Boing Boing BLAST #25
Acura Integra - I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars
Acura Legend - I'm too bland for German cars (and if I could afford one my wife would smash it up when I was out of town)
Acura NSX - I am impotent
Audi 90 - I enjoy putting out engine fires (after all I only drive on weekends and I need a hobby)
Buick Park Avenue - I am older than 34 of the 50 states
Cadillac Eldorado - I am a very good Mary Kay salesman
Cadillac Seville - I am a pimp
Chevrolet Astro - It only smells like the dog and the kids when the windows are closed
Chevrolet Camaro - I enjoy beating the hell out of people
Chevrolet Caprice - I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them
Chevrolet Chevette - I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette
Chevrolet Corvette - I'm in a mid-life crisis (already?)
Chevrolet El Camino - I am leading a militia to overthrow the government
Chrysler Cordoba - I dig the rich Corinthian leather
Chrysler Caravan - I am a soccer mom who'd rather be driving an old station wagon
Datsun 280Z - I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well
Dodge Dart - I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower
Dodge Daytona - I delivered pizza for four years to get this car
Ferrari Testarossa - I am known to prematurely ejaculate
Ford Fairmont - (See Dodge Dart)
Ford Mustang - I slow down to 85 in school zones
Ford Crown Victoria - see Chevrolet Caprice
Ford Capri - I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler
Geo Storm - I will start the 11th grade in the fall.
Geo Tracker - I will start the 12th grade in the fall.
Honda del Sol - I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at all
Honda Civic - I have just graduated and have no credit.
Honda Accord - I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.
Infiniti Q45 - I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.
Isuzu Impulse - I do not give a damn about J.D. Power or his reports.
Jaguar XJ6 - I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year.
Kia Sephia - I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu Corp.
Lamborghini Countach - I only have one testicle.
Lexus LS - I bought it because Bill Gates drives one.
Lincoln Town Car - I live for bingo and covered dish suppers.
Mazda Millennia - I want to drive a thirty-five thousand dollar car two days a week in the rain
Mazda Miata - It is especially great for the Chicago winters!! (also see Ford Capri)
Mazda MPV - It's time to take Cindy to the orthodontist again
Mercury Grand Marquis - (Lincoln Town Car)
Mercedes 500SL - I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph
Mercedes 560SEL - I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole
MGB - I am dating a mechanic
Mitsubishi Diamante - I don't know what it means either
Nissan 300ZX - I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.
Oldsmobile Cutlass - I just stole this car and I'm going to make a fortune off the parts
Peugeot 505 Diesel - I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List
Plymouth Neon - I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena
Pontiac Trans AM - I have a switchblade in my sock
Porsche 911 Turbo - I have a three inch thingie
Porsche 914 - I bought it so that I could establish a credit rating - yeh right
Porsche 944 - I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me
Rolls Royce Silver Shadow - I think Pat Buchannon is a tad bit too liberal
Saturn SC2 - I am too lame to negotiate the price of a car (also see Honda Civic)
Subaru Legacy - I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than Isuzu
Toyota Camry - I am still in the closet and my wife refuses to let me out
Volkswagon Beetle - I still watch Partridge Family reruns
Volkswagon Cabriolet - I am out of the closet
Volkswagon Microbus - I am tripping right now
Volvo 740 Wagon - I am frightened of my wife
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