Dear Everybody,
I never wanted to quit frappin'. Frap is just one of those things I
do. But I have been looking for a job lately and I thought I would quit
frappin until I found something. Seemingly every private employer in
this area requires a WHIZZ QUIZ of their new hires. Well I went 12
weeks before I backslided. Now I, JUST SAY FUCK IT.
Who can tell me something, anything about pee tests, you know a
urinalysis type thing, to see if I got any drugs in my system. I'm not
doing any drugs but I do like to smoke frappy occasionally if not
daily. How do those drug screenings work. Do I got to go 30 days
without it? Are there any herbal remedies, some kind of tea, juice or
something that can help flush out the system. What if I frapped up
until the day before? I've never had to concern myself before, I must
profess I'm ignorant of such matters (readers of previous posts my say
ignorant of all things).
I would appreciate any and all advice, tips, pointers, tricks,
remedies, potions, treacles, antidotes, and anecdotes. Kill me with
info. This stuff is good, but it makes me paranoid. Maybe this isn't
the best newsgroup to post these questions in, but it's the only
newsgroup I read when I'm frappin.
Your Best Pal,
Sphinx
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Subject: Piss Test
From: dynasor@infi.net (Dennis McClain-Furmanski)
On Wed. Apr 19, 1995, sphinx1@ix.netcom.com told All:
> What if I frapped up until the day before? I've never had to concern
> myself before, I must profess I'm ignorant of such matters (readers
> of previous posts my say ignorant of all things).
I can handle this one -- this is my business. I do these tests many times
a day, even for federal workers with security clearances. I know what
works and what doesn't.
First of all DO NOT put anything in the sample. An adulterated sample is a
positive, even if they can't read it. Besides... we'll get to the besides.
There is no additive that will 'mask'. None.
There are lots of comemrcial things on the market, the most popular one
being based on the gold seal herb. Any good results from this are based
strictly on the directions, not the product. Why pay $40 for what I'm
about to give you for free?
I have a whole collection of real scientific journal reports testing these
various methods. They don't work at all. None of them.
As to the 'why': a urinalysis can and usually is run through a gas
chromatograph / mass spectometer. These things look at INDIVIDUAL
MOLECULES by MASS. Until and unless someone comes up with an additive
(pre- or post-pee) entirely eliminates said substances from your system
and then self destructs so as not to leave a trace, you have exactly as
much chance as paying the IRS with a bad check and getting away with it.
I'm going to assume THC, being the most common positive. The metabolites
are several and of different weights. They are all tested for. Nothing
will remove all of them. The threshold limit for this test is fifty
nanograms per milliliter of fluid. That's an amount so incredibly tiny
that we are in fact talking molecules of the stuff.
THC is fat soluble, not water soluble. Going on a fat free diet and
exercising a lot (losing significant weight 10-20 lbs), MAY help eliminate
it. It CAN, but whether it does in your case would remain to be seen.
Drinking a lot of water will not help, not even if it has many assorted
chemicals in it that SAY they'll take the stuff out, because (a) they
won't help, and (b) THC still isn't water soluble.
What DOES often work, is what the goldseal et. al. directions say to do.
Drink a gallon of water between 24 and 2 hours before the test. Drink
another 2 hours before right up until the test. Since the THC isn't washed
out by water (fat soluble, remember) the amount of water goes way up, and
the amount of THC doesn't, meaning the urine has a much lower RELATIVE
level. Possibly low enough to be below the 50 ng/ml limit.
The urine will of course be mostly water. Since they are testing for drugs
and not for white blood cells, etc, they won't notice this in the test.
BUT, they may notice that it's virtually clear. This is a tip off, and
they may pull a surprise test on you some other time. To color your urine,
take 5 to 10 times the normal dosage of B vitamins. With normal color and
metabolites below threshold, you're safe until the next test.
And DON'T count on smuggling in someone else's. I can't say for other
places, but we do OBSERVED sampling.
None of this is guaranteed. It improves your chances. And THC stays in
your system, yes, up to 30 days or more.
My professional opinion is stop doing it or get a different job. There's
plenty of substitutes that they don't test for. You can call the place
that does the testing, as a 'concerned parent' and find out what they test
for.
Using or not using is a choice. Deciding not to use but using anyway is a
diagnosis -- choice no longer enters into it. There are very, very few
people that this CANNOT happen to. They are the ones that can't use in the
first place. You figure it and do as you wish. Lots of people don't figure
right, and I end up treating them. This has been the obligatory sermon at
the end of the free Salvation Army dinner.
You want more from any direction of this, e-mail me. I can go on for hours
about it. I frequently do. I'm paid to.
* 2qwk! 1.26b3 * 29A, the hexadecimal of the Beast.
--
dynasor@infi.net The Doctor is on.
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Subject: Re: Piss Test
From: cuthulu@unicomp.net (Kevan Smith)
sphinx1@ix.netcom.com (Sphinx Drummond) wrote:
> Who can tell me something, anything about pee tests, you know a
>urinalysis type thing, to see if I got any drugs in my system. I'm not
>doing any drugs but I do like to smoke frappy occasionally if not
>daily. How do those drug screenings work.
If the CONSPIRACY wanted to, they could PROVE you did DINOSAUR
ADRENOCHROME in the 666th Millenia B fuckin C. So go ahead and be
frappy, pee in their cup ( a little on the sides too, afore you hand
it to the MONITOR LIZARD). If the CON wants ya to have a JOB, they'll
provide ya one. Just inhale.
