I have occasional brainstorms from time to time. Sometimes they
can be accurately termed "revelations". I had a good one. It's a Slack
one. It feels good in a "Hate" kinda way. To wit:
From time to time, you may be forced to interact with a LAAARGE
corporation, organization or business. Sometimes their product, service,
output or performance will be intolerably below par. In this case, you
may feel the need to complain. You may do so. And when you do, you will
often hit a metaphorical brick wall that I like to call the "Mahogany
Wall". The Mahogany Wall is what separates the company's policy-makers
from the people who are affected by those policies.
For instance, you might get a letter in the mail, telling you
that your subscription to "Tax" Magazine has been canceled after two
issues because you make less than $50,000 a year, and that,
because you wrote a nasty letter using the word "asshole", your money
will NOT be refunded. You are justifiably incensed, and so you call the
company up to complain. You get a chipper, helpful receptionist, who
tells you that "they don't make the policy, they just enforce it", and
that "there's nothing they can do about it" and that "they are only
following procedure". And so, in the past, I "felt for the person on the
other end as being as helpless as I" and gave up.
Then, one day, I realized: THAT SET-UP is INTENTIONAL!!!
Sounds obvious, right? Well, the revelation I had wasn't so much
a realization of the system, but a realization that I didn't have to
ACCEPT their lines of bullshit! In other words, if I am getting a line of
this bullshit from a gas-station attendant [ who says that the Board of
Directors of the company that owns the station decides that every 10th
customer is mugged (in order to increase profits) and that he doesn't
make these policies ] that I have every right to yell at the sumbitch,
because the Mahogany Wall prevents me from reaching the REAL
policy-makers through anything resembling a conventional "channel".
Letters and phone-calls are ALWAYS deflected to the Homeostasis
Department.
Pester them. Get them to admit that they are lower than barnacles.
"I'm sorry, sir, I don't make this policy."
"WHO DOES?"
"The managing company."
"SO WHAT THE FUCK AM _I_ SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT IT? I'M NOT BUYING
SPONGES FROM THE MANAGING COMPANY, I'M BUYING THEM FROM YOU."
"I'm very sorry, sir, it isn't my decision."
"OH, IT ISN'T, IS IT? YOU DO WORK HERE, RIGHT?"
"Yes, sir, but I have to follow rules."
"DO YOU BELIEVE IN THIS RULE?"
"It doesn't matter what I believe in, sir, I have to follow the rules."
"OH, SO YOU'RE A SLAVE, ARE YOU?"
"I beg your pardon?"
"YOU'RE A SLAVE! YOU WORK HERE BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO, AND YOU HAVE
NO SAY HOW TO RUN THIS PLACE, AND IF MASSA SAYS CUT OFF CUSTOMER'S
DICK, YOU SHARPEN THE KNIVES, DON'T YOU?"
"I'm only following the rules, sir."
"WELL, FUCK ME! I DIDN'T REALIZE I'D CROSSED THE BORDER INTO NEW
GERMANY! HEIL HITLER! 'I VAS ONLY FOLLOWING ORDERS!' NICE ONE! "
"Sir, if you would like an address to write to --"
"FUCK THAT! THE POLICY SUCKS, AND NO LETTER I WRITE IS GOING TO
CHANGE A DECISION MADE BY 12 MILLIONAIRES SITTING AROUND A FUCKING
TABLE DISCUSSING WHICH FACTORIES TO CLOSE AND HOW MANY LIMOS
THEY OWN!"
Does this sound like the 'poor worker/slave' is getting a hard
time? You damn right they are. If my two options are to grit my teeth and
bear the burden, or to get it out of my system in a form that, although
probably not directly beneficial, DOES provide the local management with
a bit of vehement feedback that will, hopefully, trickle UP to the Rich
Fucks on top, that their Mahogany Wall is about to be set afire, then
I'll be REAMED if I'm not going to show them the color of my glans.
the Grand Clavister
(who is about to go sit in the audience of "Politically Incorrect" and
plans on bringing noisy food.)
--
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
FOR A DI-RECTORY OF DEVICES, PRODUCTS AND SERVICES, SEND $1 to O.L.I.N.Y.K.,
P.O. BOX 2559, GRAND CENTRAL STATION, NEW YORK NY 10163-2559. SENDING ONE OR
MORE KEYS WILL MEAN MORE STUFF. A LARGE SASE WILL NET YOU SOME CRAP AS WELL.
