Starting a new Kooks Box
Correspondent:: "Rev. Ivan Stang"
Date: Thu, 21 Oct 2004 10:57:56 -0400
--------
Since Jesus and Magdalen moved, both Texas P.O. boxes owned by the
Church are now forwarding everything to me at the Cleveland Heights
office. (And very soon I have to make that address change on ALL the
SubG documents we reprint endlessly! MANUALLY! Using scissors and
glue!)
Since 1996, the mail to "SubGenius" in general went through Jesus's
hands. By the end of 1996, He had so much kook mail stacking up that He
not only had to start a new Kook Box, He invented levels of
classification for them. Then he married Magdalen, and she got the job
of reading the unsolicited world-curing manifestos.
Before 1996, I was the Kook Box Keeper, and my garage still holds MANY
such boxes, rotting away in the damp. In the '80s I even wrote a whole
book about them, "High Weirdness by Mail."
So now I'm again Keeper of the Kook Box. Put the first of the anonymous
20-page manifestos in there just yesterday. It was from a fellow who is
saving the entire universe by mailing his xeroxed manifesto around to
world leaders such as myself, people he or she is sure will copy it and
distribute it further. Well, maybe I would, if the OCR doohickeys were
a little less clunky, or if the sumbitch could just send it on a
fucking disk.
The great thing about kooks is, THEY OFTEN DO NOT COMPREHEND THAT YOU
ARE USING THEM AS A LAUGHING-STOCK. You can TELL THEM FLAT OUT that
they are essentially part of your Zoo of Mental Freaks, but it won't
sink in. You can publish whole newspaper articles using them as
examples of how bad kookness can get, and they'll see it as a salute to
themselves. Must be fun in a completely schizophrenic, pathetic sort of
way.
Also, the SubGenius toll free 888 phone number now goes to my answering
machine. (No more "rings and rings and rings", as it is often
described! Now you can actually LEAVE A MESSAGE!) It's costing me an
extra $10 a month just so this one guy in an insane asylum can make pay
phone calls to Jesus. I have decided that the next time he calls, I am
going to give him somebody else's phone number to call... MAYBE YOURS!
Jesus said that under NO circumstances must I let this guy know it's
"THE" Ivan Stang he's talking to. The fellow thinks I am a Living God
who sits at the right hand of Frank Zappa in heaven, and it would shake
him up dreadfully to learn that I walk the earth as a mere mortal, a
file-clerk answering toll customer complaints. (Side note: he told
Jesus that in his 92nd Lifetime he will marry Moon Zappa, but in his
93rd lifetime he will be marrying MY daughter. He once heard my girl
Sivet on an Hour of Slack when she was three years old -- 18 years ago.
He informed Jesus that she is still 3 years old, which is one reason he
has to wait until his 93rd lifetime to marry her.)
The SubGenius Toll Free number also gets messages from people who are
desperate for "Bob" or Jesus to call them back, but, so far, not one of
them has had the presence of mind to leave a return phone number or
address. They credit us with truly STAGGERING clairvoyant mental
powers.
I was already Keeper of the Kooks Posts... like it says in the 2003
Online Fist first page, there are thousands of them on SubSITE, but you
have to write me personally (and be someone I already sorta know at
least by Net) for the key to that section.
I put a small Kooks section in the new Online Fist but it's nothing
like the giganto-stash. I can only say, Praise "Bob" that web text is
bandwidth-cheap and takes up almost no storage space.
Truth be, kooks are REAL FUNNY those first few years. But after a
decade or two they all start to seem very alike and very depressing
because of that. Every single one is a misunderstood world savior.
But, then... in a way, aren't we all?
Well, no.
--
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
(4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected, Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com
For SubGenius Biz & Orders: call toll free to 1-888-669-2323
or email: jesus@subgenius.com
PRABOB
Correspondent:: "ghost"
Date: Thu, 21 Oct 2004 16:55:40 GMT
--------
"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:
> Truth be, kooks are REAL FUNNY those first few years. But after a
> decade or two they all start to seem very alike and very depressing
> because of that. Every single one is a misunderstood world savior.
