Reasons I'll Never be Normal

Posted by:: Phin
Date: Fri, 11 Mar 2005 20:29:42 GMT

--------
Today is better than yesterday. Yesterday was all fear and avolition
and depression. Today is better. I had a little bit of coffee too. I
couldn't do anything yesterday and that felt bad.

My uncle called yesterday, waking me up. I think that's what triggered
everything. I told him the webpage is getting something like a
thousand hits a day. He said something like "Oh, well then you'll be
making money soon then". He doesn't understand it's just a hobby.
People, I find, aren't really too interested in buying stuff. Or
donating. I'm not really complaining, it's just the way it is.

He and my dad have this dream that I'm going to be self-sufficient and
healthy and 'normal' but they just don't understand my situation. And
I can't explain it to them. They are not receptive to understanding.
Linda understood. But she's dead. She never asked 'why' cuz she always
knew. To her asking 'why' was like asking a migraine sufferer why they
were having a headache. It's just the way it is. But with them it's
always "Yes, but...". They are even of the mind that I'm going to get
a girlfriend someday. That's the level of their delusion.

So I give up. I really don't have the patience or energy or stamina to
be educating. Not to old, close-minded people who have no interest in
learning.

To me, self-sufficiency, or should I say what they CALL
self-sufficiency, or just going in that direction, equals DEATH. It
really does. This system is set up to quickly DROP you if you make a
move toward it, or demonstrate any proficiency at it. Never mind that
you're going to wind up in the hospital or in jail or on the street
and cost the conspiracy more money. And that you may die on the way
there. To the conspiracy, your dying is preferable or equal to your
being out of your place. The conspiracy wans it this way. In this way,
it is set up to 'keep the structure of society intact' by assuring
that the lower-downs STAY lower down. Everything for us is
DELIBERATELY under-funded. In fact, EVERYTHING is underfunded, EXCEPT
the lifestyles of the rich and powerful. And the rich and powerful
will ALWAYS be rich and powerful. Why? Because they're RICH and
they're POWERFUL!

The system, in is RIGGED. Like a Las Vegas casino. Oh there are
occasionally winners (not that you would know any of them) that are
even publicized, just so they can say people win just to maintain the
illusion of fairness. But it is the luck of the draw and by far, the
vast majority are losers and will stay losers.

That includes my friend AL! Yeah! Just keep frustratedly putting your
coin into that big publishing industry slot machine, motherfucker,
cursing under your breath every time it gets spit back out at you,
hoping for the big payoff! Not gonna happen. Not gonna fucking happen.
It's THEIR rigged game man, they have all the chips, and on top of
that, you're not even willing to play by THEIR rules! Imagine the
nerve! So you really don't have a chance. And hey, did you know the
glaciers are melting?

The other reason that the conspiracy wants you to stay in your place
is so that they can keep an eye on you. Hey, you've already proven
you're a defective loose-cannon nutcase, better to be immersed in a
system that constantly keeps tabs on your mental state and whereabouts
short of putting a telescreen in your apartment to keep you in line.

This is nothing personal, it's just a 'matter of 'policy'.

And the other thing of course is STIGMA... which is just another word
for prejudice and is endemic, like racism. It's not GOING anywhere. No
matter how many outreach programs they do, or how many newspaper
articles they write, or how many uplifting movies they make, no matter
how many seminars they hold or how many laws they pass or how many
volunteers they sign up, no matter how many utopias they envision, no
matter how many whiney protests they hold or how many stupid fucking
letter-writing campaigns they start, being 'crazy' will ALWAYS ALWAYS
ALWAYS be looked down on by the vast majority of the stupid fucking
humans on this planet. it will always make you a suspect in other
people's eyes, someone to avoid someone to look out for. You will
ALWAYS be a second-class citizen, outside of so-called 'society'.
Weirdo.

No one wants to date you, no one wants to fuck you, no one wants to
hire you, no one wants to hang out with you. FOR THE MOST PART.

You feel it when you go out. People can sense you're different and
they shy away from you. The waiters don't smile at you. They talk
about you behind your back. They can't wait to get out of the elevator
with you. You say hi but they don't say hi back. Uncomfortable
silences. Funny vibes.

This is why the fucking idiot voters in California are now upset with
Ahnold cuz they are the same idiot voters who voted Ahnold in cuz they
thought it would be fun to sort of 'live in a movie'... dangle 'tax
cuts' in front of your typical idiot voter and they'll follow you
around no matter that it comes on the backs of the mentally ill and
the cast-offs which means they'll only be paying more in the longrun.

