OUT-TAKES FROM REVELATION X -- THE "BOB"APOCRYPHON
The Church is everything to everybody -- the ultimate tarbaby! The perfect
Elephant to every Blind Man!
Just hating and agitating isn't all there is to it, though. It's the texture
of the hate and agitation, the seductiveness of it, that makes for
Each state should become a sovereign nation. That would be a good start.
The Soviet Union broke up? by god it's time for the US to break up into
the Disunited States -- the Commonwealth of Independent American States...
We hock up lungers and SPIT in your name. You are everything your top-100
rock artists rail against. You are your own bitterest enemy. No wonder you
spend more on shrinks than we do on our `Frop. YOU are the TRULY LOST...
the ones who will NEVER "FIND" ANYTHING because there's no "you"
We, your so-called "lowest of the low," LAUGH AT YOU. Sure,
you laugh at us. But you haven't had a sincere laugh since high school.
"Moreover, to become serious about a subject that is as sad as it
is laughable, is it not a really stupefying thing to see a nation, several
nations, and presently all humanity, say to its wise men, its magicians:
I shall love you and I shall make you great if you convince me that we are
progressing unconsciously, inevitably, -- while sleeping; rid us of responsibility,
veil for us the humiliation of comparisons, turn history into sophistries
and you will be able to call yourselves the wisest of the wise?"
-- Charles Baudelaire
"The Earth is hollow and if you touch the Sky They'll chop off your
hands; if you look up They'll pluck out your eyes -- which They've already
convinced you you don't need anyway, so what's the big deal, right?"
-- Tommy Sunclot
"Bob" is here to fight the Con by breeding new "humans"
that are more like the oldest breed -- humans with instincts. The
flattening of the personality that comes with the average Conspiracy "life"style
has suppressed genetic instincts down through the millennia, which is exactly
why so many people injure or kill their own children, or customers, or constituents;
it's why marriages don't work half the time and why "the family"
has gotten a bad name. It's why you keep screwing yourself!
Our leaders are there only to peddle their own asses. If the political
sins and compromises of (insert name of any past or present U.S. President
here) were made flesh, he'd be a flapping-rectumed, caved-in, hormone-ravaged
old transvestite transsexual whore. Donkeys, dogs, chickens, he wouldn't
care... he'd service `em all, for a price.
Some things, like drugs and television, are obviously very harmful to Pinks,
and, if caught "using," the Pink offender should be jailed and
Liberals have to suck up to all the little special interest groups;
conservatives have to kowtow to the big ones, like the fundamentalists
and the multinational conglomerates.
But they too want the money, so they can have more trendy clothes, so they
can hang out and pose in more trendy sushi bars, and be more politically
correct with more trendy friends who are all trendy artists, the kind that
tatoo their faces and hang gold chains from their pierced privates (this
Hip Scarification trend has got to be one of the most blatant Signs
of the End Times yet), so they can give more money to Greenpeace and brag
about it, and feel absolved for the amount of money they're getting from
their family that's collecting rent from 40,000 squalid little tenements
on the west side, or from saturating the countryside with pesticides to
grow more vast fields of subsidized spinach!! Anyone can be a rebel
if they've got a trust fund.
AND WE WON'T REALLY BE LIVING IN A WORLD WHERE THE FOLKS WHO ARE
MOST STRONGLY OPPOSED TO KILLING BABIES IN THE WOMB ARE THE SAME ONES WHO
WANT TO OWN MACHINE GUNS AND USE ATOMIC WEAPONS!! NOT
THAT WE'RE OPPOSED TO "CHOICE," AS THEY LIKE TO CALL SNUFFING
FETUSES THESE DAYS, OH NO INDEED!! WE HAVE TO KILL THEM NOW, WHILE WE
STILL CAN, BECAUSE ONCE THEY GET OUT IN THE WORLD AND BECOME CHRONIC
RAPISTS AND MULTIPLE MUTILATORS, WE'LL BE PAYING FOR THEIR ROOM AND BOARD
UNTIL THEY DIE OF AIDS!! BUT WILL ANYBODY LISTEN? OF COURSE NOT!
The further north you go, the more it becomes like A Clockwork Orange.
On the south side, it's more like Bladerunner, and in the sticks,
In all its countless, ruthless, entertaining, eternal ways, the Conspiracy
keeps us each alone and scared, sucking on our electronic thumbs, sitting
still and RIPENING for The Harvest. But who shall harvest
the fat tomatoes on that vine? The Conspiracy bosses? The fundamentalists?
Shall they "pig out" on these ripened souls? Or will such
well-fattened tomatoes be used by great gourmands, who can fully
appreciate the pungent traces of poison, the vast media contamination
that nourished and spices these swollen vegetables? The flavor imbued by
the foul cultural garbage that fertilized them... THAT is what the master
And only we have the technology, nay, the good judgement, nay,
the MORAL DUTY, to EXTRACT that human soup, and "package" it,
and "SELL" it to such Elder Gods as thrive on poisoned soul.
"We of the disease condemn the body. Yog-Sothoth smiles at you from
the eyes that are his mouth. You who worship the rotten flesh of your own
stale words and nurse from the putrid breast of your dead mother Earth.
