Zachary Carleton Leaves The Internet

From: stimpynren@aol.com (StimpyNRen)

Sorry to see me go? Even know who the heck I am? To those precious few,
like P Kitty for example, and others, who greeted me warmly and help to
make alt.slack an appropriately abnormal place without disbarring people
not abnormal in the same way as themselves, I wish to send my undying
gratitude and hope that their Slack pours unendingly from Bob's sacred
pipe. To the rest of you, the secret is to BANG THE ROCKS TOGETHER GUYS.

I've been with the Church of the SubGenius for a decade now. I've seen a
number of times when the SubGenii were incredible en masse, and I've seen
them at their low points too. Some SubGenius Revivals and devivals I've
participated in were filled with a veritable cornucopia (sp?) of
individuals dedicated to being themselves and having a great time, without
destroying great times for others. I think that is when we as a "group"
(word used for lack of a more individualistic term to define the
undefinable SubGenii) work together to insure a good time for all, that is
when we are at our best.

Here in the Internet, the SubGenii have the opportunity to keep Bob alive.
I see some people doing that, but I see others treat this as some kind of
elitist thing. If a person doesn't like Zoogz Rift or Ice Knife or
whoever, it appears to be customary to flame them until they conveniently
disappear. I'm happy to say that is NOT why I'm leaving. In fact, I wish I
could spar with GGG some more. The man is a wealth of knowledge, and a
fine communicator. Though I must admit I've yet to really see it in here.
Oh well. I've seen it elsewhere in his work with the Church, and I hope he
gets around to showing you younguns a thing or two (and i wish I could be
one of those younguns also, but I can't stay).

Hate is fine, and one can tell from some, it is used with a dash of
sarcasm and a backhanded smile. For others it's more of a release. Hate is
a part of the Church, as is everything. Moderation is more of a Zen
Buddhist thing than a SubGenius thing ("Don't just eat a hamburger, eat
the HELL out of it."), but there are times when borrowing ideas from other
religions and incorporating them into ours might come in handy. A little
moderation in hate might actually get more people to understand that
there's more to the SubGenius Church than people being mean to one
another. There's nothing wrong with a little HATE, so long as it doesn't
turn TRUE YETIS away from the Church, or make any SubGenius feel hampered
from expressing their true Yeti Selvises.

I'm not saying that here in alt.slack there's nothing BUT hate. I wouldn't
have read any of it if that's all I got my first time in here. However, it
would be nice if people thought a bit about what they are going to say
before hitting that send button, so people wouldn't have to go through
mounds of dreck to find the occasional gem here in the newsgroup.

No censorship, but self regulated concern for other's well-being and time
might be prudent. With that in mind, I'll try to get to the point of what
I'm trying to say. I need to close this horrendously long article myself.
It's just my last time and I had some things to say.

I can already hear people responding with "why should we give a crap what
others think about the SubGenius Church, anyway? It's not like we're
trying to convert people. They either get with OUR program, or they're
PINKO POBUCKERS WITHOUT AN OUNCE OF YETI BLOOD IN THEIR FEMUR!" This is a
group of individuals. "Everyone in the SubGenius Church is an
individualist, but they don't like individuals. Damn straight! Perhaps in
simpler times it was all right. But no longer..." That comes from one of
the Media Barrage Tapes.

The concept is not sound. You cannot be different, if you are different in
the same way as someone else. That defeats the purpose of SubGeniusness.
"Pull the wool over your own eyes, relax in the safety of your own
delusions and pretty soon you'll get tired of those delusions and start
thinking for yourself. That's what Bob wants you to do." --Pope David
Meyer.

The SubGenius Church is a launching pad, where you can learn how to be
different in and of yourself. You start by being a Bobbie, repeating all
the sacred dogma and being different like someone else, but eventually you
evolve into a Higher Plane of Awareness, where you think for yourself and
are content with being who you are.

Ooh! Is this man speaking the true EVIL SECRET of the Church!!? In
public!!? Well it's the truth as I see it. You may have come to
SubGeniusness for other reasons. That's your fall-out. The only true
SubGenii I've ever come across are those who are individual and TOLERANT
of individual behaviour in others. In fact, the only true ANYTHING I've
discovered follows that principle.