Same as it ever was.

You know, I think if this whole fuhhhcked up world goes into the sewer
and the floods come and the supervolcanoes go off and everything just
goes to shit all at once... within my lifetime? Even if the X-ists
DON'T come, it will be worth dying just to be there to see it happen.
People have wondered since time immemorial 'why they're here'. They
say "why am I here??". Well, I figured out why I'm here. I'm here for
the SHOW.

Until then, just know that you really are in a cage within a cage
within a cage.. nested traps of stigma, alienation, scrutiny and
incipient poverty... But in the middle of it all, in the eye of the
hurricane, YOU CAN HAVE SLACK.

Just send in that $30.

And I'm NOT kidding either.


Posted by:: "Rev Chain Smerker"
Date: Fri, 11 Mar 2005 21:48:59 GMT

--------

"Phin" wrote in message
news:6fu331lhodtdoe3f3kqbofgc2hhvbjgb3g@4ax.com...
> Today is better than yesterday. Yesterday was all fear and avolition
> and depression. Today is better. I had a little bit of coffee too. I
> couldn't do anything yesterday and that felt bad.
>
> My uncle called yesterday, waking me up. I think that's what triggered
> everything. I told him the webpage is getting something like a
> thousand hits a day. He said something like "Oh, well then you'll be
> making money soon then". He doesn't understand it's just a hobby.
> People, I find, aren't really too interested in buying stuff. Or
> donating. I'm not really complaining, it's just the way it is.
>
> He and my dad have this dream that I'm going to be self-sufficient and
> healthy and 'normal' but they just don't understand my situation. And
> I can't explain it to them. They are not receptive to understanding.
> Linda understood. But she's dead. She never asked 'why' cuz she always
> knew. To her asking 'why' was like asking a migraine sufferer why they
> were having a headache. It's just the way it is. But with them it's
> always "Yes, but...". They are even of the mind that I'm going to get
> a girlfriend someday. That's the level of their delusion.
>
> So I give up. I really don't have the patience or energy or stamina to
> be educating. Not to old, close-minded people who have no interest in
> learning.
>
> To me, self-sufficiency, or should I say what they CALL
> self-sufficiency, or just going in that direction, equals DEATH. It
> really does. This system is set up to quickly DROP you if you make a
> move toward it, or demonstrate any proficiency at it. Never mind that
> you're going to wind up in the hospital or in jail or on the street
> and cost the conspiracy more money. And that you may die on the way
> there. To the conspiracy, your dying is preferable or equal to your
> being out of your place. The conspiracy wans it this way. In this way,
> it is set up to 'keep the structure of society intact' by assuring
> that the lower-downs STAY lower down. Everything for us is
> DELIBERATELY under-funded. In fact, EVERYTHING is underfunded, EXCEPT
> the lifestyles of the rich and powerful. And the rich and powerful
> will ALWAYS be rich and powerful. Why? Because they're RICH and
> they're POWERFUL!
>
> The system, in is RIGGED. Like a Las Vegas casino. Oh there are
> occasionally winners (not that you would know any of them) that are
> even publicized, just so they can say people win just to maintain the
> illusion of fairness. But it is the luck of the draw and by far, the
> vast majority are losers and will stay losers.
>
> That includes my friend AL! Yeah! Just keep frustratedly putting your
> coin into that big publishing industry slot machine, motherfucker,
> cursing under your breath every time it gets spit back out at you,
> hoping for the big payoff! Not gonna happen. Not gonna fucking happen.
> It's THEIR rigged game man, they have all the chips, and on top of
> that, you're not even willing to play by THEIR rules! Imagine the
> nerve! So you really don't have a chance. And hey, did you know the
> glaciers are melting?
>
> The other reason that the conspiracy wants you to stay in your place
> is so that they can keep an eye on you. Hey, you've already proven
> you're a defective loose-cannon nutcase, better to be immersed in a
> system that constantly keeps tabs on your mental state and whereabouts
> short of putting a telescreen in your apartment to keep you in line.
>
> This is nothing personal, it's just a 'matter of 'policy'.
>
> And the other thing of course is STIGMA... which is just another word
> for prejudice and is endemic, like racism. It's not GOING anywhere. No
> matter how many outreach programs they do, or how many newspaper
> articles they write, or how many uplifting movies they make, no matter
> how many seminars they hold or how many laws they pass or how many
> volunteers they sign up, no matter how many utopias they envision, no
> matter how many whiney protests they hold or how many stupid fucking
> letter-writing campaigns they start, being 'crazy' will ALWAYS ALWAYS
> ALWAYS be looked down on by the vast majority of the stupid fucking
> humans on this planet. it will always make you a suspect in other
> people's eyes, someone to avoid someone to look out for. You will
> ALWAYS be a second-class citizen, outside of so-called 'society'.
> Weirdo.
>
> No one wants to date you, no one wants to fuck you, no one wants to
> hire you, no one wants to hang out with you. FOR THE MOST PART.
>
> You feel it when you go out. People can sense you're different and
> they shy away from you. The waiters don't smile at you. They talk
> about you behind your back. They can't wait to get out of the elevator
> with you. You say hi but they don't say hi back. Uncomfortable
> silences. Funny vibes.
>
> This is why the fucking idiot voters in California are now upset with
> Ahnold cuz they are the same idiot voters who voted Ahnold in cuz they
> thought it would be fun to sort of 'live in a movie'... dangle 'tax
> cuts' in front of your typical idiot voter and they'll follow you
> around no matter that it comes on the backs of the mentally ill and
> the cast-offs which means they'll only be paying more in the longrun.
>
> Same as it ever was.
>
> You know, I think if this whole fuhhhcked up world goes into the sewer
> and the floods come and the supervolcanoes go off and everything just
> goes to shit all at once... within my lifetime? Even if the X-ists
> DON'T come, it will be worth dying just to be there to see it happen.
> People have wondered since time immemorial 'why they're here'. They
> say "why am I here??". Well, I figured out why I'm here. I'm here for
> the SHOW.
>
> Until then, just know that you really are in a cage within a cage
> within a cage.. nested traps of stigma, alienation, scrutiny and
> incipient poverty... But in the middle of it all, in the eye of the
> hurricane, YOU CAN HAVE SLACK.
>
> Just send in that $30.
>
> And I'm NOT kidding either.

