Modern Witch Hunting

From: nu-monet <nothing@succeeds.com>
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Reply-To: like.excess@sex.org
Date: Sat, Jun 23, 2001 2:06 PM

Fernandinande Le Mur wrote:
>

(snips and snails and eye of newt)

> In conclusion we may say that it is as difficult, or more
> difficult, to compel a witch to tell the truth as it is to
> exorcise a person possessed of the devil.

If "the manual" were still being used today, I wonder if it
would be like an MSCE exam prep:

"There are three women in the room. Two of these are witches
who will always lie. The third is a good Xtian woman who,
though she might incidentally stretch the truth, would only
do so in a venal, rather than cardinal manner. Your primary
task is to properly diagnose which of these women are witches
and which is not. One of your secondary tasks will be to
determine if either or both of the witches are possessed by
demon(s), and which demon(s); and to involk the appropriate
saint to combat said demon(s). Your other secondary task will
be to coerce the names of accomplises, either human assistants/
associates or animal/familiars from the witches only, without
fatally damaging the good Xtian woman.

"You have elected to use detection and determination of Satanic
influence method RX23-M-1445, and have one hour in which to
make your diagnosis and/or coercions. It would be the most
efficient use of your time to:

a) attempt to complete just your primary task.
b) attempt to complete both your primary and one of your
secondary tasks.
c) attempt to complete both of your secondary tasks.
d) loudly shout "fuck this shit!" and use the LINUX method of
demon detection & disposal.
e) say the women are broken and try to swap them in.

(this would be brain-damagingly funny to someone who has taken
the MSCE.)

--
"There is no nu-monet. There is only Zuul."

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Original file name: Re- Bedtime Sto...edtimeStory13 - converted on Friday, 29 June 2001, 22:33