POPESS CECELIA, TRIXTER SHAMAN, ZAFOD & REV. 3.0 : "TIDINGS OF TREMBLING AND FEAR"
(This and other Xmas stuff is lifted from our revised Traditional Xmas Hour of Slack (HoS #610))
THE JETHROS: "THE DARK SIDE OF THE XMAS TREE" CD of twisted Xmas instrumentals is used in the background throughout Stang rants:
Stang explains how he got depressed and then wrote this rant but then was too depressed to deliver it...
Clips re "I didn't do it" from ESO Vol. 9 collage
Stand does NOT RESPONSIBLE, NOT INSANE rant anyway as follows:
"I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE.
Not for YOUR problem, buddy. Your problem that causes you to tell me what all my problems are.
I'm not responsible. And if you try to make me feel like I am, then you can take it and shove it up where "Bob" Dobbs and his family DON'T CARE TO LOOK. Because I didn't do it, I didn't have anything to DO with it, and I am not gonna feel guilty about it just because YOU decided somebody had to be blamed for something. No sirmaam. I'm on vacation. You know what I do on vacation? I WORK. Because I'm tired of TRYING to work. I'm gonna JUST WORK. I'm gonna JUST SAY NO to play. I don't care WHO wants to play, if they've been my friend for 150 years, I DON'T CARE -- I'M GOING TO WORK. Cause that's my Slack. And I have just about had a nervous breakdown over feeling GUILTY because I didn't PLAY with EVERYBODY ELSE ENOUGH.
Ever feel like you were the BAD GUY because you wanted to WORK? Well, ironically enough that's because YOU are a SUBGENIUS and the rest are DUPES. It's the CONSPIRACY that said that the "work" was supposed to be UNPLEASANT and BAD but NECESSARY because of the MONEY, and it's the CONSPIRACY that said, oh, you aren't having FUN or PLAYING if you're WORKING at what you were BORN TO DO, nah, you're only having FUN if you're DRINKING and SMOKING DOPE or else at the very least, SPENDING MONEY and eating where other people serve you, and LAUGHING REAL LOUD about all those OTHER DUMB PEOPLE. You are only "having fun" when you're WASTING TIME.
Well, FUCK THAT SHIT.
Not only that, but I am gonna do EXACTLY WHAT WORK I THINK NEEDS TO BE DONE. How about THEM apples, huh? I'm not gonna do the work that YOU think will be good and sell and make the world better in some small way, or what AUNT EM thinks will, or even what "BOB" says I should do. NO. I'm gonna do exactly what *I* think is gonna be good and sell and make the world better in some small way.
I have suffered WAY too many fools, WAY too "gladly" for WAY too long, and as a result of being such a nice sweet guy, I ended up with a whole shitload of critics whining that I didn't do ENOUGH for them, and with myself balled up in a corner of the garage this morning all by myself screaming "LEAVE ME ALONE!!! I HATE YOU!! FUCK YOU! LET ME FREE!!" at the very top of my lungs, with only the very puzzled new dog to hear me.
I HAPPENED to have an appointment with a SHRINK in the afternoon, because several people who are DEFINITELY crazy think *I* am crazy... takes one to know one, I guess... and I told the shrink about how I was starting to feel like I was in an airless box with all 6 sides somehow closing in at once, and she said, "Well, maybe you're gonna have to just say no to some of these people."
WELL GUESS WHAT! I'M GONNA DO WHAT THE DOCTOR SAID! AND I SUGGEST YOU DO TOO!
You really DO know what's best for you, and all those hundreds of nagging wheenies and widgiots don't know JACK SHIT, in fact most of 'em don't even know what THEY want, that's why they're telling you what-all YOU want. And that's MOST PEOPLE, I'm afraid. MOST PEOPLE have not the SLIGHTEST IDEA what they want to do next, and are probably better off letting the boss and the spouse and the church and the society RUN THEIR LIVES for them. But some of us not only have such a LONG LIST of things we WANT VERY MUCH to do that we know we cannot possibly ever do them, and ALSO REALLY ARE SMART ENOUGH TO MAKE OUR OWN DECISIONS. In fact, I'm smart enough to decide whether or not I'm gonna get DRUNK. I COULD get drunk RIGHT NOW... and I JUST MIGHT. I could also decide NOT to.
BUT FUCK ANYBODY WHO TRIES TO TELL ME!
That ESPECIALLY ioncludes the Miller Beer Company and the Reynolds Tobacco and all those Republican drug cartels with their god damn so called WAR ON DRUGS.
If I want to O.D. on heroin I WILL. If I want to become a cop and beat up junkies, I WILL. If I want to fuck some willing babe inthe closet, THEN PERHAPS I GOD DAMN WILL. If I get caught then I'll take my lumps. No I won't. I shouldn't have to take ANY lumps. The only people who are gonna care whether some willing babe and I go fuck in the closet, are the ones who CAN'T.
Because as CRAZY AS I MIGHT BE, and as DUMB as I might be -- and I often feel like the dumbest, most naive, redneck, unsophisticated, just-got-in-town clumsy SubGenius -- the most horrible, horrible aspect of the whole thing is, as fucked up as I am, I really am still saner and smarter than ANY of the HUMANS.
AND YOU MAY BE, TOO!
Now, THAT is a REALLY CHILLING THOUGHT. But not only must we stop trying to ignore that thought, WE HAVE TO START ACTING ON IT.
Or, at least, I do, or I really will go off my rocker.
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! Enough trying to be some ARMCHAIR AMATEUR'S idea of "GOOD."
I went to the MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONALS and THEY THEMSELVES AGREED:
I AM NOT INSANE, I am RIGHT to be pissed off, and thousands of shitheads really ARE out to get me!
So once again, I say, with as much feeling as I ever have in my life:
"FUCK 'EM IF THEY CAN'T TAKE A JOKE!"
So I'm sure you'll understand if I don't happen to respond to your email, or do that THING with you that you wanted to do, or whatever. Don't take it personally. I did, and it doesn't pay.
BUILD YOUR OWN SHIP!"
(Cussing is modified for airplay)
GLASSMADNESS: "WE'RE INSIDE THE BRAIN OF DOUG SMITH" narration
EINSTEIN'S SECRET ORCHESTRA: "SEX" song
ESO radio: "Red Dwarves and Snorting Neutron Star Matter" w/ Lonesome Cowboy Dave, Stang, Chas, Wei (from ESO Vol. 9, end side 1)
THE JETHROS: "Merry Fucking Xmas", "12 Daze of Xmas"
HoS Xmas tape: Sivet and Ydnax "Santa Claws" Freddy Kreuger poem by children
THE SWINGIN' ERUDITES: "SANTA'S BIG RED SACK" (Brother Cleve Dunkan and Dr. Kruel)
THE VENTURES(?): Xmas medley
THE JETHROS: "FROSTY THE SNOWPLOW"
JOE SATRIANI -- "I BELIEVE"
JIMI HENDRIX: "LITTLE DRUMMER BOY/SILENT NIGHT/AULD LANG SYNE"
FRANK MARINO: "IN MY WAYS"
THE RAINMAKERS: "BATTLE OF THE ROSES"
Stang as Sling Blade guy does credits
THE JETHROS: "The First NoHell"
Xmas SubGenius Bob Toy ad collage
"R2D2 We Wish You a Merry Christmas" (Jesus's fave Xmas song)
JETHROS: "We Wish You a Merry Xmas"
Jimi Hendrix "MANIC DEPRESSION"
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Original file name: HoS 661
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