Posted by:: "iDRMRSR" Date: Sun, 6 Mar 2005 20:15:21 -0500
--------
I think it would be great, once they solve the small scale problem of
transporting matter, to make a unit you can carry around with you that
transports your dookey into another dimension or something.
Face it, this would be a technological breakthrough that simply change the
face of humanity over night.
And they wouldn't have to perfect 100% of the technology, either, especially
the materialization part of transporting. It started out as SHIT, so nobody
gives a shit where it goes or what it looks like when it GETS there.
We could reclaim or sanitation infrastructure and put the toilet paper
corporations right into the ground. This should be a TOP PRIORITY of the
gummint.
[*]
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Posted by:: "Doktor Dark" Date: 6 Mar 2005 17:19:12 -0800
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And whaddaya do with noncompliers, give them the turd degree?
Posted by:: Brett Date: Sun, 6 Mar 2005 20:24:34 -0500
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In article ,
idrmrsr@sssssubgenius.com says...
> I think it would be great, once they solve the small scale problem of
> transporting matter, to make a unit you can carry around with you that
> transports your dookey into another dimension or something.
>
> Face it, this would be a technological breakthrough that simply change the
> face of humanity over night.
>
> And they wouldn't have to perfect 100% of the technology, either, especially
> the materialization part of transporting. It started out as SHIT, so nobody
> gives a shit where it goes or what it looks like when it GETS there.
Well, some people might care if it materialized in certain places...
Like on the table in the middle of dinner, or on their face, or on the
instrument tray in an operating room, etc.
And even if they perfected the technology to avoid those sorts of
particularly bad scenarios, you know there would be people transporting
their shit to inappropriate places on purpose. I mean, some people
would not be able to resist transporting a big, steaming pile of fresh
poo directly to the main floor of a tax return processing center.
--------
On Sun, 06 Mar 2005 20:15:21 -0500, iDRMRSR wrote:
> I think it would be great, once they solve the small scale problem of
> transporting matter, to make a unit you can carry around with you that
> transports your dookey into another dimension or something.
>
> Face it, this would be a technological breakthrough that simply change the
> face of humanity over night.
>
> And they wouldn't have to perfect 100% of the technology, either, especially
> the materialization part of transporting. It started out as SHIT, so nobody
> gives a shit where it goes or what it looks like when it GETS there.
>
> We could reclaim or sanitation infrastructure and put the toilet paper
> corporations right into the ground. This should be a TOP PRIORITY of the
> gummint.
I would hope that the technology would be perfected completely first.
What if the disintegrated shit re-integrated into millions of dick-
shaped aliens made out of shit by accident? Or what if REAL dick-shaped
aliens intercepted the disintegrated sub-atomic shit particle waves and
converted them into retarded Mexican janitors who went around buttfucking
everyone in the mouth for the next million thousand light years,
by magic?
I think we at least should develop a means of encrypting the sub-atomic
shit particle waves to prevent such a disaster from occurring!
Posted by:: Eddie Vroom Date: Mon, 07 Mar 2005 02:45:23 GMT
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iDRMRSR wrote:
> And they wouldn't have to perfect 100% of the technology, either, especially
> the materialization part of transporting. It started out as SHIT, so nobody
> gives a shit where it goes or what it looks like when it GETS there.
Oh, sure -- until it comes BACK. And then the buildings in Tokyo turn to
cardboard, and it starts stomping all over them like a drunk actor in a
rubber suit.
--
How's this for a punchline: I wasn't joking, motherfucker!
the Mystical RevvedErrand Doktor Eddie Vroom
Certified God by the holy authority of
the White Lotus Fortune Cookie Company
June 23, 2004
Posted by:: "iDRMRSR" Date: Sun, 6 Mar 2005 23:06:05 -0500
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>>I would hope that the technology would be perfected completely first.
What a bunch of technophobes and Phillistines!
Let me correct my fantasy a little then.
Let's call it the Apple iPoop. There, now it's perfect!
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On Sun, 06 Mar 2005 23:06:05 -0500, iDRMRSR wrote:
>>>I would hope that the technology would be perfected completely first.
>
> What a bunch of technophobes and Phillistines!
>
> Let me correct my fantasy a little then.
>
> Let's call it the Apple iPoop. There, now it's perfect!
One of the few things that I can still do for free is to take
a healthy crap. What you're suggesting is like what happened to
TV once cable became readily available.
