Subject: ATTN: All who want the Church to Sell Out to the Feds

From: nu-monet <nothing@succeeds.com>

The COTSG is the world's only for profit, non-
tax deductible religion. It is a bastion of
light in this otherwise foul, awful, corrupt
world.

However, YOU are free to become tax-deductible
and suck up that filthy government lucre, and
then FORWARD a cut to the COTSG:

This is what you do. Get another FREE Reverendship
from our dear friends at the Universal Life Church
(online, no less), which IS a tax-deductible
religion. Then YOU set up whatever scam your
devious little minds can concoct within the rules
for the BILLIONS OF DOLLARS flowing in a haphazard
and silly manner out to greedy shamans throughout
the U.S.

Get wealthy and help out the COTSG AT THE SAME TIME!

CAN ANYONE THINK OF A BETTER WAY TO SHOW THAT YOU
LOVE/HATE "BOB"?

This deal is easier than you think. It can be done.

THEY WANT YOU TO HAVE THEIR MONEY.

Do it.

From: andreux@jehovahatesphred.com (saint andreux)

The problem with this little idea of yours is
that in order to get the tax-free status, you have
to show that you are a public boon to society.

Check your local laws before you decide to blow off
your 1040.

-st. andreux
(don't think i haven't thought about this)

From: nu-monet <nothing@succeeds.com>

Geez, the *last* place I would expect to find a dearth of
creativity...

1) Government funds allocation is NOT outcome oriented,
or even POTENTIAL outcome oriented. They are PROMISE
oriented. "If you give me $100k, I will end hunger"
will get you money, but "I spent $10k last year and fed
400 people for six months!" won't get you a dime.
Why? Because NO ONE from the government WILL or CAN
check up on you to see how you are USING those funds
(other than to make sure you are not blatantly spending
the money on yourself. you *must* show a little creativity
in your theft. ex: pay yourself a salary.)
And the government idiots will say: "Wow! This guy will
END HUNGER for only $100k! Let's give HIM money. He's
ONE HELL of a lot better than that other guy who could only
feed 400 people!"

2) Have you even tried to set up the "St. Andreux Ministries
For the Homeless, Disadvantaged, and Disenfranchised" yet?
The bottom line is twofold: COUNSELING and CONSULTING.

a) Some counseling is licensed in your area. DO NOT use
the counselor labels that are licensed. Instead, create
your own, ex: "Disenfranchishment Counselor". What
does THAT mean? Simple: NOTHING, i.e. ANYTHING YOU
WANT IT TO.

b) CONSULT. A consultant is ANYTHING YOU SAY IT IS. Say
you provide CONSULTING Services to the Disenfranchised.

c) GENERATE STATISTICS! This is as contrived as "Billable
Hours" used by lawyers. Make a bunch of computer
generated charts and graphs showing the VAST amount of
time you spend COUNSELING and CONSULTING with drug
abusers, alcoholics, prostitutes, and homeless
gutterpunkscum. IT DOESN'T MATTER that you were COUNSELING
and CONSULTING with them in bars, when you were getting
high with them, or getting a blowjob from them! (think
Jesse Jackson)

d) WRITE OFF EVERYTHING. The new policy has the FUCKING
UNBELIEVABLE BENEFIT THAT YOU CAN WRITE IT OFF YOUR
TAXES EVEN IF YOU DON'T ITEMIZE!!! HOLY SHIT! A
LICENSE TO STEAL!

From: andreux@jehovahatesphred.com (saint andreux)

>
>Geez, the *last* place I would expect to find a dearth of
>creativity...

Not a dearth. Like I say, don't think I haven't
thought very seriously about this... I've just
determined that *right now*, it's more paperwork
and hassle than what I have time for.

>2) Have you even tried to set up the "St. Andreux Ministries
>For the Homeless, Disadvantaged, and Disenfranchised" yet?
> The bottom line is twofold: COUNSELING and CONSULTING.

More like RECORD KEEPING and CREATIVE TAXES.

> c) GENERATE STATISTICS!

This takes a while to do even for a legitimate
company.

> d) WRITE OFF EVERYTHING. The new policy has the FUCKING
> UNBELIEVABLE BENEFIT THAT YOU CAN WRITE IT OFF YOUR
> TAXES EVEN IF YOU DON'T ITEMIZE!!! HOLY SHIT! A
> LICENSE TO STEAL!

Yes, you can do this, but you had better have your
math PERFECT. That's all.

I don't know too many of us who are personal
math whizzes enough to bother with this.

-st. andreux

From: nu-monet <nothing@succeeds.com>

saint andreux wrote:
>
> >2) Have you even tried to set up the "St. Andreux Ministries
> >For the Homeless, Disadvantaged, and Disenfranchised" yet?
> > The bottom line is twofold: COUNSELING and CONSULTING.
>
> More like RECORD KEEPING and CREATIVE TAXES.

Not at all. Both Counseling and Consulting are, for the most
part, unregulated. Therefore, the only paperwork is your
charity stuff. You even *save* paperwork by getting to use
the EZ tax form instead of the 1040.

>
> > c) GENERATE STATISTICS!
>
> This takes a while to do even for a legitimate
> company.

Nonsense. For example, if the time I spent writing this was
tax deductible, I would not say "5 minutes", I would say
"3000 seconds", not so much for the tax side, but to sound
more legitimate as a charity.
Another example: make someone a simple dinner of a
hamburger and french fries. Write off the rest of the 20#
of hamburger, the sack of 40 buns, and the 15# of french fries
as "wastage."

>
> > d) WRITE OFF EVERYTHING. The new policy has the FUCKING
> > UNBELIEVABLE BENEFIT THAT YOU CAN WRITE IT OFF YOUR
> > TAXES EVEN IF YOU DON'T ITEMIZE!!! HOLY SHIT! A
> > LICENSE TO STEAL!
>
> Yes, you can do this, but you had better have your
> math PERFECT. That's all.
>
> I don't know too many of us who are personal
> math whizzes enough to bother with this.
>

Math whiz? If you take a whiz, write off the toilet.
Just remember, if asked, to say, over and over again,
"It's for the children."

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Original file name: ATTN All who want the Church - converted on Thursday, 20 December 2001, 03:25