Head Freezing

Rev. Ivan Stang (i.stang@metronet.com) wrote:

: wbarwell@Starbase.NeoSoft.COM (William Barwell) wrote:

: > Did Greg Bear know anything abot the Bleeding head Of Arnold Palmer Head
: > Launching Society? The SubGenius Church has long had a head fetish.
: > Possibly this is where L. Ron Hubbard got the idea to freeze his head in the first
: > place. Check alt.slack for more important info. Ask Rev. Stang or Drummond.
: > They would probably be very glad to know abour Bear's book.
: > We plan to freeze Stangs's head. Maybe soon.

: I already beat you to it. Haven't you seen the new cryogenic helmet I wear
: now? "Bob" sold it to me, said it would keep me young-looking. Well,
: 41-looking anyway.

: I've got several frozen Dobbshead from previous post-assassination
: autopsies, cheap ($60,000) for anybody who wants 'em... they'd probably
: live again if you thawed 'em out, but they wouldn't be good for anything
: since they wouldn't have the Luck Plane drainhole that follows the living
: Dobbs around.They sure wouldn't be much good for advice. Not even as
: calculators.

Personally, I think that any of the artfrags out there would PLEEN to
have a real(TM) Dobbshead(S&M), if only so that they could much more
easily create Dobbsart(M&M) wherein the original clip-art has the true
Head o "Bob" SUPERimposed(I'm) over it. You see that sort of thing in
RevX, wherein "Bob" seems to look a little crazed and diffused. I blame
that on the shitty(tm) process used to revivicate "Bob" into alive-osity
from the dead(ToM) state he occupied previous to that all there.


By the way, Rev. Stang, I know about the helmet "Bob" sold you. As usual,
you got screwed. You gotcherself a jen-you-ine LAXOR 1500 FROEZMASTER.
This was the lamentable attempt Laxor put together between its low-end
sperm-freezing Laxor 1000 "ZYGOAT" and their top-of-the-line full-body
Laxor 2000 "WALTIFIER". I always suspected that "Bob" first sold them the
plans for a head-size freezer, and then, in a different guise, suddenly
appeared 2 minutes after the assembly line shut down (after pumping out
500 of the shitty things), and offered to sell them at 75% commission. If,
as I suspect, Stang, the serial number is between 450100 and 450399,
you're lucky enough to have one of the rare LAXOR 1500B models, so named
(in odd collector journals, anyway) because "Bob" was posing as a factory
inspector, and walked past the insulation-petrifying system while it was
making these 299 units. Word has it that "Bob" drooled into the
insulation vat, and these units got some of the resultant "diluted"
insulation. Your whole house should be about 45 degrees cooler after
about an hours' use of this thing. Don't plug it into any outlets you
care about, though: try using a portable generator. Outside.

Good luck!!!



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