Message from Dr. Howll Vol2 #15
Correspondent:: "Rev. Ivan Stang"
Date: Mon, 04 Oct 2004 10:15:38 -0400
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Volume II, No. 15
A MESSAGE FROM DR. HAL™ October 6th, 2004
"Ask Dr. Hal" Presents "When Dinosaurs Go About their Business"
Opening Act:
c o n t e n t s :
OUR QUEST: YOUR QUESTIONS - FANTASTIC FEATURETTE; DOWN TIME IN THE
MESOZOIC - TITANS OF ANIMATION - OUR OPENING ACT: DICK DELUXE - K-ROB'S
FRAGRANT FOOTPRINT - GET ON BOARD THE BARRELING BOWLING BUS - LE MULLET
MAGNIFIQUE - DINOSAUR DALLIANCE - SOCIAL NOTES: SOME BAD BORRACHOS,
BOHOS & BABES; TYLER POPS IN - SIGN UP ON K-ROB'S SIGN-UP SHEET - SO
VERY SORRY - ONGOING EVENTS: TWO & A HALF GREAT RADIO SHOWS; K-ROB'S
FILM FARM: VANISHING POINT; CAPPY'S TUFF SHORT- NEWS & REVIEWS -
HARD-HITTING EDITORIAL - FAVORITE QUESTIONS: A FOLK CLASSIC OF
CONTEMPORARY POETRY - HOMOLOGATED BOILERPLATE, OUR DEEPENING DISCLAIMER
Ladies and Gentlemen! This Wednesday night, October 6th, 2004 at the
Odeon Bar and Night Club, San Francisco's most outre outlet for an
outlandish outing, that shrine of showmanship, deliriously demented
dive and salon of the demimonde, there will be yet another in the
series of paideutic performances put on under the rubric of "ASK DR.
HAL." You read it right-- our award winning (in the Bay Guardian)
nonpareil night club Nirvana of a show continues. How do we do it? How
do we keep coming up with this vaudevillian Valhalla, time and time
again? The answer is simple, friends-- your questions eternally
revivify our show. Of course it should go without saying that as a
consequence we're only as good as the quality of the inquiries we
receive. So, boldly defying the odds and all other standards of
entertainment, we persist, promising to answer any question you care to
ask. And as a savory side-dish, we also continue our educational,
scientific series of portrayals of the amours and travails of our
planet's previous residents, the Dinosauria. Messieurs et Mesdames,
Senors y Senoras, Damen und Herren, Signore e Signori, Pani e Pane, we
may confidently assert that no other show on Mission Street below Cesar
Chavez (or anywhere else, for that matter) offers anything remotely
similar. This week: a fantastic K-Rob edit, presented in thrilling,
all-analog three-dimensional stop-motion animation, the art form of
(Wladyslaw) Starewicz, O'Brien, Harryhausen, Danforth, Tippet, Nick
Park, the Bolex Bros. and the rest. Since we have previously focused on
the, shall we say, sturm und drang of Mesozoic encounters, here we
shall see something of the ordinary doings, the daily routines of a
varied group of these captivating giant critters. This time it's the
creation of Bill Maylone, who originally made this (in 1981) under the
aegis of the National Film Board of Canada, our blameless Neighbor to
the North. And it will have the "K-Rob touch." But, wait-- that's not
all! I should say a word about our out-of-the-ordinary opening act.
Not, I hasten to add, that they aren't all exceptional-- we'd never
shoehorn a mediocre footwork into the seven-league boots of our show--
not on my watch. Sometimes, incidentally, Chicken John books 'em too
late to advertise in this Report. However, this time he was kind enough
to let me know that our hellacious headliner will most definitely be:
Our Opening Appetizer-- Dick DeLuxe
He's a rockabilly, twang-a-billy rebel, pickin' and a-strummin' and
blastin' out the ole amplifier as he ambles down the mean midnight
streets of this hard, hard world. A cowboy at heart, a poet in the soul
and 6-foot-seven of rangy trouble. He's brawled with the hobos and hung
with the hodads. And it shows in his music, you can feel it. You'll
want to go out and stomp somebody and then head for the beach, stopping
at Pop's Choklit Shop for a burger and fries. So, there you have it.