THE GRAND CLAVISTER OF NYC IS THE FIRST G.C. OF THE CHURCH OF THE SUBGENIUS.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: gilmore@en.com (Gilmore)
Grand Clavister (clavis@phantom.com) wrote:
: I have occasional brainstorms from time to time. Sometimes they
: can be accurately termed "revelations". I had a good one. It's a Slack
: one. It feels good in a "Hate" kinda way. To wit:
Hey bonehead, does it occur to you that that's a goddamn HUMAN BEING
you're screaming at when you "get it out of your system"?
In my job (leaving soon thank God) I answer phones and talk to
customers. And I get a lot of shitheads who know VERY WELL that their
problem is NOT MY FAULT. But they fucking yell at me and scream and call
me names anyway, just to "get it out of their system". Guess what? I
don't like it very much. It upsets my stomach and generally pisses me
off to get yelled at and have profanity spewed in my face by some
dumbshit who isn't even trying to accomplish anything.
So if you wanna get it out of your system, go home and kick your fucking
dog or rape your kids or something, okay? Leave me the hell alone.
--
\\\ _ / Gilmore Web Designer
\\\ // i r t u a l gilmore@vv.com "The world won't stand still..."
\\// / http://www.en.com/users/gilmore/gilmore.html
\/ \/ i S i o N s --------------- http://www.vv.com ----------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: stryfe@roch0.eznet.net (Dan McCloskey)
Well, doesn't that tell you that you should probably get off your
ass and tell your boss that something is wrong with the system? Really,
I get this crap all the time. "This problem is not my fault, but I can't
let you talk to anyone who can change that. Sorry, sir." I'll make you
sorry, alright.
If you can't give them someone to bitch to, get ready, you're
gonna get the afforementioned bitch.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: gilmore@en.com (Gilmore)
This makes about as much sense as me getting out of my car in a traffic
jam and shooting the person in front of me in the back of the head.
Would you see this as reasonable if that person happened to be you? Or
should I first ask you to try and convince the person in front of you to
start driving forward?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: clavis@ix.netcom.com (John P. Olinyk)
First of all, like I said, YOU, for instance, as a person put in the
position of RECEIVING all this shit from the consumer end of things, are
in a position of serious SLACK-SUCTION by your fucking BOSSES! My fault?
NO. Your fault? NOT for being PUT there, NO. But for remaining there?
YES. THAT is NOT beyond your control.
I wouldn't take a job that required me to breathe toxic fumes, and I
wouldn't take a job that required me to take excessive shit for things
that weren't my fault. Like I said, it's a damn shame that poor
Bo-Puckers like yourself have to be caught in the middle, but that isn't
my problem, and, like I said, I can NOT accept your demands to "leave me
alone" when YOU are the only representative of ConHugeCo I can even find
to talk to other than robot answering devices.
Unfair for you? You betcha. Unfair for ME? You betcha.
That's why I quoted "I'm only following rules/orders", dude. Your job is
to enforce rules your bosses set up. It's called a "test of character".
I NEVER, EVER (I'm stressing this, HONEST) have called a big company to
harass or piss off a lowly phonejockey because I wanted to "get it out
of my system". I pick and choose moments when I am having the
"expression of non-responsibility" physically THRUST at me by a smarmy
receptionist-type. "I'm sorry, sir, those are the rules." I don't yell
at people: I simply insist that they give me access to the
higher-uppers. I would never just YELL at someone. Give me a tab of
credit.
We've said it before: the REAL BOSSES are 300 year-old Masons in
nutrient tanks in the executive sub-sub-basement and wouldn't understand
your human language even IF you were able to get past the Fedsec
system and tap into their data feeds. In other words, I (and YOU, as a
consumer) will probably NEVER get to talk to the actual fatcats, and if
you do, they will stroke you in true yuppo fashion and move on to their
three-baby lunch. They LIKE it that way. I will simply not SUCCUMB to
their system.
I am legitimately, honestly, sincerely SORRY that you get some of that
shit. I've had jobs where I got some of that shit, too. I'm just letting
you know that being in that position is serving the Conspiracy, and
allowing that weird Catch-19 (where you're damned if you do/don't) to
work on you is allowing the Con to stick a lukewarm CRAB up your ass,
and I, frankly, am NOT going to walk down that path.
Really.
the Grand Clavister
(who must serve someone. He serves Clavis.)
-------------------------
Argle.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: gilmore@en.com (Gilmore)
Not all of us are lucky enough to be in a position to pick and choose
their jobs. What wonderful thing do you do all day to feed and clothe
yourself that doesn't involve serving the conspiracy?
