There is NO BOUT ADOUT it my Yetikin, the End Times is among
us aHUFFING and aPUFFING and atrying to BLOW DOWN the House
of Dobbs. Upon this ROCK AND ROLL I have built my church, and
I'll be damned to humanity if I'll let the CON turn it into a
WALTZ or a DURGE.
Are we to take the admonishments of our elders, to make religion
a KICK ASS ADVENTURE, as some slick gimmick? NO NO NO, they have
MANY slick gimmicks but this is NOT ONE OF THEM.
Too long we have been pent up, wrapped in the cocoon of the Church,
warmed in the fires of alt.slack, beguiled by our own belief into
think WE are our OWN enemies, and IT SHOWS. Broken teeth embedded
in every one of us, from Stang's ancient snout to Selina's
otherwise unblemished butt. Which is fun -- FOR A WHILE. But then
comes the time to REACH OUT, to STRIKE OUT, to EXTEND your CLAWED
PENII and rip the abdomen of the CON open, as is your "Bob" given
right.
Children, I believe the time has come for action. Definitive,
concerted, decisive, offensive action against the forces of the
NOT QUITE EVIL ENOUGH, who are but an insidious creeping cold slime
mold growing upon your nental ife.
Would Dobbs have us kill HIM, and NO ONE ELSE? They killed Jesus and
gave Satan a subterranean stronghold and LOOK HOW THAT ONE worked out.
We're STILL picking the splinters out of THAT savior, who's a darn
nice guy when he's not being followed around by pitiful fools who'll
fuck children and kill whole cultures in His Name.
You can only sharpen your teeth for so long before you wind up
grinding them down to nothing and have to eat the brains of your
enemies through a straw, and that's no way to celebrate X-day. There
comes a time when we must WHUP IT or GO DOWN.
"BOB" DIDN'T INTEND FOR YOU TO GO DOWN WITHOUT TRYING TO WHUP IT.
Who among us will show us the way to stand before King Bullet and
TAKE ONE for "Bob"? WHERE are the forces of the SLAK Squad, the
A-Team of this Missionary Opposition? WHERE are the Armies of
Suicide Bobbies, the disposable arsenal of the Disposable Savior?
Well, now, I just don't see them. Nope, I just see you and me.
It looks like US is THEM.
I say it's time to don the Camouflage Cassock of "Bob" and
CUT LOOSE the SMOKE of his HOLY PIPE upon the suspecting, the
knowing, but the TOO DAMN WIMPED OUT WORLD.
> I < am willing the make the Slackrifice, children. I stand
before you NAKED and BLAZING and OOZING PSTENCH, and I intend to
be FIRST into the fray, to RUN POINT for the Slackmaster himself.
By my Yeti genes I WILL NOT GO DOWN, but will make them GO DOWN
BEFORE ME or ON ME, and BECAUSE OF ME.
I invited you, nay I DARE you, to make me the donkey on which to
pin the tail. I CHALLENGE YOU to hold ME before you as a shield,
a shield covered with SHARP CHAIN SAW TEETH. I ORDER YOU to HAVE
ME KILLED for "Bob". PUMP me full of gas, CHOKE down the throttle
and let's CLEAR CUT THE FOREST AWAY FROM THE TREES.
POINT ME at the pink planet. PULL my trigger. Praise Dobbs, I BEG
you to WAKE UP! GET MOVING! EAT OR BE EATEN AND FIGHT GOING DOWN
THE GULLET of the PINK MACHINE! I'm LOCKED and LOADED to the GILLS.
I don't pray I DETONATE. YIYIYIYIYI I SHIT C-4 and sneeze NITROGEN
TRIIODIDE. Have some PLUTONIUM with your wine and wafers, we're
going to have a CRITICAL MASS. My PREACHING contravenes the Geneva
Convention and makes the Nuremberg Tribunal BEG for MERCY. I don't
need a barrel, I GO OFF on AUTOMATIC. I'm a PINK SEEKING MISSILE with
MULTIPLE INDEPENDENTLY TARGETED REAR ENTRY SLACK VEHICLES. TAMP my
charge, CLEAN my bore, Go to DEFCON 666 and DEFeat the CON.
Original file name: awake
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