>
> But, then... in a way, aren't we all?
Most of the kook stuff I've seen recently has been excessively drab. Maybe
it's just because I've seen so much of it, maybe it's because the current
crop of kooks themselves are excessively drab.
Same old "Einstein was wrong" crap, same old blatant anti-semitic rants, and
way too much plain old common garden variety PINK conspiracy theory.
Went Google-cruising the other day for "Outsider Art" and was pretty
disappointed in the concentration on "naives", rather than outsider
visionaries.
Where are our new Adolph Wollflis, our new F. X. Messerschmidts, our new
Simon Rodias... our new Paul Laffolys?
I suspect that the easy lure of the Internet and widespread use of atypical
antipsychotics may have swallowed them and their talents.
True kookery must be unfettered and FREE. Nothing as awe-inspiring as a kook
in full, escape-velocity flight from reality.
Ask William Blake.
Correspondent:: Zapanaz
Date: Fri, 22 Oct 2004 00:21:35 -0700
--------
On Thu, 21 Oct 2004 16:55:40 GMT, "ghost" wrote:
>
>"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:
>
>> Truth be, kooks are REAL FUNNY those first few years. But after a
>> decade or two they all start to seem very alike and very depressing
>> because of that. Every single one is a misunderstood world savior.
>>
>> But, then... in a way, aren't we all?
>
>
>Most of the kook stuff I've seen recently has been excessively drab. Maybe
>it's just because I've seen so much of it, maybe it's because the current
>crop of kooks themselves are excessively drab.
>
>Same old "Einstein was wrong" crap, same old blatant anti-semitic rants, and
>way too much plain old common garden variety PINK conspiracy theory.
>
>Went Google-cruising the other day for "Outsider Art" and was pretty
>disappointed in the concentration on "naives", rather than outsider
>visionaries.
>
>Where are our new Adolph Wollflis, our new F. X. Messerschmidts, our new
>Simon Rodias... our new Paul Laffolys?
>
>I suspect that the easy lure of the Internet and widespread use of atypical
>antipsychotics may have swallowed them and their talents.
>
>True kookery must be unfettered and FREE. Nothing as awe-inspiring as a kook
>in full, escape-velocity flight from reality.
>
>Ask William Blake.
>
well when I miss the truly GREAT kooks too much I just listen to Bob
Dylan again.
I wouldn't call him a kook but I would definitely call him a GREAT
kook.
--
Zapanaz
International Satanic Conspiracy
Customer Support Specialist
http://joecosby.com/
We counted 27 head wounds.
Do you still want to call it self-defence?
Correspondent:: Zapanaz
Date: Fri, 22 Oct 2004 00:27:18 -0700
--------
On Fri, 22 Oct 2004 00:21:35 -0700, Zapanaz
wrote:
>
>well when I miss the truly GREAT kooks too much I just listen to Bob
>Dylan again.
>
>I wouldn't call him a kook but I would definitely call him a GREAT
>kook.
>
"To live outside the law, you must be honest"
--
Zapanaz
International Satanic Conspiracy
Customer Support Specialist
http://joecosby.com/
'Thingy' is the superclass from which all nouns derive.
Correspondent:: kdetal@aol.com (KD et al)
Date: 21 Oct 2004 22:08:44 GMT
--------
Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
>Truth be, kooks are REAL FUNNY those first few years. But after a
>decade or two they all start to seem very alike and very depressing
>because of that. Every single one is a misunderstood world savior.
>
>But, then... in a way, aren't we all?
On SubG? I would think misunderstood world destroyers.
Or maybe defecators.
--"Oh, hell, don't let them drink your tears and want more!..I'll be damned if
death wears MY sadness for glad rags. Don't feed them one damn thing..Breathe!
Blow!"