I'll be damned if I'll subscribe to any pay-per-poo service!
Posted by:: "krustymadfaker" Date: 7 Mar 2005 08:28:19 -0800
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I agree the longer the excredimeditation the longer I can enjoy the
void of the nothing. I heard this was the reason they cancelled the new
Star Trek series. The actors and crew were catching on and wanted to
see what it would be like to Void on the Bridge between takes.
"Happiness is [DELETED FOR SECURITY REASONS]"
- The Computer
"All internal security agents please turn in your personal effects and
report to the food vats." -Paranoia R.P.G.
Posted by:: "Paul E. Jamison" Date: Sun, 6 Mar 2005 22:24:21 -0600
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"iDRMRSR" wrote in message
news:Mc6dnevsC4q3NrbfRVn-qw@giganews.com...
> I think it would be great, once they solve the small scale problem of
> transporting matter, to make a unit you can carry around with you that
> transports your dookey into another dimension or something.
>
> Face it, this would be a technological breakthrough that simply change the
> face of humanity over night.
>
> And they wouldn't have to perfect 100% of the technology, either,
especially
> the materialization part of transporting. It started out as SHIT, so
nobody
> gives a shit where it goes or what it looks like when it GETS there.
>
> We could reclaim or sanitation infrastructure and put the toilet paper
> corporations right into the ground. This should be a TOP PRIORITY of the
> gummint.
>
I keep thinking about all those transporter malfunctions in "Star Trek".
--------
Paul E. Jamison wrote:
>
> "iDRMRSR" worted:
>
> > I think it would be great, once they solve the small
> > scale problem of transporting matter, to make a unit
> > you can carry around with you that transports your
> > dookey into another dimension or something.
>
> I keep thinking about all those transporter malfunctions
> in "Star Trek".
>
Would that be where your poop is dematerialized, but then
it reappears with a goatee? Or would the poop remain the
same, but your asshole now has the goatee (fancy that)?
Or would it be where your poop is split in half, so that
all the parts of poop that make it good, like medium firm,
slightly slimy for easy and clean passage, unbroken and
complete, good color and mild odor, appears; and then,
a few minutes later, the EVIL shit appears.
And the gooey, stinky, sticky EVIL poop then tries to take
over the shit...
> > "iDRMRSR" worted:
> >
> > > I think it would be great, once they solve the small
> > > scale problem of transporting matter, to make a unit
> > > you can carry around with you that transports your
> > > dookey into another dimension or something.
Or better yet, directly to a specific location of your choosing. That
could be quite challenging.
--
HellPope Huey
Floating On A Raft Of Bizarre Circumstance
In A Sea Of Grotesque Choices
The longer I live,
the larger allowances
I make for human infirmities.
- John Wesley
"If a fully grown adult
in reasonable control of his faculties
wants to plunge a syringe full of lighter fluid
into his urethra and piss fire,
as long as he does it in the privacy
of his own asbestos bathroom,
I will flick the Bic."
- Dennis Miller, "I Rant, Therefore I Am"
Posted by:: Zapanaz Date: Sun, 06 Mar 2005 22:08:19 -0800
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On Mon, 07 Mar 2005 05:49:51 GMT, HellPope Huey
wrote:
>
>> > "iDRMRSR" worted:
>> >
>> > > I think it would be great, once they solve the small
>> > > scale problem of transporting matter, to make a unit
>> > > you can carry around with you that transports your
>> > > dookey into another dimension or something.
>
> Or better yet, directly to a specific location of your choosing. That
>could be quite challenging.
Or better, to an IP address of your choosing. That would make usenet
much more challenging.
--
Zapanaz
International Satanic Conspiracy
Customer Support Specialist
http://joecosby.com/
HellPope Huey,
First Church of the SubGenius, Deformed
I Can't Believe Its Not Monkey!
Posted by:: Rich Clark aka Left Rev Egg Plant Date: Mon, 07 Mar 2005 18:41:56 -0500
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Zapanaz wrote:
> On Mon, 07 Mar 2005 05:49:51 GMT, HellPope Huey
> wrote:
>
>
>>>>"iDRMRSR" worted:
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>>I think it would be great, once they solve the small
>>>>>scale problem of transporting matter, to make a unit
>>>>>you can carry around with you that transports your
>>>>>dookey into another dimension or something.
