WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO?

By dynasor@infi.net (Dennis McClain-Furmanski)
Date: 2 May 1996

Can you SEE ME? Am I typing on a BRICK WALL? Is there anybody out
there (in spooky Pink Floyd voice)? WHY WON'T YOU KILL ME?
For Pete's pretty Paint By Numbers sake I'm BEGGING for it.

If you won't VOTE for me, then vote to KILL ME. And we can do THAT
the AMURRRICUN way too, with DOLLARS. Let ME be the citizens of
alt.slack's Bohpohl. Let ME be the PTSD flashback on EVERY TV!

WHAT DOES IT TAKE? Are you so STEEPED and STOKED with CONtinuity
that you have to be told to SEND MONEY FIRST? Is THAT what you want?
To BUY ME like a burger at a drive-through? I WON'T HAVE IT.

NONONONONONONONONONO

I WILL rant you into SENDING a DOLLAR. DAMN IT, JUST ONE.
Everybody ELSE gets one, and it's MY TURN. THIS is IT. THIS is
WHAT I DO. It deserves a dollar as much as ANY OF THE OTHER stuff,
if even just to SHUT ME UP.

Oh, I could pout and whine and piss and moan, except. NO I CAN'T.
That is NOT the way I conduct myself before "Bob". I can only go
FULL SQUIRT, BALLS TO THE WINDSHIELD, 3 2 1 LIFTOFF SATURN FIVE
TRANSLUNAR INSERTION AFTERBURNER OVERDRIVE. THAT is my Yeti way.

This is DEVIVAL right to your console. This is CHURCHIFYING
right to your EYES, HOT off the presses, still STEAMING FRESH
and JUICY. This is bone gnawing at its FINEST.

Well, I asked nice. And not so nice. I ain't heard word one yet.
Oh, I won't STOP. Because I CAN'T. I'll EARN it whether you send it
or not. Come on, make an old bitweaver happy, wontcha? Launch one for
the WHITE KNUCKLED GRIPPER.

I'm gonna bust a brain nut, I swear.

SONG TIME

This song was just waiting to happen, I suppose.

SYMPATHY FOR THE SALESMAN

E D
Please allow me to introduce myself

A E /A/A /E
I'm a man of luck and Slack.

D
I've been around since Jehova-1

A E /A/A /E
zapped my soul from front to back.

D
I was around when Jesus Christ came to

A E
Dallas to find work.

D
Made damn sure that Ivan,

A/C# A E
gave a job to that young turk.


(Chorus)
B
Pleased to meet you,

A E
J.R. Dobbs is my name.

B
But you can call me "Bob" if it's

A E
all the same.

(same as 1st)
I was around in Little Rock
when I saw it was time for The Joke.
Launched the Head with the Doktors
and I sold them 'frop to smoke.
Philo said "can you change my head?"
I turned him into Overman instead.

(repeat chorus)

I watch the skies with dotted eyes
and smiling lips for the X-ist ships.
I wonder now who'll kill the Bobbies.
since after all, they killed me.

Let me please introduce myself
I'm a man of luck and Slack
I just want to rent your soul
and on X-day, you'll get it back.


Pleased to meet you, J.R. Dobbs is my name.
Oh yeah, but you can call me "Bob" if it's
all the same.
Well, by golly, get down! (hit it)

Guitar solo:
E7 A/E E D7 G/D D
A7/C# D/A A E7 A/E E
D7 G/D D A7/C#
D/A A E7 A/E E E7 A/E E
D7 G/D D A7/C#
D/A A E7 A/E E E7

(same as first verse)
Well the Yeti call me savior,
the CON just call me crook.
Like I said, you can call me "Bob"
here's my number for your book.
So if there's anything you need from me,
just tell Ivan and those guys.
All I can tell you, is pull the wool
over your own eyes.

Pleased to meet you, J.R. Dobbs is my name.
But you can call me "Bob" if it's all the same.

Elect a SubGenius for Last President of the United States
To vote, send $1 to: PO Box 140306, Dallas, TX 75214
For me: "SubPresident DynaSoar"; against me: "Kill Dynasoar"
Vote early, vote often, vote for or against anyone you want.

--
Doktor DynaSoar Iridium -- dynasor@infi.net -- Punctuator of Evolution

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