The Sweet Peel of "Bob's Bells

It is said that churches feature bells because demons hate them. This is due to all matter (aside from things political, which exist outside the realm of Ordered Reason) being generally of either the Active or the Inert clans, certain momentary oddities of physics proper notwithstanding.

Demons are energy packets of a certain cohesive though chaotic frequency and waveshape. Bells in particular generate uneven harmonics throughout their sounding cycle, which is what gives them their clangorous character. Thus, they are disruptive to demonic harmonic spectra.

There are fewer bells in churches all the time, because as we regularly observe, most have become havens FOR the demonic. This theorem translates well into BobSpeak, because each and every SubGenius IS a unique bell unto him, her or ITS self and therefore fits poorly into the largely demonic societal orchestra. We disrupt handily without even trying.

This is why so many of us are sainted and spectacular failures in the arenas of the Mundane, yet such god-like successes at the Slackful arts. Most Subs I know work at rather isolated jobs for this reason; more than minimal exposure to Pinks is TOXIC and wastes our holy Squirtage in resisting the Radiation of Normalcy.

This also explains why a bell of sufficient size and shape, rung hard enough to reach the proper amplitude, would cause Iceknife, for example, to disappear entirely, phase-cancelled out of existence by the Bobyon particle waves. Therefore, every time something metallic falls on a Pink and makes a clang, a SubGenius gets another set of warp-drive-equipped wings.

Class dismissed, including all dismissal of class, be it social striation or simple manners proper. Ring a ding ding, you crazed fuckers! I love you all, for as long as my thighs hold out, anyway.

Professor HellPope Huey,
Clanging Nuts Like Notre Dame's, KABONG!

"For most people, its 'Mind that bus!,' 'What bus?,' SPLAT!"
- "Red Dwarf"

_______________________________________________________ Get 100% FREE Internet Access powered by Excite Visit http://freeworld.excite.com

Back to document index

Original file name: The Sweet Peal of "Bob's" S

This file was converted with TextToHTML - (c) Logic n.v.