Remember, Chicken's seen and hosted just about every kind of act there
is-- if he thinks Dick Deluxe, Rockabilly Romeo will ring the rafters,
giving you a truly eucastrophic epiphany of historic hurly-burly, then,
by Carbonate, so shall it be. And do I really need to mention that
K-Rob's famed "video wallpaper," two hours of amazing pre-show and
post-show pummeling of the visual cortex, will also be presented? And
just what is that? It's... it's... an artful, flowing montage of visual
kickshaws, cartoons, vintage commercials, explosions, grotesqueries,
more than usually "special" effects, archival awful atrocity footage
and frankly pornographic imagery-- you just have to view it to
understand, folks. I can't describe it here. Yes, people often ask just
what it is we're showing on those multiple glowing, sinister Odeon
monitor screens (while, sadly, a great part of the socializing audience
just yaks obliviously away). The answer: K-Rob's unique edits which
fountain from the rarely-tapped wells of our national culture's amassed
commercial creations. Remember, before the Japanese began to succeed in
substituting their pop diversions for ours, America's entertainment
juggernaut was above all things our most pervasive claim to fame. And
we're still not out of the running... So if Babylonian funerary glyphs
are worthy of our examination, surely it would behoove us to pay
attention also to the accumulated historically recent cultural matrix
we and the rest of the world used to take in with every breath, before
corporate greed was allowed to strangle the golden goose. Remember, the
magisterial K-Rob will instruct you in his subtle way-- if you'll only,
only let him.
...a Bus Ride to A.M. Adventure...
As every schoolboy knows, at the first Dr. Hal Show of each month, at
the conclusion of our performance a familiar-looking green bus rolls up
in front of the Odeon's door. We invite you to come aboard and enjoy
the surrealistic experience of invading an all-night bowling alley with
a bunch of fellow-travelling weirdos. It's surprisingly memorable and
entertaining, and it only happens once a month. It's worth going along
even if you're not a fan of knockin' down the ninepins, just to
experience, close-up and personal, the curious subculture of the
late-night bowling indigenes of exotic Daly City, and especially to see
the outrageously exuberant mullet which crowns the cranium of the
crusty guy who hands out the bowling shoes. Take it from me, this 'do
is legendary. Afterwards, we gently deposit you back in front of the
Odeon, or wherever we picked you up in the first place. How can you
lose? Try it out-- don't miss it this time...
...and a Reptilian Rave!
Last week our regulars and first-time attendees saw an anguished
Triceratops take decisive, terrible revenge for the desecration of her
precious nest, demonstrating the fallacy of putting all your (dinosaur)
eggs in one basket. This time, we'll take another jaunt to the late
Cretaceous period, circa 65,500,000 million years before we started
doing "Ask Dr. Hal." Socialize, flirt, and imbibe in classic
comfortable surroundings while observing the lives and loves of
prehistoric beasts, some harmless and charming, others more dangerous
than two dozen out-of-control Jim Mason "art projects." Then I, Dr.
Howland Owll, will tell you of what is past, or passing, or to come.
And if anyone is philanthropic enough to fork over a fair-sized
gratuity in his or her question envelope (provided), I promise a
memorable Bardic recitation will certainly ensue. So visit the Odeon
and see our absolutely unparalleled show, won't you? Dick Deluxe and
his electrified haunted hillbilly git-tar, Bill Maylone's Prehistoric
Pastorale, K-Rob's overwhelming anthology, Chicken's caustic put-downs,
Dr. Hal's unmatched answers, a boisterous Bus Ride, competitive bowling
and a rare view of a mullet for the ages: in short, all the features
and more of our usual ebullient evening-- Oh, by the way, have I
mentioned the cost of admission to this hurricane of hermeneutic
hariolation? --hold on to your hoodies--
I kid you not, it's all COMPLETELY FREE!
