how to avoid the avain flu that will kill millions and billions
Correspondent:: asscoassc@aol.comSHUTUP (AssCo Assc)
Date: 30 Nov 2004 01:56:25 GMT
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There is no cure -- only your immune system can fight off the alien invader
virus. Keep up your immune system by eating fresh fruit & vegetables, take
your vitamins and bump up your antioxidants. Get plenty of exercise. Walk for
at least hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the elevator.
Wash your hands often. Get lots of fresh air. Get plenty of rest.
Eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.
I walk to the liquor store (exercise), put lime in my beer (fruit), celery in
my Bloody Mary (veggies), drink on the bar patio (fresh air), get drunk
(eliminate stress) and then pass out (rest).
Take my wife. Please.
My god has no nose.
How does it smell?
Awful!
Frozen in the throat
It petrifies the tongue,
Turns mouth into a moat
Shoots arrows through the lung,
Then it contorts intestines -
Guttural rending pain -
Cramps muscles up, and next it
Sclerotifies the brain
-- Copyright 2004 Ilya Shambat
Correspondent:: "nu-monet v7.0"
Date: Mon, 29 Nov 2004 19:34:50 -0700
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AssCo Assc wrote:
>
> There is no cure -- only your immune system
> can fight off the alien invader virus.
Don't use your immune system as your first line of
defense. Use it as your last:
1) Surf FluStar to know when it hits your area:
http://flustar.com/
2) Don't touch people and don't let them touch you.
3) Don't touch things they touch.
4) Carry a small bottle of inexpensive Purell around
with you, and when you have an idle moment, after
touching things with your hands, clean your hands with
it. If done 5-6 times a day, it will reduce your chance
of getting flu by 80%. It is just alcohol with a
moisturizer, so your hands don't get dried out.
5) At the first sign of symptoms, chug-a-lug a bunch of
colloidal silver liquid, then spray a bunch up into your
sinuses. Then start sucking on Cold-Eeze lozenges for
several hours without drinking anything. The right forms
of silver and zinc strongly inhibit bacterial and viral
reproduction. This will give your immune system precious
hours right at the beginning to nuke the disease before
it can reproduce enough to overwhelm your defenses.
6) Avoid public restrooms. Large amounts of pathogens
are wafted into the air when toilets are flushed.
7) Citrical, and other grapefruit-peel extracts are
sold as "calcium supplements", but they are actually
very powerful anti-biotic/anti-viral/anti-fungal agents.
Use a few drops in a quart of water and wash your fresh
fruit in it. It is also good if you need to decontaminate
surfaces.
8) Avoid cold prepared food from like a deli. Restaurants
are also troublesome.
9) Think twice before going to a public area when the flu
is at its worst. Go shopping in off-peak hours. Avoid
those who are obviously ill. Especially avoid small
children. People are a cue to clean your hands.
--
"YOU BELONG TO US NOW!"
"GET DOWN WITH MY SICKNESS!!"
--Kino Beman, brand name
Correspondent:: HellPope Huey
Date: Tue, 30 Nov 2004 02:57:21 GMT
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In article <41ABDC4A.6FD6@succeeds.com>,
"nu-monet v7.0" wrote:
> 9) Think twice before going to a public area when the flu
> is at its worst. Go shopping in off-peak hours. Avoid
> those who are obviously ill. Especially avoid small
> children. People are a cue to clean your hands.
10) Don't enter a Wal-Mart again until April unless you are wearing
Versa-Pac like New York's Bravest. The minute you hit the door, the
goims are leaping on you as if they were starving wolverines and you
were a corned beef brisket. If you listen carefully, you can hear them
squeal with joy as they scramble for your mucosal membranes.
GODDAMNIT GET OFF ME YOU LITTLE BASTARDS I HAVE A BLOWTORCH AND AN ICE
PICK AND I WILL USE THEM SEE IF I DON'T AAAIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!
--
HellPope Huey
Religion is like dropping sea urchins in your pants
and then trying to convince others
that they should do it too, because its "good."
Oh, SHUT UP.
The best cure for Christianity is reading the Bible.
- Mark Twain
"Smoking and drinking go together,
like porn and nachos."
- "The Oblongs"
Correspondent:: SubGenius Spice
Date: Tue, 30 Nov 2004 16:23:10 GMT
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In alt.slack, HellPope Huey was all like...
