Puking in the Work-place RantOpus VII - by LesLucid
A lady threw up in the office at work today. She couldn't
have picked a better time. It happened at about 1:30 so she
was just beginning to digest her lunch. From the looks of
it, I guessed that she'd filled up on some kind of meat,
potatoes, and a salad. There were pinkish-brown meaty lumps
mixed in with whitish lumps. There were also soggy green
things and what may have been carrots. It looked like she
had milk, too, because it was all in this gooey, clear-
white, thick liquid. It was the perfect thing to do in
front of everyone just back from eating lunch themselves.
She couldn't have picked a better location, either. She let
fly in the middle of the main room, right in front of the
water cooler, in the middle of the secretary pool's desks.
Not only was she in the middle of all the secretaries but
also everyone in the surrounding private offices had a clear
view of her. About 60% of it went into a trash can but the
rest splattered on a table and onto the floor. It sounded as
if she was choking. Her heaving noises were loud and went
on for several minutes, making her the center of everyone's
Almost everyone came running out and surrounded her. "Are
you OK?" "Are you OK?" "Can I get you something?" "Let me
get you some paper towels." It was like a big show of
concern. I say "like" because under normal circumstances
the normal people I have to work with don't normally care
for anyone but their pathetic normal selves. There are
exceptions, but for the most part they are the usual
collection back-stabbing, ass-kissing, self-important,
incompetent, mean, narrow-minded, stupid, dull, foolish,
overbearing, boring, inferior, petty, ambitious,
insignificant baseboard churls that you find in the average
work-place. Great hard working americans making this
country what it is today. The concern seemed somehow out of
place and out of character. Like I say there are a few
exceptions, but then again, Yetis are everywhere, too,
What happened, as I see it, was this. The lady who threw up
is new. She's only been there a few days and is under
pressure to "hit the ground running." Anyone who's been on
a job interview has probably heard that phrase before. I've
heard it on every interview I've had. "We're looking for
someone who can hit the ground running." Translation: "We
don't give a shit about you. There is no difference between
you and a piece of equipment. We're going to get our
money's worth out of you, and quick, or else. You get in
there and bust your ass or we're going to bust it for you."
I think she was under pressure to "come up to speed"
quickly. From my own experience, I'd bet she got very
little help and was probably not made to feel too welcome.
She was also probably trying to make a good first
impression. She sure did make an impression. Imagine how
she is going to feel from now on. No one else is going to
help her get over it either. I'll try to be friendly but
I'm not sure what to say. "How do you feel today?" sounds
like I'm asking her, "Are you going to give us another show
I don't know why it is but normal people go out of their way
to make life miserable for everyone including themselves.
This is most obvious in work situations but applies to life
in general. Having been out of college for quite a few
years and working most of that time, I've seen a lot of this
kind of thing. I don't mean to sound like Mr. Experience or
anything like that, but I have seen a good bit of it. I
can't figure out why normal people want things this way.
Actually, I've stopped caring that much, seeing that I can't
do much about it. And I can tell you, it's getting very
hard to balance the money I make, which is a lot, against
putting up with life among Them.
I especially like reading the ranting of young college
Yetis. I wonder what will happen to them should they ever
decide to pursue an occupation or work of any kind. They'll
be able to take care of themselves, I suspect. It all comes
down to something very simple. Either you're Yeti or you're
not. That's all there is to it. Am I right, my Brothers
and Sisters, am I right?
From: email@example.com (Kevan Smith)
Subject: Re: Puking in the Work-place
firstname.lastname@example.org (LesLucid) wrote:
>Puking in the Work-place RantOpus VII - by LesLucid
No one else is going to
>help her get over it either. I'll try to be friendly but
>I'm not sure what to say. "How do you feel today?" sounds
>like I'm asking her, "Are you going to give us another show
Give her some pills. That's right, give her some pills. It don't
matter what the pills are. Aspirin. Tylenol. Sugar. Just give 'em to
her and say, "Here. Everybody who works here is taking these, and I
figured somebody had allready told you, but I guess not. Take a few of
these every day, and you'll 'hit the ground runnin.'"
