WELCOME TO MY SOFTMARE
A hell of a lot of SubGenius artists are on a "tear." I am getting from 5 to 30 pieces of art a day by email. Most of it's GREAT. How to deal with the DISPLAYING of all this material is a challenge I'd never expected to face. Rev. Morvus Thenu is helping with the fancifying of the html on SubSITE but... we're about to need an "art department"!! I sent some samples of what Sterno and I have been up to to alt.binaries.slack. I'll be interested to know if the QTVR files worked for ya'll.
During the last 2 months we've been getting more and more "love mail" from Christians who want to kill us. It's all email and it's all due to SubSITE. This almost NEVER HAPPENED during the snailmail days of the Church. It seems to me the best proof ever that "moving to the Internet" was a WISE MOVE for the Board of Directors.
JESUS NEEDS SOFTWARE
It is surely a sign of the end times that when Rev. Ivan Stang begs, he receives, yet when Jesus Christ begs, he is IGNORED. Jesus has posted to alt.slack his crying need for certain basic key programs that he needs to operate The New SubGenius Foundation Products Division from his Windows 220.127.116.11 PC. He's not asking for bootlegged, pirated software; that would be illegal. The little Lord Jesus asks only for DONATED EXTRAs you might have of well-gotten gains (with registration numbers). And yet His pleas have gone unanswered.
JESUS (email@example.com) NEEDS:
EUDORA PRO (for Windows 3.11)
ANY news reader!!!
(Currently has Trumpetel software)
QUICKBOOKS 2.1 DOS
IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?? His involvement is ONLY the only thing that kept me from shutting down the Foundation in despair last February. His office is ONLY the only interface between the Church HQ and the Conspiracy, AND ALL SUBGENII, now that I have been FREED to build little ants in Bryce. How come, I, on that hated minority platform the Macintosh, have been able to gather THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS worth of advanced 3D graphics animation programs, NOT TO MENTION a vast number of hacked SubGenius-specific games and dingleberries and screensavers, all of which are available at SubSITE, while ALL PC USING SUBGENII are left PRACTICALLY BEREFT by comparison??? (Although there should be some PC versions of Noah Stewart's Mac dingleberries at SubSITE's FUNHOUSE any day now.)
So you PC snobs -- HELP OUT A FELLOW PC SNOB! Help out the CHURCH! Sure... Jesus Christ is the "new guy" around the hierarchy. But He's the ONLY ONE who ANSWERS THE FUCKING MAIL!!! Sure his spelling is terrible. BUT HE HAS POWER OF ATTORNEY!!! Sure he occasionally forgets the exact time of X-Day. BUT HE DOUBLED OUR SALES! All us alt.slackers can razz on and on all day about our Hate and be all artistic, but JESUS is the one who's HOLDING THE CORE SHIT TOGETHER!! Which is exactly WHY He doesn't have time to be all charming and sweet on IRC night or alt.slack. He's HOLDING DOWN THE DAMN FORT!!
So OFFER your every programmic donation to:
What the Lord has to spend on software comes out of MY POCKET!! (WHEW -- THAT'S a sentence I never would've dreamed I'd type.) And MY POCKET is where... well you don't even want to KNOW what's trying to push its way out of my pocket, BELIEVE ME!!
HOUR OF SLACK #555
I was too busy building ants to sleep Friday night, so it wasn't until Saturday afternoon that I remembered there was supposed to be a new RADIO SHOW! Luckily I had been dubbing old shows for a customer and heard a particularly deranged Side One squeak out of the headphones across the room... old HoS #394. It had some GREAT "media barrage" edits of clipsound by St. Joe Riley and others, and there was a rant by me that I DIDN'T RECALL DOING AT ALL that was unusually hateful and heartfelt. So I let Side One be a RERUN. Side 2 is all new stuff.
SIDE ONE (from HoS 394)
KILLER Joe Riley audio collage/ Francis E. Dec
KPFA Show "SubGenius store" sequence
"Potty Time" song from children's housebreaking record
Rev. Ott's media barrage... amazing Xian preacher clips
KPFA Dr. Howll "Beginning of the Universe"
More very good MB
Stang: "MAGGOT" rant (from roadrant to Palmer)... REALLY fried
John Bartles song: "THE HILL WHERE THEY HIDE ALL THE MONEY" (anti-con anthem)
Stang EASTER ISLAND rant (from old Revelation X notes, Philo)
Stang explains rerun vs. new stuff, credits
ESO RADIO from WCSB Cleveland 10-25-96, Einstein's Secret Orchestra, Stang, Lonesome Cowboy Dave. Chas Smith, Princess Wei:
"Hound Dog" Elvis/ESO version, Dave & Stang do short-lived rule-less game show, discuss the Texas State Fair and the freak show denizens of the past, spout on Yeti Women, alt.binaries.hirsute-women.crucifixion.photos; Stang quizzes Dave re his Burning Stones and his bowels, spout on Whupping It or Going Down, "Everybody is a loser compared to Dobbs," Perot routines, Dave sings song, "I'm Not Your Father Confessor"; Dave tries to get Princess Wei to confess; Chas plays sleazy Peter Gunn type music while Dave and Princess Wei do bulldada routine re: Baby Heads
Song "PAIN" by PINKO PUNKO
KPFA "Desert Scene" with Stang overdub from HoS Intro Collection tape
ESO "Baby Heads" brief cut, Wei & Dave
Stang does PO box, credits
ESO continued: Bobbie type calls the station and rudely expects Stang to make himself available to all fans while he's in Cleveland. Stang berates the Bobbie for not kissing the asses of Dave, Chas and Wei as well (while actually announcing exactly where the after-show party will be: the WCSB parking lot at Case Western). Detailed discussion of the parking lot. Aimless, fairly perverted spouting about Mud Pics and Wallowing, while waiting for the Next Show host to come in and take over... stalling brilliantly, spew re: mind control, Elvisian eggshell-like brain convolutions, heavy philosophical discussions about childhood sex. "Been there, done that. I already died on the toilet. If only it was that easy. When I signed my soul over to J. R. Bob"Dobbs..." (tape runs out)
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Original file name: HoS 555 plus NEWS
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