:: In article <41ABDC4A.6FD6@succeeds.com>,
:: "nu-monet v7.0" wrote:
::
:: > 9) Think twice before going to a public area when the flu
:: > is at its worst. Go shopping in off-peak hours. Avoid
:: > those who are obviously ill. Especially avoid small
:: > children. People are a cue to clean your hands.
::
:: 10) Don't enter a Wal-Mart again until April unless you are wearing
:: Versa-Pac like New York's Bravest. The minute you hit the door, the
:: goims are leaping on you as if they were starving wolverines and you
:: were a corned beef brisket. If you listen carefully, you can hear them
:: squeal with joy as they scramble for your mucosal membranes.
::
:: GODDAMNIT GET OFF ME YOU LITTLE BASTARDS I HAVE A BLOWTORCH AND AN ICE
:: PICK AND I WILL USE THEM SEE IF I DON'T AAAIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!
11] build a giant wooden airplane and walk around with kleenex boxes on
your feet.
Correspondent:: HellPope Huey
Date: Tue, 30 Nov 2004 17:30:24 GMT
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In article ,
SubGenius Spice wrote:
> In alt.slack, HellPope Huey was all like...
> :: 10) Don't enter a Wal-Mart again until April unless you are wearing
> :: Versa-Pac like New York's Bravest. The minute you hit the door, the
> :: goims are leaping on you as if they were starving wolverines and you
> :: were a corned beef brisket. If you listen carefully, you can hear them
> :: squeal with joy as they scramble for your mucosal membranes.
> :: GODDAMNIT GET OFF ME YOU LITTLE BASTARDS I HAVE A BLOWTORCH AND AN ICE
> :: PICK AND I WILL USE THEM SEE IF I DON'T AAAIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
> 11] build a giant wooden airplane and walk around with kleenex boxes on
> your feet.
12) Carve yourself some big wooden shoes and then clop around like a
bipedal horse as you make a hang glider out of a bunch of Kleenex boxes.
I don't know how this would help you avoid the flu, but it would sure
make for a funny video.
--
HellPope Huey ~ www.subgenius.com
SubGenius approval is a mercurial thing of suspect merit
and like expecting to get all of your nutritional needs
from just Sugar Frosted Flakes, likely to lead to scurvy.
"Its funny because its poison!"
- "Futurama"
"I am a turkey. Kill me."
- "Addams Family Values"
Correspondent:: asscoassc@aol.comSHUTUP (AssCo Assc)
Date: 30 Nov 2004 16:36:25 GMT
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<< 2) Don't touch people and don't let
them touch you.
3) Don't touch things they touch. >>
Did you get this from the Howard Hughes handbook?
<< 6) Avoid public restrooms.
Large amounts of pathogens are wafted
into the air when toilets are flushed. >>
Yeah -- and idiots manage to get shit all over their
hands then proceed to touch faucets (thereby
getting shit on the faucets) and then they wash
their hands with soap and water and they TOUCH
THE SHITTY FAUCETS AGAIN to turn 'em off, and
then they grab the door handle on the way out
thereby infecting that surface. Then they report
back to work behaind the meat counter and skeweer
those supermarket shishkabobs with their shitty hands.
Frozen in the throat
It petrifies the tongue,
Turns mouth into a moat
Shoots arrows through the lung,
Then it contorts intestines -
Guttural rending pain -
Cramps muscles up, and next it
Sclerotifies the brain
-- Copyright 2004 Ilya Shambat
Correspondent:: HellPope Huey
Date: Tue, 30 Nov 2004 17:31:30 GMT
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In article <20041130113625.06367.00000751@mb-m26.aol.com>,
asscoassc@aol.comSHUTUP (AssCo Assc) wrote:
> Yeah -- and idiots manage to get shit all over their
> hands then proceed to touch faucets (thereby
> getting shit on the faucets) and then they wash
> their hands with soap and water and they TOUCH
> THE SHITTY FAUCETS AGAIN to turn 'em off, and
> then they grab the door handle on the way out
> thereby infecting that surface. Then they report
> back to work behaind the meat counter and skeweer
> those supermarket shishkabobs with their shitty hands.
AssCo posts and breakfast don't mix.
--
HellPope Huey ~ www.subgenius.com
SubGenius approval is a mercurial thing of suspect merit
and like expecting to get all of your nutritional needs
from just Sugar Frosted Flakes, likely to lead to scurvy.
"Its funny because its poison!"
- "Futurama"
"I am a turkey. Kill me."
- "Addams Family Values"