Social Notes
Sometimes we have to put on our show amid, shall we say, trying
conditions. Although we had a good house and kept things running
smoothly, we were more than once invaded by pugnacious plug-uglies,
bibulous boors from the outer (e.g. non-Bohemian) world. This happens
from time to time, and naturally from the first moment that anyone of
that caliber invades our precincts sharp eyes are on him at all times.
But, some people are just out-of-control mean drunks, and then the
Odeon staff swings into action like social Leukocytes to purge the
crowd of its bad Platelets, as it were. It fell to Chicken to do the
bouncing, as it transpired (in each instance Josh the Orange Box Man
just happened to be in the men's room when things got hinky). You've
sure got to hand it to Jean Poulet; I saw him firmly eject hulking
bullies many pounds more massive, and a full head taller than himself.
Boldness in showmanship, boldness in keeping the peace. But I'm sure
many didn't even notice from their world of the social whirl. It was
quite a night. First, Jason Webley thrilled with his accordion playing
and singing, leading the willing crowd in uproarious drinking songs. He
stamped on the stage until our portrait of "Bob" Dobbs crashed down
from its moorings (fortunately, this notable religious icon was not
trampled in the artist's enthusiasm). Then he took his act right into
the house, drawing magnetized followers behind him like the legendary
Pied Piper of Hamelin Town. With the excitement level suitably ramped
up, the main show then got going. In the audience were illegal grouting
and tile specialist Pete Goldie, patron of the arts Tracy Feldstein
with her mon, Don, pyrotechnic pioneer Kimric Smythe and that noted
smoothie, painter, actor, lounge singer, P.I and all 'round Kool Kat
Mr. Lucky. Seth Maxwell Malice sold copies of his hand-produced book,
which I hear is pretty good-- it's yours for a cool $20, twice the cost
of my latest tome (see below) but, let's admit, even more esoteric and
worth every penny... The audience inquiries were pretty good, and
Chicken dispensed the free Fernet Branca as Richard Cranium, Bob Tooce
and Yo-yo (and computer) whiz David Capurro piled on the questions.
Speaking of piles, Obo, the Singing Hobo, scorched the squeamish with
queries anent his proctological problems... Pierre Pressure, John
Martyn and fire-breathing Edzilla also played the game adroitly... We
saw David Kaye and Seth Gouremoy. K-Rob dazzled with his ineluctable
musical modalities... Of course the ladies, bless them, were well
represented. Among the glamour dolls on parade could be seen Amber,
Avril Hughes, Becky (who asked a real puzzler about the curious
structure of the Japanese language) and Vikki. Fan Ameke sported a
décolletage so extreme that ses belle poitrine threatened to escape its
confines, and at one point, by accident, one assumes, spectacularly did
just that for a memorable moment. Udderly beautiful... Peggy Rencroft
displayed a most unusual hat... aerialist/ecdysiast Ena also always
looks stunning, even as she keeps the bar in trim... One welcome
visitor was Tyler, our former Technical Director. It was great he could
visit us, rekindling memories of some of our best multi-media shows of
the past. Alas, his current commitments keep him from the O. these
days. Still, a pleasure to see his good-natured phiz... And that was
last Wednesday. Now, if you were there also, and may be feeling a tad
of a twinge of disappointment as you read this at not seeing your name
mentioned, then next time just print it on K-Rob's Special Sign-up
sheet. Here's a tip-- you can also write down questions there you'd
like answered here. Then you can read about yourself in these pages.
How do you think I keep track of most of these names? Try it! It's
always attached to the front of the stage.