By being elitist and self-absorbed, and scaring away potential initiates
with rude and prejudiced behaviour, you risk becoming LIKE THEM! Go to a
conservative, straight laced Southern Baptist church on Sunday morning
with long hair and a beard wearing a T-Shirt and Blue Jeans and see how
fast YOU are persecuted for being different. THEY do it all the time! The
conspiracy WANTS you to try to put other people into YOUR mold! That means
THEY win! They've got your soul, when you do that.

THEY don't care if you fit THEIR mold. THEY would welcome US with open
arms if THEY could just pigeon-hole US and give us some kind of
appropriate description and categorize us to fit into THEIR scheme of
things. Look what they did to the HIPPIES for crying out loud! Or the
PUNKS! THEY made them POPULAR! Until the TRUE Hippies and Punks went
underground and became something else entirely.

If we accepted ANYONE regardless of whether or not they are different from
US in some way, THEY could never pigeon-hole US. Each man and woman in the
SubGenius Church is more than just a SubGenii. We are each our own church.
We each stand alone with our own principles and beliefs. No two SubGenii
can believe or think alike! When two are gathered together in Bob's name,
and think and believe the same way, ONE MUST GO!

Be different, and tolerate difference in others. PROMOTE it. Perpetuate
it. United we are the Divided. Intolerant, we are without Slack.

ONE MORE THING...

And an appreciation to Rev. Ivan Stang, who actually responded to messages
I sent him. The man's incredibly busy, but still took the time to speak to
an underling in the church. Praise Bob! Cult Status Celebrityism didn't
get to Stang's head. ...at least not yet! :)

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"This is a religion, not a democracy" --G. Gordon Gordon

---==*This message brought to you by*==---

"Alt.Slack's One True IDiot" (in abstentia)

THE REBORN DOKTOR Zachary Carleton

One and Only New and Improved Official Clone for "Bob"
and little known fourteenth apostle.

The First United PatrioPsychoticAnarchoMaterialistic
Juxtapositioned Church of Latter-Day SubGenii and
Prepatory Academy for South Dallas (and other places)
otherwise known as The Church With The Long Name for short.
Exploring the Forbidden Sciences since 1985!

Short Attention Span Research Laboratories (ShAtSpReLa)

Don't Ask Me Studios, located in a dimension not very far
from your mind

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: i.stang@metronet.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)

??? I must've missed some posts. I don't recall you getting trashed any
worse than anybody else.

That was a well written sermon, I just wish I knew what prompted it. (I
DID miss a week or so.)

>
> I can already hear people responding with "why should we give a crap what
> others think about the SubGenius Church, anyway? It's not like we're
> trying to convert people. They either get with OUR program, or they're
> PINKO POBUCKERS WITHOUT AN OUNCE OF YETI BLOOD IN THEIR FEMUR!" This is a
> group of individuals. "Everyone in the SubGenius Church is an
> individualist, but they don't like individuals. Damn straight! Perhaps in
> simpler times it was all right. But no longer..." That comes from one of
> the Media Barrage Tapes.

That's a serious misquote. It's from the first Pamphlet (read aloud on a
Media Barrage tape by me) and the Church is not refered to in that line.
It's a sarcastic reference to The Conspiracy. The line goes, "Everyone is
an individualist, but they >don't like individuals.< Damn straight!
Perhaps in simpler times it was true."

Although, in truth, what it refers to is stinking HUMAN NATURE.

> The concept is not sound.

YEAH, NO SHIT!!! Not they way you interpreted it. It makes me wonder if
you haven't misinterpreted more. Are you SURE you've gotten that much
authentic BAD SHIT from alt.slackers? This is not a good forum in which to
be thin-skinned. You need a TITANIUM STEEL SHELL around these parts. But I
always thought that was UNDERSTOOD.

>
> The SubGenius Church is a launching pad, where you can learn how to be
> different in and of yourself. You start by being a Bobbie, repeating all
> the sacred dogma and being different like someone else,

Actually, I don't know hardly anybody who actually went THAT route.

but eventually you
> evolve into a Higher Plane of Awareness, where you think for yourself and
> are content with being who you are.

