to fuck up your computer
hardware, put oily fingerprints all over your sunglasses,
and to enter your name into the federal database of
perverts who have sex with vegetables. They may also
hit on your girlfriend while in the visage of a sexy,
young, irresistable Sternodox, which leaves their ears
looking uneven from behind and may cause cellulite.

So go ahead an invoke your Bizarro thingy, just be
prepared to accept the consequences to yourself, those
you love, and every Norwegian within 50 miles.

And "Bob" may dick you over, too. But you already
knew that.


--
Be Sure To Visit the 'SubGenius Reverend' Blog:
http://slackoff.blogspot.com/
***********
Come to think of it, I would really feel no guilt
whatsoever in killing brain-eating zombies before
they could eat my brain. In fact, why wait until
they're zombies? It's pretty easy to tell just by
looking who's going to turn into a zombie. If
they're all curled up on the floor yelling "Don't
shoot me! Don't shoot me!", they're a lot easier
to kill then when they're trying to eat your brain
and you have to shoot them a bunch of times before
they stop trying to eat your brain.
--nu-monet


Posted by:: "fenian d'illudium q-36, Rlari."
Date: Sat, 26 Mar 2005 15:10:47 -0500

--------

"Zapanaz" wrote in message
news:bb4741ptm9a9oka9vneg78p5dp5hk37fe1@4ax.com...
> On Thu, 24 Mar 2005 19:33:26 -0700, "nu-monet v7.0"
> wrote:
>
>>Zapanaz wrote:
>>>
>>> Does Bizarro Superman have a Saint Day in the
>>> Subgenius calendar?
>>>
>>> If not, I feel the spirit in me, we MUST Canonize
>>> Bizarro Superman. If he isn't the perfect Subgenius
>>> Saint then I don't know what. I FEEL the spirit in
>>> me, "BOB" is telling me this must happen.
>>
>>Sorry, disqualified. Different panoply. You still can
>>invoke Bizarro Superman for ritualistic purposes, or to
>>solicit his blessing in your activities, however.
>>
>>A good analogy would be "Could an angel become a
>>Catholic Saint?"
>>
>>Superman and his derivatives, including Bizarro Superman,
>>are part of the hierarchy of Elder Gods. As such, they
>>inherently transcend SubGenius sainthood, and need to
>>perform no saintly acts to be part of the pantheon of
>>uber-Earthian beings favored by "Bob".
>>
>>Batman, on the other hand, fucks them up the ass and
>>lets them go.
>
> SCHISM

"Bob?"