Hey Philo,
I thought you might be interested in my "NEW DIET" for outta work cool
guys. I've been treating my taste buds to the delights of mostly hides,
bile, jars, wrappers, boxes, those damn chewy rubber bands "they" wrap
'round brocolli, hoofs, pits & peels for about 3 weeks now. It's really
cheap food. I find most of the crud in the gourmet section of my
neighbors (the lazy bitches) trash can and the rest I get from the good
ol' renderin' plant. My farts stink better now and my boogers are more
red than brown, so what if my gut hurts a little, the pain reminds me of
the bargain I'm gettin. ya know the more you gag the more you gargle, er
I mean save. I wouldn't mention it but I care about you and the other
guys and if I can help, well I'm there dudes.
Because I care,
Col. Sphinx "the Craw" Drummond
P.S. I tried chicken bones but kept chokin' on the chards and I just
don't have the jaw power for steak and ham bones, damn the luck.
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Subject: Re: SET YOUR CONDIMENTS FREE!!
From: bdb@shadow.net (Doktor BDB)
pdrummond@subg.com wrote:
>I've really been getting into condiments lately. I really like getting a
>whole mess of
>condiments together and putting them all over french fries.
[snip snip]
Why waste such delicate balances on mere french fries? Try putting a few
packets of Taco Bell HOT SAUCE in your COFFEE in the morning! Use a few
leftover packets of Chinese food Mustard Sauce on your BAGEL! Rub a Wet-Nap
all over your BANANA, after it has been PEELED! (note: wet-naps are technically
not condiments, unless you've ever visited the Space Bankers, then you'd
know why).
Look forward to a new condiment soon: a blending of two of your favorite
food groups! SPAM WHIZ! Aerosol form only! Images and details both here
and alt.binaries.slack, and printed in the inaugural issue of <TO BE NAMED>.
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Original file name: CONDOMENTS
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