Apologia
Last week's Dr. Hal Report (Vol. II, No. 14) did contain a few errors
that got by. I proofread like the Dickens, but, well, sometimes it just
happens. Sharp-eyed reader Madelyn Morton pointed out that in the first
para. I announced the Show as happening on the 27th, two days before
our actual play date. I asked Chicken to correct it, but with all that
he has going on he somehow didn't manage to get around to it. In the
header I did give the real date, the 29th. Tch, tch! Sorry about the
confusion... Worse than that, I misspelled the surname of our opening
act performer, Jason Webley as "Webly." I could blame Chicken for this
one too, since that is the way it was in the e-mail he sent me. But it
happened on my watch, and how I hate to be guilty of this discourtesy
to such a great performer. I apologized in person at the show, and J.W.
graciously told me that he really didn't give a rat's rear end. Still--
mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.
Upcoming Events
We inhabit an evanescent bubble in the foaming champagne glass of Time,
a transitory historical period like any other. So friends, enjoy these
evenings now! As convenient and comfortable as it may be just to stay
at home in your scat-stained skivvies and merely read about them on
your screen, you really ought to get out and encounter at least one or
two of them directly.. Because, as I've mentioned before, all things
must pass; the Odeon Era will not endure to the End of Time... In the
twinkling of an eye it could all be snatched away by the clutching
digits, dig it, of the grim Stark Fist of Removal. Mark well my words:
Heaven and Earth shall pass away, and so will all this stuff that's
going on in this burg. You might want to get out your stylus and make a
note on your Attaboy engagement calendar for a few of these other
ultimately impermanent and pending performances elsewhere... like, for
example...
Ongoing
"Puzzling Evidence" -- For more than twenty years, this Church of the
SubGenius-affiliated radio show has been on the air on KPFA 94.1 FM;
its current time slot is 3-5 AM Friday mornings (you might consider it
late Thursday nights as we often do). I, Dr. Howland Owll appear along
with Dr. Philo Drummond (visit his website at
http://www.quiveringbrain.com ) and
on-board bored board operator Puzzling Evidence himself. Sometimes
K-Rob joins us, sometimes other Mystery Guests. Sometimes our female
guests, sometimes some that have been mentioned in these pages, have
been known (don't ask why) to take off their clothes, right there in
the studio, and bare their quivering loveliness... I don't know why
they do; I certainly never have requested it-- it must be the weird
time of day... Too bad it's radio, eh? Still, all you sweaty listeners
can imagine... Maybe those girls have us confused with the Howard
Stern show. All Talk, No Rock. If you're up, give it a try, maybe call
in after 4:00 AM at (510) 848-4425...
"Radio KROB" -- Yes, the enigma known as K-Rob can be heard at a much
more accessible time, Fridays, 10 PM to Midnight on sf liberation radio
(webcast only) when he'll elevate you with his unique brand of
"elevator music," (an elitist pleasure) and on Sundays, 6PM to Midnight
on Pirate Cat Radio 87.9 FM for what he calls stimulus regression
programming. Go ahead, tune in-- see what all the shouting is about.
K-Rob's Thursday Night Film Farm -- The great K-Rob has the soul of an
exhibitor. He's often proved that, certainly at the Odeon with his
phantasmagoric Video Stream, and separately at such far flung venues
as, say, the SubGenius 3-Day & Night Outdoor Movie Festival-- remember
that? back in May of this year (see the Dr. Hal Report, Vol. I, No.