I'm not gonna have a whole barnstormin' fuck-of-a-lot of slack sitting
around in a homeless shelter grubbing for spare change to get a microwave
corn dog at the Quickie Mart. So I work for the Con. So do 99% of the
people here on alt.slack.
So why should you make my life harder than it is?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: spl@alex.uucp (Steve Lamont)
Keywords: fuck, pee, ass, crack, dog, mr, hepl
In article <3mvhb2$g9t@dockmaster.phantom.com> clavis@phantom.com (Grand Clavister) writes:
>(who is about to go sit in the audience of "Politically Incorrect" and
>plans on bringing noisy food.)
... or you can just car bomb their headquarters.
spl
--
Steve Lamont, SciViGuy -- (619) 534-7968 -- spl@szechuan.ucsd.edu
San Diego Microscopy and Imaging Resource/UC San Diego/La Jolla, CA 92093-0608
"Brief disjointed sentences replace developed ideas."
- Anon. (Suspected to be Dr. Onan Canobite), _Revelation X_
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: dynasor@infi.net (Dennis McClain-Furmanski)
On Fri. Apr 21, 1995, talysman@jasmine.psyber.c told All:
tp> Hey, if they don't make the rules, and they don't like them, THEY
> DON'T HAVE TO ENFORCE THEM! And if they HAVE to obey the rules or
> get fired, they should GET ANOTHER JOB!
Horse shit. They should crawl down the fucking phone wire and into the
twits' ears and scream
SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU SHIT SUCKING FRAGMENT OF INSECT EATING CRETINOUS
CROTCH ROT VIRUS OR I'LL RIP YOUR FUCKING ARMS OFF AND SHOVE ONE UP YOUR
ASS AND THE OTHER DOWN YOUR THROAT SO YOU CAN SHAKE YOUR OWN FUCKING HAND
INSIDE YOUR PUTRID YELLOW GUT.
YOU WANNA TALK TO ME YOU GET A FUCKING CIVIL VOICE OR I'M GOING TO REMOVE
ANY CHANCE OF YOU EVER HAVING ONE AND IF YOU THINK I WON'T JUST FUCKING
TRY TO SHOW UP HERE BECAUSE I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!
It always worked for me. Only one time did someone try to go over my head
and said "Well I want to talk to the manager!" So I said
YOU JUST DID. NOW GET THE FUCKING CLUE BEFORE I HAVE YOUR REMAINS FOR
LUNCH.
Pissy little bastards that hide behind the phone turn my stomach.
They never seem to catch on to the fact that there's some people with even
more crosswired circuits than theirs who might wreak havoc on them in any
of several ways.
* 2qwk! 1.26b3 * Promiscuity, controlled substances, & annepestic tempo.
--
dynasor@infi.net The Doctor is on.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: mesmith@cris.com (Mark E. Smith)
In article <3n5ks2$ose@antares.en.com>, gilmore@en.com (Gilmore) wrote:
> I'm not gonna have a whole barnstormin' fuck-of-a-lot of slack
> sitting around in a homeless shelter grubbing for spare change
> to get a microwave corn dog at the Quickie Mart. So I work for
> the Con. So do 99% of the people here on alt.slack.
Some of us (well ... okay, ONE of us) even works for the FEDERAL
GOVERNMENT. Talk about a bottomless Slack sink.
The funny thing is, I haven't encountered any other FedDupes who
DIDN'T think the SysCON was seriously, despairingly screwed up.
Even the Pinkest of the Pink believe that. Yet nothing changes.
Why? My theory is that it's because Human Beans are irrevocably,
irredeemably, genetically FUCKED UP. From "Bob" on down. Too
much time spent on Plan A, not enough time on Plans B-ZZZ. And
the sooner we all get a grip on that, the better off we'll all
be.
But what the fuck do I know?
--
Mark E. Smith <mesmith@cris.com>
Going for a personal best on "fucks" in a single post.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: jlyons@haven.ios.com (John)
Dynasor --
Have you considered a career in the United States Postal Service?
Help this hopes.
--
| John | |
| jlyons@haven.ios.com | (.sig under construction) |
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: dynasor@infi.net (Dennis McClain-Furmanski)
Feh. Too quiet. Only get to go off about once per career.
I guess I'm just missing the infantry.
AIRBORNE! OOO-RAH!
* 2qwk! 1.26b3 * I love animals! But they all seem to taste like chicken.
--
dynasor@infi.net The Doctor is on.
Original file name: Rant No more Mr. Nice guy
This file was converted with TextToHTML - (c) Logic n.v.