Modified CO Detector
Posted by:: "iDRMRSR"
Date: Wed, 9 Mar 2005 20:51:11 -0500
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What the AARP should develop is a modified CO detector. A retiree could put
one up in their home and it would blare a jarring tone to indicate when a
change of underwear is advisable. It's just too difficult to keep track of
the days otherwise, believe me.
[*]
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Posted by:: König Prüße, GfbAEV
Date: Thu, 10 Mar 2005 02:34:08 GMT
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"iDRMRSR" wrote:
>What the AARP should develop is a modified CO detector. A retiree could put
>one up in their home and it would blare a jarring tone to indicate when a
>change of underwear is advisable. It's just too difficult to keep track of
>the days otherwise, believe me.
Fuck the underwear!
All you need is the ratty bathrobe and a big jug of Wild Turkey!
Posted by:: "nu-monet v7.0"
Date: Wed, 09 Mar 2005 19:50:16 -0700
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iDRMRSR wrote:
>
> What the AARP should develop is a modified CO
> detector. A retiree could put one up in their
> home and it would blare a jarring tone to
> indicate when achange of underwear is advisable.
> It's just too difficult to keep track of the days
> otherwise, believe me.
The best bet is to develop pavlovian routines based
on the day of the week. Then you need a 7 day metal
calendar with a BIG magnet on it. The first thing
you do when you wake up is MOVE THE MAGNET.
Then, once a year, on ONE DAY THAT IS MORE IMPORTANT
THAN YOUR BIRTHDAY, you must BUY ALL-NEW UNDERWEAR
AND LINENS.
All the old ones must be THROWN OUT then. MUST BE.
YOU CANNOT KEEP THEM, EVEN IF THEY LOOK GOOD. YOU
MUST OBEY.
The next thing to do is to get some of that shower
body wash. Old people give off a stinky smell. So
EVERYTIME YOU SHOWER, first wet yourself, then turn
off the water and rub that (Dove is good) body wash
on EVERY SQUARE INCH OF YOUR BODY. Only after it
is EVERYWHERE, are you permitted to turn the water
back on and rinse it off.
Use minty mouthwash. Trim your damn eyebrows, nose
and ear hair. Wear clothes that have to be pressed.
Be sure to clean under your nails. Quit picking
your nose and eating it. And get that disgusting
thing out of your mouth before it puts a tentacle in
your brain.
--
Be Sure To Visit the 'SubGenius Reverend' Blog:
http://slackoff.blogspot.com/
***********
"YOU BELONG TO US NOW!"
"GET DOWN WITH MY SICKNESS!!"
--Kino Beman, brand name
Posted by:: "iDRMRSR"
Date: Wed, 9 Mar 2005 23:39:30 -0500
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>>The best bet is to develop pavlovian routines based
on the day of the week. Then you need a 7 day metal
calendar with a BIG magnet on it. The first thing
you do when you wake up is MOVE THE MAGNET.
<<
That's assuming you wake up JUST once in a 24 hour span. No more, no less.
And no fair trying to correlate the movement of the days with the appearance
of daylight, which around Cleveland, may never arrive for days on end.
Daylight which could also be missed completely whilst snoozing.
I appreciate the advice, but I don't believe you completely understand the
magnitude of the problem I've managed to create for myself here by disabling
all the clocks and calendars. Well, also the age related memory problems as
well.
What was I saying.
[*]
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Posted by:: HellPope Huey
Date: Thu, 10 Mar 2005 04:57:51 GMT
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In article ,
"iDRMRSR" wrote:
> >>The best bet is to develop pavlovian routines based
> on the day of the week. Then you need a 7 day metal
> calendar with a BIG magnet on it. The first thing
> you do when you wake up is MOVE THE MAGNET.
> <<
> That's assuming you wake up JUST once in a 24 hour span. No more, no less.
> And no fair trying to correlate the movement of the days with the appearance
> of daylight, which around Cleveland, may never arrive for days on end.
> Daylight which could also be missed completely whilst snoozing.
I don't sleep for squat. I wake up at all sorts of weird hours,
sometimes screaming "'Bob! Is that YOUUU???'" Bad pillmonkey juju! Of
course, there are the sleepwalking or sleepwriting or sleepsynthing
episodes. When I am actually AWAKE awake, I dodder over and see or hear
all this great stuff I CAN'T REMEMBER DOING. Umpoopoh!
So "Time Control" means squat as well. Clocks are for setting the
recorder to catch "Robot Chicken" and "Children of the Damned" or
heaving at cats.
--
HellPope Huey
Sociopathologihumoristically delicious!
Nobody can honestly think of himself as
a strong character because
however successful he may be in overcoming them,
he is necessarily aware
of the doubts and temptations
that accompany every important choice.
- W. H. Auden
"Keep your eyes peeled, boys;
somebody's gonna make love to this chicken
any minute."
- Officer Bob Brady