11). Anyway, each Thursday, he's running an all-new Odeon Cinema
series. And.. it's FREE! Just think-- when even daytime matinees in
this benighted burg cost a painful $7.50, where else can you go for a
free movie? Not to mention that you can order liquor, an amenity most
theaters are usually reluctant to pass out with the popcorn. Each K-Rob
movie program starts at 7:00 PM and runs through 9:00 PM, and includes
trailers, short subjects, cartoons, the whole megilla. Last week it was
Grass, a wildly entertaining compilation film which really should be
seen for the amazing historical footage it contains, not to mention the
phantasmagoric animation sequences by S.F. artist (and quondam Tentacle
Sessions subject Paul Mavrides). If you were there, you could have
found out the truth about how and why "pot" became illegal in the first
place. Narrated by Woody Harrelson; the movie also incorporates the
music of Mark Mothersbaugh and the voices of Ivan Stang, Yours Truly
Dr. Howland Owll, Phil Proctor of Firesign Theatre fame, and other
known troublemakers. But, I was there and the house was light. Reverse
this trend; stop in and see this week's feature: the 1971 cult classic
Vanishing Point. It's about Kowalski (Barry Newman), an
amphetamine-fueled antihero whose mission is to slam-drive a 1970 Dodge
Challenger from Denver to S.F. in 15 hours, and his bizarre adventures
along the way. There's much to see in this strange, memorable film.
With cinematography by John A. Alonzo. Directed by R. C. Sarafian. Now,
a little bird told me that David Capurro, the renowned Yo-yo pro, just
might be showing up just outside the O. in his tuff R/T Challenger,
perchance to rev the engine loudly in bold solidarity with the spirit
of existential challenge presented by K-Rob's film feature, as a tie-in
publicity stunt. And, K-R will also be screening a mélange of "Driver's
Ed" films, drive-in cartoons and other automotive anodynes. You never
can tell what you'll see down on K-Rob's Thursday Night Film Farm.
Editorial
The coming election marks, it is hoped, a chance to regain democracy
in our government. Of all political battles, it is vital that this one
not be lost by inaction, the indolence of the electorate.
It may be that the relentless advance of crypto-fascism has come too
far to be stopped. The ruthless transfer of power from the citizens of
this country upward to a wealthy oligarchy continues to gain momentum.
No republic in history has been able to withstand such a shift. Voting
in the coming opportunity for the Presidential selection has never
been more essential.
Yet even as America teeters on the edge of a fascist abyss, it is
also of supreme importance that we not lose sight of our common
humanity in the heat of the struggle. A recent posted announcement by
one Jim Mason contained a disturbing symptom of this trend. In a
fund-raising appeal, we were troubled to note the following
exhortation:
"So... forgo the Odeon... and donate the money to something that
matters instead..."
Has it really come to this? Must we preserve our political system at
the expense of our hard-won liberties? The Freedom to be Entertained is
paramount among the rights we are fortunate in this country to enjoy.
Were we to abjure this precious down-time, how energetic in the service
of Liberty will we remain? Now more than ever, this is no time to
deprive ourselves of the immeasurable psychological and social benefit
of attending a good, convivial night club show.
We at the Ask Dr. Hal Report-Bulletin endorse Mr. Mason in his quest
to raise money for the Democratic party, and wish him well with his
cause. But let us not forget, in the froth and fray of this great
struggle, the precious freedoms that we are fighting for.
A Special Announcement
I, Dr. Hal, have written a book and it seems to be selling a little;
get it while you can. It's The Meaning of Lost and Mismatched Socks,
from Frog, Ltd. (North Atlantic Books), written, indexed, and packed
with illustrations by Yours Truly. ("Cyberpunk" author) John Shirley
has just written it up with a good review, bless him-- read his "blog"
at
http://johnshirley.net
and now there's another favorable review on-line at boingboing.net;
look at
www.boingboing.net/2004/09/23/new_hal_robins_book_.html
Whoever wrote this inexplicably referred to my "high-pitched voice,"
but it's otherwise a good notice. Now, in this book, I finally answer a
question originally put to me at "The Wizard of Ass" out in the desert
some years ago, as Chicken reminded me some weeks back. You see, I
eventually do get around to answering all questions; with certain of
these it just takes me longer, as in this case. This book costs a cool
$9.95, but all books are expensive these days-- I can't help that.