You who make love to your lies, protected by the birth-control of your own
self-induced ignorance. You who are blinded by the illusion of your own
illumination. You who have refused to see the Cult of Stupidity that hides
in your Culture and even more ridiculous "Counter" Culture
-- so named because of its consumer-ready store-bought ideas and pre-recorded
individuality programs. You who fall faster and faster, backwards through
time with every opening and closing of your PacMan mouths, filling the stomach
of your closed-system mind with the shit of this worm-infested ball of stagnation,
clogging your ears to the ECCØ of your own screams which our neural
transceivers are too stimulated to ignore -- you have targeted yourselves
for video removal. You will consume yourselves into oblivion. We will provide
the correct motivation and direction from within, to affect you that have
always been and forever shall be without." -- August Personage, Manifesto
of the First Church of Shiva, Scientist
When that Day finally rolls around, those who have fallen into line as they
were told to do will shuffle through the slaughterhouse door, from apathy
into oblivion. YOU MUST RESIST THEM. If you don't, you'll find yourself
dead or, worse, in a world composed only of vacant, gladhanding geeks and
vicious motorheads, andliking it.
The Mediocretin mentality, dull and sluggish about everything else, is endlessly
creative when it comes to finding new ways to consume, to digest,
to transform whole continents into Earthman shit.
G. Gordon Gordon -- Killer for Dobbs
One of the few people who claims to have worked with J.R. Dobbs regularly
is shadowy Church figure "G. Gordon Gordon." Several reliable
sources have described a written deposition by "Gordon" in which
he described his meetings with Dobbs, as well as his conversion to the path
of Slack subsequent to his failed attempts at assassinating the High Epopt.
According to these accounts, Gordon was a full time mercenary, assassin,
effectuator and jack of grey trades at this particular period in his life.
It is generally believed that he was a military associate of D. Wellwood
Atman, supposed first assassin of "Bob." Gordon first became aware
of Dobbs and the Church after being hired to kill the High Epopt by a rival
cult, possibly the followers of L.R. "Ron" Hubbard, although this
has never been verified. His accounts never name any names.
Gordon made seven masterful, brilliant and completely foolproof attacks
on J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, and was thwarted each time not by Dobbs himself,
but rather through remarkable sequences of strange coincidences, unlikely
occurrences and anomalous events that all seemed to have occurred spontaneously
and acausally for no other purpose than to save Gordon's proposed victim
at the antepenultimate moment. As each subsequent act of attempted assassination
grew more complicated, the improbabilities that combined to thwart Gordon
began occurring in mind-boggling quantities.
Every time one of his attempts failed, Gordon retraced the mission step
by step, using the recordings from sophisticated surveillance equipment
he had personally installed. With each failure and its subsequent investigation,
Gordon's uneasiness grew. Things that were absolutely impossible were occurring
with no apparent pattern or purpose other than to save "Bob" Dobbs
from death. Not only that, but Dobbs didn't even seem to be aware of anything
that was occurring around him, least of all Gordon's machinations.
Despite an escalating intensity in Gordon's assassination attempts, nothing
seemed to work. After his seventh try was foiled by a combination of factors
that involved, among other things, a meteor strike, two randomly activated
car alarm systems going off simultaneously, a street riot in Rangoon, and
a flock of migrant geese that flew off course and crashed into one of the
primary NORAD radar antennas, Gordon realized that he was facing the opponent
that he had always dreaded: a man who could not be killed, or even
hurt. For a soldier who had once uttered the memorable line, "Give
me the antidote or kill me," this proved to be too much.
The legend holds that even before the rubble stopped smoking, while the
bodies of those unfortunates caught in the crossfire were still scattered,
Gordon appeared out of the smoke and dust and walked over to Dobbs, who
was sitting at the bus stop and reading his paper, unconcerned and unaware
of both the attempted attack and following violence.
Here Gordon surrendered both his handgun and poison capsule tooth, kneeled
before Dobbs, and swore his undying allegiance to the master salesman. By
giving up his weapon to Dobbs, Gordon gave up his right to have control
over another man's life, and with the surrender of his poison tooth he gave
up his right to have control over his own death. He feared anyone he could
not kill, and he could not kill Dobbs, so he served him.
He was immediately inducted into the Hierarchy of the Church, given a seat
on the board of the SubGenius Foundation, made chief of all para-military
Church organizations, and was held ultimately responsible for the personal
security of the Hierarchy. Gordon was also in charge of Dobbstown II, a
special training camp in the jungles of South America for SLAK Squad inductees.
It is recorded that Dobbs arranged for Gordon's "augmentation"
by Xist nano-technology. There are also stories about his indoctrination
into an Andean cult that dealt with the mysteries of ayahuasca and
manipulation of the Luck Plane. Gordon has been a very lucky man, and it
is possible that his `augmentation' gave him greater ability to sense the
contours of space-time continuum through the Yacatizma Matrix.
Gordon has been said to hold deep within him `the ennobling fury embodied
in the hate of thousands' and can draw upon this awesome power at will to
overcome his enemies. There are reports of Gordon's projected hate triggering
land mines, blowing up munitions dumps and leveling police stations.
In the early 1980s, he apparently was sent on an enormous number of clandestine
`sanctions' on behalf of the Church. It must be noted that the hands of
the Church Elders were probably far from clean when it came to the wet work
and dirty tricks that went on in the name of the `industrial religion.'
Gordon and his associates used the Church as a convenient umbrella of operations
-- a cover for many other questionable activities that resulted in vast
personal gain for them, as well as immense wealth for the Church. A large
portion of the authentic writings from that period deal with complaints
and haggling over money.