I always figured that was the STARTING POINT. Most SubGenii feel that way
BEFORE getting involved in our mighty circle-jerk. Once they start
interacting with the other Subs, and Dobbs, THEN they are made to feel
like shit. If they come through the gauntlet unscathed, great. Most do.
Then they get to be elitist assholes just like Rev. Stang, Nenslo or
GGGordon. Because they figured out by then that they ALREADY WERE.
>

>
> If we accepted ANYONE regardless of whether or not they are different from
> US in some way, THEY could never pigeon-hole US. Each man and woman in the
> SubGenius Church is more than just a SubGenii. We are each our own church.
> We each stand alone with our own principles and beliefs. No two SubGenii
> can believe or think alike! When two are gathered together in Bob's name,
> and think and believe the same way, ONE MUST GO!
>
> Be different, and tolerate difference in others. PROMOTE it. Perpetuate
> it. United we are the Divided. Intolerant, we are without Slack.

Well, I think we try to do that and succeed better than most of the
two-leggeds. There are practical considerations, however. Some "different"
people ARE unbearable assholes to be shunned. I'm not saying you are. I'm
just reminding you that there IS a FILTER in place, just like in REAL
LIFE, and it's there no matter WHAT any of US say about it.

>
> ONE MORE THING...
>
> And an appreciation to Rev. Ivan Stang, who actually responded to messages
> I sent him. The man's incredibly busy, but still took the time to speak to
> an underling in the church. Praise Bob! Cult Status Celebrityism didn't
> get to Stang's head. ...at least not yet! :)
>

I should get an ACADEMY AWARD for my ACTING. That crap went to my head
when I was SIXTEEN YEARS OLD. It's just that I have learned since then
that if you PRETEND to be "a nice guy," NOBODY CAN TELL THE DIFFERENCE!

That was a good rant, but you're being over-sensitive, if you ask me. (I
SHOULD TALK!!) Moreover, just because alt.slack is a living nightmare,
worse than any high school, it doesn't mean that you should leave the
Internet. I've heard that alt.tasteless and sci.math are really good.

The heat in this kitchen is pretty high, I'll grant you that.

BUCK UP, KID!! The world hasn't ended! And even if it has, you spent the
$20, right? DOBBS still loves you, even if G Gordon Gordon, that evil man,
is, like so many CHANGED in Dobbs, incapable of love or any human feelings
whatsoever.

Stang

--
Copyright 1995 by Rev. Ivan Stang / 1st Orthodox Stangian
MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the
Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected / The SubGenius Foundation,Inc.
PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214 / Fax 214-320-1561 / PRABOB

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Glenn.Knickerbocker@bbs.mhv.net (Glenn Knickerbocker)

StimpyNRen (stimpynren@aol.com) wrote:
: And an appreciation to Rev. Ivan Stang, who actually responded to messages
: I sent him. The man's incredibly busy, but still took the time to speak to
: an underling in the church. Praise Bob! Cult Status Celebrityism didn't
: get to Stang's head. ...at least not yet! :)

Even better, he even answers MY mail, even though I'm STILL NOT EVEN A FUCKING
MEMBER YET!

Having tried to follow this newsgroup through AOL, I think I know (and
Stang knows) the real problem here: Bucks. Thank "Bob" I finally found
a local Internet provider with reasonable rates!

--Not R

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: i.stang@metronet.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)

In article <mtownsend-1606952300370001@ip211.portland.me.interramp.com>,
mtownsend@interramp.com (Michael Townsend) wrote:

> i.stang@metronet.com (Rev. Ivan Stang) wrote:
>
> >: ??? I must've missed some posts. I don't recall you getting trashed any
> >: worse than anybody else.
>
> I think it was your harsh admonition about his big unwieldy .sig that
> broke him, Reverend. Shame on you.
>

Oh yeah, some kinda harsh. Did he have to suffer an entire 2-month thread
entitled, "I'm Warlording StimpyRen's Sig File?" Shit. You put the iron
stove door under your shirt. You go out into the street for the gunfight.
The guy shoots you right in the heart and you fall down. Then when he
strolls over to gloat you SHOOT HIM IN THE BACK. Then YOU gloat and show
the townspeople the iron stove door. Hey, it's the SubGenius way, man.

--
Copyright 1995 by Rev. Ivan Stang / 1st Orthodox Stangian
MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the
Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected / The SubGenius Foundation,Inc.
PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214 / Fax 214-320-1561 / PRABOB

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: i.stang@metronet.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)

In article <3rv2ot$9ra@over.mhv.net>, Glenn.Knickerbocker@bbs.mhv.net
(Glenn Knickerbocker) wrote:

>
> Even better, he even answers MY mail, even though I'm STILL NOT EVEN A
FUCKING
> MEMBER YET!

