CHECK THIS SPOT NEXT WEEK FOR THRILLING DETAILS!
Contributions are rolling in, and it looks like it's going to be
A CLOSE ONE!! One dollar could make the difference between Mighty Nenslo
on the net, or reversion to the AWFUL PRENENSLO STATE of general
dorkishness and butt-holery from which the ENTIRE NET has been mercifully
free since my advent here. Yes, one dollar, that one dollar wiggling in
YOUR purse or wallet, that one dollar you can't even buy ONE COMIC BOOK
WITH, could buy you MONTHS AND MONTHS OF NENSLO! What a bargain! And
how will you feel on that fatal day if I have to come on here and say
that this is my LAST POST EVER just because I only got 34 dollars in the
mail? Not that I would, but just imagine if that DID happen and you
realized you were going to send a dollar but you JUST NEVER GOT AROUND TO IT!
The very least you could do is reward me for my REFRESHING
HONESTY. Haven't you ever been out in public chuckling at the antics of
a street-preacher and witnessed some boob, some suburban musclehead who
thinks he's a wit crediting himself for freeing humanity by revealing
that said preacher is JUST AFTER YOUR MONEY? Well I've seen it any
number of times. And the sad thing is it USUALLY ISN'T EVEN TRUE! Well
look, when people lie to you, what do they do? They try to convince you
they're telling the truth, right, or it wouldn't be a lie! When people
want to rip you off, they pretend they haven't got the least interest in
your money. They try to get you to trust them. Well parden my language,
America On Line, but FUCK THAT SHIT. I intend to lie, cheat and steal at
every opportunity just to say I did! It is my express intention to
relieve you of as much of your cash as I possibly can, for my own
personal pleasure! In this case my pleasure is to STAY ON THE NET
KICKING A LUNG AROUND AS LONG AS I CAN! And to use any excess funds to
print up REALISATION 95 the next fantastic newsletter-by-realmail from
Master Control, if I can just get back in channeling mode long enough to
get the damn thing out, once I get these financial worries off my back
and get the atomic brain hooked up which at this point means just getting
a hole drilled through the wall into my office to run a phone line in.
Which I'd do if I had a nice long drill bit, but as it is right now I
have a hole on one side of the wall, and a hole on the other side of the
wall, and neither one knows the other exists. So there you go.
N
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-Copyright NENSLO KDV 1995-
Send One Dollar to box 86582 Portland OR 97286
The rest is silence.
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From: clavis@phantom.com (Grand Clavister)
I had to admit, the day you yelled at everybody for butt-tonguing Stang
when he mentioned being excited about a SubGenius Web page concept, my
li'l shoulder-blades (clavicles, get it?) perked up.
I've sent you a totally unique, one-of-a-kind O.L.I.N.Y.K. "comming
attractions" kind-of-brochure thing, along with a crumpled old dollar
that I got in change from buying a couple of scratch-off games. I didn't
win any money, but you can help all that. Included in the brochure are
instructions for how to send away for the most brain-abrading,
gut-munching, skull-leasing, Philo-drumming, Doug-smithing,
CableTv-felching Di-Rectory of Shit you ain't NEVER gonna buy!
Still, you gots to admit, it is IT!
: Send One Dollar to box 86582 Portland OR 97286
: The rest is silence.
You can say THAT again!
--
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FOR A DI-RECTORY OF DEVICES, PRODUCTS AND SERVICES, SEND $1 to O.L.I.N.Y.K.,
P.O. BOX 2559, GRAND CENTRAL STATION, NEW YORK NY 10163-2559. SENDING ONE OR
MORE KEYS WILL MEAN MORE STUFF. A LARGE SASE WILL NET YOU SOME CRAP AS WELL.
THE GRAND CLAVISTER OF NYC IS THE FIRST G.C. OF THE CHURCH OF THE SUBGENIUS.
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From: nenslo@teleport.com (NENSLO)
You don't have to spank me.
But if you do, could you tie me face down on a white enamel
kitchen table with tubular chrome legs and a little red stripe painted
around the edge? And use a ping-pong paddle with a red rubber pad on
it? Thanks. Oh, tie my ankles to the base of one pair of legs and my
wrists to the top of the pair at the other end. Thanks.
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Original file name: Nenslo-2
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