However, I'd hate to have written a "white elephant" book that didn't
sell, for that would sully my already besmirched reputation even
further. So, Dr. Hal fans, if you really are out there, prove it by
going out and getting this book. If you like it, you might want to get
my next book, Dinosaur Alphabet (now in preparation). But first things
first. ISBN number 1-58394-097-9, paperback (but the dinosaur book,
which I'm working on now, will be a hardback, if I can ever get it
finished). Available in most bookstores, I suppose, though perhaps
somewhat hard to find, and on amazon.com. Help an impoverished author--
I have to sell a mountain of these for my royalties to kick in; I have
a terrible deal with the publisher. Hey, bring it to the bar and I'll
sign it. That's a promise.
Some of our favorite Questions
"Dr. Hal, do you know the lyrics to Gilligan's Island? What are they?"
Oh, good grief. Of course I do-- I thought everybody did. But
apparently not, it seems. Now, what I consider outré, or at least more
so, would be, say, the lyrics to Star Trek-- Phat Mandee has sung
them-- or the lyrics to The Munsters. Oh yes, the theme music of both
of those programs, though always heard in an instrumental version, had
lyrics. The words to the Munsters, written by producer Bob Mosher, were
actually sung only once in the show's heyday-- on a kids' record.
Later, Butch Patrick recorded a rock version with all-new lyrics,
entitled, "Whatever Happened to Eddie?" As for Gilligan's, CBS thought
viewers wouldn't understand what seven people were doing on an island
every week, and wanted the show to be about a charter boat instead.
Producer Sherwood Schwartz provided the solution to the problem: this
song:
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
A tale of a fateful trip,
That started from this tropic port
Aboard this tiny ship.
The mate was a mighty sailin' man,
The skipper brave and sure,
Five passengers set sail that day
For a three hou-r tour,
A three hou-r tour.
The weather started getting rough,
The tiny ship was tossed,
If not for the courage of the fearless crew,
The Minnow would be lost,
The Minnow would be lost.
The ship's aground on the shore of this
Enchanted desert isle,
With Gilligan,
The Skipper too,
The millionaire and his wife,
The movie star
And the rest
Are here on Gilligan's isle!
Later, the last two lines of the fourth stanza were altered as the show
was a solid hit and all the characters demanded representation:
The professor and Mary Ann
Are here on Gilligan's isle!
Copyright © 1964, 1966 United Artists Music Co., Inc. Assigned to CBS
CATALOGUE PARTNERSHIP. All rights Controlled by CBS U CATALOG.
International Copyright Secured. All Rights Reserved.
This show, still being run somewhere even today in the labyrinth of
cable channels, first aired almost exactly 40 years ago, September
26th, 1964. It ran through '67. Well, this thing is too long as it is;
no room to print The Munsters lyrics here. But if some one of you out
there really wants to know-- just Ask Dr. Hal.
Boilerplate
"Ask Dr. Hal" is open to all seekers and thirsters after
Enlightenment. Furthermore, special consultations and hands-on
initiations are available in private, particularly for well-knit,
gracile, nubile females over the currently legal drinking age of 21.
Everybody else, including would-be prospective opening act performers,
are asked to present their resumes, life histories, astrological
charts, nude photos, sob stories, X-rays, dirty linen, BVDs, VHS
cassettes, CDs, DVDs and/or audition tapes directly to "Chicken" John
for evaluation. I am unable, owing to serious demands on my time at
present, to give off-the-cuff psychological analyses, advise you in
legal, medical or personal matters, critique your poetry, artwork or
the manuscript of your novel, or perform an impromptu phrenological
examination. Sorry, I must refrain from answering questions when "off
duty." This is a period and condition which begins at the moment the
show ends and regularly lasts until the beginning of the next week's
performance. I'm not kidding, don't come at me with questions when it's
not Wednesday and I'm not doing the show. Otherwise, all are welcome.