You just blew it, man. I had been ASSUMING you had already paid me the $30
to talk to you. No more special dispensations!!

>
> Having tried to follow this newsgroup through AOL, I think I know (and
> Stang knows) the real problem here: Bucks. Thank "Bob" I finally found
> a local Internet provider with reasonable rates!
>
> --Not R

Bucks are not the problem at all; Bucks are only a symptom. The idea that
AOL got ANY of my precious dollars makes me leap for JOY whenever I hear
of a new escapee. TO ANY AOL-ERS LURKING: I have a simple 1-page form
letter that describes in language you can understand, just how to get off
AOL and spend $20 a month FLAT RATE to do Web stuff, hideous evil banned
porno stuff, how-to-make-fertilizer-bomb stuff, EVERYTHING. (Essentially
it directs you to the book/disk INTERNET STARTER KIT.) I'll be glad to
email that to any poor bastard or bitch seeking solace and Slack and teeny
online bills. What the Conspiracy keeps hiding from you is how EASY it is.
In fact, greasing your skids on the Internet and using those "shareware"
programs you've heard about is CHILD'S PLAY. Where it gets scary is when
you're so hooked that you start "working under the hood" of your computer.
At that point, you might as well be a speed freak. As I told Buck when I
ran into him at the erotic art gallery show opening (in DALLAS!!!-- a
weird scene) the other night, "No, Buck, I'm not just on the Internet SOME
of the time... I'm on the Internet NOW." But he didn't hear that; he
wanted to start in on me again about how the Church was bad, sold out,
just a bunch of Stang-butt-kissing, etc. (Maybe he's the one who gets mail
from the people whose mail I don't answer. Or perhaps he misread "kicking"
for "kissing", and that's where the confusion originates.) As if he
INVENTED the idea of schisming, killing Dobbs, and was the only guy to
ever do that. My wife and kids had to drag me away from that one.

BUT back to the subject: while I won't hold your hand through the process,
I can certainly point computer amateurs in the right direction for getting
CHEAP, EASY, NO-HOLDS-BARRED, ANY-THROW-YOU-WANNA-PLAY, Internet access. I
derive a DEEP and ABIDING JOY with each new victim I manage to drag into
this sticky web. My most recent, and perhaps my greatest, victory is my
own WIFE. Yes, yet another of my evil schemes has reached fruition.
Despite her general disgust at all things wirey and technoid, I managed to
get her, albeit through AOL, close enough into the morass that she HAD to
see what ELSE there might be. She's a teacher, and luckily there's plenty
of tantalizing material for teachers on AOL, enough to lure them out,
BEYOND that stagnant pond and into the true Net. So, this summer, I get to
sit up here in my ivory Metronet tower, watching my wife and my daughter
fight over the downstairs Mac. It's a modern, fancy Mac, with a CD-ROM
drive, much smarter than mine, but it has an OLD MODEM whereby it can only
deal with simpleton connections like AOL. Nevertheless, it has served its
purpose -- TO MAKE THEM WANT MORE. My wife wants to interact with more
weirdo teachers without smarmy AOL translation. And my daughter wants to
be able to download not just SHAREWARE but PIRATED, ILLEGAL games. Ahhhh
yes. The HARVEST. (My son is still mud-plane, but he's so far along in
that level that the Net universe would probably be just an unnecessary
distraction, so I haven't pushed him.)

It would gratify me to know that my little file, "How to Escape from
America Online," was circulating wildly throughout America Online.

The artist previously known as Stng

--
Copyright 1995 by Rev. Ivan Stang / 1st Orthodox Stangian
MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the
Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected / The SubGenius Foundation,Inc.
PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214 / Fax 214-320-1561 / PRABOB

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Glenn.Knickerbocker@bbs.mhv.net (Glenn Knickerbocker)

Rev. Ivan Stang (i.stang@metronet.com) wrote:

: You just blew it, man. I had been ASSUMING you had already paid me the $30
: to talk to you. No more special dispensations!!

You'll REALLY never talk to me again when you find out I'm paying less
than FIVE dollars a month for service! Not a SLIP account, but it does
include access to a Mosaic client. Turns out the guy who runs it is a
friend of mine from way back--but that doesn't get me any special service
(hence the real name in my address, bleah).

Not R

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