temujin9, das Überfiend wrote:
>
> On Sun, 20 Feb 2000 20:57:21 -0600, Charles Mark Bee
> <c-bee1@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu> wrote:
>
> >nu-monet wrote:
> >> >
> >> Do you suppose churches are like pentagrams? You know, they either
> >> keep the evil out or they keep the evil *in*? At least we know
> that
> >> *our* church goes really goes for some *evil* in-and-out.
> >
> > Yup, that's true. Bee's theorem states that any lasting religion
> >must fulfill the requirements for living organisms - metabolic
> >concentration is one of the most basic.
>
> Define metabolic concentration. I think I know you mean, but I'd like
> to be sure before I comment.
Wow - my original message is pretty far gone. I never would have seen
this if I hadn't mistakenly arrived at the top of the list. Even so, I
THOUGHT YOU"D NEVER ASK!! (gleeful giggle)
Essentially, what I meant is the ability to snatch and keep what you
need, and conversely, to collect and expel what you don't.
While the analogies proposed by Bee's theorems are not always
precisely congruent, most inaccuracies are explained by those properties
unique to patterns and information. Here goes the short (#!$@*%#$!)
explanation of this particular thought experiment.
Remember in elementary or secondary school when your teacher attempted
to spew the requirements for a life form? they usually went something
like this..
Ingestion
Metabolism (derivation of free energy)
Excretion
Reproduction (with reasonable accuracy)
..and sometimes some questionable ones like movement, adaptability,
etc., depending on who was talking and what year it was. I wish I had
the initiative to go get the current list, but I'm WAY too lazy, so
tough [insert Huey Object here].
The other piece of this particular corollary is the concept of a
religion as an information transfer utility designed (either
accidentally or on purpose) in an evolutionary fashion. Basically this
recognizes that a successful religion is typically arranged so as to
facilitate the propagation of a core belief system through time in a
reliable manner. Also note that unsuccessful religions fail this
statistical darwinian test at some point or another and effectively
remove themselves as players on the world stage. The fit 'win the
competition' for believers and their energy.
Now the meat! For purposes of entertainment (or business planning),
we can make that lifeform link by forming our lopsided analogies
something like this!
Ingestion: The continual uptake of 'souls' into your belief system.
Metabolism (derivation of free energy): The efficient inspiration of
church works, cash, and acts of faith from these 'souls', for
maintaining these functions and others necessary for growth.
Excretion: There's a rhino in the room, get 'im out! Excision of
heresy (conficting info) and expulsion of heretics and unbelievers
(InfoMetabolic 'free radicals') conserves your message and your efforts.
Reproduction (with reasonable accuracy): The continual search for new
'souls' (see ingestion, above) and the reliable, error-free imprinting
of your 'core belief system'. This system contains the 'software'
mandating each of these functions.
It's my conclusion that there is such a list for religions, whatever
its real organization, and that this is why they perpetuate. The
ramifications for the Church of the Subgenius in particular are
far-ranging.
THE "STANG PART" - The Church as a life form - Cash for the ages!
Ingestion -- Everyone knows how we do this. Expansion will take cash
from additional 'metabolism' - the bootstrap effect suffered by every
church in its infancy.
Metabolism (derivation of free energy) -- Hell, make us pay a little
YEARLY. "BoB" is the god of loose funds; of "Cabbage and Gravel" as
Stang has referred to it. I'LL pay $10 a year to keep that FM beacon
running for the X-ists, and YOU SHOULD TOO!
Not to mention that there are plenty of wanna-be contributors to the
Stark Fist... SUBSCRIPTIONS $20!! Why the fuck not! At current levels
of quality the thing might be able to go MONTHLY, or TABLOID SIZE!
SLACK for ALL!
Excretion -- Well, "Fuckem dot dot Joke" may be sufficient, but I
believe we should continually CASTIGATE those SubG who do not generate
real PROPULSION for the faith, thru anointed art, trance-spouting over
the airwaves, or events promotion, as part of "BoB"'s Anticlone Army.
Such production skills should be demanded of each new bobbie until they
schism, and after!!
Reproduction (with reasonable accuracy) -- Well, Don't Just SIT
THERE!!!! What The Hell Do You Think You're Doing, et al.
There. If I haven't offended EVERY MAN JACK of you by now, well, you
have every right to complain. All I can do is utter one of my best
excuses: Well, YOU ASKED!!
CMB, Primitive Primogenitor of the
Mental Vortex, WEFT 90.1 FM
Thursday Nights 10p-12a Central
(That's Right, It's Them Or Me)
http://prairienet.org/weft
Original file name: How to Run a Church (Was ReŠ
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