Aside from the mild paranoia ya dont sound that Crazy, hell this is probably
the most insightful thing ive read here




Posted by:: "krustymadfaker"
Date: 11 Mar 2005 16:16:35 -0800

--------
>>>>>>To the conspiracy, your dying is preferable or equal to your
being out of your place. The conspiracy wans it this way. In this way,
it is set up to 'keep the structure of society intact' by assuring
that the lower-downs STAY lower down. Everything for us is
DELIBERATELY under-funded. In fact, EVERYTHING is underfunded, EXCEPT
the lifestyles of the rich and powerful. And the rich and powerful
will ALWAYS be rich and powerful. Why? Because they're RICH and
they're POWERFUL!


The system, in is RIGGED. Like a Las Vegas casino. Oh there are
occasionally winners (not that you would know any of them) that are
even publicized, just so they can say people win just to maintain the
illusion of fairness. But it is the luck of the draw and by far, the
vast majority are losers and will stay losers.>>>>>>>>

Just remembe that the monkey wrench in the system is their biggest
downfall. The ones who think they are getting somewhere and think they
are doing better than you are the biggest suckers of all. Driving them
up the wall with our infiltration of BULLDADA, CHEAPNESS, AND
UNSLICKNESS is the best gig, not for the money, status, etc. but for
the ENTERTAINMENT. I love to watch them squirm and sweat. Heh Heh they
never know because I look and act like them when I have to. Heh Heh.

"All internal security agents please turn in your personal effects and
report to the food vats." -Paranoia R.P.G.



Posted by:: "Rev Chain Smerker"
Date: Sat, 12 Mar 2005 05:40:24 GMT

--------
umm where is your web page




Posted by:: Phin
Date: Sat, 12 Mar 2005 05:52:07 GMT

--------
On Sat, 12 Mar 2005 05:40:24 GMT, "Rev Chain Smerker"
wrote:

>umm where is your web page
>


Mine?

http://www.nationalcynical.com


Posted by:: nenslo
Date: Fri, 11 Mar 2005 22:27:08 -0800

--------
Phin wrote:
>
> To me, self-sufficiency, or should I say what they CALL
> self-sufficiency, or just going in that direction, equals DEATH.

You and me, we think alike.