"Nothing.....funny..."
"SURE there is! Me! You!..All of us!..Look!" -Ray Bradbury
Correspondent:: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)
Date: 22 Oct 2004 10:16:36 -0700
--------
kdetal@aol.com (KD et al) wrote in message news:<20041021180844.25170.00002735@mb-m04.aol.com>...
> Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
>
> >Truth be, kooks are REAL FUNNY those first few years. But after a
> >decade or two they all start to seem very alike and very depressing
> >because of that. Every single one is a misunderstood world savior.
> >But, then... in a way, aren't we all?
>
> On SubG? I would think misunderstood world destroyers.
> Or maybe defecators.
More like uncomprehended. If someone veers off in the wrong direction
due to lack of information, that can be corrected, but if you hook 'em
up to a galvanic responsemeter and the needle barely even twitches,
you're in PLEASE POUND MY HEAD WITH AN UNABRIDGED DICTIONARY
territory. Its enough to make ya defecate, I tell ya. PROJECTILE
defecate.
BTW, I really love Stang, but I'm afraid of engaging in the act of
physical love because I am an endomorph and he is an ectomorph. Hulk
no like crunchy-crunchy.
--
HellPope Huey
That's the nature of de beast:
run as fast as you can to keep the grease flowing
that allows you to run at all.
Do not ask where you are going, just GO.
"The President won the debate because
he wasn't as retarded as we thought he would be."
- Greg Giraldo
The notion that a radical is one who hates his country
is naive and usually idiotic. He is, more likely,
one who likes his country more than the rest of us
and is thus more disturbed than the rest of us
when he sees it debauched.
He is not a bad citizen turning to crime;
he is a good citizen driven to despair.
- H. L. Mencken
Correspondent:: Cardinal Vertigo
Date: Fri, 22 Oct 2004 17:17:54 GMT
--------
HellPopeHuey wrote:
> BTW, I really love Stang, but I'm afraid of engaging in the act of
> physical love because I am an endomorph and he is an ectomorph. Hulk
> no like crunchy-crunchy.
And all this time I thought we had something special.
Correspondent:: "Dick Hertz (Hey, who's Dick Hertz?)"
Date: Thu, 21 Oct 2004 20:16:18 -0400
--------
x-no-archive: yes
Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
> Since Jesus and Magdalen moved, both Texas P.O. boxes owned by the
> Church are now forwarding everything to me at the Cleveland Heights
> office. (And very soon I have to make that address change on ALL the
> SubG documents we reprint endlessly! MANUALLY! Using scissors and
> glue!)
>
> Since 1996, the mail to "SubGenius" in general went through Jesus's
> hands.
-----(snip)-----
Passing through the holes left by the nails?
Correspondent:: "Rev. Ivan Stang"
Date: Fri, 22 Oct 2004 10:32:51 -0400
--------
In article <211020041057565949%stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com>, Rev. Ivan
Stang wrote:
>You can publish whole newspaper articles using them as
> examples of how bad kookness can get, and they'll see it as a salute to
> themselves.
Predicted yesterday morning, proved last night.
--
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
(4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected, Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com PRABOB
Correspondent:: purple
Date: Sat, 23 Oct 2004 01:46:32 -0400
--------
On 10/22/04 10:32 AM, in article
221020041032519327%stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com, "Rev. Ivan Stang"
wrote:
> In article <211020041057565949%stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com>, Rev. Ivan
> Stang wrote:
>
>> You can publish whole newspaper articles using them as
>> examples of how bad kookness can get, and they'll see it as a salute to
>> themselves.
>
> Predicted yesterday morning, proved last night.
See my next post for prelude to extending my "McLuhan and the Future of ESP"
seminar into alt.slack on Friday.
You, Doug, were my first in-lab "experiencer" - for enhancing your forlorn
self-esteem.
So far, my effects have preceded your "causes." Could it've been any other
way? Nope.
The Great Bob Dobbs