False slack is better than no slack, just as too much is the same as
Radar Labs 23
It's a squirtin' universe
From: email@example.com (John)
Andrew J. Testa wrote:
: The entity known as John (firstname.lastname@example.org) posted:
Cool! Always wanted to be an entity. I don't have to hang with Milne, do I?
: * Time for a new thread: Slang Terms for Throwing Up
: * Blow Chow
: * Blow Chunks
: * Rainbow Ralph
: * Toss Your Cookies
: * Technicolor Yawn
: * Talk to Ralph
: * Talk to Earl
: * Talk to Howard
: * etc.
: Drivin' the bus
: Pray at the porcelain altar
: Makin' nasal condiments
: Feeding the carpet
: Heave a 'fridge
Lose your Lunch
Yark (my favorite)
(enough, I'm getting ill, why did I start this)
Toss your Pretty Woman
(hadda do it)
| | Awake! for Morning in the Bowl of Night |
| John | Has flung the Stone |
| email@example.com | that puts the Stars to Flight |
From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Doktor BoogieDown)
email@example.com (John) wrote:
>Toss Your Cookies
>Talk to Ralph
>Talk to Earl
>Talk to Howard
That would be an exceptional list, if flushed out further) for a User
data file with the RANT-O-MATIC 1.0 Beta. Anyone that didn't pick that up,
it was up on alt.binaries.slack not too long ago. if you didn't get it,
let me know. This is a pretty stable beta, but release will not be until
the end of April or so, as I'm switching platforms to Visual C++, for
cross-development with Windows and Windows 95.
I'm busting a nut on designing the SubGenius "Reality" Deprogramming Software
Suite, which will be all Windows driven, graphical interactive SlackTool(tm),
under the development head of me, and several other unforseen, but inevitable,
helpers, testers, graphical developers, etc...
It will most likely be on CD-ROM, as I figure the aggregate file mass will
exceed 200MB of SlackWare(tm).
This, is a TANGENT.
firstname.lastname@example.org - Brian.D.Bisson@Miami.FL.USA.Earth.Sol.mway
Doktor, Church of the SubGenius - #include <ordainshipscription.h>
Excrimeditated Congregation of the Overinflated Head of L. Ron Hubbard
HTTP://www.shadow.net./~bdb for a dose of SubMediaBlasphemeWorship
From: email@example.com (NENSLO)
When friday rolls around here at Master Control World
Headquarters, that means it's time to go check the PO Box and see how the
faithful minions are doing! Today we find the contributions continue to
roll in, necessitating another addition to the Nensle tic HALL OF FAME!
RevMac has come through with the Long Green! I am still trying to
understand the Orange Grains System, which I guess makes me a loyal Orange
The Grand Clavister also provides the needful, along with some HIGH
DENSITY reading matter! I bet he'll send YOU some too if you do what's
MODEMAC does it again! Way to go!
Here's Kid Ginsu, better late than never!
Rev. Nickie encloses with her contrib this note, "I know I'll hate myself
in the morning..." Hey, sweetie, WHY WAIT??
And Look! Montykins chips in too! It's old homo, err... OLD HOME week
here, a regular who's whom of the netclench!
Last but not at all least, JOHN WOODS came through like a champ!!
Thanks, folks, and even though I'm TEMPORARILY paid up, these fine
contributions will not be frittered away on mere LIVING, no, they are all
being recorded. All non-anonymous contributors can expect a FREE GIFT
I've decided that, rather than weaken my drive by putting out a
quick & dirty sheet just to fill the gap I'm going to keep at the big and
beautiful NEW REALISATION MAGAZINE in the hope of eventually actually
getting it done. I've been working on some o f these articles for years,
and some of them will BORE YOU SILLY! Yes, there's a nice long
illustrated article on POPULAR MITHRAIC SCHOLARSHIP! One on a rather
UNUSUAL Vietnamese religion, a short history of BAPHOMET, and who knows
what else?? It's not going to suddenly get done next week, but like the
good old Stark Fist it's ON ITS WAY.
NO MAN KNOWETH THE TIME OF ITS COMING, nor woman neither. So keep
your shirts on, most of you. You know who I mean.
-Copyright NENSLO KDV 1995-
Send One Dollar to box 86582 Portland OR 97286
This is a READER SUPPORTED ministry.
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