as divinely revealed to
Reverend Doctor David Gerard
Prestige Elite(tm) Church of the SubGenius
HeadBall is a great, wild'n'wacky game for almost any number of
SubGeniuses. You can even play Solo HeadBall, with a flak jacket, an
M-16 (more technically finicky, but four pounds lighter than an
AK-47!), an E-meter and a *baaad* attitude. But it's more fun with
Score for each move is assigned by the individual player. (This is why
HeadBall is only playable by the SubGenius, with its Impeccable and
Inviolate Sense of Honour.)
Successful Launch -- 22 points.
Successful Enturbulation -- 13 points.
Unlawful Homicide -- 17 points.
Art -- 3 points.
Infliction of Pipe Stigmata on Others -- 2 points.
Drinking of the Electric Kool Aid -- 8 points.
Brain Damage -- 3 to 10 points, depending on finesse used.
Mind Control -- 15 points.
GOOOOAAALLLLL! -- 6 points.
Electric Dreams -- 5 points.
Leg Before Wicket 8 points. (My not be combined with Drinking of the
Electric Kool Aid.)
Eating of Human Flesh -- 1 point (it's just too goddamned easy).
Points for other moves will be decided by public acclaim and may be
added to the Official Rules of HeadBall in due course.
Bring it all, bring it along! The equipment list for HeadBall includes
but should not be limited to:
One-iron (your main weapon)
E-meter ("Bob"'s Super Mark 0 model, which sells for the ~$30 the
thing is actually worth);
Spare copies of Pamphlets #1 and #2;
Guardian Copyright Angels;
Extremely minor and low-grade Elder God;
Automatic or semi-automatic weapon;
Enough bullets for everyone present, and the last one for yourself;
A sense of humour. Remember it's all in fun.
1. The object of HeadBall is to Launch your opponent or their
representative. This is unlikely to endear you to them.
2. The game is played in four quarters of two hours each. There are no
3. Size of playing field is agreed on by participants beforehand. The
Goals are three feet wide and pretty useless. Best just have fun
4. Suitable mental agitation caused to your fellow teammates counts
toward your score. All goals are own goals in HeadBall.
5. The job of Referee is not coveted.
6. Should you suffer fatal injuries during HeadBall, you will go
straight to SubGenius Hell. Don't worry.
DECIDING THE WINNER:
The Winner is decided by moral argument and single combat, with the
controversial Swimsuit Section. Your score and gameplaying flair will
count towards your final mark.
Reverend Doctor David Gerard, KoX, SP 4.03 (awaiting verification of
SP 5) Prestige Elite(tm) Research Church of the SubGenius
"Servicing the Prestige Elite(tm) since 1985!"
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