>>
>>Or better yet, directly to a specific location of your choosing. That
>>could be quite challenging.
>
>
> Or better, to an IP address of your choosing. That would make usenet
> much more challenging.
Yeah, but imagine what could be done about the spam problem.
Posted by:: Zapanaz Date: Mon, 07 Mar 2005 18:15:30 -0800
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On Mon, 07 Mar 2005 18:41:56 -0500, Rich Clark aka Left Rev Egg Plant
wrote:
>Zapanaz wrote:
>> On Mon, 07 Mar 2005 05:49:51 GMT, HellPope Huey
>> wrote:
>>
>>
>>>>>"iDRMRSR" worted:
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>>I think it would be great, once they solve the small
>>>>>>scale problem of transporting matter, to make a unit
>>>>>>you can carry around with you that transports your
>>>>>>dookey into another dimension or something.
>>>
>>>Or better yet, directly to a specific location of your choosing. That
>>>could be quite challenging.
>>
>>
>> Or better, to an IP address of your choosing. That would make usenet
>> much more challenging.
>
>Yeah, but imagine what could be done about the spam problem.
But imagine what the spam problem would become.
"LOOK AT MY TITS OR I'LL TAKE A CRAP ON YOUR HEAD"
--
Zapanaz
International Satanic Conspiracy
Customer Support Specialist
http://joecosby.com/
>I know some people seem to carry a world of their own, having a
>grip that I envy because it seems that they create a space around
>them that is very structured and believable so to speak. And that
>some people seem to have the magick powers at their hands, just
>because they have this... thing. What is that thing that these people
>have, because I would like to have it too.
> >Yeah, but imagine what could be done about the spam problem.
>
> But imagine what the spam problem would become.
> "LOOK AT MY TITS OR I'LL TAKE A CRAP ON YOUR HEAD"
Oh yeah? Well take pictures of... aw, man, I just can't.
--
HellPope Huey
Editor of "'Bob's' Big Book of Alien Hickies" and
"Stop That Until The Cop Car
Rounds the Corner, You Fool!"
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton,
you may as well make it dance.
~ George Bernard Shaw
"Your explanations are pure weapons-grade Balonium!"
- "Futurama"
Posted by:: Zapanaz Date: Mon, 07 Mar 2005 21:27:26 -0800
--------
On Tue, 08 Mar 2005 04:34:08 GMT, HellPope Huey
wrote:
>In article ,
> Zapanaz wrote:
>
>> >Yeah, but imagine what could be done about the spam problem.
>>
>> But imagine what the spam problem would become.
>> "LOOK AT MY TITS OR I'LL TAKE A CRAP ON YOUR HEAD"
>
> Oh yeah? Well take pictures of... aw, man, I just can't.
I'd really rather you didn't, man.
--
Zapanaz
International Satanic Conspiracy
Customer Support Specialist
http://joecosby.com/
"Religion isn't the opiate of the masses. When
properly used, religion is the methamphetamine
of the masses." - nu-monet v6.0 in alt.slack
--------
In article ,
Zapanaz wrote:
> On Tue, 08 Mar 2005 04:34:08 GMT, HellPope Huey
> wrote:
> > Oh yeah? Well take pictures of... aw, man, I just can't.
>
> I'd really rather you didn't, man.
I know I am getting older; I'm beginning to FILTER more. Damnit, I'm
letting down the next generation! I must renew my efforts to talk like a
shambling chamber pot.
I lost some time once.
Its always in the last place you look for it.
- Delirium
"Do you ever feel like wherever you are,
you should be somewhere else?"
"Only when I'm awake."
- "The Education of Max Bickford"
Posted by:: nikolai kingsley Date: Mon, 07 Mar 2005 19:52:15 +1100
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iDRMRSR wrote:
> I think it would be great, once they solve the small scale problem of
> transporting matter, to make a unit you can carry around with you that
> transports your dookey into another dimension or something.
aliens have already done this. take a look around. we're in their toilet
zone.
Posted by:: "frater S.O.D.D.I." Date: 7 Mar 2005 08:04:29 -0800
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iDRMRSR wrote:
"I think it would be great, once they solve the small scale problem of
transporting matter, to make a unit you can carry around with you that
transports your dookey into another dimension or something."
Yeah.
Every time you activate the device it creates a brand new "pocket
universe" into which your feces are transported.
Gives a whole new meaning to the concept "Let there be light."