"I AM A SUBGENIUS"
Brother Cleve Dunkan
I am a SubGenius, and by that virtue in touch with forces greater than man. My power wasn't given to me in exchange for prayer or meditation, I PAID for it in cold hard American dollars. Salvation you get for free is worth just that, NOTHING you queer. Of course your money ain't worth jack shit anyway, the Conspiracy sees to that, but a very important element of your SOUL adheres to those otherwise worthless greenbacks that "Bob" needs in order to persue his plan for world domination. "Bob" guides my hand in all things and pays off in pure SLACK. So I say to you wimps, you fools, you dupes, you PINKS, "Give me your money, you won't need it, the future offers you naught but destruction." AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH I DARE YOU TO KILL ME. I AM A SUBGENIUS. That's all I need to be, fuck, I'M one of the good guys. My kind shall prevail. Let out the crazy man inside you, he knows what's what. Smile when you call me a fanatic. ME PRIMATE. MEM OVERMAN. You think I'M dumb but you are blind to the conspiracy that runs your life. And you have your "geniuses" running things for you and you think they're going to make things safe and simple and easy and all that freeze dryed con-media bullshit. Well I'm a fucking SUBgenius and I'm going to make things safe and simple and easy for ME and the entire SubGenius race even if it means wiping out your sick society in toto. With no more sentiment than that involved in swatting a fly. All this that we might survive the end times. I AM, I AM, I AM A SUBGENIUS. Fuck all you blow dryed, white wine sipping, designer jean clad, french film watching, Walkman toting, hip wimps. And fuck you house coated, ENQUIRER reading, trailer encamped, mall shopping, hair curlered, motor heads cock holsters. ALL YOU DUPES. Fuck the corporate, big money, oil exploring, tree killing, land raping, food freezing, desk warming, trilateralist assholes. Fuck the establishmentarian, vote hunting, back stabbing, poverty spreading, bomb wielding, merangue headed, puss licking, pencil necked, eraser headed politicos. KILL THE CONSPIRACY. KILL THEM AND EAT THEM. KILL THEM AND EAT THEM AND FUCK THEIR WIVES. Who do you think you are? Do you think you got it good? Well, dispose of those illusions, on July 5th, 1998, at seven thirty in the morning you shall be judged. And not by some jury of your peers but by a cold, calculating alien race with mortal standards radically different from your own. If you don't follow "Bob" you won't escape their scrutiny. If you are not a paid up SubGenius you just aren't good enough. You will fry while we party. Not me, I AM A SUBGENIUS. I DRIVE MY OWN CAR. I WRITE MY OWN TICKET. THERE IS SUCH A THING AS A FREE LUNCH AND I'M GONNA EAT IT. I' GONNA EAT THE HELL OUT OF IT DADDY. I AM, I AM, I AM A SUBGENIUS.