Step right up, no shoving, room for all. Not for the fearful, tearful,
fretful, regretful, self-obsessed or feeble-minded, nor for cranks,
fanatics, crank addicts, hysterics, epileptics, cataleptics, or chronic
dyspeptics (but we rarely turn away narcoleptics), young,
impressionable children or those who are no longer children but are
(too) easily shocked. Some restrictions apply. Easy to play. Follow all
directions. Be the first on your block to attend. We provide an Oracle
of Truth; you provide the consequences. Will tell you your Totem
Animal. Available in other venues, and for weddings, funerals,
corporate entertainment retreats, bar and bat mitzvahs. Scientific,
educational. Healthful, revivifying, nutritive. Take cum grano salis.
Results may vary. Does not (usually) stain clothing. No complicated
machinery to buy. Fun for the whole family (if, that is, the whole
family is of legal drinking age). Pencils, envelopes, instruction
booklets and question slips provided free of charge. No pushy salesman
will call. Quotes the poets. Witty, bawdy, topical. Hariolation and
Hermeneutics. Foretells the future, casts spells, locates missing
objects, heals, sickens, communicates with the Spirit World, knows the
Meaning of Life and the secrets of human hearts in this world and the
next. Will design your tattoo. Available for Sex Magick. Bring your
parents and loved ones. Do not exceed recommended dosage. Acts
involving Pugs and/or Chihuahuas need not apply. Muscular transvestites
who do not disrupt the show are welcome, however. The most amazing
thing seen anywhere. A co-production of the Church of the SubGenius.
Dobbs Approved. Ameliorates the Terror of the Gods. Reads the palm of
the hand, reads by touch the bumps on the head and the uncovered female
body. Brought to you by Lucky Strike cigarettes (remember L.S.M.F.T.--
Lucky Strike Means Fine Tobacco), and by the Miracle Liquor Fernet
Branca, proud sponsor of the Ask Dr. Hal show since 2001. From now on
until the Second Coming of Christ, all questions become the property of
Ask Dr. Hal, Hal Robins, Chicken John, and Mickenralhombcorangehoxban
Productions. We retain the right to deflect inappropriate questions and
reject inappropriate questioners, abruptly, firmly, forcefully,
gleefully and at will. Attn. Mission drunks: if you try to disrupt our
show, you will be "bounced." Although it is not strictly necessary to
pay to enjoy the performance, and payment will not ensure your
appreciation of the evening, all questions should ideally be submitted
in a regulation envelope containing an emolument to receive the fullest
possible consideration. The better (i.e. larger) the emolument, the
better (i.e. long-winded) the answer. A premium emolument precipitates
a "Bardic Recitation."No refunds given or answers guaranteed. You pay
for it, you get it. No one religion or political party endorsed. If you
don't see what you want, ask. Time tested. User-friendly. Preserved for
Posterity. Written up in the weeklies. Taped for TV. Quoted at parties.
Remembered in dreams, re-run in your nightmares. Astrally projected.
Alive in Living Memory. Provides automotive information. The subject of
after-dinner anecdotes. On tour in the P.N.W. later this year, in early
November, coming to Portland and Seattle. Are you really actually
reading this? You are? Good for you. We're not for everybody, but what
is? Don't let the terrorists win-- They Hate our Freedom to laugh our
heads off at shows like this, so-- it's important-- this November vote
them out of office. Located in the fibrillating, palpitating Heart of
the teeming Deep Mission, fashionably below Cesar Chavez (the street,
that is). Read all instructions (provided) before participating. Drink
responsibly, but heavily. Robust alcohol consumption recommended for
full enjoyment. Some of us can't drink at all, remember. Boy, do we
wish we could. Perhaps we will, by and by. 'Bye. And buy my book,
won't you? Hint: it makes a great Christmas gift. And what about as a
birthday present?
--
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
(4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected, Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com
For SubGenius Biz & Orders: call toll free to 1-888-669-2323
or email: jesus@subgenius.com
PRABOB