Today's sermon is taken from the book of Darwin.
HOW DARE you call he "human".
Do I LOOK like some shit throwing beast that lived in trees, only
one prehensile limb in its body?
Look around you at the hordes of monkey descendants. They can't even
walk a STRAIGHT LINE without having another's ass to stuff their nose
up for guidance, and THAT ONE can't, and so on, until no matter HOW
MANY, they're going around in circles.
A monkey can't SPIT BURNING VENOM directly from its bile duct.
It's not allowed to.
A monkey can't GNAW THROUGH ITS CHAINS with tungsten carbide TEETH.
It's too afraid to.
A monkey can't even GROW FUR without an irresistible urge to SHAVE
IT OFF.
Sure, they've got bilateral symmetry. Sure, they've got endothermic
metabolism. So does EVERY OTHER HERD ANIMAL ON THE PLANET.
Do they DARE to MOCK the superior forces of the immortals?
They don't even dare to mock the leaders of their HERDS without
showing that awful defensive grimace of teeth they call a smile.
They strut and crow about 5,000 years of written language.
What is that to 65 million years of PSYCHIC SEXHURT WAVES?
They parade around playing with "technology" that we TOSSED AWAY
as BORING CHILDREN'S TOYS millennia ago.
They jabber and twitter about their enormous LIBRARIES of laws,
and THAT, my Yeti kin, speaks for itself -- codified RULES of
BEHAVIOR. What could be more antithetical to the freedom that the
Yeti soul craves?
IS THAT the kind of life you want to be leading?
IS THAT the kind of planet you want "Bob" to have to show the
X-ists on July 5, 1998?
We were not BORN to be able to BEAR that, and we cannot win the
WOR of THIS WORLD under such conditions.
The Church of the SubGenius is "Bob's" vehicle on Earth to promote
Patrio-Psychotic Anarcho-Materialism -- every Overman and Uberfemme
a RULER in their own right. With only two years to go before the
X-ists arrive for the Audit of Souls, the time is NOW to TAKE OUR
RIGHTFUL PLACE and throw a PRE-EMPTIVE STRIKE for "Bob".
How do you overpower a BEAST with NO HEAD and BILLIONS of writhing
limbs?
SHEER NUMBERS. It's ALL they can understand. We can't outbreed them --
"Bob" knows we've tried -- but we can OUT LEAD them, because EACH and
EVERY ONE OF US can be and IS a leader, of ourselves.
We must have leaders, LOTS of leaders. Leaders of all shapes, sizes,
colors, flavors, temperaments and attitudes. We must ALL of us take
our places IN THEIR FACES as individual LEADERS of the SELF.
This November the host nation of the Monkey Game Olympics holds their
vote for president. The LAST president, unbeknownst to them. By that
time The Church of the SubGenius should have DOZENS of SubPresidents,
ready to march side by side as CONCURRENT GENERALISIMOS of SLACK.
LET ME BE ONLY FIRST among us. LET ME ONLY START the Landslide
Election of the SubPresidents. Start NOW, and KEEP AT IT.
VOTE YOUR ASS OFF.
And by November, we can have more SubPresidents than they have laws
to fail to control us with.
In SIX MONTHS, we can show them what's in store for them two years on.
We OWE it to them to give them the chance to shoot themselves in the
glandless foot and stumble over themselves trying to tell us we can't
do what we ALREADY HAVE -- WON by OUT ELECTING them.
SubGenii worldwide, I ask that you VOTE starting NOW.
Vote for YOURSELF, vote for YOUR FELLOW YETI, vote for ME.
One dollar, one vote.
And then we can OVERPOWER the pink descendants of the tree dwellers
and make the planet safe for the Children of Tibetian Mountains, the
grandchildren of Atlantis. For if we fail this, we will not DESERVE
what the X-ists can give us, and will have EARNED what they dish out
to the pinks on X-day.
Elect a SubGenius for Last President of the United States
To vote, send $1 to: PO Box 140306, Dallas, TX 75214
For me: "SubPresident DynaSoar"; against me: "Kill Dynasoar"
Vote early, vote often, vote for or against anyone you want.
Let us sing:
Little Pink One
from
Fortunate Son
(J.Fogerty, Creedence Clearwater Revival)
Intro: G D7 C7 G, G D7 C7 G:
G F
Some folks are born who can't whiff a thing
C7 G
Ooh, they got no foot gland.
G F
And when the saucers land of their roof,
C7 G
they'll stick their head in the sand.
G D7 C7 G
It ain't me, it ain't me, I ain't no human son.
G D7 C7 G
It ain't me, it ain't me, I ain't no little pink one.
G F
Some folks are born with no ife at all,
C7 G
all they got is one little soul.
G F
And when X-ists take them on board,
C7 G
they be down in the hold.
G D7 C7 G
It ain't me, it ain't me, I ain't no meat puppet son.
G D7 C7 G
It ain't me, it ain't me, I ain't no little pink one.
(break: G Gdim C G)
G F
Some folks inherit no Yeti genes,
C7 G
they ain't like you and me.
G F
I say we go grab a chain saw,
C7 G
kill that evolutionary tree.
G D7 C7 G
It ain't me, it ain't me, I ain't no monkey boy's son.
G D7 C7 G
It ain't me, it ain't me, I'm ain't no little pink one.
--
Doktor DynaSoar Iridium -- dynasor@infi.net -- Punctuator of Evolution
Original file name: MONKEY
This file was converted with TextToHTML - (c) Logic n.v.