>Dear Internet,
the INTERNET has been WITHDRAWN from SALE as it KILLs 99%
of ALL KNOWN jovian sub-systems WITHOUT a TEAR of unconsious.
the execution will be open to ALL INTERESTED CITIZENS, and
the PRESS RELEASE will be written in purple ichor, with extra
CRUNCHY bits for those with RS232 breakout boxes.
this UNNATURAL and OBSCENE spectacle is this weeks SPECIAL
prize for all READERS of PSYCHOTIC TREMBLER monthly.
our SPONSER will be DECAPITATING HIMSELF at the press-conference.
In the meantime all relevant ABUSE COMPLAINTS will be sent
to /dev/null before BEING FORCE FED to the our Special
Guest Star Mr. JOHNNY QUEST [tm] (r) (c) via an ANAL DRIP.
Special AGENT Ferdinand LeVerbe of the EXTRA-SOLAR PLANET
ALLIANCE will be calling on you shortly in ORDER to kill
you with AGONISING re-runs of BARNEY and FRIENDS.
do not move from your present position...do not attempt
to contact your PEERS and CLASSMATES, they have already
been eliminated for your PERVERSE SEXUAL convenience.
You MAY PRAY to your CHOSEN DEITY for extra POPCORN, and
ADDITIONAL ambient domains.
...do not thank us for this service...
>Please stop posting shit now.
WE have gathered all available SHIT and placed it in an
IRON STRONGBOX, the CORPORATE HELICOPTER espionage division
will drop this PRECISION guided PINEAPPLE onto your LOCATION
from A HIGH ORBITAL velocity within the next 12 seconds.
Anvils WILL BE available by special request. Apply three
months in ADVANCE to your local COCA-COLA BOTTLING PLANT.
Remember, we MEDITATE upon the following CRYSTAL NOVELLA
for your COMFORT and AGONISED convenience [store].
- The death of the Fifteenth GREENGAGE assasin [Hardback]
DO not, DO not, attempt to calculate the Delta-V for this
VECTORED log rolling competition.
>We are tired of you. You're not funny,
>you're not cute, and we're all sick as hell of you. Go get TV sitcoms
>or something.
WE ARE ALL SITCOMS EVERYWHERE AND EVERYWHEN, LOOK UPON US
OH FEEBLE ONE, AND DESPAIR AT OUR MIGHT
ARE YOU HAVING FUN YET?
ARE YOU?
AAA AAAA EEEEE Y Y OOO U U
A A A A E Y Y O O U U
AAAAA AAAA EEEE YYYYY O O U U
A A A A E Y O O U U
A A A A EEEEE Y OOO UUU
prepare for your imminent series cancellation
PUNK!
>Lameass media meat puppets. As God is my witness, I hate you all.
>
>Sincerely,
>The President and the Staff of Your Local 6:00 News.
We hate you too MR. PRESIDENT, all AGENTS will be INSTRUCTED
under PAIN of SASCHATEWAN VERDIGRIS and BAR-B-Q sauce to
VOTE early and OFTEN for your winning ticket.
Payment in unmarked 10,000 yen bills MUST BE placed in your
unmarked GRAVE by MOONSET. Don't not fail us, WE ARE COUNTING
ON YOU, always remember WE HAVE everything on your HEMEL HEMPSTEAD
cover-up, and the CYBERPUNK DORRITOS SCANDAL.
...............................................................
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