Angry Discordian on the Lunatic Fringe

By fire ant collective <fire_ant@deltanet.com>
Date: Thu, 16 May 1996

I'm sick and tired of mainstream people.
You know, when I was young, I freaked out really bad. I got this
wild hair up my ass, became convinced that everyone in the world was
insane, everything was lies and bullshit and pure evil, and anybody who
thought any different was a Devil. Over the years I got used to hanging
around with underworld kids who felt the same way, and without even
thinking about it I automatically dismissed everything the cagedwellers
said or did. Their voices were like the drone of insects, their alleged
emotions were nothing more than the yearnings of maggots, they were
inhuman obstacles to be avoided, maneuvered around, or if necessary
smashed.
As I got older though I mellowed. I thought, "why be so dogmatic
about your cultural identity, people don't have to be in some silly
sub-Culture to be cool! I'm being narrow minded and moralistic, just like
one of them" God knows I could see how idiocy was rampant in the
underworld, I hate the so called rebels too. Then over time some
mainstream people contact me and say they like something I wrote, why
don't we have a drink, or come over to this party and meet my friends, or
drop by and see my opening, or whatever.
Now in my old, biggoted days my reaction would have been something
between "no, I have to go home and watch the 'Merve Griffin Show'" to "Go
fuck yourself you toilet water drinking brady bunch shit guzzler!" But
lately I've tried to be nice, thinking, hey theyre people too, even if
they don't dress like people or talk like people or have normal facial
expressions. Hey, this person is supposed to be a really a good artist,
maybe we can have something to talk about after all. All my 'real'
friends are just drunks anyway, maybe I can learn something.
So I show up and they want to talk about art or writing or politics
or whatever, and thats ok, but then they bust out with: "Why were you so
fucked up when you were a kid and why were you in jail so many times and
what made you finally grow up?" And my teeth go to grinding, but I try to
be reasonable, and explain things rationally: "Look, you people had to be
Hippies because you were rebelling against the system, right? Well we
were the same thing except we didn't have college educations so our revolt
was more visceral." (and we werent completely full of shit, I'm thinking
to myself...)
But they can't let it go, they really think everything me and my
friends were all about and everything that led me into all the ideas I
have now that I finally learned how to express that they think is so
goddamn clever, was all bullshit. They look up at me in the middle of a
sentance, like maybe the first time I curse or use some 'crass
colloquialism' and say, "It's such a shame you never went to college!
Your'e so intelligent, why did you waste your life?" They keep trying to
make me admit that I finally saw the light, and explain how I came back
into the good graces of the Lord. "You know back in the 60's we were
against the war, we were doing stuff, demonstrations and rallies, you kids
just drank beer and got in fights!"
Usually I just leave at this point, but if I'm not carefull I can go
on a roll quick... "Fuck You you fucking sack of sawdust! Your fake ass
never did nothing in your fuckin weak ass life but lick buttholes and
watch your own ass just like every other fucking sheep in this goddamn
meatyard. Go FUCK YOURSELF RAGGED. You think I WANTED to be in jail all
the time? Fake ass bitch! I'd love to see you up in the fifth floor of
Orleans Parish Prison, up in the Tent City. I'd just eat that up you
pampered perfumed art fag piece of shit! Get the fuck out of my way
before I knock every single one of your goddamn teeth the fuck out of your
fragile weak ass head. Mother FUCKER."
Then they act all surprised and hurt, and later they tell their
friends "He's still crazy you know." Well, you know what, it's true. I
am still fucking crazy, and sick to death of them people, and now I know I
was right all along. If I can lower my standards so far as to actually
speak to a motherfucking mere-hume, and then they gotta fuck around and
try to condecend to me, man, I have no time for that shit. Like Popeye
said, 'I yam what I yam.' If you think I'm an asshole why the fuck are you
kissing my ass and inviting me places?
I hate regular people because they think they can treat you with
contempt and not get curb kicked. Weak ass little castrated Eunich
motherfuckers will straight up try to punk you out and think they can get
away with it. Loud mouth obnoxious bitches that don't know you from Adam
think they can lay right into you and they are for some reason safe.
Think I won't hit a woman? You better earn my respect before you lash
your fishwife tongue at me. It's fucking dishonest to expect people to
act like whipped curs.
If you don't like me, and you feel the need to express that to me,
you better be able to kick my ass in case I'm not up to a good sense of
humor, everybody on Camp Street knows that shit. You make it clear that
we are enemies, well, you better keep all your shit locked up real good
when you leave your house, because to me you aren't human, and I'll take
your shit or take your life as soon as look at you. You are a fucking
Meat Robot, you milky white Lab Rat bastard, and youre damn right you
better vote Republican, because if they don't keep me down and I ever get
half a chance I'm going to rip off your motherfucking head and shit down
your neck. I could give a fuck how good your so-called art is supposed to
be.
You are people, I am a freak, and never the twain shall meet.
Just don't bug me any more
Drifter "Bob"

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