Now if you are serious about wantin' to cheat the pizz quiz, stop
frappin for a week but load up on all the vitamin. minerals and other
substance pills you can from the OTC quack counter. Grab a different
bottle each day, and just do em until you are sick. Acetycholine,
Lechitin, bee pollen, Ginsana, Blue Star Ointment, Gold Bond Medicated
Powder. Mix em all up in orange juice. When your pee glows, you're
ready.
Radar Labs 23
July 5, 1998
0700
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Subject: Re: Piss Test
From: jlyons@haven.ios.com (John)
I had to undergo 6 months of intensive wee-wee screening at one
point in my life. I managed to lift a document from the office where I
had to report, and checked out all of the fun things the test could
detect. Turns out that at the time, the test was unable to detect LSD,
not in the slightest.
It was a very *vivid* 6 months, I can tell you.
--
| John | If you'd like to make a call, |
| jlyons@haven.ios.com | please hang up and dial again. |
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Subject: Re: Piss Test
From: you@somehost.somedomain (Heathen)
Hail Dyna!
In the abyss of piss-test legends, finally something that
makes sense.
But shrouded in even more mystery are the facts about the
HAIR TEST. Will you share?
Personally, it makes me sick to think that future employers can make us
urinate on command. I harbor guilt feelings about making my cocker
spaniel submit to this degradation.
Aside from that, my pee is MY PROPERTY! MINE I TELL YOU! MINE MINE
MINE!!!!!! Maybe I am scarred by flagrantly incorrect potty training,
but I LOATHE the idea of other people sorting through my waste.
Is nothing sacred?
Perhaps, though, it is just a management technique to get us more
comfortable with its fingers in our pubic region. So we sit quieter
when CORNHOLED with meager salaries, incompetent superiors, unfortunate
cafeteria food, cramped office space, asbestos, and the eventual
evisceration of our soul.
If the choice is between urinating in a cup and living in a waffleboard
shack, my little cup shall overfloweth. But, OH HOW I WILL HATE EVERY
SECOND OF IT! Hair just seems so much less like rape.
- Heathen
wiatrows@studentw.msu.edu
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Subject: Re: Piss Test
From: talysman@jasmine.psyber.com (John Laviolette)
Dennis, m'man, yeah, anything that works on the basic principle of mass
spectroscopy is an UNFUDGEABLE TEST, true... but most companies are TOO
CHEAP to use that kind of test. They go for the less-expensive,
barely-reliable tests. This was one of the things people were getting
"pissed" off about.
If you're applying with a corp or with the government, it's probably a
reliable (mass spectroscopy) testing procedure. If it's Denny's, it
probably ISN'T.
Call it the Ur-Beatle's drug testing test.
--
----John Laviolette---------|-------His Most Feathered Eminence------|
talysman@psyber.com | My CoCo wants to kill |
Sacramento CA USA | your mamaboard! |
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Subject: Re: Piss Test
From: dynasor@infi.net (Dennis McClain-Furmanski)
On Fri. Apr 21, 1995, talysman@jasmine.psyber.c told All:
tp> Dennis, m'man, yeah, anything that works on the basic principle of
> mass spectroscopy is an UNFUDGEABLE TEST, true... but most companies
> are TOO CHEAP to use that kind of test. They go for the
> less-expensive, barely-reliable tests. This was one of the things
> people were getting "pissed" off about.
You're talking about the portables. EZ-Screen is the most popular.
They easier for the operator to screw up. But they have a false positive
rate right about the same as the enzyme screen done before the GC/MS.
I've had 14 false positives and 3 failed kits in 1,400+ tests.
tp> If you're applying with a corp or with the government, it's probably
> a reliable (mass spectroscopy) testing procedure. If it's Denny's,
> it probably ISN'T.
Our lab test costs $22.50. They've gone way down. Because it's only the
initial positives that go to the GC/MS. We don't even sell the kits
anymore. People just have us do it.
* 2qwk! 1.26b3 * Never underestimate the power of the Internet, Luke.
--
dynasor@infi.net The Doctor is on.
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Subject: Re: Piss Test
From: sphinx1@ix.netcom.com (Sphinx Drummond)
In <3n7tsh$27j@lucy.infi.net> dynasor@infi.net (Dennis
McClain-Furmanski) writes:
>Like I told Col. D., there are alternatives. Things that even if they
>tested for wouldn't raise a ruckus. Thing is, they pretty much require
>a fairly cleaned out and tuned up system so you'd be able to
>appreciate them.
Dyna,
Much thanks for the info. It pretty much confirmed my suspiscions. I
figured the best method in my case would be abstaning for a week, take
golden seal on an ongoing basis, and drink as much water as possible
prior to testing. The vitamins are a good sugesstion. How about
cranberry juice and coffee along with the water? Does the addition of
juice and or coffee diminish the diluting effect of the mass quantities
of water? Wouldn't they add color to the pee?
I hate the invasion of privacy almost as much as I hate the fact that
in most cases the test tells nothing of a potential employees work
habits or ability to function on the job. I've seen some pretty
incompetent people with untainted systems and I've seen extremely
competent people who regulary "contaminate" their's.
I might think the test had merits if the pee test showed a positive for
embezzlers or "fuck offs" in general. In the past my work has only been
hendered by incompetent and/or dishonest bosses and coworkers.
In the name of misguided paranoied thoroughness, I've also been
drinking De-Tox tea. Man, the demons unleashed from my bowels would
singe a medical examiner's nose hairs and make him/her cry green tears.
Col. Sphinx Drummond
Commander of S.L.A.K.
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